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--Akira Toriyama.

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This is my people's sacred battleground.

We flew over an hour for *this*?

It looks exactly the same as everywhere else on this godforsaken rock!

Hmph. Racist.

Well, maybe so, but I can't quite be a racist against a race that doesn't EXIST.

Like the Clorfors.

Dirty, money-grubbing Clorfors. Tried to clorf me right out of my money.

Blew those little bastards up is what I did.

RAAAAGGH!

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know we were starting.

Here, allow me.

AAAAAAAGGGH!!!

Looks like someone's going to be missing this.

No, not really.

Hmm?

HRRRAAAAAH!

Ooh, that looks like it hurts a *lot*.

Are you okay?

I'm fine!

Good to know.

Yoink!

URRRGG--!!

So, what exactly is this?

It's a healing tank. This'll bring the idiot back to full strength.

'Heh heh, the bubbles tickle.'

'Heh heh, ow, it hurts to laugh.'

Heh heh, ow. Heh heh, ow. Heh heh, ow.

It'll take a while though. This is the only other model the ship has. And it's kind of an old one.

What happened with the newer model?

Blew it the f*ck up.

What, did it have an opinion?

Eat me. Now both of you...

STRIP.

Uhhhhhm...

I’ve got body armor for you.

*Less* awkward.

You know, Gohan, it just occurred to me.

Yeah, Krillin?

We're *still* on Namek.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, it feels like we’ve been here for, like, a year.

But we've only been here for six days.

I know, right?!

Hey, by the way, don’t I look like that one guy that Vegeta landed with back on Earth? What was his name again?

Hey Vegeta, what was that one guy's name?

Vegeta?

Vegeta?

God damn it, Nappa.

Oh right. Good old "God damn it Nappa".

Krillin, we should probably focus on finding a way to use the Dragon Balls.

Well, there’s always Little Green, but…

But what?

That’s a really long flight.

Krillin…

Plus, I think I sense some hostility.

Krillin!

Fine, fine, I’ll go get him. Enjoy your company.

Try not to get yourself killed, God forbid you make me happy.

You know, you seem like you’re in a bad mood. Maybe you should take a nap.

Maybe YOU should— eh, actually, that sounds good.

You keep guard out here. Make sure not to go too far; I like my meat shields within bullet-blocking distance.

I didn’t think bullets could hurt you.

Shut up, I'm sleepy.

'Heh-heh, ow. Heh-heh, ow. Heh-heh, ow. Heh-heh—'

Goku! Goku, are you there?

Oh, hey, King Kai. I’m in a healing pod.

I noticed, I wasn’t paying attention. What the hell?

Well, when I got down I ran into some really weird guys.

One was really big and muscly; he went down real easy.

Then these two guys double teamed me. One of them took it really hard in the back.

The other didn’t seem that interested, so he went and brought this really horny guy!

Oh myyy~

Who’s that, King Kai?

It’s George Takei. Somehow we made this into a three-way.

Oh myyy~!

*CALL*! THREE-WAY CALL!

AAAAAAAaaugh!

How many arms do you think we’re up to?

I think we’re up to twenty-four.

HRAAAAAAHHHHH!

Tell me. Have you ever heard of the planet “Vegeta”?

N-no?

Funny, because I expect to hear the same from the next person when I ask them about *Namek*.

Oh, was that your nose? That was your nose!

I’ve had a worse time, you know. It’s not often I dirty my own hands with this sort of grunt work.

There’s always a certain amount of satisfaction I get out of doing it myself.

Ahh, it is kind of funny, isn’t it?

Aha I’m, I’m laughing at something else actually.

Eh heh heh heh, what?

The Earthlings have the password.

...what?

Remember the little Namekian you passed on the way to Guru’s?

On his way to the humans with the password.

By now he’s probably already there and they’re about to summon the Dragon. Haha.

Ghh, SHHUURRRRRGGG...!

Yeah. If I had to guess your biggest mistake, it would be not stopping him.

That, or the purple lipstick.

I WILL F*CKING MURDER YOU!!

Whatever.

Why aren’t the Ginyus showing up?!

Oh, they’re dead.

WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!

Stop right there, Namekian scum!

Haha, you should see the look on your face!

Oh, I’m just kidding, it’s me, Krillin!

Haha, you’re killing me, Little Green!

Now come on, we gotta go summon the Dragon.

'You know, it’s not so bad. I mean sure, I’ve seen more people die than most people my age.'

'Or really, most people in general. Then again, I don’t really know anyone my own age.'

'My best friends are a 26-year-old dwarf and a giant green alien who constantly hits me.'

