Episode 1
8:21 · 166 lines · YouTube · 1 saved quote
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[Sounds of fowl]
0:28 Farmer: Oh God no, my marijuana patch!
0:30 Farmer: Ah-ah-I mean, er... my carrot patch!
0:33 Farmer: Yeah...
0:35 Farmer: 'I better do what any sensible middle American would do in this situation... GET MAH GUN!'
0:41 Space Pod: Hello, and welcome to Earth!
0:44 Space Pod: With open bar.
0:44 Farmer: Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgeh--!
0:47 Farmer: Er-- no! I-it's an alien!
0:49 Farmer: HOLY S***, IT'S AN ALIEN!
0:51 Raditz: Finally, on this DEAD PLAN--
0:53 Raditz: w-wait, what the crap?
0:56 Raditz: Did Kakarot screw this up?!
0:58 Raditz: Oh goddammit, I knew we should have sent Turles.
1:01 Farmer: 'Better think of something cool to say to make him stop.'
1:05 Farmer: HEY, YOU!
1:06 Farmer: 'Heh. Genius, farmer. *Genius*!'
1:09 Raditz: Aw, look at him! He thinks he's people!
1:12 Raditz: What's your power level, little human?
1:15 Raditz: Five, huh?
1:16 Farmer: PROTECT ME, GUN!
1:18 Raditz: Hey! No! Bad human!
1:21 Farmer: GAH! But I voted for Bush!
1:24 Raditz: Bad!
1:25 Raditz: Now get back up and tell me you're sorry.
1:28 Raditz: Human?
1:30 Raditz: Huuuuman?
1:33 Raditz: (Sigh)... so this is why Dad said I couldn't keep Appule.
1:38 Piccolo: Good old wasteland!
1:40 Piccolo: Yup. Sure is some kickass training!
1:44 Piccolo: Damn it, I'm lonely... might as well check MySpace... no new comments... no friend requests... damn it.
1:54 Piccolo: Well, at least I have you, Tom. You're always there for me.
1:59 Raditz: HEY! YOU!
2:00 Piccolo: What the hell?
2:01 Raditz: ARE YOU KAKAROT? SERIOUSLY, IF YOU ARE, STAY STILL!
2:04 Raditz: I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT KILLING AND SELLING THIS PLANET! IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT!
2:11 Raditz: Oh, wait a second. You're not Kakarot. My bad!
2:14 Piccolo: I've got green skin, pointy ears, and a turban.
2:17 Piccolo: Oh yeah, I must look like *so* many other people.
2:21 Raditz: Oh, a smartass huh? I don't appreciate smartasses.
2:25 Raditz: Prepare yourself for my signature attack!
2:28 Raditz: DOUBLE SUN--!
2:29 Vegeta3986: No.
2:30 Raditz: Eh, huh?
2:30 Vegeta3986: Gimme the mic!
2:31 Lanipator: What? N-no! Come on, man!
2:32 Vegeta3986: Gimme--! Gimme me the mic!
2:33 Lanipator: But that's the real attack na--!
2:35 Vegeta3986: No, it isn't!
2:35 Lanipator: Fine. Here. Take it.
2:39 Lanipator: I'll just go practice my Vegeta.
2:41 Lanipator: *Ass*.
2:43 Raditz: Then prepare yourself for my signature attack.
2:46 Raditz: Keep your eye ON THE BIR--!
2:47 [Scouter beeps]
2:48 Raditz: Ooh! A higher power level.
2:50 Piccolo: Hey! What the hell? Weren't you going to kill me?
2:53 Raditz: Ah. There we go.
2:55 Raditz: Considering the average set by this one green guy and that farmer, the chances of this being Kakarot are-- ...d'ah, screw it I'll just go and check.
3:03 Piccolo: Fine! Go ahead! I didn't want your company anyway.
3:07 Piccolo: Right, Tom?
3:09 [Bulma's ship radio is playing "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"]
3:15 Bulma: Hey, I'm here!
3:16 Krillin: BOOBS! I mean, Bulma!
3:19 Krillin: Hi.
3:20 Bulma: Oooookaayyyy... how's it going?
3:24 Roshi: I'm drinking OJ!
3:25 [DING]
3:26 Roshi: Now it's apple juice!
3:28 [DING]
3:28 Roshi: Now it's beer! Yay, beer!★
3:31 [GULP GULP GULP GULP GULP]
3:33 Krillin: So, where's Yamcha?
3:35 Bulma: I think the bastard's cheating on me!
3:37 Krillin: Why do you say that?
3:39 [Flashback]
3:39 Yamcha: BULMA! IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOK LI--!
3:40 Yamcha: Oh OK, it's totally what it looks like.
3:43 Yamcha: Can I still live here? Please? Before this, I was living in the desert.
3:47 Yamcha: Oh, and have you changed Puar's litter box yet?
3:49 Puar: I make boom-boom!
3:50 [Flashback ends]
3:51 Krillin: Oh, are you serious? Yamcha? Oh, that is so out of char--
3:54 Krillin: So, you're single then?
3:58 Goku: Hey, guys!
3:59 Bulma: Goku!
3:59 Krillin: TAIL-- uh, wait, what?
4:01 Goku: Ha ha ha ha!
4:02 Bulma: Uh, Goku? I can't help but notice that five-year-old you're carrying.
4:07 Krillin: Goku, just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children.
4:13 Goku: Uh, OK...
4:15 Goku: This is actually my son.
