“P-E-R-F (The Perfect Reprise)”

Perfect Cell: Dear Lord in Piccolo, *finally*!

Perfect Cell: And here I thought killing 16 was harder for me than it was for you.

Perfect Cell: I'm confused, though... were you friends?

Perfect Cell: Did you talk about birds together? Couple o' bird nerds?

Gohan: "The murder of one's own child or children."

Perfect Cell: Uhhh--

Perfect Cell: What?!

Gohan: You wanted me to define filicide.

Perfect Cell: Oh...!

Vegeta: All right, would anyone care to explain... THE F***?!

Piccolo: I'm kind of afraid to because I'm pretty sure that would involve giving Goku credit for this.

Goku: The takeaway here is... You're welcome.

Piccolo: The ends don't justify the means, Gokū!!

Goku: YOU'RE mean!

Cell Jr: Ah, ah, ahhhh~

Gohan: Really? You're using Krillin as a hostage?

Gohan: His death is a day trip for us and a free ice cream sundae for him, go ahead.

Krillin: Actually, I'm lactose intolerant...

Gohan: Nobody's lactose intolerant in Heaven, Krillin.

Gohan: That's why it's Heaven.

Cell Jr: [Terrified murmuring]

Cell Jr: NOPE!

Gohan: Too little, too late.

Gohan: Bitch move.

Perfect Cell: ♫ 'Suddenlyyyy...' ♫

Perfect Cell: ♫ 'Life has a new meaning to meeeeeeee!' ♫

Perfect Cell: ♫ 'There's beauty up above...' ♫

Perfect Cell: ♫ '...and things we never take notice of...' ♫

Perfect Cell: ♫ 'You wake up and suddenly...' ♫

Perfect Cell: ♫ 'You're in lohooooo--!' ♫

Jimmy: Jimmy Firecracker here, reporting from this tree!

Jimmy: The young man has apparently undergone a harrowing transformation, and is currently dismantling these demented delinquents, one after the--!

Larry: Sir? That big explosion from earlier wrecked the camera.

Larry: We're totally dark.

Jimmy: Oh!...

Civilian 1: ... So, another riot?

Civilian 2: Sure, why not?

Civilian 3: Yeah, f*** this city!

Cell Jr: Daaaaaad...!

Perfect Cell: I ain't no helicopter papa. Sink or swim, bitch!

Gohan: HYAAAAAAAAAH!!

Cell Jrs: AHHHHH!

Gohan: You forgot your water wings.

Cell Jr: [painful grunt]

Cell Jrs: [confused mutter]

Cell Jr: [death shriek]

Cell Jr: NOOO--!

Gohan: Don't.

Perfect Cell: GIMME.

Perfect Cell: Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

Gohan: Trunks.

Trunks: Uh?

Trunks: Oh! Uh, sure. On it.

Gohan: Try to forget you're half-Vegeta and don't f*** it up.

Vegeta: F***IN'...!

Trunks: Hey Krillin... Krillin!

Trunks: Senzu Bean!

Krillin: (Gurgled groan)

Trunks: Uhh, okay, yeah let's just...

Trunks: Hey, Yamcha!

Trunks: I "senzu" need some help...?

Krillin: Ugh...

Trunks: [sigh] Trunks, just stop...

Krillin: (Sigh of relief) Am I glad I'm not allergic to those.

Tien: (Pained grunts)

Trunks: Alright, let's get you up.

Tien: Great. Now I can watch us become irrelevant vertically instead of horizontally... What are we even doing here anymore?

Yamcha: I brought towels.

Yamcha: Anyone want a towel?

Krillin: I'll take one!

Krillin: Today is a scorcher.

Goku: ♪ 'Senzu Beans are gonna heal ya!' ♪

Krillin: So what are we gonna call this?

Krillin: 'Cuz it's *way* stronger than Super Saiyan.

Piccolo: Well, if it's a level beyond Super Saiyan, then...

