“Roshi's Magic Juice”

Farmer: Oh God no, my marijuana patch!

Farmer: Ah-ah-I mean, er... my carrot patch!

Farmer: Yeah...

Farmer: 'I better do what any sensible middle American would do in this situation... GET MAH GUN!'

Space Pod: Hello, and welcome to Earth!

Space Pod: With open bar.

Farmer: Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgeh--!

Farmer: Er-- no! I-it's an alien!

Farmer: HOLY S***, IT'S AN ALIEN!

Raditz: Finally, on this DEAD PLAN--

Raditz: w-wait, what the crap?

Raditz: Did Kakarot screw this up?!

Raditz: Oh goddammit, I knew we should have sent Turles.

Farmer: 'Better think of something cool to say to make him stop.'

Farmer: HEY, YOU!

Farmer: 'Heh. Genius, farmer. *Genius*!'

Raditz: Aw, look at him! He thinks he's people!

Raditz: What's your power level, little human?

Raditz: Five, huh?

Farmer: PROTECT ME, GUN!

Raditz: Hey! No! Bad human!

Farmer: GAH! But I voted for Bush!

Raditz: Bad!

Raditz: Now get back up and tell me you're sorry.

Raditz: Human?

Raditz: Huuuuman?

Raditz: (Sigh)... so this is why Dad said I couldn't keep Appule.

Piccolo: Good old wasteland!

Piccolo: Yup. Sure is some kickass training!

Piccolo: Damn it, I'm lonely... might as well check MySpace... no new comments... no friend requests... damn it.

Piccolo: Well, at least I have you, Tom. You're always there for me.

Raditz: HEY! YOU!

Piccolo: What the hell?

Raditz: ARE YOU KAKAROT? SERIOUSLY, IF YOU ARE, STAY STILL!

Raditz: I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT KILLING AND SELLING THIS PLANET! IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT!

Raditz: Oh, wait a second. You're not Kakarot. My bad!

Piccolo: I've got green skin, pointy ears, and a turban.

Piccolo: Oh yeah, I must look like *so* many other people.

Raditz: Oh, a smartass huh? I don't appreciate smartasses.

Raditz: Prepare yourself for my signature attack!

Raditz: DOUBLE SUN--!

Vegeta3986: No.

Raditz: Eh, huh?

Vegeta3986: Gimme the mic!

Lanipator: What? N-no! Come on, man!

Vegeta3986: Gimme--! Gimme me the mic!

Lanipator: But that's the real attack na--!

Vegeta3986: No, it isn't!

Lanipator: Fine. Here. Take it.

Lanipator: I'll just go practice my Vegeta.

Lanipator: *Ass*.

Raditz: Then prepare yourself for my signature attack.

Raditz: Keep your eye ON THE BIR--!

Raditz: Ooh! A higher power level.

Piccolo: Hey! What the hell? Weren't you going to kill me?

Raditz: Ah. There we go.

Raditz: Considering the average set by this one green guy and that farmer, the chances of this being Kakarot are-- ...d'ah, screw it I'll just go and check.

Piccolo: Fine! Go ahead! I didn't want your company anyway.

Piccolo: Right, Tom?

Bulma: Hey, I'm here!

Krillin: BOOBS! I mean, Bulma!

Krillin: Hi.

Bulma: I think the bastard's cheating on me!

Krillin: Why do you say that?

Yamcha: BULMA! IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOK LI--!

Yamcha: Oh OK, it's totally what it looks like.

Yamcha: Can I still live here? Please? Before this, I was living in the desert.

Yamcha: Oh, and have you changed Puar's litter box yet?

Puar: I make boom-boom!

Krillin: Oh, are you serious? Yamcha? Oh, that is so out of char--

Krillin: So, you're single then?

Goku: Hey, guys!

Bulma: Goku!

Krillin: TAIL-- uh, wait, what?

Goku: Ha ha ha ha!

Bulma: Uh, Goku? I can't help but notice that five-year-old you're carrying.

Krillin: Goku, just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children.

Goku: Uh, OK...

Goku: This is actually my son.

