“Lord Slug”

Piccolo: 'Alright now, hear me out: So I fire the Special Beam Cannon with one hand, right?'

Nail: 'Yeah?'

Piccolo: 'What if I used...TWO hands?'

Nail: 'You mean like the Kamehameha?'

Piccolo: 'NO! NOT LIKE THE KAMEHAMEHA! THE KAMEHAMEHA DOESN'T *DRILL* THINGS!'

Nail: 'Last time I checked, neither do cannons.'

Piccolo: 'Thaaat's what makes it SPECIAL!'

Gohan: Hey, Mr. Piccolo! Look what I found - it's a dragon!

Nail: 'Who's that?'

Piccolo: 'It's just Gohan. If you ignore it, it'll go away.'

Gohan: He's a western style dragon.

Gohan: I taught him how to dance. Show him Icarus!

Nail: 'So do you just ignore all of your problems?'

Piccolo: 'No. Some of them I invite to live in my *head*.'

Nail: 'Well, I'm sorry, it's just that there's so much space in here I didn't think you'd-'

Nail: '-Ahhhh! Oh my God, what the hell is that?!'

Piccolo: 'Ahh! I don't know! It's like someone's torturing a frickin' cat!'

Mr. Popo: [Humming]

Mr. Popo: ...What?

Kami: Mr. Popo, are you torturing a cat?!

Mr. Popo: Oh come on Kami, I don't torture cats.

Jynx: Jynx, Jynx!

Mr. Popo: Bitch, shut up!

Nail: 'Make it STOP!!'

Piccolo: GOHAN I WILL CARVE YOU LIKE A PUMPKIN!!

Gohan: I'm sorry, Mr. Piccolo.

Icarus: Blblbla!

Piccolo: I'll kill it!

Piccolo: Huh?!

Gohan: Uhh!

Dr. Briefs: Honey! Good news: I've isolated the gay gene!

Dr. Briefs: Now we'll finally be able to make it through Manhattan at a decent time. I knew this combination telescope microscope would come in handy.

Dr. Briefs: Also, there's a giant meteor coming towards the planet. QUICK! Get me Bruce Willis, Steve Buscemi, and Aerosmith.

Oolong: What about Ben Affleck?

Dr. Briefs: What about bacon?

Goku: So if I blow this meteor up, I get bacon?

Krillin: Why am I Mr. Pink?

Goku: HYAAAAAGH!

Krillin: HAAAAAGH!

Bulma: (Think) it'll work?

Oolong: Nnnope.

Goku: NOOOOOOOOO MY BACOOON!!!

Krillin: I'M A VIRGIIIIIIN!!!

Bulma: Well, good news is we're not dead.

Oolong: And hey, the city's OK too. Hell, there's even a new building.

Gohan: That's no building...

Gohan: That's a space station (!)

Random Dude: What the heck do you think's inside?

Some Other Dude: I BET IT'S JESUS! I'm calling Jesus! You heard it here, folks! I said Jesus!

Another Dude: Hi, Jesus!

Mook: OK guys, move out. This is easy pickings.

Some Other Dude: Look everyone, it's Jesus' death army!

Some Other Dude: Something about what I just said doesn't sound right.

Mook: Inhabitants of Earth!

Mook: Prepare to be conquered in the name of Lord Slug!

Some Other Dude: WE LOVE YOU JESUUUS!!!

Mook: What the hell is going on? Heh, open fire.

Zeeun: GYOSHU!

Zeeun: WHY IS THE PROCESS OF TERRA-FREEZING THE PLANET TAKING SO LONG?!

Gyoshu: You can just say "terra-freezing process"; "terra-freezing the planet" sounds REDUNDANT.

Zeeun: WELL, WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG?!

Gyoshu: Because apparently someone needed a F*CKING English lesson!

Zeeun: YOU LISTEN HERE!

