Ladies and gentlemen at home... Mr. Satan... *our champion*... *IS DEAD*!!

Please go back to your homes, and stay there peacefully!

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

What happened...?

Did I kill him...?

Did my punch destroy the ring?!

...Is this my blood?

Oh good, he's alive!

One thing... I wanted *one thing* today!

What about killing Cell?

Would you believe me if I said this was more important?

I'd be shocked otherwise.

(Drooling)

Mr. Satan...!

Did you die??

If so, you have officially beaten Jesus' respawn time!

Can you tell us what happened out there!?

Magnets...

How does that work?

They put magnets under the ring, the tiles, an' uhh...

When I went for my punch, I must'a-- they must'a turned it on and I went flyin' cuz of all the iron in my blood, cuz I eat muh spinach.

That makes sense!

Alright, now that the back of my hand is all warmed up, who's first?

Guys, don't freak out.

Mr. Satan may have lost, but you've got *another* World Champion *right here*!

Technically, we have two.

Yeah, but I beat you, so does it still count?

Of course it does!

*Does* it though, Triclops?

And how many tournaments have *you* won?

I dunno; how many PLANETS have you blown up?

None.

How many Gokus have you beaten?

Can I fight now?

YES!

YES.

Getting right down to it, are we?

A bit out-of-character.

Shan't you send in your entourage, one after the other, so as I may leave *you* for our Grand Finale?

Well, I mean, I already waited a week, so I *guess* I could wait a couple more minutes--

*No*, *no no*, this is good! Call my bluff...

No, I'm more than happy to skip the hors d'oeuvres and dive *straight into the main course*!

*Now* you're speaking my language.

Ladies and gentlemen...!

This orange hillbilly has entered the ring... set to take on *Cell*!

I would advise all parents to remove their children from the room *immediately*!

And to tune back in when I, MR. SATAN, *get back in that ring*, and show that trickster what-for!

Right after I shake off this concussion.

And also stretch.

Stretching is important, kids.

GHH-hh...!

*Holy crap*, Prince, do you feel that!?

F*** off!

And he didn't even have to pump up, like some roiding, angsty child!

Hurrghh...!

Well, Goku, now that you've shown me yours... let me show you mine!

Yeah, whip out your power, Cell! Let me feel it!

Oohoooh! Now you're speaking MY language!

Mr. Satan, they are engulfed in FLAMES!

Fire-retardant clothes, obviously!

And their bodies are covered in a thin, protective gel!

Just like our stuntman, Morgan, from Skygina II.

God rest his soul!

What happened to him?

AIDS.

Always wear a rubber, kids!

And don't share needles.

So, you gonna take a swing?

Or you just gonna stand there, staring into my eyes?

Hm? What was that?

I was busy staring into your eyes...

Oh, you beautiful Saiyan bastard, just punch me already!

By the way, Trunks, wasn't your hair, like, shorter yesterday?

Yeah. I decided I liked it longer.

...Neat.

♪ Chickity China the Chinese chicken ♪

Wait, so the after-image can't move, h-how do you even--?

Guys, he ringed Cell out!

...Oh.

...You just forgot we can fly, didn't you?

No, but... I just have hope, okay? Is that so wrong?

The fact that you have *any* hope left in your life is your most admirable quality.

Huh... thanks, man.

Yamcha, for the love of God, don't *thank* him!

And as for you... Clever little move there.

But would you *truly* have been satisfied with a ring-out?

Well yeah; it's how I beat Piccolo.

And Tenshinhan.

And my wife!

My God...

this orange hillbilly *beats his wife*!

It really wasn't much of a fight...

One hit, and she just went down.

Then we got married, I put a baby in her, and now she just stays at home, cooks my dinner, and raises our kid!

Y'know... when he puts it that way...

(Jeering and booing) BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!

Suddenly *really* happy I don't go to public school.

Fair enough, Goku; this is a test of skill *as well* as power.

But if you're looking for a ring-out... you'll have to try a little bit *harder than that*.

Oh, don't worry, Cell...

I'll show you just how *hard* I can get...!

Well, if we're going to get freaky, then perhaps we can make this... A menage a moi?

G-Gohan, wha-what was that?

It's French, Dad.

Specifically, "My household". But it's really, awkwardly--

NNNEEEERD!

NNNEEEERD!

NNNEEEERD!

NNNEEEERD!

But speaking of academics,

it's time to take you, Goku,

to Perfect University.

We'd say, "Take you to school", but I think we're beyond the basics.

Doesn't that make it... P.U.?

And we love that you got that.

And we love that you got that.

And we love that you got that.

And we love that you got that.

This has gotta be for shits and/or giggles.

The Multi-Form technique basically halves your power level with each copy.

Yeah. But at least we can follow the action a little better now.

Wait, were you having trouble?

Yeeah...?

Well then, you're gonna have a *lot more* when they start getting serious.

Wow. Saiyans; am I right?

Erh... yeah?

...Aw shit, was that racist?

Mr. Satan...

Can you explain this *malicious mutant's multiplication*!?

Well, Jimmy... y'ever heard of *mirrors*?

I believe I have.

Well there you go.

That also makes sense!

Pop quiz, Goku!

Which attack is this?

Ooh! That's the... the-the beam thing!

Uh, jeez... ugh... ah, this is killing me.

I-I mean it *killed* me.

Piccolo, what's this thing called?

Oh COME ON, Goku! It's the MAKAKAS--!

...MA-KAN-A-KA--!

...MADAK--!

'Makankōsappō!'

'Makankōsappō!'

THAT ONE!

...What?

MAKANKOSACANNON!

Alright. Time to do some math!

Hahaah! Looks like four divided by one is just one!

*No*, Dad; that's still *four*!

Gohan.

I know; banging my head on a brick wall...

Y'know, I was hoping you'd play along, maybe make four Gokus... but, if you're just gonna sink the showboat, I'm not going to bother.

Sorry, Cell. I'm here to win!

And you're never gonna beat me with your stolen techniques!

And what, are you gonna beat me with *your* stolen techniques?

What...? I don't steal techniques!

Actually, Goku... yeah, you do.

Whhaaaaaa...?

What about the Kamehameha?

Naw; that was Master Roshi!

The Solar Flare?

That's mine, thanks.

The Spirit Bo--?

Goku, I'm watching the tournament; don't *think* you can pull that shit!

Oh hey, King Kai! Quick question:

Did I learn the Kaioken on my own?

My f**king name is in it...!

Kaaaaa-meeeee...!

(Gasp)... That's Yamcha's move!

King Kai, I gotta go.

...HAAAA-MEEEEE...!

Hey, Cell? Uh, pretty sure if you shoot that this close to the ground, it'll blow up the--

...HYEAAAAAAA!

'...I should skidaddle.'

M... MR. SATAN! WHAT DO YOU--?!

LASERS, JIMMY! LASERS AND INDUSTRIAL FANS!

SUCH INSIGHT...!

Wow... It's over...

After everything... I killed him with his own technique...

Hmh... ain't that a kick in the he--

OOOAAAAGH!

Hey, what do you think happens to those beams when they fire off into space like that?

Well, if it can sustain its form, it's all about whether or not it comes into contact with anything...

Good day to you, my faithful subjects!

It has taken over a thousand years, but we have *finally* repopulated our new Arlia!

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I shall now make love to my HOT. BUG. WIFE!

Who is also my SISTEEER~!

InnnSECSUAL!