“The Perfect Cell Song”

Gohan: I'LL WRECK YOUR HOMEWORL--

Goku: Hey, son!

Gohan: Uh, uhh...?

Gohan: Were you... watching me sleep?

Goku: Like a papa hawk.

Goku: I don't wanna miss the MOMENT you go Super Saiyan.

Gohan: Wow! It's been nearly three months in here, and... you still think I can do it?

Goku: Well, yeah! If you don't, the whole world'll be doomed!

Goku: Or not... maybe I can handle it... so don't sweat it!

Goku: And get some sleep, son!

Gohan: Uhh... yeah, okay...

Goku: ''Cause tomorrow... I'mma get you Super Saiyan.'

♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

Piccolo: Naw, see, I'm *definitely* going with Krillin. Call it a safe bet, but I think his history speaks for itself.

Tien: You haven't known him as long as I have. Sure, he can be a little... (Sigh), well, he's a total bitch. But when we really need him, he's always stepped up.

Tien: Vegeta, on the other hand...

Bulma: Hey, uh, what're you two talking about?

Piccolo: Aw, we're just making a bet to see who screws this up.

Tien: See - he's betting on Krillin, but I'm betting on Vegeta.

Bulma: Ohhh... I'll get in on that action.

Baby Trunks: (Cooing)

Piccolo: Okay - Vegeta or Krillin?

Baby Trunks: (Cooing)

Bulma: Both.

Piccolo: *Wow*.

Tien: *Damn*!

Bulma: Eh, please, I've been in this longer than the both of you.

Bulma: Although, if I had to pick who's gonna screw up first...

Trunks: (Screaming from a distance)

Krillin: 'Okay Krillin, pull yourself together.'

Krillin: 'She's right over there... standing there like a... mechanical angel... and all I have to do is push this button and... watch her explode...!'

Krillin: 'Everywhere.'

Krillin: 'Little bit of blonde hair here... her blue eyes there... and then it's done! I m--I mean, she probably won't even feel it!'

Krillin: 'Or even know it happened - just her life... ended in an instant... by me... with no Dragon Balls to wish her back when Cell dies...'

Krillin: 'D--Oh c'mon, Krillin! Be strong for one second in your worthless life and push the stupid button!'

Krillin: 'If you don't, everyone you know and love is going to die!'

Krillin: 'INCLUDING HER!'

Krillin: 'Oh...'

Trunks: ...aaaaaaaaaaa--!

Vegeta: Quiet, boy!

Trunks: Hnnng!

Vegeta: Now... continue.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Thank you.

Semi-Perfect Cell: You see, my dear Prince--

Vegeta: Don't push it.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Uh, you see, Vegeta, this is only my second form. I am merely *semi*-perfect.

Vegeta: Wait, how can you be *semi*-perfect? You're either *perfect* or you're *not* me; there's no gray area.

Semi-Perfect Cell: My point, is that this form was achieved by absorbing my brother, Android 17... and the only way I may obtain *true* perfection...

Vegeta: ...is to absorb the *bitch*. So in summation: You get the Android, and I get a proper challenge.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Oh, I promise you Vegeta... you're going to get everything that's coming to you.

Vegeta: Ohoho, ominous!

Android 18: He wouldn't...! Sixteen, he wouldn't, would he?!

Android 16: Wouldn't you?

Android 18: *No*!

Android 16: I'm sorry... what are we talking about again?

Android 18: Huh?!

Krillin: Hey!

Krillin: 'Whoa, it's the cute one.'

Krillin: 'Was he hiding there?'

Krillin: 'Wait, what's that on the grou--'

Krillin: Oh my God (!)

Krillin: H... hi...!

Android 18: Uh, hey...

Krillin: Look, I just... can I ask something of you?

Android 18: S-sure?

Krillin: Un, g-g-gh-gh, *please* don't kill anyone!

Android 18: Wait, are you--

Android 16: NO DEAL!

Android 18: Sixteen!

Android 16: Son Goku is a person; therefore he is *part* of "anyone".

Android 16: *Therefore*: No. Deal.

Android 18: Sixteen, calm down, I will *get* you a Goku!

Android 16: ...Do you promise?

Android 18: Yes!

Android 16: ...Proceed.

Android 18: Okay, now listen: We weren't planning on killing anyone.

Android 16: Except Goku!

Android 18: We haven't even killed anyone thus far. In fact, the only thing we want *dead* right now is *Cell*.

Android 16: Also Goku!

