BROLY

Narrator: The South Galaxy...

Narrator: ...has been obliterated.

South Kai: HOLY SHIT!!

King Kai: Okay, first of all, calm down.

South Kai: I was in the bathroom for FIVE MINUTES! And now it's all gone!

South Kai: HOW?!

South Kai: ...WHO?!

King Kai: Could've been Beerus.

South Kai: Oh, you know that mother's still asleep!

South Kai: This is my ex, man!

South Kai: She told me she would hurt me in a way I'd never see comin'!

South Kai: WHY, EAST KAI?! WHY?!

King Kai: South Kai, listen.

South Kai: I thought she may, like, steal my Blu-Ray player, man!

King Kai: South Kai! We are going... to figure... this out.

South Kai: We need to get whoever did this, North Kai!

King Kai: Alright then, listen.

King Kai: I got a guy.

South Kai: What's his name?

Chi-Chi: Goku! I'm gonna show you!

Goku: Show me what?

Chi-Chi: How to act like an actual adult.

Goku: But Chi-Chi, we're missing the wedding reception!

Goku: We sat through that boring talk about love and junk for 40 minutes just waiting for the banquet!

Goku: I learned how to count up to 40 because of that!

Goku: That's ten fours, by the way.

Chi-Chi: And that is exactly why we're here.

Chi-Chi: I don't want Gohan ending up the same, barely functional man-child you are!

Goku: Uh...? Eeeee!

Chi-Chi: And I made sure to schedule this college interview on the same day as the wedding, because as we both know, getting you into a suit is like trying to give a cat a bath.

Goku: But I like baths.

Krillin: ♫Dooon't stop! Belieeevin!♫

Krillin: Hold on to that feeeeeliiiii-iiiiin'!

Krillin: Streetlights!

Krillin: Peeeeopleee-aa-aa-aa-olhuuuull!

Krillin: Aaaaaahaaaaa!

Roshi: Yeaaaaah, sing it girl! Ha haaa!

Oolong: Are you drunk already? The reception just started.

Roshi: Pig, I am the pre-gaming master.

Korin: Aw, sweetheart, I'm so sorry your best man had to skip out on the reception.

Yajirobe: That's okay. I have my real best man right here.

Korin: Daww, save it for the honeymoon.

Yajirobe: Hoho, that's not all I'm savin'...

Korin: Is it a turkey?

Yajirobe: You know me so well.

Vegeta: I came here for a banquet, and I find out it's a potluck, you CHEAP F**KS!

Panchy: Well, I'm surprised you came, sweetheart!

Panchy: An interspecies, homosexual marriage?

Dr. Brief: I just wanted to see what the gay agenda looked like in person!

Dr. Brief: Frankly? Not impressed.

Dr. Brief: Oh, great, and now immigrants! Truly a liberal wonderland around here.

Vegeta: Do you fools have any idea whose planet this is?

Soldiers: All hail Lord Vegeta!

Vegeta: Well, good! Glad we're clear on that.

Paragus: It has been too many years, Prince Vegeta.

Paragus: Or should I say... KING... Vegeta.

Paragus: KINGKINGKINGKINGKINGKINGKING

Vegeta: Never in my life have I needed something so much and never known until I received it.

Interviewer: This is rather unorthodox.

Interviewer: Your son is 11 years old and home-schooled, but you say he's at a 12th grade level?

Chi-Chi: I'm a teacher first, and a mother second!

Chi-Chi: Also a wife.

Interviewer: I see. Uh, speaking of your husband, Mr...

Interviewer: Son Goku, was it?

Chi-Chi: Uhhgh...

Interviewer: Can you tell us anything interesting about yourself?

Goku: Oh, sure! Well, uh, I'm a Saiyan.

Chi-Chi: Goku?

Interviewer: Oh, so you're a minority! Because that could favor your child for enrollment!

Chi-Chi: Oh, uh, yes! Definitely a minority.

