The South Galaxy...

...has been obliterated.

HOLY SHIT!!

Okay, first of all, calm down.

I was in the bathroom for FIVE MINUTES! And now it's all gone!

HOW?!

...WHO?!

Could've been Beerus.

Oh, you know that mother's still asleep!

This is my ex, man!

She told me she would hurt me in a way I'd never see comin'!

WHY, EAST KAI?! WHY?!

South Kai, listen.

I thought she may, like, steal my Blu-Ray player, man!

South Kai! We are going... to figure... this out.

We need to get whoever did this, North Kai!

Alright then, listen.

I got a guy.

What's his name?

Goku! I'm gonna show you!

Show me what?

How to act like an actual adult.

But Chi-Chi, we're missing the wedding reception!

We sat through that boring talk about love and junk for 40 minutes just waiting for the banquet!

I learned how to count up to 40 because of that!

That's ten fours, by the way.

And that is exactly why we're here.

I don't want Gohan ending up the same, barely functional man-child you are!

Uh...? Eeeee!

And I made sure to schedule this college interview on the same day as the wedding, because as we both know, getting you into a suit is like trying to give a cat a bath.

But I like baths.

♫Dooon't stop! Belieeevin!♫

Hold on to that feeeeeliiiii-iiiiin'!

Streetlights!

Peeeeopleee-aa-aa-aa-olhuuuull!

Aaaaaahaaaaa!

Yeaaaaah, sing it girl! Ha haaa!

Are you drunk already? The reception just started.

Pig, I am the pre-gaming master.

Aw, sweetheart, I'm so sorry your best man had to skip out on the reception.

That's okay. I have my real best man right here.

Daww, save it for the honeymoon.

Hoho, that's not all I'm savin'...

Is it a turkey?

You know me so well.

I came here for a banquet, and I find out it's a potluck, you CHEAP F**KS!

Well, I'm surprised you came, sweetheart!

An interspecies, homosexual marriage?

I just wanted to see what the gay agenda looked like in person!

Frankly? Not impressed.

Oh, great, and now immigrants! Truly a liberal wonderland around here.

Do you fools have any idea whose planet this is?

All hail Lord Vegeta!

Well, good! Glad we're clear on that.

It has been too many years, Prince Vegeta.

Or should I say... KING... Vegeta.

KINGKINGKINGKINGKINGKINGKING

Never in my life have I needed something so much and never known until I received it.

This is rather unorthodox.

Your son is 11 years old and home-schooled, but you say he's at a 12th grade level?

I'm a teacher first, and a mother second!

Also a wife.

I see. Uh, speaking of your husband, Mr...

Son Goku, was it?

Uhhgh...

Can you tell us anything interesting about yourself?

Oh, sure! Well, uh, I'm a Saiyan.

Goku?

Oh, so you're a minority! Because that could favor your child for enrollment!

Oh, uh, yes! Definitely a minority.

There are only two and a half more like him that are [...]

Huh?

Goku! Are you there?

Oh, hey, King Kai! Long time no talk. How's Bubbles?

*gasp*

Eh, not much. Just a silly school thing.

No, not for me; for Gohan.

Um, excuse me, uh, Mr. Son?

Oh wow, an entire galaxy?

Hold on, talkin' to God.

Wait, there are other Kais?

Uhh, he's very religious.

We both are!

When were we gonna talk about this?

Did you know my mother was Jewish?

One sec. I-I gotta take this.

*gasp*

Ma'am? Is-is your husband a magician?

Oh...- yes! *laugh*

And for his next trick, he will convince you to enroll our son.

Well, if he's as 'in touch with God' as you say he is, perhaps he could work that miracle.

*worried moan*

So you're telling me that you've acquired an entirely new Planet Vegeta for me to rule over?

That is... exactly what I said, yes.

Ah, well then, it's official.

Attention everyone! Your planet is a mudhole for entitled weaklings.

