“A Lovely Bunch of Dragon Balls”

Narrator: Last time on Dragon Ball Z Abridged...

Vegeta: Finally! I've gathered all seven Dragon Balls!

Shenron: State your wish.

Vegeta: Dragon! Grant me immortality!

Shenron: Your wish is granted.

Vegeta: Yes! I've done it!

Vegeta: I'm finally the strongest in all the Universe!

Vegeta: WAH HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! >XD

Vegeta: I am unstoppable...

Zarbon: Oh, how cute. He's having a little dream.

Vegeta: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Zarbon: Now, let's get you back to Lord Freeza.

Zarbon: I need to... probe you for the information.

Vegeta: My power is maximum...

♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

♫ Sparking! {fading echo} ♫

Apool: Take that, you bastard.

Apool: This one's for Ichpe!

Zarbon: Report!

Apool: Uh, I just..

Apool: I'm just checking... his vitals.

Zarbon: Is he going to make it?

Apool: Well, it's a good thing you got him to me when you did.

Apool: Even a little later, and we might not have been able to save him.

Zarbon: Why isn't he naked?

Apool: Luckily, we--

Apool: ...*what*?

Zarbon: In the healing tank; I always thought you needed to be nude.

Apool: Wha--?

Apool: W-why would you think that?

Zarbon: You know, to... absorb all the healing juices.

Zarbon: WELL, looks like you have everything under control here.

Apool: Freaks me the f*ck out.

Ghost Nappa: (Whistles)

Ghost Nappa: Is this thing on?

Ghost Nappa: Is it o--

Vegeta: (Moaning)

Ghost Nappa: OKAY, there we go.

Ghost Nappa: (Clears his throat)

Ghost Nappa: YOU are now thinking about what Zarbon did to you...

Ghost Nappa: while you were unconscious.

Ghost Nappa: Have fun with that... that... that...

Vegeta: (Groaning)

Apool: You know, Vegeta, I've gotta admit - it was pretty impressive how you went all man-hunter on us.

Vegeta: (Groaning intensifies)

Apool: But now, you're all ours.

Vegeta: (Groaning intensifies further)

Apool: And I can't wait to watch Zarbon break you like a glowsti--

Apool: Here I come, Ichpe...

Freeza: And I want you here in twenty-four hours, understood?

Freeza: And make sure to bring the up-to-date Scouters.

Ginyu: Understood, Lord Freeza.

Zarbon: Lord Freeza, I really need to use the space Skype.

Freeza: Zarbon, what could possibly be so important that you need to interrupt me during my call?

Zarbon: Well, I need to call my girlfriend.

Freeza: Well, I--

Freeza: ...Ginyu, I'll call you back.

Freeza: Come again?

Zarbon: You see, our one-year anniversary is coming up and I want to see where she wants to go so I can make reservations early.

Freeza: Oh.

Freeza: And all this time I could have sworn you were--

Freeza: ...Nevermind.

Zarbon: What, you thought I was single?

Freeza: Well, no. I just...

Freeza: I... thought you were into...

Freeza: You know, it really doesn't matter.

Zarbon: Well, it matters to me; because, frankly, it sounds like you thought I was--

Oran: LORD FREEZA!

Oran: VEGETA'S BROKEN OUT OF THE HEALING T--

Oran: Aiee!

Freeza: Oh, no. That minion died.

Freeza: Could you go fix that?

Freeza: We'll continue this conversation never.

Zarbon: ...Did he say something about Vegeta?

Freeza: What?

Freeza: Zarbon ... who did you leave guarding him?

Freeza: APOOL?!

Freeza: YOU LEFT APOOL HERE?!

Zarbon: Well, I thought he could handle it!

Freeza: Apool couldn't handle a shot of raspberry Schnapps, much less Vegeta!

Freeza: Oh, where's the damn phone? I need to make another call.

Zarbon: Yes, sir! I'll go look for Vegeta!

Zarbon: He won't get far!

Vegeta: 'Yes, that's right. Search all over for me, Zarbon.'

Vegeta: 'Of course, you'd never think to check inside your own SHIP!'

Vegeta: 'You know what they say:'

Vegeta: '"Keep your friends close ... and your enemies closer."'

