Dear Lord in Piccolo, *finally*!

And here I thought killing 16 was harder for me than it was for you.

I'm confused, though... were you friends?

Did you talk about birds together? Couple o' bird nerds?

"The murder of one's own child or children."

Uhhh--

What?!

You wanted me to define filicide.

Oh...!

All right, would anyone care to explain... THE F***?!

I'm kind of afraid to because I'm pretty sure that would involve giving Goku credit for this.

The takeaway here is... You're welcome.

The ends don't justify the means, Gokū!!

YOU'RE mean!

Ah, ah, ahhhh~

Really? You're using Krillin as a hostage?

His death is a day trip for us and a free ice cream sundae for him, go ahead.

Actually, I'm lactose intolerant...

Nobody's lactose intolerant in Heaven, Krillin.

That's why it's Heaven.

[Terrified murmuring]

NOPE!

Too little, too late.

Bitch move.

♫ 'Suddenlyyyy...' ♫

♫ 'Life has a new meaning to meeeeeeee!' ♫

♫ 'There's beauty up above...' ♫

♫ '...and things we never take notice of...' ♫

♫ 'You wake up and suddenly...' ♫

♫ 'You're in lohooooo--!' ♫

Jimmy Firecracker here, reporting from this tree!

The young man has apparently undergone a harrowing transformation, and is currently dismantling these demented delinquents, one after the--!

Sir? That big explosion from earlier wrecked the camera.

We're totally dark.

Oh!...

... So, another riot?

Sure, why not?

Yeah, f*** this city!

Daaaaaad...!

I ain't no helicopter papa. Sink or swim, bitch!

HYAAAAAAAAAH!!

AHHHHH!

You forgot your water wings.

[painful grunt]

[confused mutter]

[death shriek]

NOOO--!

Don't.

GIMME.

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

Trunks.

Uh?

Oh! Uh, sure. On it.

Try to forget you're half-Vegeta and don't f*** it up.

F***IN'...!

Hey Krillin... Krillin!

Senzu Bean!

(Gurgled groan)

Uhh, okay, yeah let's just...

Hey, Yamcha!

I "senzu" need some help...?

Ugh...

[sigh] Trunks, just stop...

(Sigh of relief) Am I glad I'm not allergic to those.

(Pained grunts)

Alright, let's get you up.

Great. Now I can watch us become irrelevant vertically instead of horizontally... What are we even doing here anymore?

I brought towels.

Anyone want a towel?

I'll take one!

Today is a scorcher.

♪ 'Senzu Beans are gonna heal ya!' ♪

So what are we gonna call this?

'Cuz it's *way* stronger than Super Saiyan.

Well, if it's a level beyond Super Saiyan, then...

Then he must be a Super-DUPER Saiyan!

Hmm.

'If he's a Super-Duper Saiyan... then I shall find a way to become a Super-DEE-Duper Saiyan!'

Bean, Dad?

...Yeeeeeeeeees.

*Look at you*!

I'm gonna call you "Whooping Cough", because you just *devastated* my children!

And for a second there, I thought that yarn you were spinning was going to turn up short.

But here you are~!

My final challen—

OOHWAGH!! AAAAAAAAAGGH...!!

Careful, Cell. Your Vegeta's showing.

BAARRRGGHH...!!

Y-You know, you're not wrong!

Wrugh...

Hoo-boy(!)

Nothing like a concussion... to really get the blood flowing—!

BLEUUAGH!

Cell...

You don't get it.

I *hate* this.

The vibrations through my fists on contact...

The taste of blood in my mouth...

The sound of my heart in my ears...

I *hate* it.

I always have.

But right now... in this moment...

The only thing I hate more than it... is *you*.

[scoff], put that on a Valentine.

Because you were right about me.

I was a coward...

Scared of what would happen if I snapped...

Afraid that... if I lost it this time... I'd... never come back.

That I'd finally... *kill* someone.

But I'm not scared anymore, Cell.

Well, g-glad I could—

GAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Because there's no point in being afraid of the inevitable.

Urarrgh...

...Oh, f*** this!

KAAA... MEEE... HAAA...!

So, is this more a Vegeta move or a Freezer move?

...MEEE...

Speaking of move, we should probably!

I could've just done this from the beginning!

Instead, I thought I'd have some fun, throw a tournament—but f*** you!

Suck my perfect dick!

HAAAAAAAA!!

Ka... Meee... Ha... Meee...

…*HAAAAAAAA*...!!!

Nrgh...!!

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!!!!!!!

(Grunting)

(Groaning)

Ugh... ohh...

(Coughing)

(Groaning)

(Groaning)

Anyone else got sand in their—?

YES!

Everywhere!

Uhhhh, guys?

*Holy shit*!

HEY, KID!

YOU MISSED A SPOT!

Heh.

All right, Gohan! Think it's time you brought her home!

Hold on!

I'm not done ripping the wings off this butterfly.

Red flag!

Uh... kiddo?

I understand you're angry, but—

But what? You're gonna give me advice now?

Let me guess... I should let him go so he can be an even better fight later!

Or maybe I should let him power up to 100% so I can teach him humility!

Wait! I know... I should throw him a god damn Senzu Bean... *and let YOU fight him*!

Ah... uh... I... see what you're getting at, Gohan.

Then shut up and put on your poncho.

You're in the splash zone.

Is that also a red flag?

*Crimson*.

