“I Saw a Fish”

Guru · Episode 5 · 3:28

0:07
Narrator: After endless running and detours, Goku has finally reached the end of Snake Way.
0:13
Narrator: How very convenient.
0:16
Goku: Oooooo!
0:18
Goku: Oh, wow!
0:20
Goku: That must be King Kai’s place!
0:22
Goku: Woohooo...
0:23
Goku: ...aaaaaaaieeeeeee--!
0:27
[Thud]
0:27
Goku: UGH!
0:28
King Kai: Nice job, jackass!
0:30
Goku: Oowwww...
0:53
Narrator: Meanwhile, back in the deep reaches of space...
0:55
Nappa: Are we there yet?
0:56
Vegeta: No.
0:57
Nappa: Are we there yet?
0:57
Vegeta: No. No.
0:58
Nappa: Are we there yet?
0:59
Vegeta: No. No. No!
0:59
Nappa: Are we there yet?
1:00
Vegeta: No. No. No! *No*!
1:00
Nappa: Are we there yet?
1:01
Vegeta: No. No. No! *No*! *No*!!
1:02
Nappa: Hey Vegeta!
1:02
Vegeta: *WHAAAT*!?!?
1:03
Nappa: Can we stop at that bug planet?
1:05
Vegeta: Nappa, if it’ll shut you up for FIVE minutes, then FINE!
1:10
Vegeta: See? Look how fun this is...
1:12
[BOOM]
1:15
Nappa: Hey, Vegeta! The locals.
1:17
Vegeta: Seems they brought a welcome service.
1:19
Nappa: You know, Vegeta, on some planets they really appreciate foreign commune.
1:23
Nappa: Really brings in the revenue.
1:25
Nappa: They’ll probably treat us like royalty, considering the--
1:27
[Cuffs click]
1:27
[Cell gate slams]
1:29
Vegeta: Well...
1:30
Nappa: Yeah...
1:31
Atla: Ah, I see. You too have been imprisoned by our horrible fascist King.
1:36
[Continues speaking; unintelligible]
1:37
Nappa: Hey, Vegeta.
1:38
Vegeta: What is it?
1:39
Nappa: We're in prison, Vegeta.
1:41
Vegeta: I see that, Nappa.
1:43
Nappa: Hey.
1:44
Vegeta: What?
1:45
Nappa: *Don't drop the soap*.
1:47
Vegeta: I swear to God, Nappa, I will shiv you.
1:50
Narrator: Meanwhile, on the Kai planet...
1:53
Goku: Sooo, you're King Kai.
1:56
King Kai: That’s right. I am the most superior martial artist in all of the galax--
1:59
Goku: Ooh, a monkey!
2:00
King Kai: Yes; this is my monkey, Bubbles.
2:02
King Kai: Say hello, Bubbles.
2:04
Bubbles: (Monkey sounds)
2:06
King Kai: Alright, that’s enough, Bubbles.
2:08
King Kai: Anyway, welcome to my planet.
2:10
Goku: Man... I’m so... heavy here!
2:13
King Kai: Well, because of the small size of my planet, the gravity here is much more intense than that on Earth.
2:18
Gregory: That doesn’t make any sense!
2:20
King Kai: Shut up, Gregory!
2:22
King Kai: Alright, fine. How’s this for a reason:
2:24
King Kai: I have an unbelievably *powerful* space pirate locked up in the depths of my planet.
2:30
King Kai: That’s why the gravity is so heavy here.
2:32
Bojack: Yarr! Get me outta here!
2:34
King Kai: Shut up, Bojack!
2:35
[Stomping]
2:37
King Kai: Anyway, what are you here for?
2:39
Goku: Oh! Well, King Kai...
2:41
Goku: I need you to train me.
2:43
Goku: There’s a terrible threat coming to our planet, and I’m its only hope.
2:47
Goku: I’ll do whatever it takes for you to train me.
2:49
Goku: I’ll withstand any test!
2:51
Goku: I will try as hard as I have to!
2:53
Goku: And I--
2:54
King Kai: Sure.
2:55
Goku: What?
2:56
King Kai: I'll train you.
2:58
Goku: Se... Seriously?