Vegeta: Huhaha! Hahaha! HA, hahahahahahahaha! Ha--

Minion: Lord Freeza, I found him!

Vegeta: Ah, f*ck it.

Minion: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Freeza: Ginyu! Hurry up, double time!

Freeza: Zarbon really screwed the pooch on this one.

Zarbon: Lord Freeza, Vegeta's really giving us a pounding!

Freeza: I'm coming, Zarbon! Quick, grab my Balls!

Freeza: Damn it all to hell, he's gone!

Freeza: And he took off with my Dragon Balls!

Zarbon: Lord Freeza, I found a note!

Freeza: Let me see that!

Freeza: It just says "Dear Fr ̶i̶eeza", and it's a picture of a butt.

Zarbon: Can I see it, Lord Freeza?

Freeza: Vegeta! Dragon Balls! NOW!!!!

Zarbon: Yes, sir!

Zarbon: 'Dammit! He's up here somewhere! I just need to spot the bastard!'

Vegeta: 'Later, bitches.'

Goku: Whew!

Goku: It's taken me five whole days!

Goku: But I'm finally up to 100x gravity!

Goku: It's a good thing I brought along all these Senzu...

Goku: Aw man, it looks like we only have four left.

Goku: Aw well, we won't need that many on Namek.

Goku: Om nom nom!

Goku: (Gulp)

Goku: Mmmmm, tastes like healing.

King Kai: Hello, Goku? Do you hear me?

King Kai: I swear to God, if this is George Takei again I'm gonna shove a brick up the Verizon guy's a--

Goku: King Kai?

King Kai: Ah, there you are Goku.

King Kai: I see you're on your way to Namek.

Goku: I'm gonna beat someone up!

King Kai: Of course, you are.

King Kai: But listen!

King Kai: There's someone on Namek that you must absolutely stay away from.

King Kai: You hear me?

King Kai: He's even *stronger* than Vegeta, and he--

Goku: I know!

King Kai: What?

Goku: I'm gonna beat him up!

King Kai: Goku, no.

King Kai: This is nothing like Vegeta. It is much, MUCH worse.

Goku: Uh huh...!

King Kai: He is known throughout the galaxy as the most terrifying and evil person there is!

Goku: Really?!

King Kai: He's conquered hundreds of planets!

King Kai: And slaughtered *billions* of people!

Goku: Eeeeeeeeeeee!

King Kai: Stop it! Stop getting excited!

King Kai: Now promise me you will not fight hi--

Goku: Ooo, I can see Planet Namek!

Goku: Naw, wait, naw it's fake.

King Kai: Goku! Seriously!

King Kai: Promise me that under no circumstance will you go anywhere near Freeza!

Goku: But, King Kai, I--

King Kai: PROMISE ME!

Goku: Aw, alright.

Goku: I promise I will absolutely not--

Goku: Click! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

King Kai: What the--

Goku: rrrrrrrr--

Goku: (Inhale)

Goku: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

King Kai: He--

Goku: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

King Kai: He hung up on me!

Goku: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Goku: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

King Kai: How the hell did he even do that?!

Goku: rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr--

King Kai: Dammit, I'll call him back!

King Kai: Goku, I swear to God! I will ride your *ass* on this one!

George Takei: Oh, myyy~

King Kai: DAMMIT, TAKEI!

Vegeta: (Gasping for air)

Vegeta: Alright...

Vegeta: They should be here somewhere.

Vegeta: Aha! They're here!

Vegeta: They're all here.

Vegeta: Perfect. Now, I have six, counting the one I have hidden near the village.

Vegeta: All I have to do now is stay under the radar and not fly around like a jackass, saying

Krillin: I've got a Dragon Ball!

Vegeta: I was gonna say, "Come and get me, Freeza"

Vegeta: But that works, too!

Zarbon: This is useless! I'm never going to find him like this!

Zarbon: I might as well hide under a rock!

Zarbon: Maybe Lord Freeza won't find me if I just lay low and don't fly around like a jackass, saying

Vegeta: Come to papa, ya bald bastard!

Zarbon: I was going to say "Come and get me, Freeza"

Zarbon: But that works, too!