Goku: Then he must be a Super-DUPER Saiyan!

Piccolo: Hmm.

Vegeta: 'If he's a Super-Duper Saiyan... then I shall find a way to become a Super-DEE-Duper Saiyan!'

Trunks: Bean, Dad?

Vegeta: ...Yeeeeeeeeees.

Perfect Cell: *Look at you*!

Perfect Cell: I'm gonna call you "Whooping Cough", because you just *devastated* my children!

Perfect Cell: And for a second there, I thought that yarn you were spinning was going to turn up short.

Perfect Cell: But here you are~!

Perfect Cell: My final challen—

Perfect Cell: OOHWAGH!! AAAAAAAAAGGH...!!

Gohan: Careful, Cell. Your Vegeta's showing.

Perfect Cell: BAARRRGGHH...!!

Perfect Cell: Y-You know, you're not wrong!

Perfect Cell: Wrugh...

Perfect Cell: Hoo-boy(!)

Perfect Cell: Nothing like a concussion... to really get the blood flowing—!

Perfect Cell: BLEUUAGH!

Gohan: Cell...

Gohan: You don't get it.

Gohan: I *hate* this.

Gohan: The vibrations through my fists on contact...

Gohan: The taste of blood in my mouth...

Gohan: The sound of my heart in my ears...

Gohan: I *hate* it.

Gohan: I always have.

Gohan: But right now... in this moment...

Gohan: The only thing I hate more than it... is *you*.

Perfect Cell: [scoff], put that on a Valentine.

Gohan: Because you were right about me.

Gohan: I was a coward...

Gohan: Scared of what would happen if I snapped...

Gohan: Afraid that... if I lost it this time... I'd... never come back.

Gohan: That I'd finally... *kill* someone.

Gohan: But I'm not scared anymore, Cell.

Perfect Cell: Well, g-glad I could—

Perfect Cell: GAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Gohan: Because there's no point in being afraid of the inevitable.

Perfect Cell: Urarrgh...

Perfect Cell: ...Oh, f*** this!

Perfect Cell: KAAA... MEEE... HAAA...!

Goku: So, is this more a Vegeta move or a Freezer move?

Perfect Cell: ...MEEE...

Krillin: Speaking of move, we should probably!

Perfect Cell: I could've just done this from the beginning!

Perfect Cell: Instead, I thought I'd have some fun, throw a tournament—but f*** you!

Perfect Cell: Suck my perfect dick!

Perfect Cell: HAAAAAAAA!!

Gohan: Ka... Meee... Ha... Meee...

Gohan: …*HAAAAAAAA*...!!!

Perfect Cell: Nrgh...!!

Perfect Cell: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!!!!!!!

Vegeta: (Grunting)

Yamcha: (Groaning)

Krillin: Ugh... ohh...

Tien: (Coughing)

Piccolo: (Groaning)

Trunks: (Groaning)

Krillin: Anyone else got sand in their—?

Everyone Else: YES!

Trunks: Everywhere!

Piccolo: Uhhhh, guys?

Trunks: *Holy shit*!

Perfect Cell: HEY, KID!

Perfect Cell: YOU MISSED A SPOT!

Gohan: Heh.

Goku: All right, Gohan! Think it's time you brought her home!

Gohan: Hold on!

Gohan: I'm not done ripping the wings off this butterfly.

Piccolo: Red flag!

Goku: Uh... kiddo?

Goku: I understand you're angry, but—

Gohan: But what? You're gonna give me advice now?

Gohan: Let me guess... I should let him go so he can be an even better fight later!

Gohan: Or maybe I should let him power up to 100% so I can teach him humility!

Gohan: Wait! I know... I should throw him a god damn Senzu Bean... *and let YOU fight him*!

Goku: Ah... uh... I... see what you're getting at, Gohan.

Gohan: Then shut up and put on your poncho.

Gohan: You're in the splash zone.

