“The U.S.S. M'Dick”

Trunks: Hello. My name is Trunks. And this... is my story.

Trunks: I mean, I was a baby during this part, so... the details are a little unclear.

Gohan: Mom, what happened?!

Chi-Chi: Your Dad is *dead*! *For good*!

Gohan: *Nooooooo*!

Baby Trunks: Dad dead! Dad dead!

Trunks: I am told those were my first words.

Vegeta: Son of a *bitch*!

Baby Trunks: Son bitch!

Trunks: And those were my second.

Gohan: But he just got back from his training!

Gohan: After getting back from Namek!

Gohan: After *getting back* from his *training*!

Gohan: *After being DEAD*!

Goku's Ghost: Byyyyye, soooon...!

Trunks: And with the death of Goku, his family and friends were left to mourn... for approximately six months.

Krillin: Hey girl, how you—WAAH!! MY EYES!!

Trunks: Leaving the fate of the Earth... with little hope.

Trunks: Over the next thirteen years, the Androids would destroy small town after small town, working their way up.

Trunks: Maybe that's why we reacted the way we did.

TJ: ...aaand welcome back, folks to TJ—

Wombat: —and the Wombat!

TJ: Starting us off this hour with sports: The College Battleball Association has had to disband ENTIRELY.

Wombat: As most of its players and associate colleges have been destroyed by the Cyborgs.

Audio Clip: Ahahahahahaha, WIPEOUT!

TJ: Speaking of which! In Cyborg News...

Wombat: As we currently speak, Paprikaburg is under siege by the mechanical threat!

TJ: But on the brighter side — ♪ Wombat's getting married! ♪ Ha ha ha!

Wombat: That's right! Unfortunately, my beloved fiancée resides in Paprikaburg... and is probably, most certainly dying as we speak.

Wombat: But — silver lining — I'M SINGLE AGAIN!

Audio Clip: Oh, behave!

Bulma: (Sigh) I miss country...

Trunks: Mom? Do you believe in destiny?

Bulma: I'm a scientist; so, no.

Trunks: Paprikaburg is only thirty miles from here. If I hurry, I could save someone.

Bulma: Or you could die like your father.

Trunks: Why do you say that every time I want to go fight them?

Bulma: Because YOU are 13, I'm 37, and I am all alone.

Trunks: My mother had been 37 for ten years...

Bulma: No means no. End of discus—

Bulma: Oh! No! Just, just fly away! That's fine!

Bulma: '*God*... bless him...'

Android 17: Hey, 18! You keeping score?

Android 18: *Why* would I be doing that?

Android 17: (Scoffs) You said you would.

Android 18: No, you said, "Hey, check this shit out!", then jumped in a car.

Android 17: Aw, come on, sis! Is this about the shop earlier?

Android 18: Oh, man, you wouldn't *believe* this haul!

Android 18: This is why I love these little inner-city shops; they always have the best brands.

Android 18: What the hell?! Why did you blow it up?! They were giving me free clothes!

Android 17: Didn't give me nothin'.

Android 18: It was a woman's clothing store.

Android 17: Hey, I'm perfectly secure.

Android 18: Is that why you dye your hair?

Android 17: Tch, don't hate.

Trunks: I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do anything at all... but I had to at least try to stop their chaos.

Trunks: Unfortunately... I was too late.

Young Trunks: Damn it! I'm too late!

Trunks: But... as I walked the ruins of that demolished city... a hero appeared!

Trunks: The hero of my time: Gohan!

Trunks: And face-to-face with him, all I could say was...

Young Trunks: Gohan they keep destroying cities and I don't know how to stop them and now everybody's de-he-head!

Trunks: I believe it was profound.

Young Trunks: You remember a time before this, Gohan...

Young Trunks: What was it like?

Gohan: Well...

Gohan: When I was a toddler, my Uncle showed up, kidnapped me, and then Mr. Piccolo killed him and my Dad.

Gohan: Then *Mr. Piccolo* kidnapped me, the Saiyans showed up, killed a bunch of people — including Mr. Piccolo...

Gohan: then we went to Namek, a bunch more people died, we came back, then my Dad died *again*,

Gohan: then all my friends died, and now everyone else is dying.

