“Episode 3”

Roshi: Well, Goku has passed, but his sacrifice has stopped a great evil.

Roshi: Thanks to him, our lives can return to peace once mor--

Nappa: Raaaditz? Raaaaaditz?

Roshi: What the hell is that?

Nappa: Guy-who's-as-strong-as-a-Saibaman-says "What?"

Nappa: That usually gets to him. I think he's dead, Vegeta.

Vegeta: Big shocker -- nobody cares. We're ten times stronger than him anyway.

Vegeta: We'll go to Earth, find the Dragon Balls, and kill everyone!

Vegeta: And we'll be there within a year or so.

Vegeta: ...Depending on filler, of course.

Nappa: Aaanything else we need to go over, Vegeta?

Vegeta: Nope. That's about it.

Roshi: Well...

Piccolo: All right, you little human... Saiyan... thing...

Piccolo: I saw what you did to that Saiyan back there.

Piccolo: That kind of power can be useful.

Gohan: Wh... What do you mean?

Piccolo: I'm going to make you my pupil, and then...

Piccolo: I'll use YOU for my conquest to take over the world!

Gohan: But... But where's my Daddy?

Piccolo: Hate to tell you, kid, but your dad's DEAD!

Piccolo: Actually, I kind of like saying that.

Piccolo: Haha! Your dad's dea--!

Piccolo: Ah... damn it.

Piccolo: This is why I hang out in wastelands.

Heavenly Attendant: Hello! And welcome to the Heavenly Check-In Station!

Heavenly Attendant: Please no cutting in line.

Heavenly Attendant: If you are caught cutting in line, you will be sent straight to Hell.

Kami: ...And so, we need Goku here to get to King Kai's for his masterful training, Lord Yemma.

Yemma: Give me one good reason I should allow this.

Kami: Because, if you don't, that line's going to increase by SIX BILLION!

Yemma: Six billion?!

Yemma: I'm supposed to be intimidated by six billion?!

Yemma: Please! I can judge six billion souls faster than you take a piss, old man!

Kami: You know, I am the Guardian of Earth.

Kami: Can I *please* get a little bit more respect here?

Yemma: Big deal! I'm the closest thing to a God in this show!

Yemma: Until you get to the Kais...

Yemma: ...then I'll be horrrribly insignificant.

Yemma: I do have a desk, though! It's made of mahogany!

Yemma: Ma-ho-gany.

Kami: Uhh, anyway, can we please--

Yemma: SILENCE!

Yemma: Mahogany...

Kami: Ummm... sir?

Yemma: Uh, what? Oh, uh, sure. Whatever.

Yemma: He can go to King Kai's... but he'll have to run on SNAAAAKE WAAAY!

Goku: Sounds fun!

Yemma: Prepare to be surprised.

Goku: Alright, I'm off! Oh, wait.

Goku: By the way... did you see a guy named Raditz come through here?

Goku: He has spiky hair and a tail?

Yemma: Oh yeah, I remember that guy.

Yemma: I put him in my patented Yemma-lock!

Goku: And it worked?

Yemma: F*** no! He kicked me in the balls and ran away!

Yemma: Now I don't know where he is.

Raditz: He didn't keep his eye on the birdie!

Goku: Huh. Okaay...

Goku: Well, bye!

Yemma: See ya next time you die!

Yemma: ....Mahogany.

Roshi: So, Krillin, how did Chi-Chi take the news?

Krillin: Ummm...

Chi-Chi: Well, Krillin, what did you need to talk about?

Krillin: So, Chi-Chi. Hypothetically:

Krillin: What would you do if you were told that your husband was dead, and your son were kidnapped by his worst enemy?

Chi-Chi: I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife!

Krillin: Oh!

Krillin: Then it's a good thing I'm not telling you that!

Chi-Chi: Would you like to spend the night?

Krillin: Against my better judgment...

Chi-Chi: ♪ Kriiilliiin, where arrree youuu? ♪

Krillin: AaaaaAAAAUUUGH!!

Krillin: Relatively well.

Bulma: So, are you going to grab the other Z-Warriors and go train with Kami?

Krillin: The who warriors?

Bulma: The Z-Warriors. You, Goku, Tien, Yamcha, Chiaotzu...

Bulma: That's what we always call you guys.

Krillin: That's the stupidest thing I've ever--!

Chi-Chi: KRILLIIIN!! Where the hell are you!?!

Krillin: Well, I'm off to gather the Z-Warriors! Bye!

Krillin: AAUGH-HA-HAAA...!

Piccolo: Listen up, runt! Today we're going to commence your intense training, under me.

Gohan: But wait... wouldn't that cause horrible muscle degeneration for somebody my age, crippling me for years to come?

Piccolo: ...You're a wordy little bastard, aren't you?

Gohan: My Mom wants me to become an ortho--

Piccolo: NERRRD!

Gohan: Wha-what?

Piccolo: Anyway, I figured to unleash your hidden potential, I'd have to put you in immense physical danger.

Piccolo: So I'm going to throw you at that mountain.

Gohan: Actually, that looks more like a plat--

Gohan: EAAAAAAAUUUUUU...!

Piccolo: 'Any second now...'

Piccolo: 'Here it commmmes...'

Piccolo: 'Aaaannd...!'

Piccolo: Ewww...

Piccolo: 'This is going to be a loooooong training session...'

Heavenly Attendant: All right, Mr. Muscle Man. Here you are at Snake Way.

Heavenly Attendant: Now; you might wanna pack a lunch because it's gonna be a long run.

Heavenly Attendant: Nah, I'm just jokin'; you're not going to be eating nothin'.

Goku: WOW... That looks like it's going to take me a while.

Heavenly Attendant: Now, be careful running; you don't wanna fall off and die.

Heavenly Attendant: That's just a little bit of dead humor. But seriously; do not fall off or you will go to Hell.

Goku: Has anyone ever run the whole thing before?

Heavenly Attendant: Well, there was one man.

Goku: Well, who was he?

Heavenly Attendant: I believe his name was--

Kami: Mr. Popo!

Mr. Popo: Yes, Kami?

Kami: I just received word that we have a new batch of trainees coming.

Kami: Make sure you take good care of them.

Yemma: And not just any mahogany; but mahogany from the planet of Malchior 7, where the trees are three-hundred feet tall and breathe FIRE!!

Yemma: From these trees, this desk was forged 2,000 years ago, using ancient blood-rituals of the Malchior people!

Yemma: Not only does this make my desk nigh *indestructible*, but it can bend the fabric of the Universe ITSELF!

Yemma: Also, it's a very fine material. Verrry expensive.

Kami: Oooookay--?

Yemma: It's mahogany.