*cooing*

And you're all worthless.

I'm going to claim my birthright.

But Dad, what about Cell?

F**k 'im!

Ah, so, you must be...

My name is Trunks.

Hello, Princess Trunks.

I'm not a--!

As my first decree, you shall ONLY call her Princess Trunks!

All hail Princess Trunks!

Nooooo!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Yeaaaah! Let's go find some space-strippers!

This isn't part of the reception!

How is he this strong?!

Sure, just go back into space again. At least I'm not pregnant this time.

Shit, I hope.

I'll drag him back by his non-existent tail if I have to!

*sigh* Don't try too hard...

Wait, "take this" where?

Goku? Goku?

*pop* Goku? Goku?

SUPREME KAI ALMIGHTY!

What is up with that monkey suit you're wearing?

That's highly offensive, sir.

I'm a god, Bubbles; I don't see race, you filthy macaque.

Aw...

*grunt*

Ah...

Alright! Who do I gotta beat up?

That's what you're going to find out.

Now normally I don't involve myself in the matters of other galaxies, but South Kai bought me my car, so, I owe him a favor.

Have you seen it? It's only got 63 miles on it!

She's a Buick.

Chevrolet Bel-Air, actually.

Now! It's up to you to find out who destroyed South Galaxy.

Okey-doke! I'll go look for clues!

Uh-- wait, look where?

*gasp* S-s-so-ho-ho! I can't breathe in space, apparently!

You're the salt of the Earth, Goku.

And now, my Lord. Behold!

Your magnificent new kingdom.

Pretty sure when you rule over a planet, the *planet* is your kingdom.

How wise you are, my Lord.

How about we take a tour of your beautiful new palace?

Somebody get me a raw egg, two shots of Tabasco, salt, pepper, and a *gun* to shoot myself!

You know what they say: "Liquor before beer, you're in the clear."

"Liquor before intergalactic travel... feel your insides unravel."

BLEHHHH--!!

Cell...!

Hm?

Did you destroy South Galaxy?

There's a South Galaxy?

Forget you heard that.

No.

Our talks are nice.

You call THIS a palace worthy of KING Vegeta?

* First of all, I demand more towers. * Second, I demand more towels! * And third, I demand more trowels.

The brick-work on this place is a shit-show.

And who's this scrawny puke?

I'm a foot and a half taller than you, but, whatever...

What was that?!

I said I can't hear you from down there...

Speak up, boy; I can't hear you from up there!

Uhm, that is my son, Broly, my liege.

Forgive him; he's a very... passive boy.

Beta male; got it. But, for the sake of the Saiyan race... ...he has my blessings to bed Princess Trunks.

Excuse you?!

Shut up, boy; think of the bloodline.

Do you even know what you're doing?!

I don't need to.

I'm King.

Huh?!

Your hair looks like lavender, but smells like strawberries...

Daaad!

Something seems really fishy.

Yeah. Trunks doesn't even have a womb.

I say we investigate.

Ha! Not that curious!

The PLANET.

Yeah, yeah, I know...

*screaming*

I just wanna make sure... if it was you who destroyed South Galaxy.

*screaming*

Stop screaming if it was.

*still screaming*

Okay...

*continues screaming*

I'ma let you go then...

*continues screaming*

Good luck with your ass-assing!

*continues screaming*

*pop* *continues screaming*

Man, King Kai, I'm stumped!

I asked Cell, Mercenary Tao, Piccolo, Tenshinhan, and that *monster*, Pilaf!

And none of them destroyed South Galaxy!

*Goku*... I've been trying to tell you for the last two hours!

GO TO NEW VEGETA!

*gasp*

There's another Vegeta?!

I wonder if he's stronger than normal Vegeta...

Eeeeee!

That man is going to be the death of me.

This place looked a lot better as a skyline.

What happened here?

And why does it look like "The Day After Tomorrow" was yesterday?