Goku: Is that also a red flag?

Piccolo: *Crimson*.

Perfect Cell: (Grunting in pain)

Perfect Cell: (Panting) 'Alright Cell, we saw what losing your cool got you... So tone down the Freeza and chill the hell—'

Gohan: Done getting your shit together up there?

Gohan: Because I'm starting to get bored.

Perfect Cell: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, YOU HAPLESS LITTLE *SHIT*?!?!

Gohan: I said I'm bored.

Gohan: You're boring me.

Perfect Cell: RAAAAAAAH!

Perfect Cell: HUUUUUUUUURGH...!!!

Krillin: HOT DAMN! Anyone else feel that?!

Trunks: Pretty sure my pity well is bottomed out.

Perfect Cell: [Drooling, groaning in agony]

Perfect Cell: HURK!!

Goku: Oh, no... Guys! Uh... starting to think he wasn't kidding about the splash zone—!

Perfect Cell: (Vomits)

Krillin: *Wow*!

Gohan: It's a girl.

Gohan: Mazel tov.

Perfect Cell: BWAAAA—!

Krillin: ANDROID 18!

Piccolo: Later!

Krillin: But my Bae-teen!

Piccolo: I will get a hose!

Krillin: (Griping)

Perfect Cell: FFFFFFFF*******************************K!!!

Perfect Cell: F***!! F***, f***, f***, f***, f***, f***...

Perfect Cell: NO, NO, NO, F***, F***, F***, F***, F***!!!

Perfect Cell: F*** YOU!! F*** YOU!! UUWAARGH...!!

Yamcha: Wait... So, if he doesn't have Eighteen anymore... Does that mean...?

Semi-Perfect Cell: [Hyperventilating]

Piccolo: ...Is that what he turned into after he beat me?

Piccolo: I'm kinda offended by his lips.

Piccolo: Am I allowed to be offended by his lips?

Krillin: Are you offended by Mr. Popo's lips?

Piccolo: Wait, can we talk about that?!

Semi-Perfect Cell: Uh, so, uhh... gonna eat that?

Gohan: No.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Then, uh, can I...

Gohan: *No*.

Semi-Perfect Cell: BWWAAUGH!

Jimmy: Mr. Satan...

Jimmy: I'm gonna be straight with you.

Jimmy: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!

Mr. Satan: That camera's broken, right?

Larry: FUBAR, sir.

Mr. Satan: I have no f***ing idea!

Goku: GOHAN! Do it NOW! END THIS!

Gohan: Fine! *Christ*, if you want him to die so bad, kill him yourself.

Gohan: Pretty sure anyone with blonde hair over there *could*.

Semi-Perfect Cell: '"Kill me"?'

Semi-Perfect Cell: 'No, no, no, no, no, no! I can't die to this!'

Semi-Perfect Cell: 'He's a middle-schooler throwing a TANTRUM!'

Semi-Perfect Cell: 'And I am the PERFECT BEING...!!'

Semi-Perfect Cell: '...I was.'

Semi-Perfect Cell: 'And he took it away...'

Semi-Perfect Cell: 'He took it away from me...!'

Semi-Perfect Cell: ...So I'll take everything away from you!

Semi-Perfect Cell: RAAAAAAAAAAH--!

Semi-Perfect Cell: HAAAAAAAA!

Goku: Wait! I've seen this before!... Krillin, if he turns blue, you gotta go sing a song!

Krillin: For the last time, *I am not* an Oompa Loompa!

Jimmy: Heh-hey, Larry, look! It's your mother!

Larry: She's diabetic, dude.

Jimmy: Yeah! 'Cuz she's fat!

Larry: She lost a foot!

Jimmy: And now she's 50 pounds lighter!

Gohan: So what was the plan here? Become so grotesque I wouldn't wanna touch you?

Gohan: Because I'll be honest, it's working.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Oh, my dear boy. I think I finally realized what I inherited from *you*...