Chi-Chi: There are only two and a half more like him that are [...]

Goku: Huh?

King Kai: Goku! Are you there?

Goku: Oh, hey, King Kai! Long time no talk. How's Bubbles?

Chi-Chi: *gasp*

Chi-Chi: Eh, not much. Just a silly school thing.

Chi-Chi: No, not for me; for Gohan.

Interviewer: Um, excuse me, uh, Mr. Son?

Goku: Oh wow, an entire galaxy?

Goku: Hold on, talkin' to God.

Goku: Wait, there are other Kais?

Chi-Chi: Uhh, he's very religious.

Chi-Chi: We both are!

Goku: When were we gonna talk about this?

Chi-Chi: Did you know my mother was Jewish?

Goku: One sec. I-I gotta take this.

Chi-Chi: *gasp*

Interviewer: Ma'am? Is-is your husband a magician?

Chi-Chi: Oh...- yes! *laugh*

Chi-Chi: And for his next trick, he will convince you to enroll our son.

Interviewer: Well, if he's as 'in touch with God' as you say he is, perhaps he could work that miracle.

Chi-Chi: *worried moan*

Vegeta: So you're telling me that you've acquired an entirely new Planet Vegeta for me to rule over?

Paragus: That is... exactly what I said, yes.

Vegeta: Ah, well then, it's official.

Vegeta: Attention everyone! Your planet is a mudhole for entitled weaklings.

Baby Trunks: *cooing*

Vegeta: And you're all worthless.

Vegeta: I'm going to claim my birthright.

Trunks: But Dad, what about Cell?

Vegeta: F**k 'im!

Paragus: Ah, so, you must be...

Trunks: My name is Trunks.

Trunks: I'm not a--!

Vegeta: As my first decree, you shall ONLY call her Princess Trunks!

Trunks: Nooooo!

Vegeta: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Roshi: Yeaaaah! Let's go find some space-strippers!

Oolong: This isn't part of the reception!

Krillin: How is he this strong?!

Bulma: Sure, just go back into space again. At least I'm not pregnant this time.

Bulma: Shit, I hope.

Trunks: I'll drag him back by his non-existent tail if I have to!

Bulma: *sigh* Don't try too hard...

King Kai: Wait, "take this" where?

King Kai: Goku? Goku?

King Kai: *pop* Goku? Goku?

King Kai: SUPREME KAI ALMIGHTY!

King Kai: What is up with that monkey suit you're wearing?

Talking Movie Bubbles: That's highly offensive, sir.

King Kai: I'm a god, Bubbles; I don't see race, you filthy macaque.

Talking Movie Bubbles: Aw...

Goku: *grunt*

Goku: Ah...

Goku: Alright! Who do I gotta beat up?

King Kai: That's what you're going to find out.

King Kai: Now normally I don't involve myself in the matters of other galaxies, but South Kai bought me my car, so, I owe him a favor.

King Kai: Have you seen it? It's only got 63 miles on it!

Goku: She's a Buick.

King Kai: Chevrolet Bel-Air, actually.

King Kai: Now! It's up to you to find out who destroyed South Galaxy.

Goku: Okey-doke! I'll go look for clues!

King Kai: Uh-- wait, look where?

Goku: *gasp* S-s-so-ho-ho! I can't breathe in space, apparently!

King Kai: You're the salt of the Earth, Goku.

Paragus: And now, my Lord. Behold!

Paragus: Your magnificent new kingdom.

Vegeta: Pretty sure when you rule over a planet, the *planet* is your kingdom.

Paragus: How wise you are, my Lord.

Paragus: How about we take a tour of your beautiful new palace?

Roshi: Somebody get me a raw egg, two shots of Tabasco, salt, pepper, and a *gun* to shoot myself!

Oolong: You know what they say: "Liquor before beer, you're in the clear."

Oolong: "Liquor before intergalactic travel... feel your insides unravel."

