“Episode 9”

Gohan: Mr. Piccolo! Wake up! You have to stop him!

Piccolo: (Incoherent mumbling)

Krillin: Don’t worry, Gohan! Goku's never let us down!

Krillin: I’m sure he’ll be here any second!

Goku: (Chomping)

Goku: [mouth full] Mmmph... thanks for the food again, Princess Snake!

Goku: (Chomping)

Princess Snake: Well, it’s the least I could do for trying to eat you like that.

Goku: ...

Princess Snake: But I thought there was... something else you had to do?

Goku: Mmm, bacon. (Chomping)

Princess Snake: Something about Saiyans...?

Princess Snake: And the Earth?

Goku: Crap crap CRAP CRAP!

Gohan: Mr. Piccolo, get up!

Gohan: Please get up!

Gohan: Seriously, he’s gonna kill us!

Nappa: Well, the green guy’s out. Too bad.

Nappa: Guess I’ll have to find someone ELSE to play with!

Krillin: 'Please not me please not me please not me please not me PLEASE NOT ME!'

Nappa: Eenie meenie minie you!

Gohan: Wh-what--?

Gohan: Augh!

Gohan: Uuh-huuh!

Krillin: WHOO! Not me!

Krillin: ...Gohan?

Krillin: Oh! Thought that would have lasted longer!

Nappa: Midget’s next! RHAAAA!

Krillin: Wait! My-turn-my-turn-MY-TURN!

Nappa: Oh!

Vegeta: Wha-- ...Nappa, what are you doing?

Nappa: It’s his turn, Vegeta; I have to wait for him.

Vegeta: Uh, owwwwwhhhhh, uh, ohhh…

Nappa: You okay, Vegeta?

Vegeta: Yes, just... just an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity...

Nappa: Wow!

Nappa: Didn’t think you were that stupid, Vegeta.

Vegeta: WAAAAUUUUUGH!!

Vegeta: Nine minutes, eighteen seconds. Nine minutes, eighteen seconds…

Nappa: What’s that, Vegeta?

Vegeta: Happiest... moment... of... my life...!

Krillin: Hey! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A JOKE, DAMMIT!

Krillin: I’ve got a new technique!

Krillin: Which I probably could have used earlier and maybe saved all of our friends’ lives... but that’s besides the point!

Krillin: Get ready for my... DESTRUCTO DISK!

Piccolo: [groaning] Laaaaaaame…

Krillin: Now… take THIS!

Nappa: Oooooooh! A frisbee, Vegeta!

Vegeta: Nappa! No! It’s a trick!

Nappa: But Vegeta…

Nappa: Trix are for kiiids~

Vegeta: …You know what, Nappa? On second thought, catch it.

Vegeta: Catch it with your teeth.

Nappa: Yaaay! Like a doggie!

Nappa: Ow ow OWHOWH!

Ricola Guy: Riiicolaa-- ohhh GODDAMMIT!!

Nappa: AAH, NO, MY FACE! My precious modeling career!

Nappa: You know, I was trying to be a team player.

Nappa: Trying to be a nice guy!

Krillin: You killed half our friends!

Nappa: I said, *trying*!

Krillin: Well you’re failing--oh God!

Nappa: And so are you!

Piccolo: I’m back!

Nappa: AAAAAAAHHH!

Nappa: I-see-what-you-did-there!

Piccolo: Now - it’s you and me, big guy!

Piccolo: And I’m gonna kick your a--!

Gohan: YAH!

Nappa: AHH--!

Piccolo: Whoa!

Gohan: Take that, you insufferable f***ing simpleton!

Piccolo: WHOA, Gohan! What the hell?!

Gohan: Oh!

Gohan: Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Piccolo. I didn’t mean to snap like that!

Piccolo: No; stay snapped! STAY SNAPPED!

Piccolo: Ahhhhh... Goddammit(!)

Nappa: Hrrrrrgh you-a-make-a-me-so-mad!

Nappa: (Growling)

Gohan: (Whimpering)

Nappa: Vegeta, look. I’ma firing my BLARRRGH!

Gohan: (More whimpering)

Piccolo: 'Alright...'

Piccolo: 'It’s time to redeem myself, through one final act of redemption.'

Piccolo: 'I’ll save Gohan, and--'

Piccolo: 'Wait a second... Why didn’t I just grab him?'

Piccolo: 'I can probably still do that now, actually!'

Piccolo: 'Yeah, that's it. I’ll grab him, and throw him out of the way--!'

Piccolo: GAAAAAAAAAA!!

Krillin: WAAHAA!

Piccolo: Yeah...

Piccolo: That's right...

Piccolo: I can take anything you can dish o--

Piccolo: 'Oh God, there go my organs...'

Gohan: Mr. Piccolo!

Piccolo: Ghh...

Piccolo: Gohan... come closer...