(Grunting in pain)

(Panting) 'Alright Cell, we saw what losing your cool got you... So tone down the Freeza and chill the hell—'

Done getting your shit together up there?

Because I'm starting to get bored.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, YOU HAPLESS LITTLE *SHIT*?!?!

I said I'm bored.

You're boring me.

RAAAAAAAH!

HUUUUUUUUURGH...!!!

HOT DAMN! Anyone else feel that?!

Pretty sure my pity well is bottomed out.

[Drooling, groaning in agony]

HURK!!

Oh, no... Guys! Uh... starting to think he wasn't kidding about the splash zone—!

(Vomits)

*Wow*!

It's a girl.

Mazel tov.

BWAAAA—!

ANDROID 18!

Later!

But my Bae-teen!

I will get a hose!

(Griping)

FFFFFFFF*******************************K!!!

F***!! F***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***...

NO, NO, NO, F***, F***, F***, F***, F***!!!

F*** YOU!! F*** YOU!! UUWAARGH...!!

Wait... So, if he doesn't have Eighteen anymore... Does that mean...?

[Hyperventilating]

...Is that what he turned into after he beat me?

I'm kinda offended by his lips.

Am I allowed to be offended by his lips?

Are you offended by Mr. Popo's lips?

Wait, can we talk about that?!

Uh, so, uhh... gonna eat that?

No.

Then, uh, can I...

*No*.

BWWAAUGH!

Mr. Satan...

I'm gonna be straight with you.

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!

That camera's broken, right?

FUBAR, sir.

I have no f***ing idea!

GOHAN! Do it NOW! END THIS!

Fine! *Christ*, if you want him to die so bad, kill him yourself.

Pretty sure anyone with blonde hair over there *could*.

'"Kill me"?'

'No, no, no, no, no, no! I can't die to this!'

'He's a middle-schooler throwing a TANTRUM!'

'And I am the PERFECT BEING...!!'

'...I was.'

'And he took it away...'

'He took it away from me...!'

...So I'll take everything away from you!

RAAAAAAAAAAH--!

HAAAAAAAA!

Wait! I've seen this before!... Krillin, if he turns blue, you gotta go sing a song!

For the last time, *I am not* an Oompa Loompa!

Heh-hey, Larry, look! It's your mother!

She's diabetic, dude.

Yeah! 'Cuz she's fat!

She lost a foot!

And now she's 50 pounds lighter!

So what was the plan here? Become so grotesque I wouldn't wanna touch you?

Because I'll be honest, it's working.

Oh, my dear boy. I think I finally realized what I inherited from *you*...

Not my BMI, obviously.

Heh-heh! No, Gohan... It was your *explosive* temper!

Oh no.

Oh no!

OH YEEEEEEEAH~!

You see, in less than a minute from now, I'm going to *burst*... AND TAKE YOU, AND THIS WHOLE WRETCHED WORLD WITH ME!

So what you're saying is I have less than a minute to kill you.

Ah ah ahhh!

Any attack could set me off!

A punch; a kick; a wafer-thin mint!

So how about you savor the time you have left, before I go "pop"?!

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CELL GAMES! BYE, EVERYBODY! GOOOOO F*** YOURSELVES!

I did exactly what my Dad and Vegeta do...

WHAT IS THIS SHIT, *GENETIC*?!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Well... I guess I should go clean up my mess, huh?

Gokū?

All of you... take it easy.

Wait--!

Are you--?

GOKUUUUUU!

Huh?!

Hurh?!

Hey, son.

Dad?

Wha- What are you--?

I-I'm sorry.

Fighting is... Well, it makes me happy... and I just thought it would make you happy, too!

I want you to know... that that year we spent in the Time Chamber... was the best year of my life.

Take care of your Mom.

Hold on! Are you—?!

I'm proud of you, Gohan.

Bye, son.

NONONONO--!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!!!

'Gokū... For the sake of your friends... Your family... Your planet... You gave yourself.'

'I'll see you soon... my friend.'

Hey King Kai, what should I do with Cell?

AHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH—!!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

FWI--!!

Is it a bad time to point out Gokū just stole that win?

STUPID, SELFISH, IMPULSIVE HYPOCRITE!

You had *one job*!

Get angry... and KILL CELL!!

Hey now, Gohan...

But no, you didn't just take a PAGE from Vegeta...!

YOU WROTE A SEQUEL TO HIS FRICKIN' BOOK!

Gohan, listen to me.

"Chapter 1: Kill Your Own Goddamn Dad"!

GOHAN!

WHAT?!

Dragon Balls.

...Oh.

Yeah.

Huh.

I mean, I still screwed up though...

And now you're one of us!

Um... it seems that Cell has... disappeared?? Along with the orange hillbilly? I... frankly am lost for words.

Either of you want some weed?

YES!

YES!

Well... (Grunts)

Guess this gives a new meaning to pickin' up chicks.

What are you doing with that?

I'm taking her to a... Doctor?

...Mechanic?

...A Bulma; I'm taking her to a Bulma.

You put that RealDoll™ down this instant.

Yeah, how about no?

I can rip. You. In. Half!

I know you can!

When did you get the balls?

If I said it didn't have anything to do with holding a beautiful woman in my arms, I'd be a liar!

♪ "P" is for "Priceless", the look upon your faces... ♪

♪ "E" is for "Extinction", all your puny races... ♪

♪ "R" for "Revolution", which has been televised... ♪

♪ "F" is for how F***ed you are! ♪

♪ Now allow me to repriiiise... ♪

GAHHH!!