Roshi: BLEHHHH--!!

Goku: Cell...!

Cell: Hm?

Goku: Did you destroy South Galaxy?

Cell: There's a South Galaxy?

Goku: Forget you heard that.

Cell: No.

Cell: Our talks are nice.

Vegeta: You call THIS a palace worthy of KING Vegeta?

Vegeta: * First of all, I demand more towers. * Second, I demand more towels! * And third, I demand more trowels.

Vegeta: The brick-work on this place is a shit-show.

Vegeta: And who's this scrawny puke?

Broly: I'm a foot and a half taller than you, but, whatever...

Vegeta: What was that?!

Broly: I said I can't hear you from down there...

Vegeta: Speak up, boy; I can't hear you from up there!

Paragus: Uhm, that is my son, Broly, my liege.

Paragus: Forgive him; he's a very... passive boy.

Vegeta: Beta male; got it. But, for the sake of the Saiyan race... ...he has my blessings to bed Princess Trunks.

Trunks: Excuse you?!

Vegeta: Shut up, boy; think of the bloodline.

Trunks: Do you even know what you're doing?!

Vegeta: I don't need to.

Vegeta: I'm King.

Trunks: Huh?!

Broly: Your hair looks like lavender, but smells like strawberries...

Trunks: Daaad!

Gohan: Something seems really fishy.

Krillin: Yeah. Trunks doesn't even have a womb.

Gohan: I say we investigate.

Krillin: Ha! Not that curious!

Gohan: The PLANET.

Krillin: Yeah, yeah, I know...

Mercenary Tao: *screaming*

Goku: I just wanna make sure... if it was you who destroyed South Galaxy.

Mercenary Tao: *screaming*

Goku: Stop screaming if it was.

Mercenary Tao: *still screaming*

Goku: Okay...

Mercenary Tao: *continues screaming*

Goku: I'ma let you go then...

Mercenary Tao: *continues screaming*

Goku: Good luck with your ass-assing!

Mercenary Tao: *continues screaming*

Mercenary Tao: *pop* *continues screaming*

Goku: Man, King Kai, I'm stumped!

Goku: I asked Cell, Mercenary Tao, Piccolo, Tenshinhan, and that *monster*, Pilaf!

Goku: And none of them destroyed South Galaxy!

King Kai: *Goku*... I've been trying to tell you for the last two hours!

King Kai: GO TO NEW VEGETA!

Goku: *gasp*

Goku: There's another Vegeta?!

Goku: I wonder if he's stronger than normal Vegeta...

Goku: Eeeeee!

King Kai: That man is going to be the death of me.

Krillin: This place looked a lot better as a skyline.

Trunks: What happened here?

Gohan: And why does it look like "The Day After Tomorrow" was yesterday?

Krillin: Hey, over there!

Krillin: Maybe we can ask one of these fine, indentured servants what's going on.

Trunks: Aw, crapbaskets...

Condi: *coughing in pain*

Shamo: Grandfather!

Condi: Worry not, podling... I just inhaled a little bit of rust...

Condi: *coughing*

Shamo: No, please!

Shamo: If you are angry, use your whip on me.

Shamo: I can take it...

Gohan: No, don't worry, we're not with them.

Gohan: We won't hurt you.

Shamo: Oh.

Shamo: Whatever.

Condi: *coughing*

Gohan: So, uh...

Gohan: You guys slaves, or...?

Shamo: Oh yeah!

Shamo: A couple of Saiyans landed on our planet a few months ago, and transported us here against our will.

Shamo: And if we step outta line, well...

Shamo: AUGH-UGH...!

Masked Sadist: Surprise, you worthless runt! It's time for your hourly beating!

Shamo: Oogh, oh God, *daddy*!

Krillin: Whoa!

Masked Sadist: Uh, no! No, no, no, no. That's my name.

Masked Sadist: It's actually pronounced: "Dah-Di".