Young Trunks: But it was better, right?

Gohan: ...No.

Young Trunks: Well, I can help! I'm half-Saiyan, just like you!

Gohan: I've got one, Mr. Piccolo...

Young Trunks: What?

Gohan: I said from now on, you shall be my pupil... and you will call me Mr. Gohan!

Young Trunks: Oh! OK. Would you like to stay for dinner, Mr. Gohan?

Mr. Gohan: Mr. Gohan would!

Bulma: Trunks, are you home?

Bulma: Or should I change my dating profile from "Single Mother" to just "Single"? Because one gets more hits— oh... Gohan! Long time no see!

Mr. Gohan: Bulma.

Single Mother: *So*... *Gohan*... you staying the night?

Single Mother: We got plenty of room here but, you know... no extra beds, so...

Single Mother: we'll have to share...

Mr. Gohan: ...I'm good.

Bulma: Well, worth a shot. Who's hungry?

Bulma: You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get produce nowadays. Luckily, we have our own greenhouses.

Bulma: Don't ask me where I get the protein from, though.

Mr. Gohan: Can't talk; eating!

Bulma: Oh, you are *just* like your father...

Mr. Gohan: In what regard?

Bulma: Well, you're strong, and brave, and look at you in that gi.

Mr. Gohan: It was the only thing he left me.

Bulma: Aww, that's sweet.

Trunks: Over the next few weeks, Gohan would begin training me, focusing on making me a Super Saiyan like him.

Trunks: His methods were... dodgy.

Mr. Gohan: DODGE!

Young Trunks: Aah-haa!

Young Trunks: Help me, Mr. Gohan!

Mr. Gohan: FLY UP!

Young Trunks: The whirlpool's too strong! I can't swim!

Mr. Gohan: *I said*, "FLY UP!"

Young Trunks: Maybe... I can build a raft!

Mr. Gohan: (Frustrated groan)

Crab: Bumba!

Mr. Gohan: Here. Clean yourself up.

Mr. Gohan: You know, if you think I'm rough, you should have trained with Mr. Piccolo.

Young Trunks: You really looked up to him, didn't you?

Mr. Gohan: Yeah. He was like the father I never had.

Young Trunks: You know, speaking of dads... Mom never talks about mine...

Young Trunks: You knew him, right? What was he like?

Vegeta: So what!? You think having a dad who's a Super Saiyan makes you better than me!?

Gohan: Ugh! Ugh! Aah! Uuh! Ugh!

Gohan: No-ho-ho...!

Vegeta: WRONG ANSWER!

Gohan: Uuh! Aah! Uuh!

Mr. Gohan: ...he had a lot to prove.

Trunks: Gohan would never talk much about his family.

Trunks: Apparently, his mother and grandfather lived alone in the woods.

Ox King: I'm home!

Ox King: And I've got groceries! H-how are you doing, sweetheart?

Chi-Chi: I should be a grandmother, you know.

Ox King: Ohhh...

Chi-Chi: I should be a grandmother, with a Nobel Prize-winning son. But what am I?

Chi-Chi: A widow... with a son who never talks to me and is possibly dead.

Ox King: You... y-y-you, uh...

Chi-Chi: So I'm just gonna sit here, and knit this baby sweater.

Ox King: So, uh... is dinner happening?

Chi-Chi: Will dinner bring my husband back!?

Ox King: Maybe...?

Trunks: Gohan would continue pushing me harder and harder, day and night, to become a Super Saiyan.

Mr. Gohan: That's it. Look at him, Mr. Piccolo — he's almost ready.

Mr. Gohan: What do you think?

Mr. Piccolo: 'I think the only real training you'll ever get in this world... is on the battlefield.'

Mr. Gohan: You're *right*!

Trunks: The next day, the Cyborgs would attack Super World.

Announcer: Hello, and welcome to Super World! "Slogan pending!"

Announcer: Please stay behind the line!

Guard: Huh? E-e-e-excuse me, you two! Y-y-you can't cut the line!

Android 18: Do... you not know who we are?

Guard: If you'd like to get on the rides faster, we do have a Fast Pass system that's only 7900 zen--

Guard: uuh-hu-huh...!

Android 18: This is why I hate theme parks.

