“Bitch, I'm Adorable”

Bulma: Make sure to tell future me she raised you right.

Trunks: Oh, I've got a lot to tell you.

Gohan: I'm gonna miss you, Trunks.

Krillin: Have a safe trip back to the future, McFly!

Trunks: Goodbye, everyone! I'll never forget you!

Bulma: See you in seventeen years, sweetie!

Future Bulma: Hahaha! Suck on that wurst, Einstein!

Future Bulma: Collapse that wave function all over your pasty German a--

Future Bulma: Huh?

Future Bulma: Trunks! Oh, you're back! Thank goodness you're...

Future Bulma: ...Everything go well?

Trunks: Hey, Mom! You ever meet Dad?

Future Bulma: (sigh)

Future Bulma: Okay, look, love is complicated.

Future Bulma: Seriously, how was I supposed to prepare you for a year alone with him?

Future Bulma: I never even got a week.

Trunks: Mom, you didn't prepare me for a car ride to the grocery store with the man.

Trunks: What did you see in him?

Future Bulma: A short, stubborn, powerful person desperate for recognition.

Future Bulma: As a female scientist in her early 30s, I... guess I identified with that.

Trunks: (sigh) I just wish I could have.

Future Bulma: Well, apparently you're his baby boy, so... he wasn't all bad, right?

Trunks: A revelation that came at the cost of my literal life.

Trunks: Then again, considering the dysfunction of that whole group... maybe I'm not the worst off.

Future Bulma: Yeah. Because I raised you right.

Trunks: Oh, about that...

Trunks: Before you found out I was your son, in the past... you might have made a pass at me.

Future Bulma: Well, duh.

Trunks: Mom!

Future Bulma: Hey, it's not my fault your dad's genetics and mine go along like chocolate and peanut butter.

Trunks: Is that why you used to call me your "little peanut butter cup"?

Wombat: This is Alpha Leader Wombat, coming at you live from Parsley City!

Wombat: We've got our special guest, the Cyborgs, and they are *TEARING IT UP*!

Wombat: Our radio lost five men, I'm running out of ammo and I'm holed up in the bank!

Wombat: Looks like this will be ALW's last report!

Wombat: Watch out, TJ, I'M COMING HOME, BROTHA!

Wombat: [300 audio clip] "But tonight, we dine in he--!"

Trunks: Perfect. Just saved me the effort of hunting them down.

Future Bulma: Be careful. I know you're stronger, but I don't want history repeating itself.

Trunks: Don't worry, Mom. I'll be back before that tea gets cold.

Trunks: Actually, it's-- it's probably gonna take me a little while to get there, so...

Future Bulma: Right, so, want me to put in a thermos,

Trunks: You can just a--

Future Bulma: make more when you get back--

Trunks: You know, I'll just... I'll just finish it now.

Android 17: You know, sis, they say catharsis is actually bad for your health...

Android 18: And so is calling me a – quote – "hoe-bot" – end quote!

Android 17: I'd've gone with "ro-thot".

Android 18: I'm not even an android!

Android 17: Duh, since you're a girl, you'd obviously be a guynoid, which is funny considering "guy" isn't a...

Android 17: Mother...

Old Man: (shocked gasp)

Android 17: Not a bad shot, pops.

Android 17: Must be popular down at the shooting range.

Android 17: I, on the other hand, have terrible aim.

Android 17: I gotta get up real close, see?

Android 17: So do me a favor. Sit still.

Old Man: If you're readin' this...

Android 17: Oh, right. "Gynoid". Like "gynecology". Huh.

Android 17: It's obvious when I think about it.

Trunks: Get away from him!

Trunks: I hope you got everything out of your wretched lives you wanted, because they end today!

Trunks: Nobody else is going to...

Trunks: Oh...

Trunks: Probably could have microwaved that tea.

Android 17: Well well well. Hey there, Lilac! It's been a few weeks.

Android 17: Surprised you're on your feet already! Also breathing.

Android 18: See, 17? This is what you get when you don't double-tap.

Android 18: Also, does he look different to you?

Android 17: Yeah - ditched the sword, lost the jacket, plus you got *jacked*.

Android 17: You must be crushing that 5-by-5.

Android 17: Also, did you get a little taller?

Android 18: Jesus Christ, swipe right already!

Android 17: Pretty sure he's more your type.

Android 18: No thanks. I'm into shorter men.

Android 17: Sis, watch out--!

Android 18: GODDAMN CHEAPSHOTTING ASSHOLE!

Android 18: Now, it's too bad you left that sword at home... 'cause now I'm going to have to do what comes next with my bare hands!

Android 17: Is this a bad time to point out his specific choice in shirt?