Bulma: Son of a bitch!

Krillin: Huh.

Krillin: I thought you'd be back in the cave.

Bulma: Well, I WOULD, if I didn't keep finding puddles of--

Krillin: Yeah, yeah, I know, in the cave.

Krillin: Get over it.

Krillin: Besides! I brought us a Dragon Ball!

Bulma: Oh, wow!

Bulma: They're much bigger than the ones on Earth.

Krillin: Yeah, Gohan and I were pretty surprised, too when we...

Krillin: Wait...

Krillin: Where is Gohan?

Bulma: Oh. He took the Dragon Radar.

Bulma: We found a Dragon Ball that was all on it's own.

Krillin: Wait, what?!

Gohan: I've got a Dragon Ball!

Krillin: You let Gohan go out on his own?!

Bulma: Yeah.

Bulma: What's the big deal?

Krillin: Do you have ANY idea what Chi-Chi will do to me if he gets hurt?!

Krillin: I like my penis where it is, thank you.

Bulma: I still don't see how this is my problem.

Krillin: Aw.

Krillin: Well, we'll just have to wait for him here, then.

Krillin: At least we have a Dragon Ball!

Vegeta: Hi, there! I'm taking your Dragon Ball.

Krillin: Uh...

Krillin: Care to trade for one of yours?

Vegeta: How 'bout "no"?

Krillin: You drive a hard bargain.

Zarbon: Who drives it hard, now?

Zarbon: Hmm-hmm...

Vegeta: Oh, I thought I smelled body glitter...

Zarbon: You. The short one over there.

Zarbon: Give me the Dragon Ball.

Krillin: Ummm...

Vegeta: Not so fast! He's handing the Ball over to me!

Vegeta: Right, baldy?

Krillin: Uhhh...

Krillin: Bulma? Little help here?

Bulma: Oh my God, he's so hot!

Bulma: I just wanna grab him and--

Goku: sixty-nine...

Goku: seventy...

Goku: seventy--

Vegeta: One time, you've defeated me, Zarbon.

Vegeta: And that's one time too many.

Zarbon: Nothing's changed, Vegeta.

Zarbon: The last time we fought, you were barely alive when I retrieved your body.

Vegeta: That... reminds me...

Vegeta: Did you DO anything to me while I was unconscious?

Zarbon: Did--

Zarbon: Did I *what*?

Vegeta: Did you do anything to me while I was unconscious?

Zarbon: What?!

Zarbon: No! GOD no!

Vegeta: Oh, thank GOD, I ju--

Vegeta: Wait, what do you mean by that?

Vegeta: Am I not good enough for you?!

Zarbon: Alright, Vegeta - I'm gonna be totally honest with you.

Zarbon: This is sounding really gay.

Vegeta: Wha-I--

Vegeta: What are you--

Zarbon: Not that there's anything wrong with that!

Vegeta: Just--

Vegeta: Just- transform, damn you.

Bulma: We're going to have a penthouse suite, and he'll drive a Corvette, and we'll make love every single--

Bulma: KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Zarbon: You've made a huge mistake, Vegeta.

Zarbon: Now prepare to die!

Zarbon: ROOAARRGH!

Zarbon: RRAGH...!

Zarbon: UUGH...!

Vegeta: What was that? I couldn't hear you over that hole I made in your STOMACH.

Zarbon: But...

Zarbon: Vegeta...

Zarbon: Please...

Zarbon: Just ... give me a chance.

Zarbon: We ... could ... work ...... together--

Vegeta: Yeah, yeah, I've heard that bit already.

Vegeta: Now, let me put this in a way you'll understand.

Vegeta: I'm about to blow my load all over your insides.

Zarbon: ...WHAT, THE--

Vegeta: No homo.

Zarbon: AAAAAAAARRaaaaaaaugh...!

Vegeta: ...Freaky Alien Genotype...

Dende: Guru, sir.

Dende: I have a question.

Guru: Ask away.

Dende: You've been around for so long.

Dende: Just how old are you?

Guru: I am this many.

Dende: ...You didn't raise your hand.

Guru: That's how OLD I AAAAAAAMMMMM!

Bulma: KILL IT WITH FIRE!