“Like a Sack of Dumb Puppies”

Vegeta: Wugh-huhg, oh God...

Goku: Vegeta, no!

Gohan: Vegeta, no!

Krillin: Don't worry, Little Green'll--

Krillin: Oh...

Krillin: Vegeta, no!

Piccolo: ...Meh...

Goku: Are you alright?!

Vegeta: I have a fff*cking hole in my chest...

Vegeta: Why didn't you block that one?!

Goku: I thought you had it!

Vegeta: NAWWWO!

Freeza: It's funny how he's still talking; I could have sworn I hit a lung--

Vegeta: Ruar-harhg!

Freeza: Oh, there it is.

Vegeta: Kakarot, if you're ever going to listen to anything I have to say... Do it now.

Goku: What is it, Vegeta?

Vegeta: I've lived my entire life under Freeza's rule.

Vegeta: My entire kingdom... my race... was enslaved to do his bidding.

Goku: I understand now.

Goku: If it weren't for Freezer, you wouldn't be--

Vegeta: Dying? No.

Goku: I was gonna say evil...

Vegeta: Oh, no. I'd definitely still be evil.

Vegeta: If this situation were reversed, this conversation would never have happened.

Vegeta: You'd be dead, and I'd be laughing.

Vegeta: Hehehe, oh ho, it hurts to laugh.

Goku: Sooo, why are you telling me this?

Vegeta: Because, Kakarot... you are our race's last hope.

Vegeta: You... are the last, remaining Saiyan...

Vegeta: Oh God, you're the last remaining Saiyan (!)

Vegeta: Ehh...

Goku: Vegeta... you...

Goku: Hrr!

Goku: Come on... you deserve a proper burial.

Freeza: Oh yes, a proper burial: An unmarked grave on an empty planet in the middle of nowhere space.

Freeza: Honestly, I'd say it's too good for him.

Goku: I'll make sure to give Freezer one for you, best buddy.

Goku: Goodbye.

Freeza: Come now, I'm sure he's in a better place.

Freeza: Oh, who am I kidding? He's probably in Hell.

Goku: I don't know; I *went* to Hell once.

Goku: The only real bad parts were these two oiled-up German guys trying to wrestle me.

Freeza: ...Are you real?

Goku: But now, I know what I have to do.

Goku: I have to stop you!

Goku: You're a heartless monster who kills everyone in his way.

Goku: *Even children*.

Freeza: Oh please, everyone's always on about the children.

Freeza: I already tried leaving *them* alive, but all they do is grow up under my rule, or dedicate their pathetic lives to revenge.

Freeza: Usually both.

Freeza: Really, killing them is a kindness.

Freeza: I can retract that kindness if you wish, but then, who's the villain...?

Goku: Y--...you.

Freeza: N-no; that was a rhetorical question.

Goku: And I gave you a rhetorical answer.

Goku: Gohan, Krillin, Piccolo! Get on out of here.

Goku: I"ll take Freezer myself.

Gohan: But, Dad--!

Goku: No "buts"!

Goku: Piccolo, you take care of Gohan.

Piccolo: So, keep doing what I've been doing, then?

Goku: Yuh-huh.

Piccolo: Yeah, I figured; let's go!

Krillin: Oh, thank God!

Gohan: Dad...

Gohan: Beat him within an inch of his life, AND HANG HIM UP BY HIS ENTRAILS!

Goku: 'Wow... he sounds like he's had a hard time.'

Goku: 'Piccolo should *really* have a talk with him.'

Freeza: I see... sending your friends off to fight me all on your own.

Freeza: How gutless...

Goku: What?

Goku: How is that gutless?

Freeza: Because... suicide is the coward's way out.

Goku: Can we fight now?

Freeza: Son of a--

Freeza: Yes!

Freeza: Heh!

Goku: Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA WHOA!

Freeza: (Grunting in frustration)

Goku: Hey, wait a minute...

Goku: They're all missing! He can't sense my energy!

Goku: Ha ha! You can't sense my energy!

Freeza: No, but I can HEAR you, moron!

Goku: (Gasp) 'He has Bat-Vision!'

Goku: Ha! You missed!

Freeza: Or did I?

Goku: Yeah! You did!

Freeza: Well, no, I really d--

Goku: You see? Not a hole on me!

Freeza: I wasn't *trying* t--

Goku: You should really work on your aim.

Freeza: You know what? I'm not going to say anything.

Freeza: I'm just going to let this next part be a surprise.

Goku: What part--?

Goku: Whoahotlava!

Freeza: Ha! Now what do you have to say?

Goku: MY BUTT IS FLAMING!

Freeza: ...I miss Zarbon...

Goku: Wow, that was close... I was almost out of the frying pan, and into the... lava...

Freeza: How do you *function*?

Goku: Hey, I'm just like any other guy.

Goku: I pay my taxes, one leg at a time.

Goku: 'Aw, man! This guy's strong!'

Goku: 'I've gotta catch him by surprise.'

Goku: 'Wait... he can't sense my energy.'

Goku: 'I know!'

Goku: 'Ka Me Ha Me Haaaaa!'

Goku: 'This is the best idea I've ever had.'

Goku: 'Second only to the double-baconwich: A sandwich with *bacon* instead of bread.'

Freeza: Come now, I've waited long enough.

Freeza: I know it's something new to you, monkey, but it's called a "bath".

Goku: 'Go, my children!'

Freeza: What?!

Freeza: That's just distracting!

Freeza: GAH!

Freeza: And that's just annoyingly distracting!

Goku: Gerominooooooooo!

Freeza: Huh?