4:16 [Dramatic sting]
4:18 M. Night Shyamalan: What a twist!
4:19 Bulma: Oh, wow! I guess this means you finally... you know...
4:23 Goku: Know what?
4:25 Roshi: You know... "bow-chicka-wow-wow"!
4:28 Goku: What're those noises you're makin'?
4:31 Roshi: 'Oh my *God*, he's a parent!'
4:31 Bulma: 'Oh my *God*, he's a parent!'
4:34 Krillin: So when's the little guy gonna start training?
4:36 Goku: Actually, Chi-Chi is making him study. She wants him to grow up and be... what's it called?
4:41 Krillin: A productive and responsible member of society?
4:43 Goku: Yeah, lame! That's it!
4:45 Goku: Hey son, come here! Stop playing with the turtle! We don't need people saying things...
4:50 Bulma: Hey, is that a Dragon Ball on his head?
4:53 Bulma: Doesn't that sort of make him a target for villains who might want them?
4:56 Goku: Aw, come on! I beat Piccolo. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who--
5:00 Goku: HOLY BLACK ON A POPO, WHAT IS *THAT*!?
5:04 Roshi: What's wrong?
5:05 Goku: I just felt a power level bigger than... than... Krillin's losing streak!
5:10 [Dramatic sting]
5:11 Krillin: You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy.
5:14 Goku: 'He's... getting closer...'
5:16 [Dramatic sting]
5:17 Krillin: Shouldn't we grab Gohan and put him insi--?
5:20 Krillin: Oh son of a--
5:21 Raditz: It took me a while to get here but I finally found you... Kakarot.
5:23 [Goku gasps]
5:26 Goku: What?
5:26 Raditz: That's right. That's your name.
5:29 Goku: What?
5:29 Raditz: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet.
5:33 Goku: What?
5:34 Raditz: You... hit your head as a child, didn't you?
5:37 [THWACK]
5:39 Goku: ...What?
5:40 Raditz: Oh for God's sakes, listen!
5:42 Raditz: You were sent here as a child to take over the planet, you're part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the "Saiyans", and to top off this expositional onslaught...
5:51 Raditz: I... am your BROTHER!
5:53 [DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN]
5:59 Krillin: So you're his brother, huh? Wow, that must mean you'll be involved in a lot of future events, right?
6:05 Krillin: ...Right?
6:06 [SMACK]
6:06 Krillin: WAH-AH-AH-AH-AH!
6:08 Krillin: GUH-hah!
6:09 [K.O.C ding]
6:10 Krillin: What did I say...?
6:11 Goku: Hey, stop hitting Krillin!
6:13 Raditz: Why?
6:14 Goku: Because you're breaking Kame House!
6:17 Krillin: Yeah... stop breaking Kame House...
6:20 Goku: So, what're you here for? The Dragon Balls?
6:23 Raditz: The... the Dragon's *what*?
6:25 Goku: The Dragon Balls, you know?
6:27 Goku: There are seven of them, they grant you any wish you want... like immortality?
6:31 Oolong: Or Bulma's panties.
6:33 Nappa: Vegeta, did you hear that?
6:35 Vegeta: Oh yeah, we're totally going to Earth to get our wish!
6:38 Nappa: Yeah, we're gonna get panties!
6:41 Nappa: ...I mean immortality.
6:43 Nappa: Immortality's what I meant. Right, Vegeta?
6:45 Vegeta: Just get in the damn pod.
6:48 Raditz: No. I'm here for *you*, Kakarot.
6:52 Goku: So, what are we going to do? See a ball game? Catch a movie?
6:55 Raditz: We're going to kill everyone on the planet and then sell it for profit to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet.
7:04 Goku: Oh... Well, uh... I sorta like people here.
7:08 Goku: So with all due respect--
7:10 Goku: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhHHHHHHHHHHH--
7:14 Gohan: Daddy!
7:15 Raditz: I'll be taking *this*.
7:16 Raditz: Yoink!
7:18 Goku: Quick! Somebody stop him!
7:22 [Crickets chirping]
7:24 Goku: Dammit, Krillin!
7:25 Krillin: Hey, I was bitch slapped through a house! What's your excuse?!
7:28 Goku: I was kneed in the *stomach*!
7:30 [Krillin gasps]
7:30 Piccolo: You guys are pathetic!
7:32 [Goku and Bulma gasp]
7:32 [Dramatic sting]
7:34 Piccolo: What?
7:35 Goku: Aw, geez...!
7:37 Goku: Hey look, I know you totally want to kill me and all, but... today's kind of a bad day.
7:42 Goku: * My brother just showed up * Turns out I'm an alien * He stole my kid
7:46 Piccolo: Oh yeah, I was watching that, that was *priceless*!
7:49 Piccolo: HUHUHAHA, AHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AH, AHA, UH--
7:54 Piccolo: Sorry for your loss.
7:56 Goku: Yeah, anyway... wanna help me get him back?
7:59 Piccolo: Whyyyyyy...?
8:01 Goku: I'll friend you on MySpace...
8:05 Piccolo: 'Tom, you've been replaced!'
8:07 [BOING]
8:08 [BOING]
8:09 [BOING]
8:10 [BOIOIOIOIOIOINNG]
8:13 Roshi: Now, it's a Nestlé Crunch bar!
8:15 [DING]
8:15 Roshi: Now, it's a gummy bear!
8:17 [DING]
8:17 Roshi: Now, it's Nappa!
8:18 Nappa: Wait, what the hell?!