2:59
Goku: I thought I had to do some kind of test!
3:02
King Kai: Are you kidding me? The only company I’ve had for the last 500 years have been a disembodied pirate...
3:06
Bojack: Yarrr!
3:07
King Kai: ...A monkey...
3:07
Bubbles: (Monkey noises)
3:08
King Kai: ...And a grasshopper!
3:09
Gregory: Actually, I’m a cricket!
3:10
King Kai: Nobody cares!
3:12
King Kai: You tell ‘im, Bubbles!
3:14
Goku: Wow, you’re right!
3:15
Goku: I can’t imagine anything more boring than that!
3:18
Narrator: Meanwhile, on Namek...
3:20
[Birds chirping; flowing water]
3:29
[Soft splash]
3:30
Guru: Naaaaiiillll...
3:33
Guru: NAAAAAAAAIIIIILL!
3:34
Nail: What is it, Lord Guru?
3:36
Guru: I saw a fish.
3:40
Guru: That is all. You can go back outside now.
3:43
Nail: 'Oh God, this is so horribly dull...'
3:46
Nail: 'I hope something exciting happens around here soon. I don’t care what it is.'
3:50
Guru: Naaaaail!
3:51
Nail: *What*?
3:53
Guru: I saw a bird.
3:55
Guru: It was pretty.
3:57
Guru: Kick its ass.
3:59
Nail: (Sighs heavily)
4:01
Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Arlia...
4:03
Atla: As you can see, many questionable people have been locked away in here.
4:08
Another Arlian: Welcome to Oz, bitch!
4:10
Another Arlian: That’s right, YOU with the spiky hair!
4:14
Another Arlian: You’re going to be my BITCH!
4:16
Another Arlian: I’m going to sell you for a cigarette...
4:19
Another Arlian: but not before I violate you, because you’re my BI--!
4:23
King Moai: I love ruling this planet with an iron fist!
4:27
King Moai: Right, my Quee--?
4:28
[Arlia-shattering boom]
4:29
King Moai: What in the great Arlian moon was that?
4:33
Nappa: Hi!
4:34
King Moai: Who the f*** are you two?
4:36
Nappa: Hi! I’m Nappa, and that’s Vegeta.
4:38
Nappa: He was a prison bitch.
4:40
Vegeta: Shut the hell up, Nappa.
4:41
Nappa: ‘K.
4:42
Vegeta: Anyway, we’re here because my partner’s an idiot.
4:45
Vegeta: Now that we’ve got introductions out of the way, I think I’ll just kill you and--
4:48
Nappa: Hey Vegeta!
4:49
Vegeta: Oh God, what now?
4:50
Nappa: I think that’s their Queen! I’m curious how they breed.
4:54
Vegeta: Oh goddammit Nappa, that’s disgusting! I say we just--
4:57
Nappa: Hey! You guys! Breed for us!
5:00
King Moai: Why should we listen to *you*? You’re surrounded by my thirteen elite--
5:07
King Moai: ...dead guards.
5:09
King Moai: Well, you heard him, honey!
5:11
Nappa: They’re not doing anything. They’re just standing on top of each other, and--
5:15
[CRUNCH]
5:15
Nappa: AWWWW, THERE WE GO!
5:18
[Bug sex noises]
5:19
King Moai: ...Oh, snap that thorax...
5:20
[Bug sex noises; shutter clicks]
5:21
King Moai: ...Your sexy jowls...
5:21
[Bug sex noises; phone vibrates]
5:25
King Moai: ...Ah, there we go...
5:25
[Bug sex noises; key depressed]
5:26
Vegeta: *OH*, God *dammit*, Nappa!
5:26
[Bug sex noises]
5:30
Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Earth, Piccolo has finally begun his training with Gohan.
5:35
Gohan: So, Mr. Piccolo, what are you going to teach me today?
5:38
Gohan: A brand-new technique? How to sense energy?
5:40
Gohan: What about how to fly--?
5:41
Piccolo: Dodge!
5:42
Gohan: D'aah-haa!
5:44
[Birds chirping]
5:47
Gohan: 'Oh, man... this training with Mr. Piccolo is really difficult.'
5:53
Gohan: 'But I think I’m finally getting the hang of it--'
5:55
Piccolo: DODGE!