Krillin: Oh.

Krillin: Thank God, that makes this so much easier!

Piccolo: HA! And *you* owe me some zeni!

Tien: Oh *no*...!

Bulma: Alright, what did Krillin do?

Piccolo: He crushed the remote.

Tien: He did WHAT?!

Bulma: That was twenty hours of my life; that DICK!

Piccolo: And possibly the rest of it if Vegeta follows suit.

Tien: I don't understand! All he had to do was push the button and blow up the--

Tien: ...*the girl*.

Bulma: Oh, that makes sense.

Piccolo: I don't get it.

Tien: He really did it... he actually risked every life on the planet just for...

Tien: for *cyber-sex*!

Tien: I didn't Kikoho myself half to death so he could get laid!!

Piccolo: Oh...

Piccolo: gross.

Android 18: Oh... oh wow... well, I mean, that was... really sweet and all, but... maybe you should've kept that around.

Krillin: What? *Why*?

Semi-Perfect Cell: Vegeta, this is the only chance you're going to get.

Semi-Perfect Cell: If she slips away now, you'll never get the opportunity to fight me at my full potential.

Semi-Perfect Cell: And let's be honest: Do you really think *Goku* can give you the challenge you deserve?

Vegeta: Ya know, the funny thing is, I know you're playin' me...

Vegeta: but you're right. She's all yours.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Oh-ho, thank you Vegeta!

Semi-Perfect Cell: Trust me - great things are about to happen...

Piccolo: Oh no, god *damn* him!

Bulma: Okay, now what did *Vegeta* do?

Piccolo: He's letting Cell absorb Eighteen!

Tien: Well, looks like nobody wins...

Bulma: Well, I technically do.

Baby Trunks: (Cooing)

Bulma: ♪ You guys owe me zeeeniii~ ♪

Piccolo: CELL IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!

Baby Trunks: (Crying)

Mr. Popo: Jeez, bring down the whole mood, why don't you?

Baby Trunks: (Crying)

Vegeta: Make it snappy! The boy's gotta be in bed by seven or he gets cranky.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Huh!

Trunks: Yeah, so I'm gonna be the only voice of reason here and say *absolutely not*!

Semi-Perfect Cell: Hurrgh!

Trunks: Don't you get it?! He's just been feeding you everything you wanna hear!

Trunks: He's playing you!

Semi-Perfect Cell: To be fair, I haven't lied since I got here.

Trunks: You're not involved in this anymore!

Semi-Perfect Cell: I'm feeling pretty involved...

Vegeta: *Boy*, don't make me come up there and be a parent!

Trunks: First time for everything!

Vegeta: Ohoho!

Semi-Perfect Cell: WOW, Vegeta, are you just gonna stand there and take th--

Semi-Perfect Cell: (Gasp)

Trunks: 'Huh? Why is he doing th-- ...oh... oh no...'

Trunks: 'wait, but there's Krillin! Does he have the--'

Trunks: '...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote! But... could turn... perfect! Crushed! Why?! Kril--? But... *twenty hours*!'

Trunks: *WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU*?!?!

Krillin: Oh hey, it's Trunks!

Semi-Perfect Cell: Hurrgh...!

Krillin: (manly scream)

Trunks: I said absolutely NOT!

Semi-Perfect Cell: ARGH!

Trunks: 'Huh, Vegeta was right. He *is* almost as strong as--'

Trunks: AAUGH!

Vegeta: Look, if this is about getting your own turn in, just wait until I'm done with him!

Trunks: Just ignore him. Krillin! Get the Androids out of here NOW!

Krillin: Don't need to tell me twice! Or at all, actually...

Krillin: Let's go!

Android 18: Right! [To 16] Sixteen, let's move!

Android 16: But I just got comfortable...

Android 18: Sixteen!

Android 16: More importantly, Cell is only after you. I will slow you down.

Android 16: Now go!

Android 18: Fine, but I'm coming back for you!

Krillin: You're doing a brave thing.

Android 16: As are you.

Android 16: You are way out of your league, tiny duck.

Krillin: So hey, I know this isn't the best time, but um-er-uh, are you seeing anyone right now?

Android 18: ARGH!

Krillin: ERGH!

Semi-Perfect Cell: She *is*.

Trunks: There you are!

Semi-Perfect Cell: Vegetaaa~! Trunks is picking on meee~!

Vegeta: Learn to share, brat!

Trunks: Huh?

Trunks: D'AAGH! AUGH! Ah-hah!

