Absalon.

Alright, Freeza's just over this next formation.

Now before we move in, we need a plan.

So here it is:

All of you will attack from the front, and while you're being slaughtered,

I'll flank him, taking him from behind and securing the kill!

Ready? Break!

No.

Yeah, no.

Personally, I don't think Bulma should be here; a battlefield is no place for a lady.

And yet, you're sticking around.

I'm serious! I worry about her safety!

And as my close, personal friend, possibly even bestie,

I think we need to consider--

AAagh!

Anyone want to explain to Yamcha here what ten pounds of torque does to a human ear?

Rips it off?

Very good, Gohan!

Ahh...

So is this him, sweetie? Is this the man who hurt you so?

No, Daddy.

This is a new one...

So... you must be Friza.

Actually, it's Lord Freeza.

Really? Then why is there an "i" in it?

There *isn't*.

Huh. Gonna have to fix that one when I get back, then.

Anyway, I'm here to kill you.

Ohohohohohoho, my my! Not five minutes on this wayward rock and we already have a volunteer-teer-teer--

dead man.

Soldiers! Do your jobs!

Lord Freeza, with all due respect--

This sounds like insubordination.

He just turned an entire squad into a pile of limbs!

And that sounds like it's not my problem!

Man, moving your bitchin' bitch-ass over, bitch.

What, power level of five?

Shit, ain't nobody got time for dat!

...Well, that ain't right...

Consider that a warning! Either leave now, or die!

Ooh, is that an ultimatum?! I love ultimatums!

Here's mine:

Either die to him or die to me!

What... what just happened?

Give it a second.

No, really, they're just--

No, no, hold on!

Yeah, took me a whole three months to get that one down. They make it look a lot easier than it really is.

Real hard part was that guy's armor!

I ended up going through a dozen mannequins before I cinched that one.

You missed a spot.

Augghhhh...!

Lord Freeza...

...the f*ck?

You know that was our last minion, right?

Who cares? We have more at home.

No, I mean now we have no one to fly the ship!

I can fly it!

Son, we do not fly ourselves; flying is for the help!

So, uh... curious; what's with all the spare parts sticking out of you?

Impudent little...!

These are not "spare parts"!

What you are looking at is the ultimate culmination of science and nature!

Oh, wow! I've... never seen that before...

You know, the only reason you continue to breathe is because I need something to entertain me until the Super Saiyan arrives.

Oh, really?

Because if it's a Super Saiyan you're looking for... I can fill the part.

What?!

(Laughing)

Oh, you hear that, Daddy?!

"I can fill the part!"

It's like a five year old trying to play police officer.

Or like how you play Pretty Pink Princess?

Daddy, not in front of the malcontent!

But it's so *cute* when you do it!

I haven't done that since I was eight-eight-ei-eight--

my Quinceañera.

HAAAAAAA!

What?!

AAAAAAAA!

Zounds!

AAAAAAAA!!!

(Gasp)

(Gasp)

That's... that's my Dad!

You sure, Gohan?

Either that or we just felt Freeza's mom.

Who here just thought of Freeza with boobs?

...Really?

I'm the only one?

Yes!

'He must never know...'

Those... those eyes...!

They're the same as...!

'Pizza...!'

No...! No! NO! NO! *NO*! KILL! MURDER! DESTROY! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

Uh-hu, u-ha-ha, a-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...!

Alright, get down here; I'm going to call Space Triple A and have them tow us, thank you very much!

What?!

*What*?!

Freeza, what did you do?!

DADDY, NOT NOW!

Grrrrh...!

Well, Freeza, looks like you *dropped the ball*.

*Dropped the ball*.

...Drrrrropped the ba--

AAAGH!

You almost destroyed the whole planet there.

Sorry - I got a little bit carried away. Doesn't matter now, though;

our little Super Saiyan is dead-dead-dead--

cadaverific.

Hey, Freeza!

*WHAT*?!

You should split!

If you're trying to be clever, you're sorely lacking--

Hiiiyaaaaaaaaahhhh-!

Huh?!

Aaaaaaaaahhhhh-!

-Aaaaaaaaaahhhh-!

-Aaaaaaaaaahhhh-!

-Aaaaaaahhhh-!

-Aaaaaaahhhh-!

-Aaaahhhh-!

-Aaaahhhh-!

-Aaaahhhh-!

-Aaaahhhh-!

-Aaaahhhh-!

-Aaaahhhh!

-HI-YAH!

