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M12 “Breed for Us!”
Vegeta · Episode 5 · 4:48
0:07 Narrator: After endless running and detours, Goku has finally reached the end of Snake Way.
0:13 Narrator: How very convenient.
0:16 Goku: Oooooo!
0:18 Goku: Oh, wow!
0:20 Goku: That must be King Kai’s place!
0:22 Goku: Woohooo...
0:23 Goku: ...aaaaaaaieeeeeee--!
0:27
[Thud]
0:27 Goku: UGH!
0:28 King Kai: Nice job, jackass!
0:30 Goku: Oowwww...
0:53 Narrator: Meanwhile, back in the deep reaches of space...
0:55 Nappa: Are we there yet?
0:56 Vegeta: No.
0:57 Nappa: Are we there yet?
0:57 Vegeta: No. No.
0:58 Nappa: Are we there yet?
0:59 Vegeta: No. No. No!
0:59 Nappa: Are we there yet?
1:00 Vegeta: No. No. No! *No*!
1:00 Nappa: Are we there yet?
1:01 Vegeta: No. No. No! *No*! *No*!!
1:02 Nappa: Hey Vegeta!
1:02 Vegeta: *WHAAAT*!?!?
1:03 Nappa: Can we stop at that bug planet?
1:05 Vegeta: Nappa, if it’ll shut you up for FIVE minutes, then FINE!
1:10 Vegeta: See? Look how fun this is...
1:12
[BOOM]
1:15 Nappa: Hey, Vegeta! The locals.
1:17 Vegeta: Seems they brought a welcome service.
1:19 Nappa: You know, Vegeta, on some planets they really appreciate foreign commune.
1:23 Nappa: Really brings in the revenue.
1:25 Nappa: They’ll probably treat us like royalty, considering the--
1:27
[Cuffs click]
1:27
[Cell gate slams]
1:29 Vegeta: Well...
1:30 Nappa: Yeah...
1:31 Atla: Ah, I see. You too have been imprisoned by our horrible fascist King.
1:36
[Continues speaking; unintelligible]
1:37 Nappa: Hey, Vegeta.
1:38 Vegeta: What is it?
1:39 Nappa: We're in prison, Vegeta.
1:41 Vegeta: I see that, Nappa.
1:43 Nappa: Hey.
1:44 Vegeta: What?
1:45 Nappa: *Don't drop the soap*.
1:47 Vegeta: I swear to God, Nappa, I will shiv you.
1:50 Narrator: Meanwhile, on the Kai planet...
1:53 Goku: Sooo, you're King Kai.
1:56 King Kai: That’s right. I am the most superior martial artist in all of the galax--
1:59 Goku: Ooh, a monkey!
2:00 King Kai: Yes; this is my monkey, Bubbles.
2:02 King Kai: Say hello, Bubbles.
2:04 Bubbles: (Monkey sounds)
2:06 King Kai: Alright, that’s enough, Bubbles.
2:08 King Kai: Anyway, welcome to my planet.
2:10 Goku: Man... I’m so... heavy here!
2:13 King Kai: Well, because of the small size of my planet, the gravity here is much more intense than that on Earth.
2:18 Gregory: That doesn’t make any sense!
2:20 King Kai: Shut up, Gregory!
2:22 King Kai: Alright, fine. How’s this for a reason:
2:24 King Kai: I have an unbelievably *powerful* space pirate locked up in the depths of my planet.
2:30 King Kai: That’s why the gravity is so heavy here.
2:32 Bojack: Yarr! Get me outta here!
2:34 King Kai: Shut up, Bojack!
2:35
[Stomping]
2:37 King Kai: Anyway, what are you here for?
2:39 Goku: Oh! Well, King Kai...
2:41 Goku: I need you to train me.
2:43 Goku: There’s a terrible threat coming to our planet, and I’m its only hope.
2:47 Goku: I’ll do whatever it takes for you to train me.
2:49 Goku: I’ll withstand any test!
2:51 Goku: I will try as hard as I have to!
2:53 Goku: And I--
2:54 King Kai: Sure.
2:55 Goku: What?
2:56 King Kai: I'll train you.
2:58 Goku: Se... Seriously?