Freeza: HIIIHG--!!

Goku: 'Bout time someone kicked you to the curb!

Goku: Nice work, brain.

Goku's Brain: 'You're welcome.'

Orpheus: Hey, man!

Freeza: You're a cheeky little monkey, what with your silly martial arts.

Freeza: But do you know what the difference between you and I is?

Freeza: You can punch a board and it will break in half.

Freeza: I can punch a board and wipe out its entire race.

Goku: But can you block?

Freeza: I'd like you to meet my friend.

Goku: A friend? Is he nice?

Freeza: Rock solid.

Freeza: Filthy monkey, meet General Mountain!

Goku: Hi, General Mountain! My name's Go--

Goku: I'm sorry, Mr. Mountain!

Goku: (Sigh)

Goku: Wuh!

Freeza: ...Want to play a game?

Goku: Yes...

Freeza: Ha!

Freeza: So, how did you like that game, monkey?

Goku: Eh, it was okay.

Freeza: Wha...? You...?

Goku: It's not Donkey Kong though. That has a pie level!

Bulma: Oh, God, that was so refreshing.

Bulma: Too bad it was all saltwater, though...

Freeza: Alright, then - how about this for another game?

Freeza: I'll fight without using either of my hands.

Goku: Okay. Then I'll fight without using my shirt!

Freeza: I think you're missing the poi--

Goku: Fight time now!

Goku: ♪ Ha, ha, got your tail! ♪

Freeza: What are you...?

Freeza: Do you think this is a game?

Goku: Well, you... you said it was a game.

Freeza: I was being *coy*, you imbecile!

Freeza: I'm trying to kill--

Freeza: aahhahahh!

Goku: Aaah...

Goku: Aaaah...

Freeza: What are you doing?

Goku: Aaaaaah...

Goku: Aaaaaaah...

Freeza: Stop it!

Goku: Aaaaaaaaah...

Freeza: Stop it now, or I'm going to... To...! Gyuh...! Ghm...!

Goku: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!

Freeza: BEURHG!!

Krillin: Huh - what's that?

Krillin: Nooooooooooooooooooooo...!

Goku: HIIYAH!

Goku: 'Ah...! He's gone...! I'll have to keep on guard.'

Goku: 'All my vital areas.'

Goku: 'Oh no! My neck! My most vital area!'

Freeza: Oh, what's wrong? Don't have anything cute to say this time?

Goku: (Choking)

Freeza: Adorable!

Goku: 'He's gonna choke me to death!'

Goku: 'Quick, Goku, use your instincts!'

Freeza: GAAAHH!

Freeza: Son of a--!

Freeza: Mother--!

Freeza: Pagh!

Goku: Agh!

Goku: You punched me in the *face*!

Freeza: You bit my tail!

Goku: YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE *FACE*!

Freeza: YOU BIT MY F**KING *TAIL*!!

Goku: Yeah, well, I still haven't used my shirt!

Goku: Does that mean I win?

Freeza: ...Yes. Yes! You win!

Goku: (Gasp) What do I win?!

Freeza: *Another bath*!

Goku: But I'm not dir--

Freeza: Just tell me when you need to come up for air!

Goku: 'Crap!'

Goku: 'Lungs... filling with water...'

Goku: 'Muscles... burning...'

Goku: 'Brain... status report!'

Goku's Brain: (Incoherent bumbling)

Goku's Brain: 'Frozen peas...'

Goku: 'Well, that's not good...!'

Goku: 'That's not... good...'

Goku: 'at all...'

Vegeta: Kaaaakaroooot...

Vegeta: Kaaaakar-- ugh, you know what? Screw this.

Vegeta: Wake up, dumbass!

Goku: Uhh!

Goku: V-...Vegeta?

Vegeta: You're failing your race, Kakarot.

Vegeta: Freeza's unlike any opponent you've ever faced.

Vegeta: You need to embrace your heritage.

Vegeta: Become the Saiyan that you were meant to b--

Goku: Why are you naked?

Vegeta: What?

Goku: You're naked.

Goku: Why?

Vegeta: Idiot, you don't take your clothes with you when you die.

Goku: Well, I did.

Vegeta: What?

Goku: Yeah!

Goku: Even had my weighted clothes on, too!

Goku: And I didn't even die in those.

Goku: Huh...

Vegeta: That lying red motherf*cker!

Vegeta: Anyway, listen, Kakarot.

Vegeta: Inside you is the primal, burning fury of the Saiyan race!

Vegeta: Like a wild, raging Oozaru, you must unleash it, Kakarot!

Goku: So, do I gotta throw my poo at him...?

Vegeta: Oh, for God-- tch. *Just use your stupid Kaio-whatever*!

Goku: Oh, okay! Thanks, Vegeta!

Vegeta: F*ck off.

Vegeta: I'm gonna go get my clothes back...

Freeza: So, any last words, monkey? You know, besides, "gurgle gurgle"?

Goku: Yeah!

Goku: KAIO-KEN!

Freeza: Kaio-what--?

Freeza: GAH!

Goku: KA-ME-*HA*

Goku: KA-ME-*HA-ME*

Goku: KA-ME-*HA-ME-HAAAAAA*...!!

Freeza: HrrrrrAAAAGGHH!

Freeza: No, seriously. Kaio-*what*?

Goku: Kaio-crap!

Freeza: I thought so.

Goku: WAAH-AAH-AAH-AAH!

Blue Ogre: Attention! Any sin you commit before being judged will be used against you.

King Yemma: Next! Strip...

King Yemma: Nice!

Recoome: Recoome thanks you.