Shamo: Huaa! Harder, daddy!

Dah-Di: Now, that one was what you thought it was.

Shamo: Ungh, yeaaah~! Ughh!

Condi: Please, I beg you! He is but a boy!

Condi: Let me take it! It's *my turn*!

Dah-Di: Only after you lick my boot!

Condi: Oh, you monster~!

Gohan: Stop that!

Dah-Di: Huagh!

Gohan: Leave these... odd people alone!

Mah-Stehr: Ha ha ha... We've been beating up children all day long.

Mah-Stehr: What makes you any different?

Krillin: Because he's with me!

Krillin: Hii ya! Ha! Hua! Whacha-cha!

Mah-Stehr: Okay - kinky we can handle, but we're not being paid for crazy.

Mah-Stehr: We're out.

Krillin: Wawawawawawa!

Krillin: WATAAH!

Goku: -eeee-aaaagaaghhh!

Goku: Oh... agh.... And I just bit the inside of my cheek earlier! Augh...

Krillin: Goku?! What the heck are you doing here?!

Krillin: Also, sorry.

Goku: Oh, just looking for the New Vegeta.

Goku: I followed Old Vegeta's energy here and I found you guys!

Trunks: Uh, Goku? New Vegeta is actually just a planet.

Goku: Aw, NOW you tell me! Who names their planet after themselves?

Vegeta: A goddamn idiot!

Goku: Huh?

Vegeta: That's what I am for buying into this garbage heap!

Paragus: Please, my liege!

Vegeta: I'm not your "liege", you brown-nosing toady.

Vegeta: You promised me a kingdom - but I have no subjects, no infrastructure, and a throne made of wood!

Vegeta: What am I, the Space Pope?!

Paragus: I beg of you, King Vegeta - please stay.

Paragus: For roughly, three... maybe three and a half hours?

Vegeta: And continue wasting my time?!

Vegeta: Oh, and tell your creepy brat to stop following me!

Broly: What's your power level?

Vegeta: And stop *asking that*! *No-one cares anymore*!

Broly: Mine's pretty big...

Goku: Hey 'Geets!

Paragus: Oh shit, it's Kaka--

Broly: Hng!

Paragus: --kuu!

Paragus: Goku! Hello, Goku.

Paragus: Have you come to join the rest of your marvelous race?

Vegeta: Or did you just come to see my new palace?

Vegeta: It has six towers! *Like a peasant*!

Broly: Hello... What is your power level?

Goku: Uh, dunno. Pretty big, though.

Broly: Mine too...

Goku: Cool!

Goku: So, 'Geets - I'm actually looking for the person who blew up a galaxy?

Paragus: But who would blow up South Galaxy??

Broly: Probably someone with a really big power level...

Goku: That's a good point. You've got a good point.

Goku: What's your name?

Broly: Broly.

Goku: Good point, Broly!

Broly: Mmm...

Trunks: Father! It's all a lie!

Vegeta: I know; a queen-sized bed? Paragus, you squalid f**k.

Trunks: No.

Trunks: Paragus has been fabricating this entire planet. From its palace to its people!

Paragus: Princess Trunks, er, perhaps--

Trunks: Okay, I'm putting a moratorium on that right now.

Trunks: Father, this psychopath has been enslaving races from *other* planets to build your kingdom!

Trunks: *Even the greenery* is manufactured!

Vegeta: Paragus... is this true?

Paragus: My liege...

Paragus: Yes... it is.

Vegeta: *My God*...

Vegeta: You're not the shitstain of a Saiyan I thought you were!

Paragus: Thank you, my liege!

Trunks: Oh goddammit, Dad.

Vegeta: You are now my Royal Grand Vizier!

Paragus: Ah! Big shoes to fill...

Trunks: Father! What this guy has done...

Trunks: It's inhuman!

Vegeta: Yes, but it's not *insaiyan*.