2:59 Goku: I thought I had to do some kind of test!
3:02 King Kai: Are you kidding me? The only company I’ve had for the last 500 years have been a disembodied pirate...
3:06 Bojack: Yarrr!
3:07 King Kai: ...A monkey...
3:07 Bubbles: (Monkey noises)
3:08 King Kai: ...And a grasshopper!
3:09 Gregory: Actually, I’m a cricket!
3:10 King Kai: Nobody cares!
3:12 King Kai: You tell ‘im, Bubbles!
3:14 Goku: Wow, you’re right!
3:15 Goku: I can’t imagine anything more boring than that!
3:18 Narrator: Meanwhile, on Namek...
3:20
[Birds chirping; flowing water]
3:29
[Soft splash]
3:30 Guru: Naaaaiiillll...
3:33 Guru: NAAAAAAAAIIIIILL!
3:34 Nail: What is it, Lord Guru?
3:36 Guru: I saw a fish.
3:40 Guru: That is all. You can go back outside now.
3:43 Nail: 'Oh God, this is so horribly dull...'
3:46 Nail: 'I hope something exciting happens around here soon. I don’t care what it is.'
3:50 Guru: Naaaaail!
3:51 Nail: *What*?
3:53 Guru: I saw a bird.
3:55 Guru: It was pretty.
3:57 Guru: Kick its ass.
3:59 Nail: (Sighs heavily)
4:01 Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Arlia...
4:03 Atla: As you can see, many questionable people have been locked away in here.
4:08 Another Arlian: Welcome to Oz, bitch!
4:10 Another Arlian: That’s right, YOU with the spiky hair!
4:14 Another Arlian: You’re going to be my BITCH!
4:16 Another Arlian: I’m going to sell you for a cigarette...
4:19 Another Arlian: but not before I violate you, because you’re my BI--!
4:23 King Moai: I love ruling this planet with an iron fist!
4:27 King Moai: Right, my Quee--?
4:28
[Arlia-shattering boom]
4:29 King Moai: What in the great Arlian moon was that?
4:33 Nappa: Hi!
4:34 King Moai: Who the f*** are you two?
4:36 Nappa: Hi! I’m Nappa, and that’s Vegeta.
4:38 Nappa: He was a prison bitch.
4:40 Vegeta: Shut the hell up, Nappa.
4:41 Nappa: ‘K.
4:42 Vegeta: Anyway, we’re here because my partner’s an idiot.
4:45 Vegeta: Now that we’ve got introductions out of the way, I think I’ll just kill you and--
4:48 Nappa: Hey Vegeta!
4:49 Vegeta: Oh God, what now?
4:50 Nappa: I think that’s their Queen! I’m curious how they breed.
4:54 Vegeta: Oh goddammit Nappa, that’s disgusting! I say we just--
4:57 Nappa: Hey! You guys! Breed for us!
5:00 King Moai: Why should we listen to *you*? You’re surrounded by my thirteen elite--
5:07 King Moai: ...dead guards.
5:09 King Moai: Well, you heard him, honey!
5:11 Nappa: They’re not doing anything. They’re just standing on top of each other, and--
5:15
[CRUNCH]
5:15 Nappa: AWWWW, THERE WE GO!
5:18
[Bug sex noises]
5:19 King Moai: ...Oh, snap that thorax...
5:20
[Bug sex noises; shutter clicks]
5:21 King Moai: ...Your sexy jowls...
5:21
[Bug sex noises; phone vibrates]
5:25 King Moai: ...Ah, there we go...
5:25
[Bug sex noises; key depressed]
5:26 Vegeta: *OH*, God *dammit*, Nappa!
5:26
[Bug sex noises]
5:30 Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Earth, Piccolo has finally begun his training with Gohan.
5:35 Gohan: So, Mr. Piccolo, what are you going to teach me today?
5:38 Gohan: A brand-new technique? How to sense energy?
5:40 Gohan: What about how to fly--?
5:41 Piccolo: Dodge!
5:42 Gohan: D'aah-haa!
5:44
[Birds chirping]
5:47 Gohan: 'Oh, man... this training with Mr. Piccolo is really difficult.'