(Computer-like yelling)

*My baby boy*...!

We're finally here!

Where's Freeza-- Oh!

There he is!

And there...

And there--

And here...

Is that his brain...?

Guys... I think that person is a Super Saiyan!

Like hell he is!

Spiky gold hair? Incredible power?

You don't know that he's a Super Saiyan! Maybe he's Super *Human*, huh?!

Maybe you slackers just haven't been trying hard enough!

Says the *non*-Super Saiyan.

F*ck off!

You murdered my Princess!

Oh well - you win some, you lose some.

...Children?

Yeah.

Okay... sorta thought you'd be a little more pissed.

Oh, blindingly so. Mind if I see your sword?

What? Why?

I just wish to hold it.

No!

Oh, come on, be neighborly!

I'm not your neighbor.

I also think I hate you.

Look, after what you did, I can fit what's left of my son into a meat pie!

Let me see your stupid sword!

(Sigh) Fine...

See? Nothing nefarious; I just wanted to inspect the craftsmanship...

Admire the temper...

Test its edge on YOU, YOU INSUBORDINATE HICK!

Ah... Still not sure if you hate me...?

Actually, that pretty much sealed it.

AAAGHaaaagh...!

(Gasp) No...! N-no, wait, please I...! W-We can make a deal!

If you spare my life I'll... give you a planet...?

*Three* planets!

Two and a half?

You just went down.

I'm a haggler...?

WEEEGHH...!

...Good work, team!

Hey there, guys!

F*ck this guy!

I'm about to go meet Goku; just follow me!

Wait... did he just say my Dad?!

Wait, Gohan...

We don't know if we can trust this guy...

I also brought snacks!

But, the Bible does say, "love thy neighbor".

You're a Buddhist.

A *hungry* Buddhist!

Fly three hundred meters northwest, then land near "Idiot Rock".

So that's what they called it before "Idiot Crater".

Now, I'm sure you're all wondering why I brought you here.

Snacks!

To kill us!

To kill snacks!

Goku is going to land near here in approximately three hours.

Until then... Let's all have a drink.

I've got soda, beer, and Hetap.

Isn't it a little early to start drinking?

Hey, five o'clock was twenty hours ago!

So, stranger, what's your name?

Can't say.

Well, Mr. Can't Say, I'm Krillin!

That's not funny.

What isn't?

So... you know my Dad, right?

Well, sort of. Really, I've just heard a lot about him.

It's kind of--

So, hey like, just gonna throw this out there...

You're really cute.

Uh... well, you know, my Mom always said I was a cute kid.

Oh, a mamma's boy, huh?

I'll be your mommy...

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAA--'

Can I have another Hetap?

YE-HES, YES YOU CAN.

By the way, that jacket is awfully familiar...

Uhm...

Yeah - I even made it myself!

Capsule Corp logo, even cut it short to show off my midriff.

'If he's never met him before, how the hell does this kid know where Kakarot is going to land?'

I love everything about Capsule Corp!

'And he can't actually be a damn Saiyan...'

'Either he's a liar, or...'

Yep, love storing things...

'...maybe...'

'...Wait a second...!'

Did someone drink the last Hetap?! I'll kill you!

Whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop!

Tieeenn~... I'm booooored...

Chiaotzu, we only have to wait a little while longer.

We'll say hello to Goku, and then we'll go home.

Can we get McDonalds?

Only if you're good.

Awww...

What? What are you lookin' at?!

What, do you like what you see?!

Yeah, that's right, eyes to yourself.

I don't swing that way; I'm a real man!

Hey, Mr Piccolo?

Yeah?

I was wondering - why didn't you go with the rest of the Namekians to your home planet?

Oh, I don't know; why don't you just go to Vegeta with the rest of the Saiyans?!

Hey, I've already got one hitting on me over here, I don't need another!

'Oh, thank God.'

Alright, everybody - Goku should be landing any moment now.

(Inhales)

Well I don't see him, so you're wrong.

I think you've been lying to us the whole time!

There's no way you could--

There's no way you could--

...that could be anyone.

GUYS, WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME! FREEZER'S HERE AND--

Yaaaay... Heheheh... Wha...?

So... do you think the carpet matches the drapes?

I dunno. Do yours?

KRILLIN!

What? It was a leGINAmate question--!

I mean a legitimate ques-- whatever.

It's just very personal! I mean, do *yours*?!

Yeah.

What?!

It's called manscaping.

It's weird.

It's *hygenic*!