M. Night Shyamalan: What a twist!

Bulma: Oh, wow! I guess this means you finally... you know...

Goku: Know what?

Roshi: You know... "bow-chicka-wow-wow"!

Goku: What're those noises you're makin'?

Roshi: 'Oh my *God*, he's a parent!'

Bulma: 'Oh my *God*, he's a parent!'

Krillin: So when's the little guy gonna start training?

Goku: Actually, Chi-Chi is making him study. She wants him to grow up and be... what's it called?

Krillin: A productive and responsible member of society?

Goku: Yeah, lame! That's it!

Goku: Hey son, come here! Stop playing with the turtle! We don't need people saying things...

Bulma: Hey, is that a Dragon Ball on his head?

Bulma: Doesn't that sort of make him a target for villains who might want them?

Goku: Aw, come on! I beat Piccolo. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who--

Goku: HOLY BLACK ON A POPO, WHAT IS *THAT*!?

Roshi: What's wrong?

Goku: I just felt a power level bigger than... than... Krillin's losing streak!

Krillin: You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy.

Goku: 'He's... getting closer...'

Krillin: Shouldn't we grab Gohan and put him insi--?

Krillin: Oh son of a--

Raditz: It took me a while to get here but I finally found you... Kakarot.

Goku: What?

Raditz: That's right. That's your name.

Goku: What?

Raditz: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet.

Goku: What?

Raditz: You... hit your head as a child, didn't you?

Goku: ...What?

Raditz: Oh for God's sakes, listen!

Raditz: You were sent here as a child to take over the planet, you're part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the "Saiyans", and to top off this expositional onslaught...

Raditz: I... am your BROTHER!

Krillin: So you're his brother, huh? Wow, that must mean you'll be involved in a lot of future events, right?

Krillin: ...Right?

Krillin: WAH-AH-AH-AH-AH!

Krillin: GUH-hah!

Krillin: What did I say...?

Goku: Hey, stop hitting Krillin!

Raditz: Why?

Goku: Because you're breaking Kame House!

Krillin: Yeah... stop breaking Kame House...

Goku: So, what're you here for? The Dragon Balls?

Raditz: The... the Dragon's *what*?

Goku: The Dragon Balls, you know?

Goku: There are seven of them, they grant you any wish you want... like immortality?

Oolong: Or Bulma's panties.

Nappa: Vegeta, did you hear that?

Vegeta: Oh yeah, we're totally going to Earth to get our wish!

Nappa: Yeah, we're gonna get panties!

Nappa: ...I mean immortality.

Nappa: Immortality's what I meant. Right, Vegeta?

Vegeta: Just get in the damn pod.

Raditz: No. I'm here for *you*, Kakarot.

Goku: So, what are we going to do? See a ball game? Catch a movie?

Raditz: We're going to kill everyone on the planet and then sell it for profit to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet.

Goku: Oh... Well, uh... I sorta like people here.

Goku: So with all due respect--

Goku: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhHHHHHHHHHHH--

Gohan: Daddy!

Raditz: I'll be taking *this*.

Raditz: Yoink!

Goku: Quick! Somebody stop him!

Goku: Dammit, Krillin!

Krillin: Hey, I was bitch slapped through a house! What's your excuse?!

Goku: I was kneed in the *stomach*!

Piccolo: You guys are pathetic!

Piccolo: What?

Goku: Aw, geez...!

Goku: Hey look, I know you totally want to kill me and all, but... today's kind of a bad day.

Goku: * My brother just showed up * Turns out I'm an alien * He stole my kid

Piccolo: Oh yeah, I was watching that, that was *priceless*!

Piccolo: HUHUHAHA, AHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AH, AHA, UH--

Piccolo: Sorry for your loss.

Goku: Yeah, anyway... wanna help me get him back?

Piccolo: Whyyyyyy...?

Goku: I'll friend you on MySpace...

Piccolo: 'Tom, you've been replaced!'

Roshi: Now, it's a Nestlé Crunch bar!

Roshi: Now, it's a gummy bear!

Roshi: Now, it's Nappa!

Nappa: Wait, what the hell?!