Shamo: Actually, we much enjoy the slavery!

Gohan: Say wha'?

Shamo: Yes. Being enslaved and exploited by another...

Shamo: stronger, *strapping* race, fulfills us completely.

Krillin: You know, I... actually kinda get it.

Shamo: Although, it is strange that he would force us to build a kingdom on a doomed planet.

Paragus: 'Oh, goddammit.'

Vegeta: Explain, shitstain.

Paragus: To hell with this; I'll leave the boot-licking to the Shamoshians.

Paragus: Well, then...!

Paragus: You have finally unravelled my plan, King Vegeta!

Vegeta: Okay...?

Paragus: This whole wretched planet will soon be encompassed by the cataclysmic comet, Camori... ...wiping it, and you, out with it.

Vegeta: I'm confused. Am I being pranked? 'Cause I don't do jokes.

Paragus: This is no joke!

Paragus: This... is my revenge!

Gohan: But why?

Paragus: Because that bastard Vegeta left us both to die.

Vegeta: Sounds like me but that doesn't sound familiar.

Paragus: Not you, you self-absorbed blue-blooded snot!

Paragus: Your father... The true king.

Paragus: Mere days after my son was born, they realized his immense power level: A whopping 10,000!

Vegeta: Pff, yeah, well I was like, 20,000 as like a sperm, so, y'know...

Paragus: And so... threatened by the magnificence of my progeny... ...the king ordered for him to be executed.

Young Paragus: This is insane!

Young Paragus: Freeza's got us paying rent under his boot-heel, and you're just going to murder a Saiyan baby with a power level of 10,000?!

Young Paragus: He's like a trump card - if the card literally flipped the table over, and shot the other player!

Young Paragus: He would be of great use to Vegeta!

King Vegeta: My son, the planet, or me?

Young Paragus: Yes!

Young Paragus: HUAAAAAAAAAAGH

Young Paragus: GAHBHOOHUAAHYEAB HYUNNOBHUHA

King Vegeta: Grand Vizier Nappa!

King Vegeta: I require your treasured guidance once more.

Nappa: Stab the baby.

King Vegeta: Are... you sure?

Nappa: Look, we've got a meeting with Freeza in one hour, so either stab the baby, or we have to cancel your six 'o' clock.

Paragus: He then saw to my son's execution himself.

Paragus: With, well... less than success.

Baby Broly: Ahh!

King Vegeta: Son of an Arlian whore...!

King Vegeta: SOMEONE FETCH ME A BETTER DAGGER SO I MAY PROPERLY STAB THIS BABY!

Baby Broly: (Crying)

King Vegeta: Oh, good, now it's crying. To hell with this!

King Vegeta: Just dump him in a hole with his father.

Paragus: Luckily, the king was as half-assed at murdering us as he was at raising you, Vegeta.

Paragus: And with Broly's magnificent power, we survived the extinction of our race.

Goku: Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Goku: So does this have *anything* to do with South Galaxy?

Goku: Cause that's kinda why I'm here.

Paragus: Actually, yes.

Paragus: You see, one night while I was discussing The Son of Bardock...

Vegeta: The scientist?

Paragus: The very same.

Paragus: ...That night, I uttered a single word that triggered Broly.

Paragus: And he suddenly went wild!

Paragus: In his furious rage, he exterminated the South Galaxy *in its entirety*.

Goku: What was the word?

Paragus: I...

Paragus: Why would I--?

Goku: Was it "non-fat"?

Paragus: No! Why would it be--?

Goku: "Diet"?

Paragus: This is ridiculous. Stop trying to trigger my son!

Goku: Freezer with an "i".

Paragus: For God's sake...!

Vegeta: First of all, Paragus, your seed couldn't compare to my own. And he's a filthy half-ling.

Trunks: Love you too, Dad.

Vegeta: And second, I couldn't care *less* about any South Galaxies, or lack thereof.