Zeeun: KING PICCOLO IS ON BORROWED TIME! WE-

Lord Slug: [Growling]

Zeeun: -uh OH! Wuh I I-I uh, I am so sorry, that was a total slip-up on my part!

Zeeun: Please forgive me King Piccolo...I did it again (!)

Zeeun: AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGHH!!!

Lord Slug: Hrrmmmm.

Gyoshu: How long will it take?

Gyoshu: Well, King Piccolo, I believe it will take...

Lord Slug: [Growling]

Gyoshu: NO WAIT! I SAID IT BECAUSE HE DID IT! I SAID IT BECAUSE HE DID--IIIIT!!!

Lord Slug: Ehhhhrmm.

Kakuja: Well, Lord Slug, it is my humble opinion, Lord Slug, that it will take three days, Lord Slug...Go Team Slug.

Lord Slug: Rrrreeimmh.

Kakuja: Thank you, Lord Slug!

Lord Slug: Heeigh hrmm hrmm mmrgh.

Kakuja: Your Vicodin? In the bowl next to you.

Lord Slug: Hreeeeiiighh!

Kakuja: Oh...look at him go...

Gohan: Aahh ya!

Mook: OH GOD ALL I SEE IS GLASS AND BLOOD!!!

Chi-Chi: ATATATATATATATATAT Yaah!

Chi-Chi: You see, just because I'm a woman...

Bulma: That actually lasted longer than I expected.

Gohan: MOM!

Gohan: 'AHH! MY HAT!!'

Gohan: 'Oh well... it's a good thing none of these guys don't know what a Dragon Ball is.'

Lord Slug: Erhh eh drehgen brall.

Gohan: Crap baskets.

Oolong: LET ME GO, YOU CRAZY BITCH!

Bulma: STOP RIGHT THERE!

Bulma: I AM KING BACON!

Bulma: LEAVE NOW! OR I WILL USE MY VOODOO POWERS ON YOU!

Angila: You look like a twat!

Oolong: Waaah...!

Bulma: You're talking to the pig, right?

Angila: I'm talking to you, yes.

Bulma: Oh, I am at least an eight!

Lord Slug: Hehh hmm heh hmm hmm mrrghough duh.

Bulma: What? You know what the Dragon Balls are?

Lord Slug: Hobhhrrrrghoh.

Bulma: And you wanna collect all seven?

Bulma: Well tough luck, Jolly Green Jackass, because I'm the only one with a radar to find them.

Gohan: (Sigh)...Oh my God...

Lord Slug: Ngaghmmhmmm.

Bulma: Oh God! Get off me! Where's my rape mace?! NO NO NOOO!!!

Bulma: Uhhh...

Gohan: BULMA! Ugh!

Gohan: Thank you...

Gohan: ughh...

Lord Slug: Huegh heh hiergh hmm ngh hagh huh hiergh.

Lord Slug: Hmm hergh hrmm hugh heh hgerlh.

Medamatcha: YOU WANT US TO FIND THEM ALL IN AN HOUR?!

Medamatcha: BUT IT'S HOT AS BALLS!!!

Lord Slug: Erh, bitch blitch bertch.

Medamatcha: Thank you!

Angila: Thank you.

Wings: Thank you mountain.

Slug Mook: I got a Dragon Ball!

Another Slug Mook: I got a Dragon Ball!

Yet Another Slug Mook: I got a Dragon Ball!

Charlie Brown: I got a rock.

Lord Slug: HRGH HNGH HEIH HEH HEH!

Lord Slug: HRRGH HURGH HUH HEH HAH HUH HRRROUGH!!!

Shenron: I am the Eternal Dragon. Why have you summoned me?

Lord Slug: WREGH HRIEEGH!

Lord Slug: HRUGH HMM HROUGH HAH HEH HIIIEEEGH!!!

Shenron: You wish to return to the prime of your youth.

Shenron: Your wish shall be-

Shenron: -...wait a second, hold on. Something seems really familiar about this...

