“Check the News — WHAT CHANNEL?!”

Goku: Boy, I'm glad you're a Super Saiyan now; I've needed a good training partner!

Goku: I don't know Trunks very well, and Vegeta's always so busy... and angry.

Goku: I'm not gonna lie; sometimes, I think he doesn't like me.

Goku: I mean, who wouldn't like *me*?

Gohan: Maybe you're just too good.

Goku: Na-haw, I'm just Goku! And speaking of Goku, IT'S LUNCH TI--!

Gohan: Well, guess we don't know what time it is anymore, huh? (Chuckling)

Goku: Don't break Popo's stuff don't break Popo's stuff don't break Popo's stuff don't break Popo's stuff don't break Popo's stuff

Gohan: (Calming down)

Gohan: Uh... Dad?

Gohan: ...

Gohan: What're you muttering?

Goku: SIXTH RULE OF POPO'S TRAINING!

♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

Trunks: Aaah!

Trunks: Aaaaahh!!

Trunks: Aaaaaaahhh!!!

Trunks: Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!

Perfect Cell: Good Lord, the lungs on that boy!

Krillin: You OK, Trunks? You, uh, doin' good on air--

Krillin: dehyeyeyagh!

Piccolo: And *there's* the twist.

Bulma: Not to be a broken record, but...

Piccolo: Right, so uh, no worries, your uh... huh, I was gonna say husband, but... well, I was gonna say boyfriend, but--

Tien: Your baby-daddy is still breathing.

Piccolo: Yeah, barely.

Bulma: Well, that's a relief.

Piccolo: On the other hand, Trunks is about to fight Cell.

Bulma: What?! But he's just a baby!

Bulma: Oh-hoh, right... the future one...

Bulma: But he's just a baby!

Krillin: OK, ya done?

Trunks: Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm so sorry about that!

Krillin: Hey man, it's fine.

Trunks: My power was rising, I couldn't control it.

Krillin: No, it's good, go kill him!

Trunks: Definitely didn't do that because you spared the Android or anything...

Krillin: Well, obviously.

Krillin: ...Right?

Perfect Cell: You know, if I had a watch, I'd be looking at my wrist reeaaally condescendingly right now...

Trunks: Krillin, take this. Give it to my father.

Krillin: You... sure you won't need it?

Trunks: No. This battle was over before it began.

Krillin: BAD-ASS!

Perfect Cell: Also accurate!

Android 16: Trunks! Senzu beans heal physical damage! Only therapy will aid emotional trauma.

Perfect Cell: Oh, please. There's not a shrink qualified enough to deal with that hot mess.

Perfect Cell: And, speaking of shrink...

Krillin: Here it comes...

Perfect Cell: Krillin, go kiss the Prince's booboos. The big boys need to talk.

Krillin: Fine, whatever. Leave ya to it. Say goodbye, Vegeta!

Vegeta: (Gurgling)

Trunks: I'm going to make you pay in blood for what you did to him!

Perfect Cell: Oh don't lie, boy scout; that *must* have been catharsis by proxy. (Chuckle)

Perfect Cell: He's gonna be waking up for the next five years in a cold *sweat* remembering today!

Perfect Cell: (Chuckle)

Trunks: I'm not a psychopath like--

Perfect Cell: Kind of like you!

Trunks: Like me??

Perfect Cell: Does Gohan know, by the way?

Trunks: Does he know what?

Perfect Cell: That you let him die.

Trunks: I'm going to power up now.

Perfect Cell: I'd be disappointed if you didn't!

Trunks: (Yelling)

Tien: That's Trunks?!

Piccolo: Yeah, pretty astonishing, isn't it?

Tien: It's in*furiating*!

Piccolo: Why? Because the gap keeps widening?

Tien: Because he could've: A) Killed Android 18 B) Killed Cell Or C) Killed Vegeta!

Piccolo: Why Vegeta?

Tien: Because I deserve SOMETHING today!

Perfect Cell: That's right, keep it coming, boy! I want a *real* fight this time!

Trunks: Don't you worry! I'll show you just how much stronger I am than my father!

Perfect Cell: Your fathe--?

Perfect Cell: Oh, no, I'm sorry, I wasn't being specific. I'm referring to the *last* time we met.

Perfect Cell: Of course you wouldn't remember, because you weren't there. (Chuckle)

Perfect Cell: I mean, you were, buuuuttt~...

Trunks: GET TO THE POINT!

Perfect Cell: Alright kiddo, tell me: What do you know about time travel?

Trunks: Less than I should...

Perfect Cell: Well, how do you suppose I got here?

Trunks: Well, my Time Machine, obviously.

Perfect Cell: Ya-huh; and how do you think I *got* said Time Machine?

Trunks: ...I don't wanna answer that...

Perfect Cell: Here's the thing: Multiverse theory's a *bitch*.

Perfect Cell: Fact is, you - or at least, another you - traveled to the past, saved the world, came back to your future, and finally defeated the Androids.

Perfect Cell: Congratulations, son. You *won*!

Trunks: But wait, then when did you--

Perfect Cell: So you decided to *celebrate*!

Perfect Cell: Head back to the past, get your hair ruffled, and finally get that *thumbs up* from daddy dearest!

Perfect Cell: But you made one. Fatal. Mistake.

Perfect Cell: You took away what was *mine*!

Perfect Cell: Unfortunately, I couldn't fit in your Time Machine, so I had to revert to my larval stage, made the trip to a year before *you* showed up, burrowed underground for four years, and w-well... the rest is history.

Trunks: Then... you're here...!

Perfect Cell: Because of *you*!

Perfect Cell: But please don't beat yourself up. (Chuckle)

Perfect Cell: You're just a child, playing hero... complete with spandex.