Vegeta: So, if you're done wasting everyone's time... Grab your friends, grab your shit, AND GO HOME, KAKAROT!

Broly: Unnghh!

Paragus: Please do not say that again.

Goku: It was "friends", wasn't it?!

Vegeta: I said *shut it*, Kakarot!

Broly: Agghhh!

Paragus: Please, stop saying that name!

Trunks: Father, just call him Goku!

Vegeta: And disrespect MY heritage?!

Vegeta: I will address him with the name given to him by the glorious Saiyan race!

Vegeta: KAKAROT, KAKAROT--

Broly: KAKAROOOOOOOOOT!!

Vegeta: See, he's slow, and he gets it.

Paragus: I suggest we all run.

Broly: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

Broly: (Growling)

Vegeta: This power... wha... what is he?!

Paragus: He... is the Legendary Super Saiyan.

Vegeta: OH, THAT'S SO COOL!

Goku: But why is it kinda... green?

Paragus: Because it's LEGENDARY.

Vegeta: (orgasm)

Broly: Hey, Kakarot.

Broly: You said your power level was "pretty big", right?

Goku: Uh-huh.

Goku: Why?

Broly: Because MY power... ...IS MAXIMUM!!

Goku: ...Prove it.

Broly: HUUUAAGH!

Gohan: Why-hy?!

Trunks: When I woke up this morning for a gay wedding,

Trunks: I did not expect this.

Vegeta: H-how... How is he this strong?

Vegeta: How many pushups did he do?! How many situps?! WHAT KIND OF JUICE DID HE DRINK?!

Paragus: This is not the result of paltry training...

Paragus: This... is destiny!

Paragus: For you see, Prince Vegeta... ...you're not dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore.

Vegeta: Nooooo...

Goku: Gohan! Trunks!

Goku: Haaaaa!

Gohan: Hu!

Trunks: Huuuu-ahhh!

Trunks: Wha- aw, dammit, my jacket! I only had the one!

Trunks: Augh, Mom is gonna kill me!

Broly: OUUUAAAAGHHHH!

Goku: Hurrngh!

Goku: AGHA!

Gohan: Ahhhh!

Trunks: Ha!

Trunks: AUGH!

Goku: Listen, Broly...

Goku: I don't wanna tell you how to be the the Legendary Super Saiyan, but you're not supposed to start all-out... ...you're supposed to start small and then work up to it!

Broly: I am starting small.

Goku: Oh! Good for you!

Goku: Holy crap...(!)

Krillin: Hey Goku! I brought the Shamoshians!

Goku: Why??

Shamo: There's no way we're gonna miss sadism like this!

Gohan: Dad, what is sadism?

Goku: Ask your mother.

Broly: Yeah, you know your place.

Broly: Under your master's feet!

Shamo: Oh God~, yes!

Broly: You want the ultimate punishment?!

Shamo: Mmm, yeah~!

Broly: Then I'll just blow up your planet!

Shamo: ...Guys? What's our safeword?

Shamoshian 1: Uhh, I think it was "banana"?

Shamoshian 2: No, "pineapple"!

Shamoshian 3: It wasn't a fruit, it was a vegetable!

Shamoshian 2: "Brussels sprouts"?

Condi: "Broccoli"! It was "broccoli"--!

Shamo: Why did we not know our own safeword...?!

Condi: It was lost to time...

Broly: Princess Truunnks~?

Trunks: Please, no...(!)

Broly: You lied to me.

Trunks: I did no such thing!

Broly: You dirty boy!

Trunks: ...Goku, get me off this planet right now! I'm serious!

Trunks: INSTANT TRANSMISSION--!!

Trunks: Agh!!

Trunks: Gaugh!!

Trunks: Gagh!

Goku: Okay, Gohan? I was gonna save this for Cell...

Goku: ...but I'm gonna need you to let go, and--

Gohan: Got it. Leaving.