Lord Slug: HNNNNGRRRRRGH!!!

Shenron: Ah, it doesn't matter.

Shenron: Your wish is granted!

Lord Slug: HA HA HA HA HA!

Lord Slug: HRAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Lord Slug: LORD SLUG THE ALMIGHTY HAS RETURNED!!!

Lord Slug: My youth...my strength... MY IMPECCABLE SINGING VOICE!

Lord Slug: ♫ I see trees of brown! And skies of black! ♫

Lord Slug: ♫ And I think to myself...what a wonderful world! ♫

Goku: Wha?

Goku: Where am I?

Yajirobe: That meteor kicked your ass!

Yajirobe: Turns out, it was full of bad guys too. Who knew?

Goku: Wow! I must've been out for a while.

Goku: It's all... *snowy*...

Yajirobe: I know, right? It's almost like--

Goku: IT'S CHRISTMAAAAS!!!

Bulma: It's really a shame how hard it is to find food with all the animals dying.

Chi-Chi: Yes, we just have to make do with what we have.

Chi-Chi: Gohan! Dragon soup's ready! It's finger licarus good!

Chi-Chi: AHHH!!!

Chi-Chi: BULMA! GOHAN'S MISSING!

Chi-Chi: AND SO IS THE OUTFIT PICCOLO GAVE HIM!!!

Chi-Chi: (GASP)

Chi-Chi: AND RED DAWN'S ON NETFLIX!

Gohan: WOLVERIIIIIINES!

Gohan: You can't touch me up here!

Slug Mook: WE HAVE BLASTERS!

Gohan: ONE OF THOSE DOES NOTHING!

Slug Mook: HOW ABOUT A HUNDRED?!

Gohan: Wolverines...?

Gohan: Ahhhhh--uuh!

Slug Mook: ALRIGHTY! SH*T STOMP ON THE LITTLE KID!

Slug Mook: OH MY GOD ARE YOU BATMAN?! NOOO!!!

Gohan: Ahaha! Mr. Piccolo!

Piccolo: All right, what's your gimmick?

Wings: Gimmick?

Piccolo: Yeah, like the last guys; they were all misfit minions and crap. What are you?

Angila: We're just here for your planet. Though if I had to choose, I'd say I'm the pretty one.

Piccolo: Eh, 6/10.

Angila: You sassy bitch.

Piccolo: That makes you the weird one with the freaky power.

Medamatcha: I CAN SPAWN MINI ME'S!

Piccolo: Spectacular.

Piccolo: And that would make you no doubt the big tough stupid one.

Wings: YOU TAKE THAT BACK OR I'LL KILL YOU!

Piccolo: All right, all right, you're not tough.

Wings: That's better!

Gohan: Wait, didn't you--

Piccolo: Give him a minute...

Wings: HEY!

Wings: YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Piccolo: Now now, that truck is not your eating disorder.

Wings: YOU'RE A PENIS!

Piccolo: So long since you've seen yours that you don't even recognize one, do ya?

Wings: RAAAAH--uhh!

Wings: UGHHHRAAGH!

Wings: Please don't break mah arm.

Piccolo: No.

Wings: Aaaah!

Medamatcha: D'AAAH-AAGH!

Medamatcha: GO, MY LITTLE FREAKS OF NATURE!

Gohan: Oh God, oh no, God! NO NO *NO* *NO*...!

Wings: He thinks he's so great. Imma show him.

Wings: AW GOD DAMMIT!

Wings: All right, go for the left, he won't see me coming from-

Wings: -AW HE SAW IT COMING!

Wings: Fine, I'll wait down here and catch him off guard.

Piccolo: Hey, how's it going?

Wings: Oh hey, I'm just waiting for that green jerk so I can surprise him.

Piccolo: Neat.

Wings: Yeah, he'll never see it co-!

Wings: -...Ohh.

Wings: Hurhh...

Wings: All right, look. I know we said some things... but I bet if we just talk to each other a little, we could become friends.