Trunks: And you are just another mistake that I have to correct.

Perfect Cell: I'm impressed! Behind all that angst and ridiculous hair, there's a real fighter!

Trunks: And behind all that insufferable smarm is a *dead man*!

Perfect Cell: Trunks... you couldn't fathom the amount of dead men behind me!

Android 16: Go, unreasonably buff bird!

Trunks: Now that might not have done a lot of damage... but *damn* did it feel good!

Perfect Cell: Oh-ho-ho~? Am I sensing an iota of pride?

Perfect Cell: Guess the apple doesn't fall far if ya *shake* the tree hard enough!

Trunks: That snark isn't going to save you while I'm taking you apart.

Trunks: If you haven't noticed, I've LITERALLY got you against the wall.

Perfect Cell: And don't think I don't appreciate the effort.

Perfect Cell: By a wide margin, you're packing more of a wallop than daddy ever did!

Perfect Cell: However... you will never... *ever*... defeat me with that form.

Gohan: But why? It's so *strong*!

Goku: Oh yeah! In raw power, it can't be beat.

Goku: But the amount of concentrated energy causes an extreme expansion in mass. The body can't compensate.

Goku: And while you'll see a fifty percent power increase, you'll see a seventy-five percent *de*crease in speed AND mobility.

Goku: You'd never hit your opponent.

Gohan: Did-did you...?

Gohan: What just...?

Goku: Whoop, sorry! Was thinkin' about fightin'.

Gohan: I'm not sure what just happened.

Goku: Silly Gohan! In a lame-man's terms:

Perfect Cell: You. Can't. Hit me.

Trunks: Then what do you call the last five minutes?!

Perfect Cell: Pity...

Trunks: Hrrrgh!

Android 16: Trunks! Do not worry! He is just playing you.

Android 16: Correction: He's *been* playing you.

Trunks: Why?! T-*how*?!

Perfect Cell: Because you're green.

Trunks: ...Wait, you mean...

Perfect Cell: No, not like me you idiot; as in, you're a novice, an amateur!

Perfect Cell: You're surrounded by fighters who have seen more action in a week than you've seen in your ENTIRE LIFE.

Perfect Cell: Hell, at your age, Goku had defeated an entire army, several demons, and sent a rabbit to the moon!

Trunks: Did... did you make that last one u--?

Perfect Cell: And the worst part of it is, that form isn't even new. Watch.

Perfect Cell: "Look at me, I'm Trunks! Please love me Daaaad~!"

Perfect Cell: See? Anyone can do it.

Trunks: ...That's a terrible impression.

Android 16: But not inaccurate!

Trunks: Why are you still here?!

Perfect Cell: For God's sake, I bet even your *father* can do it; he's just not stupid enough to try!

Perfect Cell: And as we've seen today, that threshold is vast...

Perfect Cell: Now, how about you come on down, stop using that useless form... and quit wasting everyone's time?

Perfect Cell: Jeez, I can't tell which is more shattered; your father's body or your spirit...

Trunks: Just get it over with and kill me already...

Perfect Cell: Whoa, and spirit it is! Seriously bucko, way to bring down the mood.

Trunks: Is this all just a game to you?!

Perfect Cell: A game? Hardly.

Perfect Cell: If this were a game, I'd be having fun... or killing Goku.

Perfect Cell: Now *that* sounds like a good time.

Android 16: That still doesn't make us friends!

Perfect Cell: I'M TRYING, SIXTEEN!

Trunks: Fine! Go ahead. Fight Goku.

Trunks: But when he wins, and when YOU DIE... NOBODY... is going to remember you.

Perfect Cell: Huh...

Perfect Cell: Alright; change of plans.

Perfect Cell: Turn that frown upside-down, boy scout! You're not dying today.

Trunks: What in the...? WHY?

Perfect Cell: Careful, junior; don't want that gift horse to *bite you*!

Perfect Cell: You've just given me an idea is all. What *would* I accomplish killing you here?

Krillin: Well, time to see how well Senzu beans do with a broken spine!

Vegeta: (Groans)

Vegeta: (Gasp) Where am I?! What happened?!

Krillin: You *may* have blacked out a little bit...

Vegeta: But I'm still alive! H-he must have realized his mistake and run away...

Vegeta: (Slight chuckle)

Krillin: Dude, c'mon, it's just me.

Vegeta: I... I don't get it... I trained so hard... I reached a new level...! And yet...!

Krillin: *Trust* me man, I get you. I mean, my neck's still stiff from earlier.

Vegeta: (Sniff)... Heh.

Krillin: I mean, if I had a dime for every time I had my ass kicked, I might not be in crippling debt! (Laughing)

Vegeta: (Laughing)

Krillin: But, but if I had gotten a beat down like that, *man*, I would've hung up my gloves, my blue spandex, and my ridiculously pointy hair!

Vegeta: (Calms down)

Vegeta: Hnnn!

Krillin: Hahaha, ah-ha, ah-- heeeyy you're not laughing anymore...!

Krillin: Could I get a dime for that?

Trunks: Um... hey... um, if you liked the video, please like and subscribe...

Trunks: And uh... uh... check out... the gaming channel? Uh, they're... playing Doom! Um...

Trunks: Oh! And, uh, the Tenkaichi Ironman Budokai Abridgathon. Where you can be the best abridger ever! Uh, maybe... I guess...?

Trunks: Sorry... I guess it's just a little weird that I'm not... *dead*...

Trunks: Oh, uh, they also have a patreon... and... shirts over on sharkrobot.com... huh...

Trunks: Well, uh... if you don't mind me, I'm gonna go uh... I'm gonna go have a sit.