Hey, over there!

Maybe we can ask one of these fine, indentured servants what's going on.

Aw, crapbaskets...

*coughing in pain*

Grandfather!

Worry not, podling... I just inhaled a little bit of rust...

*coughing*

No, please!

If you are angry, use your whip on me.

I can take it...

No, don't worry, we're not with them.

We won't hurt you.

Oh.

Whatever.

*coughing*

So, uh...

You guys slaves, or...?

Oh yeah!

A couple of Saiyans landed on our planet a few months ago, and transported us here against our will.

And if we step outta line, well...

AUGH-UGH...!

Surprise, you worthless runt! It's time for your hourly beating!

Oogh, oh God, *daddy*!

Whoa!

Uh, no! No, no, no, no. That's my name.

It's actually pronounced: "Dah-Di".

Huaa! Harder, daddy!

Now, that one was what you thought it was.

Ungh, yeaaah~! Ughh!

Please, I beg you! He is but a boy!

Let me take it! It's *my turn*!

Only after you lick my boot!

Oh, you monster~!

Stop that!

Huagh!

Leave these... odd people alone!

Ha ha ha... We've been beating up children all day long.

What makes you any different?

Because he's with me!

Hii ya! Ha! Hua! Whacha-cha!

Okay - kinky we can handle, but we're not being paid for crazy.

We're out.

Wawawawawawa!

WATAAH!

-eeee-aaaagaaghhh!

Oh... agh.... And I just bit the inside of my cheek earlier! Augh...

Goku?! What the heck are you doing here?!

Also, sorry.

Oh, just looking for the New Vegeta.

I followed Old Vegeta's energy here and I found you guys!

Uh, Goku? New Vegeta is actually just a planet.

Aw, NOW you tell me! Who names their planet after themselves?

A goddamn idiot!

Huh?

That's what I am for buying into this garbage heap!

Please, my liege!

I'm not your "liege", you brown-nosing toady.

You promised me a kingdom - but I have no subjects, no infrastructure, and a throne made of wood!

What am I, the Space Pope?!

I beg of you, King Vegeta - please stay.

For roughly, three... maybe three and a half hours?

And continue wasting my time?!

Oh, and tell your creepy brat to stop following me!

What's your power level?

And stop *asking that*! *No-one cares anymore*!

Mine's pretty big...

Hey 'Geets!

Oh shit, it's Kaka--

Hng!

--kuu!

Goku! Hello, Goku.

Have you come to join the rest of your marvelous race?

Or did you just come to see my new palace?

It has six towers! *Like a peasant*!

Hello... What is your power level?

Uh, dunno. Pretty big, though.

Mine too...

Cool!

So, 'Geets - I'm actually looking for the person who blew up a galaxy?

But who would blow up South Galaxy??

Probably someone with a really big power level...

That's a good point. You've got a good point.

What's your name?

Broly.

Good point, Broly!

Mmm...

Father! It's all a lie!

I know; a queen-sized bed? Paragus, you squalid f**k.

No.

Paragus has been fabricating this entire planet. From its palace to its people!

Princess Trunks, er, perhaps--

Okay, I'm putting a moratorium on that right now.

Father, this psychopath has been enslaving races from *other* planets to build your kingdom!

*Even the greenery* is manufactured!

Paragus... is this true?

My liege...

Yes... it is.

*My God*...

You're not the shitstain of a Saiyan I thought you were!

Thank you, my liege!

Oh goddammit, Dad.

You are now my Royal Grand Vizier!

Ah! Big shoes to fill...

Father! What this guy has done...

It's inhuman!

Yes, but it's not *insaiyan*.

Actually, we much enjoy the slavery!

Say wha'?

Yes. Being enslaved and exploited by another...

stronger, *strapping* race, fulfills us completely.

You know, I... actually kinda get it.

Although, it is strange that he would force us to build a kingdom on a doomed planet.

'Oh, goddammit.'