Wings: Whaddya say? High-five?

Piccolo: Down low.

Wings: Wha--?

Piccolo: Too slow.

Medamatcha: All right babies, come back to Papa! It's Daddy's turn to get a shot at him now!

Piccolo: WHY CAN'T YOU SAVE YOUR OWN DAMN SEEEELLLF?!?!

Medamatcha: Ha ha! The boss is gonna love this!

Lord Slug: Oh-ho God, I loove this!

Lord Slug: My skin is so F*CKING smooth!

Medamatcha: Now to finish them off.

Piccolo: Ow...

Medamatcha: PAPA MEDAMATCHA GONNA MAKE YOU HIS BITCH!

Medamatcha: D'AAH!

Angila: Who the hell?!

Medamatcha: Heheheheheh.

Medamatcha: Look, another couple of putzes to knock around! This should be fu-...

Medamatcha: -WHAT, BITCH?! I'M TALKING TO YOU! I WILL SMACK YOU WITH MY DICK!

Goku: Don't worry Gohan, I'll save Christmas.

Gohan: But... it's not Christmas.

Goku: Then why is it *snowing*, Gohan?

Angila: Not to be rude, but we've got better things to do.

Medamatcha: Yeah, we're gonna take your planet and--

Goku: Steal Christmas?

Angila: Does he mean Freeza Day?

Medamatcha: WHAT THE HELL'S A CHRISTMA-

Medamatcha: -YAAAAAGH!

Medamatcha: OH, I DON'T GIVE A SH*T WHAT CHRISTMAS IS NOW!!

Medamatcha: I JUST KNOW I'M GOING TO KILL IT!

Medamatcha: AND THEN MY LITTLE MATCHAS ARE GOING TO *RAPE IT*!!

Goku: *Nobody rakes Christmas*.

Angila: TIRAAGH!

Angila: MEDAMATCHA!

Medamatcha: SUCK 'EM DRY, BOYS!

Goku: Hmm, what to do...?

Medamatcha: D'AAAGH-

Medamatcha: -HUUU...!

Goku: HAAAAAA...!

Angila: YOU LITTLE UPSTART *PRICK*!

Angila: D'AAAGH!

Goku: URRH!

Angila: HUWG-...-UWAA-AGH...!

Goku: And that's how I saved Christmas.

Goku: Again.

Krillin: Well, that was unnecessarily brutal.

Krillin: How bout them?

Goku: They can live.

Goku: Or not...

Lord Slug: God, we go through soldiers here like copy paper.

Lord Slug: IF YOU'RE WITH THE GOVERNMENT OR THE CHURCH, GET THE F*CK OFF MY PROPERTY!

Lord Slug: Which, considering I now own this rock, is effectively *everything*.

Krillin: Don't worry, Goku. Just sit on back and let Krillin handle this one.

Vegeta: Oh-ho, my God. This is going to be amazing.

Vegeta: Aaand, record.

Krillin: Waaah-!

Krillin: -WHAT POSSESSED ME TO DO THA-HAAAAT...?!

Vegeta: And the Emmy goes to...

Goku: KRILLIN!

Lord Slug: You know, there's a certain sport I excel at.

Goku: What's it called?

Lord Slug: COMPETITIVE BITCH TOSS!

Piccolo: Hey, Gohan.

Piccolo: Gohan, you wanna do that thing, where you get really mad and start beating the guy up?

Piccolo: Gohan?

Piccolo: *Gohan*?

Piccolo: Don't you F*CKING ignore me (!)

Goku: 'All right, I just gotta pull myself together. At least he's not shooting laser eyes at me or something.'

Goku: 'He's an X-Man!'

Goku: 'Oh great, Iguana Street. Now I'm gonna get mugged. But jokes on them; I have no mon--'

Goku: AGH!

Goku: Oh hey, I should take Chi-Chi here. She'll love this place.

Goku: UGH!

Goku: AUGH!

