So, Freeza sent you to follow us, huh? Looks he wasn’t satisfied with just our planet!

Who the hell is Freeza--?

SHUT UP!

There’s no way we can let you people live! Not after what you did to our planet, our families!

And now, for you crimes against our people…

OK, seriously, we have no idea what--

WE SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH!

Uhhh, isn’t that a little--

Men! Ready your blasters!

Gohan, this may be it. Close your eyes!

Aim...!

(Whimpers)

FIRE!

Oh...

Huh...

Oh my God... Freeza’s men are stronger than we thought!

Everyone! Take your cyanide tablets!

But we told you, we don’t know any Freeza--!

I, uh... uh...

Krillin, can I open my eyes now?

...Just get back to the ship, Gohan.

But I can’t see--

JUST GET BACK TO THE SHIP!

♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

"Krillin’s log, stardate: Uh, November 28th."

"We’ve been flying for two weeks now. Starting to feel verrrry pent up..."

"Not just from being trapped on the ship of course, but from Bulma walking around in nothing but her UNDERWEAR!"

"I would relieve this tension, but I have had no alone time as the toilet KEEPS" SCREAMING AT ME!!

Scheißen Sie auf meinem Gesicht! (German for "Shit in my face")

"I’m not sure how much longer I can last."

Krillin, are you saying something?

Nothing!

Goddamn c**ktease...!

Huh? You guys! You wouldn’t believe it, but... I see Planet Namek!

Wait, how the hell do you know it’s Planet Name--

...Huh...

Well, what do you know? Bring us in for a landing, Bulma.

Yeah, um, about that…

About what?

Did I mention I don’t really know how to land this thing?

Uh...

SEATBELTS, GOHAN!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

See? This is why women shouldn’t drive!

Oh, right. This coming from the Asian!

Well, I’m half-Saiyan. What does that make me?

*Five*!

*Five*!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH...!!!!!

Uh, are you sure they’re OK? They’ve been out for a long time.

Of course I’m sure zey’re OK! Now just follow ze plan!

We had a plan?

Of course ve have ze plan, stupid! To take their ship, and get off zis stoopid rock.

Oh crap, zey’re vaking up! Act natural, act natural!

Hi.

Hiii!

Welcome to Namek!

Yeah, Namek!

Totally.

Ve’re totally Namekers.

You mean "Namekians"?

Yah, zose guys. Zat’s us!

So, uh, what brings you to, like, our planet?

Vhich is Namek.

Well, we’re here to search for the Dragon Balls.

Eww! That’s disgusting! Vhy vould you--

I think they mean the ones that grant wishes.

Oh yah, ve totally have zose! The vish-granting balls…

Oh, well, if you wouldn’t mind helping us look for them...

Oh yah, ve’ll help you find ze ball dragons.

Dragon balls.

Yah, zat one. Hey, Zaacro.

What?

Ve should totally help zem find zem, and zen ve’ll take zem and zen ve’ll make our vish for ourselves!

Uhh, ours don’t actually grant any wishes. I think we made that up. Did we make that up?

Vhat? Noooo. Vhy vould ve make zat up?

Well, ‘cause, like ya told me when we read their minds; that we wanted their ship so we could get off this planet.

Zat’s… zat’s… nooo… zat’s, just no. Ve vould never do that, dude. Come on, not cool.

Krillin... do these two seem off to you?

I like 'em!

Time to find ze Dragon Balls!

...Yeah. He landed here a few days ago.

He was pretty messed up, I’ll tell ya what.

But, what happened to his partner?

Well, that’s the screwed-up part. They say he killed his partner and that his ghost still haunts him to this very day.

Wha--... really?

No! What are you; stupid? We’re doctors! Scientists!

Now inject this man with some *science*!

Delicious, magical science!

'Gotta. Get. Out of here…'

'Gotta. Get to. Namek...'

'Gotta. Get the. Dragon Balls…'

'God. Damn it. Nappa...!'

You were saying... saying… saying…?

(Muffled screaming)

My God! We have to get him out of there!

His heart rocket is skyrating!

Uhh.. don’t you mean his heart rate…

Damn it, man! I’m a *doctor*, not an English teacher!

Good to see you’re awake, Vegeta.

We have to apologize, though... we… couldn’t save your tail.

It’s all right. I can live without it.