Explain, shitstain.

To hell with this; I'll leave the boot-licking to the Shamoshians.

Well, then...!

You have finally unravelled my plan, King Vegeta!

Okay...?

This whole wretched planet will soon be encompassed by the cataclysmic comet, Camori... ...wiping it, and you, out with it.

I'm confused. Am I being pranked? 'Cause I don't do jokes.

This is no joke!

This... is my revenge!

But why?

Because that bastard Vegeta left us both to die.

Sounds like me but that doesn't sound familiar.

Not you, you self-absorbed blue-blooded snot!

Your father... The true king.

Mere days after my son was born, they realized his immense power level: A whopping 10,000!

Pff, yeah, well I was like, 20,000 as like a sperm, so, y'know...

And so... threatened by the magnificence of my progeny... ...the king ordered for him to be executed.

This is insane!

Freeza's got us paying rent under his boot-heel, and you're just going to murder a Saiyan baby with a power level of 10,000?!

He's like a trump card - if the card literally flipped the table over, and shot the other player!

He would be of great use to Vegeta!

My son, the planet, or me?

Yes!

HUAAAAAAAAAAGH

GAHBHOOHUAAHYEAB HYUNNOBHUHA

Grand Vizier Nappa!

I require your treasured guidance once more.

Stab the baby.

Are... you sure?

Look, we've got a meeting with Freeza in one hour, so either stab the baby, or we have to cancel your six 'o' clock.

He then saw to my son's execution himself.

With, well... less than success.

Ahh!

Son of an Arlian whore...!

SOMEONE FETCH ME A BETTER DAGGER SO I MAY PROPERLY STAB THIS BABY!

(Crying)

Oh, good, now it's crying. To hell with this!

Just dump him in a hole with his father.

Luckily, the king was as half-assed at murdering us as he was at raising you, Vegeta.

And with Broly's magnificent power, we survived the extinction of our race.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

So does this have *anything* to do with South Galaxy?

Cause that's kinda why I'm here.

Actually, yes.

You see, one night while I was discussing The Son of Bardock...

The scientist?

The very same.

...That night, I uttered a single word that triggered Broly.

And he suddenly went wild!

In his furious rage, he exterminated the South Galaxy *in its entirety*.

What was the word?

I...

Why would I--?

Was it "non-fat"?

No! Why would it be--?

"Diet"?

This is ridiculous. Stop trying to trigger my son!

Freezer with an "i".

For God's sake...!

First of all, Paragus, your seed couldn't compare to my own. And he's a filthy half-ling.

Love you too, Dad.

And second, I couldn't care *less* about any South Galaxies, or lack thereof.

So, if you're done wasting everyone's time... Grab your friends, grab your shit, AND GO HOME, KAKAROT!

Unnghh!

Please do not say that again.

It was "friends", wasn't it?!

I said *shut it*, Kakarot!

Agghhh!

Please, stop saying that name!

Father, just call him Goku!

And disrespect MY heritage?!

I will address him with the name given to him by the glorious Saiyan race!

KAKAROT, KAKAROT--

KAKAROOOOOOOOOT!!

See, he's slow, and he gets it.

I suggest we all run.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

(Growling)

This power... wha... what is he?!

He... is the Legendary Super Saiyan.

OH, THAT'S SO COOL!

But why is it kinda... green?

Because it's LEGENDARY.

(orgasm)

Hey, Kakarot.

You said your power level was "pretty big", right?

Uh-huh.

Why?

Because MY power... ...IS MAXIMUM!!

...Prove it.

HUUUAAGH!

Why-hy?!

When I woke up this morning for a gay wedding,

I did not expect this.

H-how... How is he this strong?

How many pushups did he do?! How many situps?! WHAT KIND OF JUICE DID HE DRINK?!

This is not the result of paltry training...

This... is destiny!

For you see, Prince Vegeta... ...you're not dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore.