5:55
Gohan: What? WAAAAAAAAAAA...!
5:57
[Wind whistling]
6:04
Piccolo: DOOOOOOODGE!!
6:04
Gohan: D'aah-haa!
6:06
Piccolo: DOOOOOOODGE!!
6:07
Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice...
6:10
Superman: Alright everyone, we have to do something about these Saiyans.
6:13
Superman: They’re approaching Earth quickly, and I don’t think we have the strength to take them on alone.
6:17
Superman: Batman, what are your thoughts?
6:19
Batman: Well, I think--
6:20
Aquaman: I~ have an ideaaaa~!
6:22
Batman: Oh God, it’s Aquaman...
6:24
Aquaman: Come on, guys! We could use *whales*!
6:28
Aquaman: WHAAAAAAALES!
6:31
Superman: Someone! Get him out of here!
6:33
Aquaman: But the whaaaaales...
6:36
Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Arlia...
6:39
King Moai: There, I banged my wife. Will ya leave us in peace?
6:42
Vegeta: Actually, no, I’m still going to kill you.
6:45
King Moai: ...Summon the Rancor!
6:48
Nappa: Vegeta. It’s...
6:51
Nappa: It's...
6:51
[Rancor growls]
6:53
Nappa: IT’S SO CUTE!
6:54
Nappa: Can I keep it? Can I keep it!?
6:57
Vegeta: Fine; just catch it or something.
6:59
Nappa: Yaaaay!
7:00
Nappa: Here, boy! Shake!
7:01
Nappa: Ahhh, got your finger.
7:01
[Rancor wails]
7:04
Nappa: Okay. Now, boy! Catch the ball. Catch the ball! Huagh!
7:07
Nappa: Awwww...!
7:09
Nappa: Aw, I broke-ded it, Vegeta.
7:11
Nappa: It must’ve been made of something weak, like paper maché...
7:15
Nappa: ...or Raditz!
7:16
[Audio degraded due to copyright issues]
7:16
King Moai: Please! We’ll do anything you want!
7:18
King Moai: We’ll give you riches! Women!
7:21
King Moai: Wait, what are you doing?
7:22
Vegeta: I’m about to rock you... like a hurricane.
7:26
King Moai: I~ love that so--!
7:27
King Moai: AAUGHWRRGH!!
7:30
Vegeta: Ha! Did you see that, Nappa? That was *totally* bada--!
7:32
Vegeta: W-what are you doing?
7:34
Nappa: I’m cuddling it, Vegeta.
7:36
Vegeta: It’s dead, Nappa.
7:38
Nappa: NOOOOOOOOO!!
7:41
Nappa: (Cries)... oh, I remember when we first got him, Vegeta...
7:46
[Barbara Streisand’s “The Way We Were” is not playing due to copyright issues]
7:51
[Just skip to 8:21 if you want to]
8:22
Nappa: Ahh, good times.
8:24
[Audio back to normal]
8:24
Atla: You have freed our race!
8:26
Atla: You two are the greatest heroes known to our planet!
8:29
Atla: We shall erect statues of you...
8:32
Nappa: Well, isn’t that nice of them, Vege--?
8:33
Atla: ...out of our dung.
8:37
Nappa: Well, isn’t that nice of them, Ve--?
8:38
Vegeta: We’re leaving, Nappa.
8:39
Nappa: ‘K.
8:41
Nappa: Look at us, Vegeta. We've saved an entire race from tyranny.
8:45
Nappa: We’re heroes, Vegeta. We are a couple of really great guy--
8:53
Nappa: ...Ha ha! Ahaha! Aha! Ahhhhhh... tragic.
8:58
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
9:05
Gohan: 'Wow, I finally learned how to survive all by myself.'
9:09
Gohan: 'Live on my own, and surviving off the fat of the land.'
9:12
Gohan: 'Mr. Piccolo will be so proud--'
9:14
Gohan: YAAAYYYAYAYAY...!
9:15
[Thud]
9:16
Gohan: Ehhgruuh...
9:17
Piccolo: DOOOOOOOOOOOODGE!!

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(Sigh) God dammit, Nappa. 4:48