Lord Slug: This is amazing!

Lord Slug: I feel like a young strapping lad, beating his meat furiously for the first time!

King Kai: Goku, do you hear me?!

Goku: Hey, King Kai. My nipples are rigid right now.

King Kai: That's...

King Kai: Anyway, I noticed you're having a hard time down there.

Goku: Yeah, he's pretty really strong. I'm not sure what to do.

Goku: But if I fail, Christmas is *doomed*!

King Kai: But it's not...

King Kai: D'I mean yes! Goku, it's Christmas, and you're about to let Christmas die!

Goku: But he's so strong. I don't think I can--

King Kai: Goku! You're the only one who can do this! You are the Champion of Christmas!

Lord Slug: Hehehehe. DIE!!!

Lord Slug: Huh?!

Goku: HAAAAH...!

Lord Slug: SON OF A BITCH! MY WHITTLING HAND!

Goku: I AM CHAMPION CHRISTMAS!!!

King Kai: Holy crap! Where'd this come from?!

King Kai: He's become...super powered.

King Kai: Like some kind of...super...saiyaman.

Talking Movie Bubbles: Sir, if I might interject, that sounds positively ridiculous.

King Kai: SHUT UP, TALKING MOVIE BUBBLES!

Lord Slug: D'AAUGH!

Lord Slug: What the hell got into you?!

Goku: I WILL STOP YOU FROM DESTROYING CHRISTMAS!!!

Lord Slug: What are you talking about? It's JULY!

Goku: DON'T "JULY" TO ME!!! IT'S *SNOWING*!

Lord Slug: I FROZE YOUR *PLANET*, YOU *MOOK*!

Goku: Wha?

Goku: Awwwwwwwww...

King Kai: Aww, crap.

Talking Movie Bubbles: Well, that's inconvenient.

King Kai: MOVIE BUBBLES, I SWEAR TO GOD!

King Kai: IN A TRUNK!

King Kai: OFF A CLIFF!

Goku: Well, I still have to defeat you. And you can't win with a broken arm.

Goku: No no no! You're supposed to leave it on, it gets better!

Lord Slug: AUGGH-UU!

Goku: Or you know, grow it back... wait a minute, that means your...

Goku: JAW IS ENORMOUS!

Goku: 'Hold on a minute. I know now! I know what he is! He's a--'

King Kai: DO NOT SAY "YOSHI"!!

Goku: Imma still think it.

King Kai: *Namekian*, Goku. Na-me-ki-an!

King Kai: A Super Namekian, mind you, who's here to rule over your planet.

King Kai: Apparently he is the banished other half of the Grand Elder Namekian, who became too old and decrepit to fight.

King Kai: But now he has used the Dragon Balls to return himself to his prime.

Goku: Hold on a second. Now, I may not be the brightest knife in the crayon box... but that sure sounds a lot like...

Goku: HEY!

Goku: You wouldn't be related to King Piccolo, would you?

Goku: Hope that doesn't sound racist, I gotta be careful about that. We're still in Iguana Street...

Lord Slug: RWAAGH!

Goku: EEK!

Goku: 'OK, do Namekians know about sensing energy? Seem to remember they don-...'

Goku: '-OH GOD, THEY DO!'

Lord Slug: Hey.

Goku: Hi.

Lord Slug: How's it going?

Goku: Eh, you know, kinda bummed it isn't actually Christmas.

Lord Slug: Yeah, kinda sucks.

Goku: KAMEHAME--

Lord Slug: BWAAAAUUGH!!!

Lord Slug: Ahh, there's no kill quite like overki-...

Lord Slug: -Huh?

Lord Slug: HOW DID I MISS HIM?! I SHOT HIM POINT BLANK!

Goku: I love you, lucky wristbands.

Lord Slug: COME HERE!

Goku: RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING!

Goku: FACE!

Lord Slug: RWAARGH!

Lord Slug: RWEEGH!

