Twas the week before Christmas, and upon the earth, Gohan and Krillin were searching for a tree of great worth.

They longed for a tree, both tall and rare, and for some unknown reason, Oolong was there.

And with eyes full of wonder, and faces all grins, this, my dear viewer, is where our story begins...

Alright guys, sleep well. We have an early morning tomorrow to search for our perfect Christmas Tree.

Hey, did anyone take care of that fire?

Oolong, you got that?

I'm watching it...

I thought you said you were watching the fire!

I *was*! It was beautiful!

Poor animals! Their Christmas is ruined now!

Yeah! And now we don't have our tree!

I wish there was something we could do for them...

"Wish"?

I got it! We could use the Dragon Balls!

We got the Dragon Balls!

Amazing how much easier this became with time...

I am the Eternal Dragon!

State your--

...no. No way. No, not you again. Hasn't even been a year!

Its been one year, two months and fifteen--

Shut the hell up!

Almighty Shenron!

We called you forth to help us in this dire time!

As you can see, this beautiful land full of trees and life has been burned to the ground!

So you want me to restore life to this desolated forest?

Hell no! I wanna Christmas Tree!

...You want... a tree?

Not just any tree.

The *perfect* Christmas Tree!

...Yeah... yeah, OK.

I'll give you your tree.

I'll give you the best damn tree you've ever seeen!

Muhahahahahaha! Rahahahahahahahahahaa!

Thank you!

Oh, don't thank me.

'Tis the season of giving...

Turles, sir, our navigation system just changed course.

We're on route to a new planet - Earth.

Does it contain a sufficient amount of joy?

According to our sensors, yes.

Well then... Merry Christmas.

You are not allowed to go camping again, young man.

[♪ "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" ♪]

But Mom, Oolong's the one who burned down the forest, not me!

[♪ "The Twelve Days of Christmas" ♪]

I don't care whose fault it is; you need to be responsible. Remember,

[♪ "Jingle Bells" ♪]

if you don't act like a good little boy, Santa won't bring you any presents this year.

Goku, stop that or I will deck you in the halls!

OK!

He's just gonna bring me books again...

He brings you what you like, and what do you like!?

I like books!

See? He brings you what you like.

Well, what am I getting for Christmas?

The same thing as last year, Goku.

Ohhh, so that thing you do with your mou--

Not in front of Gohan!

Yamcha, why did you spend all your baseball money on this car instead of buying Christmas gifts for your friends?

Puar, the only gift they need is the gift... of Yamcha.

...That's a non-refundable gift, isn't it?

Just like this car.

It is time.

Plant... the tree.

Of might.

The Christmas Tree of Might.

Oh~

Oh~

Title drop!

Now... let the Yuletide celebrations... begin.

♫ Deck the halls with sounds of metal ♫

♫ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♫

♫ Tis the season to be brutal ♫

♫ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♫

Mommy--?

So yeah, um, I'm gonna have to crash with you guys for a while.

Ha, ha! "Crash"... like your car.

Yes, Goku... like my car.

I can't believe the wreckage landed on your house.

Neither can I. And since I put all my money into the car...

I'm pretty much destitute.

You know, studies say that depression hits worst during the holiday season.

That's why the suicide rates are so high.

Like your car.

Hey, are we laughing at Yamcha? 'Cause I'm always up for that.

King Kai, is that you?

I just wanted to call you up and wish you a Merry Christmas.

Aw shucks, King Kai. You too.

Yeah. Also thought I'd tell you about the evil space pirates who are killing your planet.

Space in the what now?

You see, a group of space pirates have sought out your planet.

And with it, are growing an evil, evil tree.

How evil?

It's literally sucking the Christmas joy out of the entire planet.

(Gasp)...

That's Disney evil!

Well, that’s all from here. I'm gonna go spike the eggnog and watch Gregory get smashed.

Merry Christmas!

Alright, guys; group meeting.

So, it turns out someone just planted a gigantic tree...

Hooray! My tree!

...that is sucking the Christmas joy out of the entire world!

I mean oh, no! Who would be so dastardly?

So, my plan is we get the Dragon Balls and wish it away!

Uuuummmm...

I'm kiddin'. We're gonna go blow it up!

Didn't work.

Damn. If we don't act soon, Christmas is going to be ruined forever.