Android 17: Yeah, you know, when you can fly, these rides don't really seem that fun.

Mr. Gohan: Well, if you're already bored, why not try taking a ride on my fist?

Android 17: ...*Wow*. You, uh, want a minute to rephrase that there, chief?

Mr. Gohan: Nope! I'd rather take that minute to kick your ass!

Android 18: OK, now see, that's better.

Mr. Gohan: Now, Trunks, I want you to just sit back and spectate!

Mr. Gohan: Unless they team up on me, in which case — jump in.

Young Trunks: I can't help but feel like I'm woefully unprepared for this.

Mr. Gohan: And that's *exactly* what we prepared for!

Trunks: This would be my first real battle. And I'd never seen anyone fight so fiercely!

Trunks: Gohan had always told his stories about the fights in the past... but those had a lot more screaming and posturing.

Trunks: But, as soon as Gohan gained the upper hand...

Android 17: Damn, he's pissed today!

Android 18: You think it's his time of the month?

Android 17: Ha! Ah, it's funny 'cause you're a chick!

Young Trunks: Gohan!

Young Trunks: Stop it!

Android 18: I can't believe you brought a kid to a battle!

Android 18: Super irresponsible.

Trunks: She wasn't wrong...

Young Trunks: I'm not afraid of you! I can take care of you myself!

Trunks: I, however, was.

Android 18: Now what do you think?

Young Trunks: You hit like a girl!

Android 18: (Sigh)... Well... you're not wrong.

Mr. Gohan: TRUNKS!

Mr. Gohan: Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit!

Android 18: Oh no, you don't!

Android 17: Well, shit. Think he got away?

Android 18: I don't know; we can't sense life energy.

Android 17: Seriously, what was the point of not giving us that ability?

Android 17: Seems like an intentional design flaw if you ask me.

Android 18: Oh well. Scorched Earth?

Android 17: Scorched Earth.

Mr. Gohan: 'Ah, crapbaskets!'

Mr. Gohan: Oww! Pain!

Mr. Gohan: Oh, everything's in pain. Ugh, everything but my left ar--

Mr. Gohan: ...aw, man!

Mr. Gohan: Ugh, aagh, too bad I'm not a Namekian. Be reeaally handy right about now...

Mr. Gohan: 'But I'll just settle on the next best thing and use the Senzu Beans!'

Mr. Gohan: 'Bean... singular.'

Mr. Gohan: Ah, well, that's disappointing...

Single Mother: Looking for... male...

Single Mother: mid-to-late thirties...

Single Mother: black spiky hair...

Single Mother: not too tall...

Single Mother: loves to work out.

Trunks: Hey, Mom?

Bulma: (Sigh) What is it, Trun—OH, MY GOD!

Young Trunks: What do you know about reattaching arms?

Young Trunks: ...That I can't find?

Bulma: Oh, sweetie.

Bulma: So... have you learned anything today?

Young Trunks: The only good Cyborg is a dead Cyborg?

Bulma: (Sigh)... You really are your father's son...

Trunks: Now stronger and more motivated than ever, I was back to training as soon as Gohan was able again.

Trunks: Though I think he was still a little... sore.

Mr. Gohan: Come on, Trunks! Just imagine losing someone or something close to you!

Mr. Gohan: Like your arm! 'Cause trust me... THAT REALLY FRIGGIN' SUCKS!

Mr. Gohan: Alright, take five.

Trunks: Unfortunately... I wouldn't transform in time.

Young Trunks: So, Gohan — do you usually hang out in wastelands?

Mr. Gohan: What do you mean? This is where I live.

Young Trunks: Oh...

Young Trunks: ...it's nice.

Mr. Gohan: I think you're really close, you know. You just need something to push you over the edge...

Young Trunks: Well, you always tell me to use the pain of loss.

Young Trunks: But... I've never really lost anyone.

Mr. Gohan: For me, it's my greatest source of anger.

Mr. Gohan: I just think about losing Krillin or Mr. Piccolo--

Young Trunks: Or your dad?

Mr. Gohan: Uh, yeah, sure.

Mr. Gohan: And then it just builds up inside until finally... it explodes.

Mr. Gohan: Yeah. Like that, only metaphorically.