Nooooo...

Gohan! Trunks!

Haaaaa!

Hu!

Huuuu-ahhh!

Wha- aw, dammit, my jacket! I only had the one!

Augh, Mom is gonna kill me!

OUUUAAAAGHHHH!

Hurrngh!

AGHA!

Ahhhh!

Ha!

AUGH!

Listen, Broly...

I don't wanna tell you how to be the the Legendary Super Saiyan, but you're not supposed to start all-out... ...you're supposed to start small and then work up to it!

I am starting small.

Oh! Good for you!

Holy crap...(!)

Hey Goku! I brought the Shamoshians!

Why??

There's no way we're gonna miss sadism like this!

Dad, what is sadism?

Ask your mother.

Yeah, you know your place.

Under your master's feet!

Oh God~, yes!

You want the ultimate punishment?!

Mmm, yeah~!

Then I'll just blow up your planet!

...Guys? What's our safeword?

Uhh, I think it was "banana"?

No, "pineapple"!

It wasn't a fruit, it was a vegetable!

"Brussels sprouts"?

"Broccoli"! It was "broccoli"--!

Why did we not know our own safeword...?!

It was lost to time...

Princess Truunnks~?

Please, no...(!)

You lied to me.

I did no such thing!

You dirty boy!

...Goku, get me off this planet right now! I'm serious!

INSTANT TRANSMISSION--!!

Agh!!

Gaugh!!

Gagh!

Okay, Gohan? I was gonna save this for Cell...

...but I'm gonna need you to let go, and--

Got it. Leaving.

Gohan? Where'd you Gohan?

HUAAAAUU--!

(It's okay, Gohan. Just find that ship we came here on, grab everyone else, and--)

HA-HAAGH!

(I should apologize to Mom if I get home.)

Aggh! Gaaah-ahhhhh!

Aghh!

Gohan!

RAAAGH!

Huaaoouu!

RRUAGH!

Wahhhhh!

(Groans in pain)

What's wrong, Kakarot?! Don't you care if I kill your son?!

Ugh... I'd rather you not?

We have Dragon Balls, but, that's like a whole day.

Oh! But he's never met King Kai...

Hey Gohan! You're gonna meet King Kai!

Eeeeeeeeeee--!

You are probably wondering where this unfettered hatred for Kakarot stems from...

Not... really?

Hating Kakarot kinda gives me life, so--

(Crying)

It all began when they were but newborn babes.

Oh, I'm being ignored.

Their cribs in the maternity ward were right beside each other.

(Crying)

And Kakarot cried...

...terrorizing my son!

And... then...?

That's it.

Didn't my father stab him?

Indeed.

Then why doesn't he hate me?

Oh! No, *I* hate you.

Well - I hated your father, and therefore you.

Broly hates Kakarot.

Because he cried.

A lot.

For like, three hours.

But... that's really dumb.

B-but he's so cool!

BUT THAT'S SO DUMB!

My power...

My power is... ...MAXIMUMER!!!

Dad?

Yeah, son?

Holy f**k, he's strong.

Yeah... and to make things worse... ...I think we blew your college submission.

Man, this just isn't my day.

Eh, don't worry. I think it's your movie next.

BUT NOW IS BROLY...

NOW BROLY!!

Piccolo-help!

Gohan! Are you okay?! Do you need some juice?! Did you get into that school you wanted?

Doesn't look like it.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

How did you get here?

I came when I heard you call.

...How?

Thanks for the ship, Piccolo!

We're taking this bitch to Space Vegas!

Yeaaaaaah!

Wooooooo!

He he he he haa!

You! Green man!

You're new.

What is YOUR power level?

I dunno, give me a minute.

BROLY DOES NOT LIKE TO WAIT!

Goku, can we beat this guy?

Uh!

I dunno! I'm sure I'll pull something out my butt.

AND IT WILL BE BROLY'S FIST!

Probably...