If you call that living, you’d walk around a shell of your former self, everyone calling you a “tail-less freak!”

You know I could probably kill all of you and Freeza wouldn’t care.

Yeah, but that still wouldn’t get your tail back.

Tell me something: Which is your favorite internal organ?

What an odd question! But if I had to choose, I guess I would have to say my liver.

AAAAAUGH!

'You know, it’s the simple things in life...'

Hey there, Vegeta.

Speaking of simple; what is it, Cui?

Where are you off to in such a hurry?

Off to plow your mother!

Hah! Shows what you know, Vegeta.

We reproduce asexually.

Gross, out of my way.

Off to Namek, are we?

...Come again?

We heard about the Dragon Balls.

We know the Namekians made them, and Freeza is way ahead of you.

But-- how?!

The Scouter was on the entire time.

That’s impossible! My transmitter was off the entire time! Whose scouter was--?!

GOD DAMN IT, *NAPPAAAAAAAAA*...!!!

Wow, you guys. We’ve already found two Dragon Balls.

Wow! This usually takes us, like, *months*!

Zat’s because you’re on ze Planet Namek.

Everyzing’s better up here!

You should totally stay here, forever.

Vhile ve take your ship…

What?

Oh, look it’s anozer Dragon Ball in ze lake. YOU SHOULD GO GET IT!

Is that a giant skeleton?

Oh come on, dude. Vhat are you, chicken?

Don’t you vant to have ze awesome adventures?

On ze Planet Namek? Vith ze Dragon Balls?

And ze awesome musical montage?!

♫ Dragon Ball! ♫

♫ Gotta find that Dragon Ball! ♫

♫ Don’t stop until you got 'em all ♫

♫ the seven magic balls ♫

♫ It’s all you gotta do to have your wish come true! ♫

♫ Get that Dragon Ball! ♫

♫ Dragon Ball! ♫

♫ Everybody's searchin’ for the Dragon Ball! ♫

Hey, vasn’t zat fun?

Yeah, it was… "woo".

Hey, um, I’ve been meaning to ask you guys... where are all the other Namekians?

Oh, zey’re around. Don’t even pretend you didn’t see them.

Yeah, we passed ‘em like, three times.

Didn’t you see Steve?

He waved!

Don't diss Steve!

Yeah, don't do that.

He has social phobias.

Come on, you guys! We only have one more Dragon Ball left! Then we can wish back our friends!

Vhat?! NO! VE CAN’T LET YOU DO ZAT!

Yeaaaah. We-- what?

See, ve can’t let you have ze Dragon Balls.

Zey’re our Dragon Balls! Ve vill take zem and ve vill make our vish for ourselves!

And zen you suck our three foot long Schwanzstuckers!

Your what?

Our-- our wangs.

It’s funny because “vang” means penis.

Wait a minute...!

Namekians don’t have penises!

Vhat?! Vhat are you talking about?! Of course ve do!

Uhh, actually, I, uh, read their minds... and I don’t think we do.

You guys aren’t Namekians at all!

Oh look vhat you’ve done, Zaacro!

Vhy do you have to go and mess this up, blow our cover?

OK, I did not do that. Did I do that?

Vell you must have ‘cause I would never do anything that stupid.

Well, there was that one time… when you got mad at those two guys… who just wanted to play a children’s card game.

And you made us chase after them… then we ended up crashing here… on this planet...

Vhy did you have to bring zat up? Open those vounds…

You know vhat? Screw it. Just summon ze tentacle monsters.

Oh, all right. Umm, tentacle monsters… heeeere. OK, I think that did it.

Hah! Now soon, you vill deal vith ze many protruding tentacles of ze violating tentacle monster.

Don’t worry, Bulma! I’ll protect you!

I vas talking to you, Baldy.

Wait, wha-- Oh! Nooo! NO!

No not there! Whoa, God! Help me! Help! Aaaaugh--

Aaaaaagh!

'Oh God… oooh… oh man. That was… that was terrifying.'

I’ll say. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Noooooooooooo!!

Oh, man...

I have got to stop editing so late.

I'll say. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

AAA--!

Lord Guru!

Hmm?

I have terrible news: Someone has attacked the planet.

This is very serious.

I must put on my war face.

Hm.

There. Now show me yours.

Needs work.