Semi-Perfect Cell: That's better.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Now, Eighteen... I'm not sure I like you hanging around with other men. Or in this case... half of one.

Krillin: Oh-yeah-no-the-short-joke-yeah-sure-fine...

Android 16: How about you leave the girl alone?

Semi-Perfect Cell: C'mon Sixteen, don't be so jealous. This is meant to be, and she knows it. Just look at what she's wearing! She's practically *asking* to be absorbed!

Krillin: Okay, that line has been *crossed*. You wanna go, big guy?!

Krillin: LET'S GO--!

Krillin: AAGH!

Semi-Perfect Cell: Oh no, who would've seen that coming?

Semi-Perfect Cell: Anyway--

Semi-Perfect Cell: ...Really?

Semi-Perfect Cell: Oh, you precious little cinnamon bun! Never change!

Android 16: B'AAGH!

Android 18: Haah!

Semi-Perfect Cell: 'A one-y and a two-ey and a you-know-what-to-do-ey!'

Android 18: AAGH!

Trunks: That is IT! I am stopping this now!

Vegeta: Oh?! What're you doin'?!

Trunks: What am I doing?!

Vegeta: Thwartin' ma plans?!

Trunks: Thwarting your plans?!

Vegeta: *Are you*?!

Trunks: ...You know what?!

Trunks: *YES*!!

Vegeta: SSPLAAAARRRGGHH...!!!

Krillin: 'Oh, God...'

Krillin: 'If I had a nose, I'm pretty sure it'd be broken.'

Krillin: (Gasp)

Krillin: Oh no...!

Krillin: You leave her alone or I SWEAR I'LL--

Android 16: No, little duckling! It is not your time!

Trunks: FUTURE KICK!

Semi-Perfect Cell: What?

Semi-Perfect Cell: D'ooargh!

Trunks: Blow yourself up or leave! I don't care which!

Android 18: Yeah, okay...!

Semi-Perfect Cell: (Grunting)

Semi-Perfect Cell: I hope you know, this means wa-- wahglbrrlgbllgngrnbglrbglgrl!

Trunks: Where is Vegeta...?

Semi-Perfect Cell: Ur-urgh...!

Trunks: Duh!

Android 18: C'mon Sixteen, *move it*!

Android 16: Why. Are You. Still Here?!

Android 18: It's like Seventeen said, remember? The Three Amigos? Well, I guess more like... Dos Compadres, now...

Krillin: Here, uh, allow me. I might not be good for much but, I can lift.

Android 18: 'If we make it through this, I am going to ROCK his four-foot world.'

Vegeta: Huh.

Vegeta: This is a new feeling.

Vegeta: Pride in someone else.

Vegeta: Unfortunately, it's overshadowed by all this UNYIELDING RAGE!!!

Semi-Perfect Cell: ...glbrrlgbllgngrnbglrbglgrl!

Semi-Perfect Cell: BLAGH!

Vegeta: 'Okay, THIS obviously isn't working!'

Vegeta: 'Waaiitt...'

Vegeta: 'Tenshinhan got me into this. And now... he's going to get me *out*.'

Trunks: H-hey!

Semi-Perfect Cell: I've been so close for so long, and I can't take it anymore!

Semi-Perfect Cell: EIGHTEEN! I'm *coming*!

Vegeta: (Growling)

Semi-Perfect Cell: SOLAAR FLAAARE!

Trunks: Ah, ahh-ha-ha...

Vegeta: 'AH, MY RAGE HAS BLINDED ME!'

Semi-Perfect Cell: Now... for the climax.

Trunks: (Still groaning)

Krillin: I won't let him touch you. Just stay behind m--

Krillin: AH-HA-HA!

Android 18: SIXTEEN!

Android 16: ...*Yes*?

Android 18: Look after the little guy...

Android 16: Confirmed!

Semi-Perfect Cell: (Growling)

Trunks: '*No*!'

Android 16: 'No!'

Krillin: 'NO!'

Vegeta: 'YEEEESSSS!'

Bulma: Hey, so, I can't sense power levels, but I can feel *that*.

Bulma: Does that mean anything?

Piccolo: *We're f**ked*.

Android 18: We haven't even killed anyone thus far. In fact, the only thing we want *dead* right now is *Cell*.

Android 16: Also Goku!

Krillin: Oh.

Krillin: Thank God, that makes this so much easier!

Android 18: Huh?

Krillin: AAH!

Trunks: Well, it looks like my father just killed us all!

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