Gohan: Not my BMI, obviously.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Heh-heh! No, Gohan... It was your *explosive* temper!

Piccolo: Oh no.

Gohan: Oh no!

Semi-Perfect Cell: OH YEEEEEEEAH~!

Semi-Perfect Cell: You see, in less than a minute from now, I'm going to *burst*... AND TAKE YOU, AND THIS WHOLE WRETCHED WORLD WITH ME!

Gohan: So what you're saying is I have less than a minute to kill you.

Semi-Perfect Cell: Ah ah ahhh!

Semi-Perfect Cell: Any attack could set me off!

Semi-Perfect Cell: A punch; a kick; a wafer-thin mint!

Semi-Perfect Cell: So how about you savor the time you have left, before I go "pop"?!

Semi-Perfect Cell: HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CELL GAMES! BYE, EVERYBODY! GOOOOO F*** YOURSELVES!

Gohan: I did exactly what my Dad and Vegeta do...

Gohan: WHAT IS THIS SHIT, *GENETIC*?!

Semi-Perfect Cell: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Goku: Well... I guess I should go clean up my mess, huh?

Piccolo: Gokū?

Goku: All of you... take it easy.

Vegeta: Wait--!

Krillin: Are you--?

Krillin: GOKUUUUUU!

Gohan: Huh?!

Semi-Perfect Cell: Hurh?!

Goku: Hey, son.

Gohan: Dad?

Gohan: Wha- What are you--?

Goku: I-I'm sorry.

Goku: Fighting is... Well, it makes me happy... and I just thought it would make you happy, too!

Goku: I want you to know... that that year we spent in the Time Chamber... was the best year of my life.

Goku: Take care of your Mom.

Gohan: Hold on! Are you—?!

Goku: I'm proud of you, Gohan.

Goku: Bye, son.

Semi-Perfect Cell: NONONONO--!

Gohan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!!!

King Kai: 'Gokū... For the sake of your friends... Your family... Your planet... You gave yourself.'

King Kai: 'I'll see you soon... my friend.'

Goku: Hey King Kai, what should I do with Cell?

King Kai: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Bubbles: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Gregory: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Semi-Perfect Cell: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH—!!

King Kai: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Bubbles: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Gregory: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Semi-Perfect Cell: FWI--!!

Piccolo: Is it a bad time to point out Gokū just stole that win?

Gohan: STUPID, SELFISH, IMPULSIVE HYPOCRITE!

Gohan: You had *one job*!

Gohan: Get angry... and KILL CELL!!

Krillin: Hey now, Gohan...

Gohan: But no, you didn't just take a PAGE from Vegeta...!

Gohan: YOU WROTE A SEQUEL TO HIS FRICKIN' BOOK!

Krillin: Gohan, listen to me.

Gohan: "Chapter 1: Kill Your Own Goddamn Dad"!

Krillin: GOHAN!

Gohan: WHAT?!

Krillin: Dragon Balls.

Gohan: ...Oh.

Krillin: Yeah.

Gohan: Huh.

Gohan: I mean, I still screwed up though...

Krillin: And now you're one of us!

Jimmy: Um... it seems that Cell has... disappeared?? Along with the orange hillbilly? I... frankly am lost for words.

Larry: Either of you want some weed?

Jimmy: YES!

Mr. Satan: YES!

Krillin: Well... (Grunts)

Krillin: Guess this gives a new meaning to pickin' up chicks.

Vegeta: What are you doing with that?

Krillin: I'm taking her to a... Doctor?

Krillin: ...Mechanic?

Krillin: ...A Bulma; I'm taking her to a Bulma.

Vegeta: You put that RealDoll™ down this instant.

Krillin: Yeah, how about no?

Vegeta: I can rip. You. In. Half!

Krillin: I know you can!

Vegeta: When did you get the balls?

Krillin: If I said it didn't have anything to do with holding a beautiful woman in my arms, I'd be a liar!