5:53 Gohan: 'But I think I’m finally getting the hang of it--'
5:55 Piccolo: DODGE!
5:55 Gohan: What? WAAAAAAAAAAA...!
5:57
[Wind whistling]
6:04 Piccolo: DOOOOOOODGE!!
6:04 Gohan: D'aah-haa!
6:06 Piccolo: DOOOOOOODGE!!
6:07 Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice...
6:10 Superman: Alright everyone, we have to do something about these Saiyans.
6:13 Superman: They’re approaching Earth quickly, and I don’t think we have the strength to take them on alone.
6:17 Superman: Batman, what are your thoughts?
6:19 Batman: Well, I think--
6:20 Aquaman: I~ have an ideaaaa~!
6:22 Batman: Oh God, it’s Aquaman...
6:24 Aquaman: Come on, guys! We could use *whales*!
6:28 Aquaman: WHAAAAAAALES!
6:31 Superman: Someone! Get him out of here!
6:33 Aquaman: But the whaaaaales...
6:36 Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Arlia...
6:39 King Moai: There, I banged my wife. Will ya leave us in peace?
6:42 Vegeta: Actually, no, I’m still going to kill you.
6:45 King Moai: ...Summon the Rancor!
6:48 Nappa: Vegeta. It’s...
6:51 Nappa: It's...
6:51
[Rancor growls]
6:53 Nappa: IT’S SO CUTE!
6:54 Nappa: Can I keep it? Can I keep it!?
6:57 Vegeta: Fine; just catch it or something.
6:59 Nappa: Yaaaay!
7:00 Nappa: Here, boy! Shake!
7:01 Nappa: Ahhh, got your finger.
7:01
[Rancor wails]
7:04 Nappa: Okay. Now, boy! Catch the ball. Catch the ball! Huagh!
7:07 Nappa: Awwww...!
7:09 Nappa: Aw, I broke-ded it, Vegeta.
7:11 Nappa: It must’ve been made of something weak, like paper maché...
7:15 Nappa: ...or Raditz!
7:16
[Audio degraded due to copyright issues]
7:16 King Moai: Please! We’ll do anything you want!
7:18 King Moai: We’ll give you riches! Women!
7:21 King Moai: Wait, what are you doing?
7:22 Vegeta: I’m about to rock you... like a hurricane.
7:26 King Moai: I~ love that so--!
7:27 King Moai: AAUGHWRRGH!!
7:30 Vegeta: Ha! Did you see that, Nappa? That was *totally* bada--!
7:32 Vegeta: W-what are you doing?
7:34 Nappa: I’m cuddling it, Vegeta.
7:36 Vegeta: It’s dead, Nappa.
7:38 Nappa: NOOOOOOOOO!!
7:41 Nappa: (Cries)... oh, I remember when we first got him, Vegeta...
7:46
[Barbara Streisand’s “The Way We Were” is not playing due to copyright issues]
7:51
[Just skip to 8:21 if you want to]
8:22 Nappa: Ahh, good times.
8:24
[Audio back to normal]
8:24 Atla: You have freed our race!
8:26 Atla: You two are the greatest heroes known to our planet!
8:29 Atla: We shall erect statues of you...
8:32 Nappa: Well, isn’t that nice of them, Vege--?
8:33 Atla: ...out of our dung.
8:37 Nappa: Well, isn’t that nice of them, Ve--?
8:38 Vegeta: We’re leaving, Nappa.
8:39 Nappa: ‘K.
8:41 Nappa: Look at us, Vegeta. We've saved an entire race from tyranny.
8:45 Nappa: We’re heroes, Vegeta. We are a couple of really great guy--
8:53 Nappa: ...Ha ha! Ahaha! Aha! Ahhhhhh... tragic.
8:58
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
9:05 Gohan: 'Wow, I finally learned how to survive all by myself.'
9:09 Gohan: 'Live on my own, and surviving off the fat of the land.'
9:12 Gohan: 'Mr. Piccolo will be so proud--'
9:14 Gohan: YAAAYYYAYAYAY...!
9:15
[Thud]
9:16 Gohan: Ehhgruuh...
9:17 Piccolo: DOOOOOOOOOOOODGE!!