Wait a minute - Tien, Chiaotzu, what are you two doing here? Aren't you Jewish?

Hey! I'm just trying to be culturally sensitive... you Buddhist ass!

Well, happy holidays to you too.

I think the only course of action left... is to reason with it.

Uh, Goku--?

Big tree! If you don’t leave right now, I'm gonna have to beat you up!

Goku, trees can't tal--

Why don't you come up here and try it?

Y'know what? F**k it; I don't care anymore.

Who the hell are these guys?

We are from the planet of Misfit Minions.

Where all banished servants of Santa Claus are sent.

We were all lost, hope forsaken.

But now Turles has given us a new chance at life.

And at revenge!

And at revenge!

But why were you banished in the first place?

Some of us did things...

Terrible things.

Things that some of us regret, and some of us don't.

Take me for example: I was but a humble mall Santa trying to bring children joy.

So what happened?

Well, a young child asked me for a fire truck.

Awww!

So I dropped one on his house.

Awww.

Then there was my brother and I.

We were once elves working at Santa's workshop.

Until a robot we made to aid production went out on a murderous rampage.

Fa la la la la, la la, la--

DIE.

Yiiikes.

Wait a minute, that doesn't cover you - what'd *you* do?

Something so evil, I am forever on Santa’s naughty list!

Geez, compared to these guys, what could you have possibly--

I raped Rudolph.

Dibs on not fighting that guy.

We have to save Christmas, guys! Let's go!

Jinga!

Beru!

The great Jinga Beru Brothers!

The great Jinga Beru Brothers!

You mean "Jingle Bell", right?

No, Jinga...

...and Beru!

Noooo... Jingle... *Bell*.

Jinga!

Beru!

F**KING WEEABOOS!

Y'know, you look like one of the kids I let sit on my lap once.

'Course, he was the cancer patient; asked me if I could get rid of his cancer.

Oh God, this is going exactly where I think this is, isn't it?

So I blew him up! No more cancer!

God, you are one of the worst mall Santas ever!

Right behind those ones that molest kids.

...So I'm the worst mall Santa.

Oh, come on!

Go to hell!

Oh. Come. On. Come. On. Damn. You.

Do you require assistance?

Shut. Up. You. Cowardly. God.

YES! Take that, motherfu--!

HUHG!

♫ And if you saw this guy fight ♫

♫ You would even say he blows ♫

Agreed.

I'll make you pay, like the rest of them!

Aaaah! I told you, I'm not an elf; I'm just really short!

Shut up, Claus lover!

I don’t even celebrate Christmas--

OH, MY GOD!

What the--

What the FUUUUUUUUUUU...?!

Did I just smash the Krampus?

Oh well; where are the others?

If I don't find them soon, it's gonna be too late to go caroling!

Oh!

Hey Dad, what's with the getup? It's not Halloween, it's Christmas!

Christmas?

I HATE Christmas!

You're not my Dad!

I hate gingerbread houses.

I hate presents and toys.

I hate reindeer and all of the good girls and boys.

I hate the Whos down in Whoville and all of their songs.

I hate their whumpets and blumpets and goobag-for-brawns.

I hate carols and sleigh rides and falalalalas.

But above all things else... I hate Santa Claus!

Don't talk s**t about Santa!

You're Saiyan, aren’t you?

How lucky you were... to never suffer my injustice!

However, after my tree is done with this planet, you'll be left with no ale to speak of!

What? Who's there?

Bitch, you look like Goku.

And you look like a Yoshi.

I get that. Now hand over the kid.

Oh, you want this kid?

I want him.

You want this kid?

I want him.

You want this kid?

I want him.

You want, you want?

I WANT THAT KID!

Hi, Mr. Piccolo!

Merry Christmas.

UUGHHUUGHHUUGHH!

Mr. Piccolo...

Ugh!

Yeah, you're gonna stay right there. Now how 'bout I show you a little trick I learned?

If I put pressure down on this part of your back...

UGH!

...your tail grows back!

And...?

Look!

AGH!

It's the Star of Bethlehem. You know what that means?

Jesus is born?

Yeah. Only instead of Jesus... It's a giant monkey.

I don't see the paral--

Gohan!

Aw man... if Chi-Chi finds out about this, I might not get mouth present.

Now, what will you do?

Son against father; father against son! In a battle to the death!

HAH!

...Well played.