Piccolo: There’s... something... I have to tell you...

Gohan: Is-is it that you always pictured me as a son, because you can never make your own, considering you lack the reproductive organs to produce your own legitimate offspring--?

Piccolo: Nnnerrrrrrrrrrd…

Gohan: Wh... what?

Piccolo: Just... shut up and... listen...

Gohan: What is it, Mr. Piccolo?

Piccolo: Why... didn't... you... DOOOOOOOOODGE?!?!

Piccolo: Bleh

Gohan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Kami: Eehh-oghh!

Kami: Well, Mr. Popo... it seems my time has come.

Kami: But don’t worry, my friend... you will go to Namek and wish myself and the others back with their Dragon Balls.

Kami: It will be a long and arduous journey... but I’m sure you can--

Mr. Popo: Bitch, I ain't goin' nowhere.

Kami: But Mr. Popo! The fate of the entire universe is--

Mr. Popo: Pecking order!

Kami: But, I...

Kami: Well then... [fading out] goodbye, my friend!

Mr. Popo: Byyyyyee~!

Nappa: Vegeta, did you see me kill the green guy?

Vegeta: Yes, Nappa; that was a very good kick.

Nappa: D'aww, Vegeta! You weren’t watching!

Nappa: Can you at least watch me kill the toddler?

Vegeta: Ughh, fine...

Gohan: NNNAAAAAAGGGGHHH!!

Gohan: *I’m gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull*!

Nappa: ...What?

Gohan: I'M GONNA SKULLF*** YOU!!

Gohan: MASENKO...HAAAAA!

Nappa: YAARGH!

Nappa: Aaagh, bitch, please!

Gohan: I'm... (Pant) sorry... Mr. Piccolo...

Gohan: I... (Pant) I failed you.

Krillin: You sure did!

Krillin: I, uh, I mean... sorry for your loss.

Nappa: Well, it’s been fun, kid. I mean, for me; not for you.

Nappa: As for you, everyone important to you is dead.

Krillin: Hey, I'm still alive--!

Nappa: Everyone important.

Krillin: ...Dammit.

Nappa: Now... NAPPA SMASH!

Gohan: Uhhh...!

Krillin: Gahh...!

Nappa: ARRRGH!

Nappa: Oo wa wa?

Nappa: Hey, where'd he go!?

Nappa: Did he disappear?

Nappa: Or was he never there to begin with?

Nappa: Oh, wait, there he is.

Gohan: (Gasp) Huh?

Gohan: I, oh...

Gohan: Are they all...

Gohan: Tenshinhan...

Gohan: Piccolo?

Gohan: Yamcha? Oh wow, especially Yamcha.

Gohan: Wait, where’s Chiaotzu?

Krillin: Oh, he’s here... and there... a--

Gohan: Krillin!

Krillin: What?

Gohan: Too soon!

Goku: I'm sorry I'm late, you guys.

Goku: But I brought some Senzu beans for ya!

Krillin: Woohoo! Legume ex machina!

Goku: Hey! Which one of you did all this?

Nappa: That was me! Totally calling it! I killed every single one of them!

Nappa: 'Cept the Chiaotzu; he blew *himself* up!

Goku: (Grunting)

Goku: HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Goku: Ughh!

Nappa: Vegeta! What does the Scouter say about his power level?

Vegeta: It's...!

Vegeta: One thousand and six.

Nappa: Wha-- really?

Vegeta: Yeah! Kick his ass, Nappa!

Nappa: YAAAYYY!

Nappa: HaaaAAAA--D'OUH! OWF! AH! ARGH! OW!

Nappa: D'ah! D'oh! D'ah! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!

Nappa: Ah, that doesn’t bend that way.

Vegeta: Hmmm...

Nappa: My arm doesn’t bend that way!

Vegeta: that doesn’t seem right.

Nappa: AH, NOW IT DOES!!

Vegeta: Wait, wait wait wait!

Vegeta: Nappa!

Nappa: Augh-ha! Whaaaaaat??

Vegeta: I had the Scouter upside-down.

Vegeta: It’s over nine thousand.

Vegeta: Rah.

Nappa: Why do you sound so bored??

Vegeta: Because it’s still not a threat...

Nappa: But--

Vegeta: ...to me!

Vegeta: Besides, once we get the Dragon Balls we’ll just wish for immortality!

Vegeta: Then no one will be able to stop us!

Goku: Wait, what? But, you killed Piccolo.

Vegeta: And your point is...?

Goku: Well, if he’s dead, the Dragon Balls don’t work.

Vegeta: Wh-- ...What?!

Nappa: Ohhh, and I totally killed that guy.

Nappa: Oh well; at least we still had fun getting here; right, Vegeta?

Vegeta: Hurrgh... *urrrgh*... *hurrrgh*...!

Nappa: Vegeta? Remember the bug planet? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vege--?

Nappa: AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!