'Still, better than my Dad. At least they’re AROUND!'

'Huh... where did that come from?'

Hey! Gohan!

Huh? That sounds like Krillin.

Wow, you made it in no time at all!

Yeah. Little Green here was on his way back from Guru’s.

He said he can help us summon the Dragon!

Great! I’ll go get Vegeta and—

No, no, no, see, that’s the best part! We’re not gonna TELL Vegeta!

That sounds like a very dangerous idea that could very easily backfire.

Well, we can either take the wishes for ourselves or give ‘em to Vegeta.

And I’m not gonna lie - I don’t think he’s dedicated to Team Three Star at all.

You know, I’ve been meaning to tell you. That name...

really doesn't sound very good.

Well, why didn’t you tell me sooner?! I thought it was stupid from the beginning but nobody said anything!

Let’s just go summon the Dragon and go home.

Yeah, fine, whatever.

Hurr-hrr, first immortality... then the bitches…

We did it! Again! For real this time, though!

Now we just can have Little Green summon the Dragon, and we’ll finally have our wish!

Hey, is that Freeza?

...No.

I think that’s Freeza.

No, it’s not!

Yeah, that’s definitely Freeza.

...Summonit!

...Summonitsummonitsummonit!

...Summonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonit!

[Speaking Klingon (Namekian)]

...Summonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonit!

[Speaking Klingon (Namekian)]

[Etc...]

Dammit, stop speaking gibberish *and summon the*—!

Holy crap, your Dragon’s on steroids.

[Speaking Klingon (Namekian)]

All right! We can finally get our wish!

The Dragon says he’ll give ya three.

Wait a minute, we get three wishes? That's awesome!

I want a three foot—!

Stop screwing around and wish these idiots off my planet!

Holy crap, I can hear a voice in my head!

Is it telling you my name is Dende?

Hush, Little Green! The voice speaks to me!

This is King Kai. Wish these guys back to life before I kill myself.

Wait, can gods kill themselves?

*I’m about to try*!

All right, Little Green! Use our first wish to bring our friends back to life!

Porunga can only bring back one person at a time.

Oh.

King Kai, he says it can only bring one person back at a—

I heard him!

Which means one of us gets left behind.

Just wish me back.

I guess we should ask Yamcha what he thinks.

(Gasp)

No-one cares what Yamcha thinks!

Listen - if you wish *me* back, then that wishes *Kami* back.

Then you can use THOSE Dragon Balls to wish these morons back.

Which leaves us with two more wishes!

Let’s wish him to Namek!

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Little Green! Wish our friend Piccolo back to life, and then with our next wish, bring him to Namek!

Hold on a minute, don’t do that, that is a terrible i—

—dea!

AUUUUUUUUUGH!!

He is on Namek.

Wait, where is he?

On Namek.

You dumbass!

Why didn’t it bring him *here*?

You must be specific.

Oh, so it’s a sort of monkey’s paw. You have to be careful with the hubris in your wishes.

NERRRRRRD!!

I HAVE TO PEE!

Wah, urk - Jesus, I overslept. It’s already night.

For the first time since I got here... ...on a planet with three suns.

Oh you MOTHERF—UCKERS!!

Ow, my ears!!

So, what do we do with the third wish?

Well, if nobody else has any ideas, I want my three foot—

HI! WHAT’S UP, GUYS?!

I’m never gonna get my hoagie.

So what’re you doing?!

What am I doing?

What’re you doing?!

Nothin' much.

Thwartin' my plans?!

Thwarting your plans?

Are you?!

...Yes.

...I’M GONNA F*CKING KILL YOU!

But first - you are going to give me my wish for immortality, or I will Snap. His. *Neck*!

Wait! He’s the only one who can ask the Dragon to grant wishes!

And I’ve got nothing to lose!

Whatever.

GOOD ANSWER! Now get to wishing!

'I feel that they have finally summoned the dragon. Would be a real dick move to die right now.'

Huuurr!

Is... I— Is that normal?

No. It’s dead. And that means Guru is, too.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Someone has to be.

That doesn’t matter! Don’t you understand?!

If it didn’t me grant my wish, then I’m not immortal!

And Freeza’s going to…! G-going to…

Ah, aah, aaha, aaaaha...!

(Whimpering)

Ohohoho nohoho, don’t mind me. By all means...

*give me some ideas*.

(Humming "Because I Got High")

Fan-freaking-tastic, we're back here again.

Oh. You’re back. Hi, Kami.

Mr. Popo, what are you watering?

Pot.

Pots of what?

Pot.

I'm not getting rid of it.

Are you kidding? That sh*t’s great for my glaucoma.