Trunks: You know, it's funny and a little bit sad.

Trunks: You two Androids didn't have to turn out like this. The ones I met in the--

Android 17: Hold up, did you call us "Androids"? That's offensive.

Android 18: Again with this shit?

Trunks: Oh, right. They called you "Androids" in the past.

Android 17: "The past"? What, did you time-travel?

Trunks: Uh... yeah.

Android 18: Wait, when was that? Shouldn't we remember you?

Trunks: How about this... If I don't kill you in the next minute, I'll give you an explanation.

Android 17: Trust me, wife-beater... By the time we're done with you, we won't need one.

Android 18: Wait a second! That's what you meant by his choice in shirt? Jesus, dude!

Android 17: What, are you kidding?

Android 17: I put a bullet in some dude's gray matter not two minutes ago and that's what's got you offended?

Android 18: Wait--

Android 17: Any chance that I could talk you out of this?

Trunks: What was my Master's name?

Android 17: Huh?

Trunks: The man who taught me. The man whose arm you took.

Trunks: The man *you killed*.

Trunks: *What was his name*?

Android 17: Goooo.... ku Junior...?

Trunks: Wrong answer!

Future Bulma: You really think he's going to take the bait?

Trunks: I'm pretty sure I have a corpse in another timeline that says: yes, he will.

Trunks: Now stick to the script, Mom.

Future Bulma: Jeez, morbid.

Future Bulma: Ahem...

Future Bulma: Alright, son!

Future Bulma: Time to take this *time machine* back to the *past*, where there are *two living CYBORGS* for you to help Goku defeat!

Trunks: Thanks, Mom!

Trunks: I can't wait to save all those juicy fat people in the past from those CYBORGS with this TIME MACHINE!

Future Bulma: Make sure to write!

Trunks: Huh?

Future Bulma: What?

Future Bulma: Oh shit, is that him?

Future Bulma: You know, you never told me he was green, but I imagined he was green.

Trunks: Mom...

Future Bulma: He's looking right at us. Does he... Does he know I can see him?

Cell: (hungry growl)

Future Bulma: Is his vision based on movement?

Trunks: Mom! Script!

Future Bulma: Alright, son! I'm going to make dinner!

Future Bulma: It'll be done by the time you get back!

Trunks: Alright, tall dark and bugly. I know you're there.

Cell: No, you don't; this is an ambush--

Cell: ...Ooooh.

Trunks: Also, I know you're here to kill me and take my time machine, so let's skip the monologue.

Trunks: Also, you killing me.

Cell: Nahh, but that's the fun part!

Cell: And unfortunately, I seem to be missing two... vital pieces.

Cell: So, I'm gonna need that time machine so I can--

Trunks: --go back in the past and absorb the Cyborgs--

Cell: --to achieve my--

Trunks: --perfect form.

Cell: Okay, you suck. You are sucking all the fun out of this!

Cell: I'm the only one who sucks here, boy--!

Cell: That came out wrong.

Trunks: Nah, sounds right to me.

Future Bulma: Seriously, whose DNA made him look like he stepped into a teleporter with Jeff Goldblum?

Cell: How... how do you know all this?

Trunks: Because... someone once told me... Multiverse theory is a bitch.

Cell: Okay, I feel like you're referencing something, and I don't get it, and that's not fair.

Cell: So I'm really gonna need that time machine now, so I can just go back and redo this whole conversation.

Trunks: Sorry, Cell. You already got your way once.

Cell: Wait, "Cell"? Is that my name?

Cell: Oh man, that's way better than the name I came up with!

Cell: I was thinking... "Jiren".

Cell: Yeah, see, I though it was boring too.

Cell: Boy howdy, kids. Looks like your old friend Cell's in quite a sticky wicket.

Cell: Whatever should he do?

Cell: Use the Kamehameha? Good idea!

Cell: Kaaa... meee...

Trunks: HAAAAAAA!

Cell: Letmefinish!

Trunks: GET OUT OF MY F***ING TIMELINE!

Cell: ♪ And now... the end is near-- ♪

Cell: AH GODDAMMIT!! SHIIIII...!!

Trunks: 'It's over.'

Trunks: 'After everything, this feels... this feels... anticlimact--'

Future Bulma: So, truth be told, I never really got to know your father that well.

Future Bulma: He and I shared one night of passion after he came back to Earth.

Trunks: Mom, you--

Future Bulma: And unfortunately, he didn't know what "protection" meant!

Trunks: I really don't need to know this!

Future Bulma: But after that first time, I just thought:

Bulma: "Well, in for a penny, in for a pounding."

Trunks: [disgusted, nervous] Aaaaaahhhh...

Future Bulma: And I really was!