Young Trunks: The Cyborgs! Mr. Gohan, we have to go!

Mr. Gohan: No, Trunks! You stay here this time. We both know you're not ready.

Young Trunks: Mr. Gohan, you only have one arm! What can you do with one arm?!

Mr. Gohan: You know what? You're right. What can I do with only one arm?

Young Trunks: Thank you, Mr. Gohan! I will not let you dow—

Mr. Gohan: *That*. I can do that with one arm.

Mr. Gohan: 'Now... what can I do to the *Cyborgs* with one arm...?'

Mr. Piccolo: 'Use the Makankōsappō!'

Mr. Gohan: 'You never taught me that.'

Mr. Piccolo: 'Uuuuse iiiiiit!'

Android 17: You know what? I'm bored.

Android 18: Well, we could find another city.

Android 17: No, I mean, like... bored of this whole "Great Destroyer" shtick, you know?

Mr. Piccolo: Destroying things, killing people... it's just boring.

Android 18: Yeah, it's kinda lost its luster.

Android 18: After you wipe an entire genre of music off the face of the Earth, what's left?

Android 17: You know what I always wanted to do? Like, since before all this?

Android 17: Be a Park Ranger.

Android 18: You want to range a park?

Android 17: Hell yeah! Livin' outdoors, communicatin' with nature, shootin' poachers...

Android 17: Yeah. I think I'ma do tha—

Android 17: UUH!

Android 17: GUH!

Android 17: YOU GODDAMN CHEAP SON OF A BITCH!

Android 18: He slapped your shit!

Android 17: OK! You know what? That's it! I'm killing every human!

Android 17: Every.

Android 17: One!

Android 17: Then I'm gonna range the shit out of that park!

Mr. Gohan: Neither of you are leaving here alive! I'm stronger than I was before!

Android 18: Yeah; also lighter. Looks like you dropped some weight since last time.

Android 18: Five, ten pounds? I don't know; how much does an arm weigh?

Android 17: Gotta hand it to you, though.

Android 17: Pretty ballsy coming after us all asymmetrical like that.

Android 17: But four hands are better than one.

Android 17: Long story short: You're gonna die.

Mr. Gohan: No! This isn't where my story ends!

Trunks: This is where Gohan's story ends.

Mr. Gohan: D'ugh-egh!

Mr. Gohan: D'YAAAGH!

Mr. Gohan: 'Ahhh, well... this is it, Mr. Piccolo...'

Mr. Gohan: 'But at least we still have Trunks. I trained him just like you wanted.'

Mr. Piccolo: 'You know I'm not actually here, right?'

Mr. Gohan: 'Ah...'

Mr. Gohan: 'Ah... crapbaskets...'

Young Trunks: —down! Huh?

Young Trunks: Oh no...

Young Trunks: Gohan...

Young Trunks: Gohan!

Young Trunks: GOHAAAAAAN!

Slightly Older Trunks: Alright, Mom. I got the rest of the supplies for the Time Machine.

Slightly Older Trunks: It's too bad Grandpa isn't here to help you build it.

Bulma: Yeah. Unfortunately, he's still off searching the cosmos for New Namek.

Dr. Brief: By *God*! Is that it?!

Dr. Brief: After all these—

Dr. Brief: GOD DAMMIT ALL!

Bulma: So until your Grandpa returns — just me.

Radio: (Static) Hello! This is an emergency broadcast from Cuminopolis!

Radio: The Cyborgs are attacking! And they are sparing no one!

Radio: No one is saf—!

Trunks: That's close to here.

Bulma: Trunks, I know what you're thinking, but let me just finish the Time Machine—

Trunks: We don't have *time* for that!

Bulma: That's what the *Machine* is for!

Trunks: Listen! I'm stronger now! I'm a Super Saiyan!

Bulma: So was Gohan, and look how that turned out!

Trunks: Oh, so now you're just replacing Dad with *Gohan*?

Bulma: Trust me, I *tried*!

Trunks: ...I'm going now.

Bulma: Be safe.

Trunks: And so, armed with the sword given to me by Tapion... which is a whole... other story...

Trunks: I raced off to fight the Cyborgs... one last time.

Android 18: We all wrapped up, then?

Android 17: Yep! Looks like we're out of people to kill here.