Goku: Whoa hot!

Lord Slug: GET OVER HERE!

Goku: Now I know what you're thinking.

Goku: "Should I crush him?"

Goku: And the answer may surprise you.

Goku: AGH!

Lord Slug: Huh? What the...

Goku: Uuuu...

Lord Slug: THIS IS AMAZING!

Goku: Why does everyone laugh when they do that? That's my ribs crushing my *lungs*!

Goku: Uhh-huu...

Lord Slug: [Evil chuckle]

Lord Slug: Rwaagh??

Piccolo: Hey, name's Piccolo.

Piccolo: Nice to meet ya. I've got your antennae. Whatcha gonna do now?

Piccolo: Aha! I knew you'd do that!

Piccolo: Now for part TWO of my master plan!

Piccolo: Aaaaahh!

Lord Slug: The hell is wrong with everyone on this planet?!

Piccolo: GOHAN! I NEED YOU TO DO THAT THING THAT REALLY ANNOYS ME!

Gohan: You mean talk?

Piccolo: WHAT?!

Piccolo: YOU KNOW, THAT THING YOU WERE DOING EARLIER TODAY!

Piccolo: IT REALLY GOT ON MY NERVES!

Gohan: I don't recall, Mr. Picco--

Piccolo: WHAT?!

Piccolo: HE HASN'T LOOSENED HIS GRIP YET SO YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT DOING IT!

Piccolo: REMEMBER! BACK AT THE WATERFALL!

Piccolo: YOU WERE DOING IT WITH YOUR MOUTH!

Piccolo: WHAT?!

Gohan: Ohh, whistle.

Lord Slug: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Lord Slug: AHAHA--what the...?

Lord Slug: Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Lord Slug: AHH, IT'S LIKE ONE DRILL IN ONE EAR! AND ANOTHER DRILL IN THE OTHER EAR! AND THEY'RE MEETING IN THE MIDDLLLEEEE!!!

Piccolo: Gotta, get closer, to Goku...

Piccolo: Give, him, my, energy...

Piccolo: Probably, should have, stretched, my arms...!

Piccolo: Got it!

Goku: What...happened?

Piccolo: WHAT?!

Lord Slug: THAT'S IT! Time for the universal mute button!

Lord Slug: Oh balls, that was my ship...

Lord Slug: AND WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!

Goku: KAIŌKEN!!!

Lord Slug: Kaiō--

Piccolo: WHAT?!

Goku: AAAAAAGH...!

Lord Slug: D'AAAARGH-!

Lord Slug: -AAAARGH...!

Goku: YAAAH!

Goku: Now I must go. My planet needs me.

Goku: ♫ Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, kill my enemies! ♫

Lord Slug: IF I'M GONNA DIE I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME!!!

Goku: SEE YOU IN HFIL!

Lord Slug: AAAAARGH...!

Lord Slug: WHY DIDN'T I WISH FOR IMMORTALITYYYYY?!?!?!

Goku: Now that I've defeated King Piccolo, I can wish back Chiaotzu, Master Roshi, and Krillin.

Piccolo: WHAT?!

Nappa: Yo dawg, it's the year 2000! It's time for another Nappa cover, cuz this SH*T don't get ollld!

Nappa: ♫ I've been waiting my whole life for just one... ♫

Nappa: ♫ WHAT?! ♫

Nappa: ♫ All I needed was just one... ♫

Nappa: ♫ WHAT?! ♫

Nappa: ♫ How can you say that I don't give a... ♫

Nappa: ♫ WHAT?! ♫

Nappa: ♫ By myself stupified coming back again. ♫

Nappa: ♫ WHAT?! ♫

Nappa: ♫ I get stupefied... ♫

Super Kami Guru: NAAIIILL! COME AND MAAIIILL THIS FOR ME!

Nail: Sir, we don't have a mail system...

Super Kami Guru: Nail.

Super Kami Guru: Gather the Dragon Balls.