Let's see how you fare when it's four-on-one, monster!

"Monster"?

Broly is not a monster.

Broly is...

...durh...

A genuine demon?

A true freak?

...the Devil!

OH MY GOD HE'S SO GOD DAMN COOL

Haaaaaa!

Raaaaaa!

Ruuaaaahhh!!

Masenko!

Masenko!

HUUUUUUUAAARRR!

Guuakhh!

Waghh!

(Groans in pain)

(Groans in pain)

WAAUUGGH!

AAAAAAAHHHH--!!

URRRGHH OOUHH...

What... the f**k are you DOING back here?!

I don't know what's going on anymore.

He's so cool but he's SO goddamn dumb!

Okay, Vegeta... while you're here having this "crisis", we're out there getting beaten into a bloody paste!

But you don't understand!

The Legendary Super Saiyan is motivated by a crying infant!

He is a literal giant f**king baby!

So, kind of what you're being right now?

You're just mad you're not The Legendary Super Namekian.

Alright, bye Vegeta.

Byeeeeeeeeee...

Hey, Broly!

KAA... MEE--

Ah! Oh wah!

You were SAYIN'?

I am Saiyan!

Hu hu hu--!

Ah aughh...!

This all you got, Kakarot?

Broly is disappointed.

Kakarot killed Frieza.

Kakarot's supposed to be strongest... ...but now Broly's strongest!

And now you DIE!

Excuse you.

Excuse BROLY?

You've been ignoring someone this entire time.

...Broly's wife?

Well, technically, I was the one who killed Frieza.

THAT'S HOT.

No, you mouth-breather! You have been ignoring your king!

What is a king to a god?

And what is a god... TO A NONBELIEVER?!

HEAAAAAAAAAAA--!

MMMFF--!!

Do you believe now?

Uh-huh.

So cool...

Now, Kakarot...

KAKAROT...!

KAKARRROOOOOOOT!!

He has devolved into saying only a single word.

(Time to hit the ol' cosmic trail...)

Kakarot?

Oh...

...hi, son.

Kakarot.

N-no, i-it's your father.

I was just prepping this pod for us to leave, before the comet hits.

Kakarot...!

Yes, true, it's a pod meant for one person, but...

KAKAROT!

Broly! Be a good boy!

Show your daddy the love he has shown you...!

Hug.

Oh, nononononono--!

Huuuuuuug!

HEAAAAUNGH!!

...Kakarot.

Okay, guys... be real with me...

...is this the worst, or what?

Frankly, at this point, I wish we could open up the Dead Zone and bring back Garlic Jr.

Can't believe I'm saying it, but... I'll take some more Androids, please.

And I'd rather get kicked in the dick, a THOUSAND more times... ...than hear that idiot scream Kakarot's name again.

KAKAROT!

EUUHARRRGHH.

I'd even take Turles. And he was just an evil version of my dad.

Wait, that guy with the tree? Is he alive?

Not anymore.

Also, that Wheelo guy. He was nice...

Oh yeah... too bad he died of brain cancer.

Cool... then I'll cut to the chaste...

Give me all of your energy.

Right now.

I'll end it in one punch, man.

Done.

Doing it.

Please make it end.

Now Vegeta... I know you're probably not going to--

F**k it, you have it, just go.

Thanks, best buddy!

No.

HUUUAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!!!!

HUAAARRRRGHHHHH!!!

Hey! BROLY!

SAY MY NAME!

HUUNGH?!?!

(Crying)

HUUUNGH!

KA…KAA…ROOOOOOOOOTTT!!!!

Victory for Gok—!

Huaaaaa!

HOLY SHIT!

OHH, IT'S SO TIGHT~!

Okay, just gonna drop this one out there, but earlier, nobody brought up Slug and I feel that's kind of racist.

What are these things and why is one GRINDING ON ME?!

STEP ON MY GENITALS~!

There you go, South Kai.