Trunks: Why don't you try me?

Android 17: Wait, did you just *ask* us to kill you?

Trunks: N-no; a-as in "fight me"!

Android 18: I'm sorry, do we know you?

Trunks: YES! You murdered my maste—

Android 18: Oh wait, hold on...

Android 18: I don't care.

Trunks: To this day, I'm still not sure why I did what I did.

Trunks: Maybe it was grief.

Trunks: Maybe it was puberty.

Trunks: Maybe, I just had something to prove.

Trunks: A young half-blood Super Saiyan, armed with nothing but a sword and his guts.

Trunks: Unfortunately... half-human and half-Saiyan... might just be analogous to half-brave, and half-stupid.

Trunks: I...

Trunks: I did it!

Android 18: Hey! Doesn't he kinda remind you of you-know-who?

Android 17: Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance... but unlike good ol' Righty, he's still got both arms.

Android 18: Yeah... but not for long.

Trunks: 'Oh... crapbaske—'

Trunks: GAH!

Android 18: You lost, little boy?

Trunks: Ohhh...

Android 17: Hey, Sunshine. Cough if you're still alive.

Android 18: Good boy!

Trunks: Why? Why are you doing this?

Android 17: The question isn't "Why?", kid. It's "Why not?"

Android 18: I mean... who's going to stop us?

Android 17: Not those guys seventeen years ago.

Android 18: Not ol' One-Arm.

Android 17: And certainly not you.

Trunks: You...!

Trunks: You evil bunch of jerks, I'll kick your God damn...

Android 17: Hu-ha-ha!

Android 17: This is hilarious!

Trunks: ...you killed my master...

Android 18: Yeah!

Trunks: ...you killed all those people...

Android 18: Although now it's kind of annoying.

Trunks: WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Android 18: Now it's sad.

Android 18: And now it's annoying again.

Trunks: Gah-huu--!

Android 17: Wait a sec... this kid look familiar to you, sis?

Android 18: Yeah...! He was at the amusement park with Stumpy!

Android 17: Aww, who's a little survivor? You are! Yes, you are!

Android 17: Let's fix that, shall we?

Android 18: Dibs!

Android 17: SIS! GET OUT OF THE—

Android 18: Did you just friggin' *blast* me?!

Android 17: You stepped in *front* of it! What is *wrong* with you?!

Android 18: NO-NO-TH-THAT'S IT! We're leaving!

Android 17: Oh come on, *sis*! ...Sis, get back here!

Trunks: I still have *no idea* how I survived...

Bulma: Trunks, sweetie? You waking up?

Trunks: Mom? Am I alive?

Trunks: How long was I out?

Bulma: Well, I finished the Time Machine.

Trunks: Oh... is that long?

Bulma: Yeeeaah, which means you got two options: You take another swing at the Cyborgs...

Bulma: Or you use the Time Machine to go save Goku.

Trunks: I wanna save Goku...

Bulma: *Trunks*...

Trunks: I want to save Goku!

Bulma: Good boy!

Trunks: After recovering a few months, I was finally ready.

Bulma: Aww! My jacket looks so good on you. All the girls in the past are just gonna love it.

Trunks: Thanks, Mom.

Trunks: So this is it! I can't believe I finally get to meet history's greatest hero!

Bulma: Yeah... Goku might not be exactly how you think, so do temper your expectations.

Trunks: And Dad! I finally get to meet Dad!

Bulma: Oh shit, you do.

Trunks: Huh?

Bulma: I mean, just be yourself, sweetie, and everything will turn out okay!

Trunks: Alright, Mom. I'm off.

Trunks: Next time you see me... this'll be a Cyborg-free world!

Bulma: Yup!

Bulma: ...Unless this actually operates on Multiverse Theory, in which case—

Trunks: Can't hear you, Mom; Time Machine!

Bulma: Bye, sweetie!

Bulma: ...Aaand Multiverse Theory it is.

Bulma: Shit!

Oolong: Alright, they haven't been back in two days.

Roshi: I can't believe they took my house...

Oolong: I'm going in for a food run. All that's left is the Spam and the pork rinds...

Puar: We both knew this day would come, Oolong!

Puar: We're gonna die in here...