Goku: Gohan? Where'd you Gohan?

Goku: HUAAAAUU--!

Gohan: (It's okay, Gohan. Just find that ship we came here on, grab everyone else, and--)

Broly: HA-HAAGH!

Gohan: (I should apologize to Mom if I get home.)

Gohan: Aggh! Gaaah-ahhhhh!

Gohan: Aghh!

Goku: Gohan!

Broly: RAAAGH!

Goku: Huaaoouu!

Broly: RRUAGH!

Goku: Wahhhhh!

Goku: (Groans in pain)

Broly: What's wrong, Kakarot?! Don't you care if I kill your son?!

Goku: Ugh... I'd rather you not?

Goku: We have Dragon Balls, but, that's like a whole day.

Goku: Oh! But he's never met King Kai...

Goku: Hey Gohan! You're gonna meet King Kai!

Goku: Eeeeeeeeeee--!

Paragus: You are probably wondering where this unfettered hatred for Kakarot stems from...

Vegeta: Not... really?

Vegeta: Hating Kakarot kinda gives me life, so--

Baby Goku: (Crying)

Paragus: It all began when they were but newborn babes.

Vegeta: Oh, I'm being ignored.

Paragus: Their cribs in the maternity ward were right beside each other.

Baby Goku: (Crying)

Paragus: And Kakarot cried...

Paragus: ...terrorizing my son!

Vegeta: And... then...?

Paragus: That's it.

Vegeta: Didn't my father stab him?

Paragus: Indeed.

Vegeta: Then why doesn't he hate me?

Paragus: Oh! No, *I* hate you.

Paragus: Well - I hated your father, and therefore you.

Paragus: Broly hates Kakarot.

Paragus: Because he cried.

Paragus: A lot.

Paragus: For like, three hours.

Vegeta: But... that's really dumb.

Vegeta: B-but he's so cool!

Vegeta: BUT THAT'S SO DUMB!

Broly: My power...

Broly: My power is... ...MAXIMUMER!!!

Gohan: Dad?

Goku: Yeah, son?

Gohan: Holy f**k, he's strong.

Goku: Yeah... and to make things worse... ...I think we blew your college submission.

Gohan: Man, this just isn't my day.

Goku: Eh, don't worry. I think it's your movie next.

Broly: BUT NOW IS BROLY...

Broly: NOW BROLY!!

Gohan: Piccolo-help!

Piccolo: Gohan! Are you okay?! Do you need some juice?! Did you get into that school you wanted?

Gohan: Doesn't look like it.

Piccolo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Gohan: How did you get here?

Piccolo: I came when I heard you call.

Gohan: ...How?

Krillin: Thanks for the ship, Piccolo!

Roshi: We're taking this bitch to Space Vegas!

Oolong: Yeaaaaaah!

Krillin: Wooooooo!

Roshi: He he he he haa!

Broly: You! Green man!

Broly: You're new.

Broly: What is YOUR power level?

Piccolo: I dunno, give me a minute.

Broly: BROLY DOES NOT LIKE TO WAIT!

Piccolo: Goku, can we beat this guy?

Goku: Uh!

Goku: I dunno! I'm sure I'll pull something out my butt.

Broly: AND IT WILL BE BROLY'S FIST!

Trunks: Probably...

Piccolo: Let's see how you fare when it's four-on-one, monster!

Broly: "Monster"?

Broly: Broly is not a monster.

Broly: Broly is...

Broly: ...durh...

Gohan: A genuine demon?

Goku: A true freak?

Broly: ...the Devil!

Vegeta: OH MY GOD HE'S SO GOD DAMN COOL

Goku: Haaaaaa!

Piccolo: Raaaaaa!

Broly: Ruuaaaahhh!!

Gohan: Masenko!

Trunks: Masenko!

Piccolo: HUUUUUUUAAARRR!

Piccolo: Guuakhh!

Gohan: Waghh!

Trunks: (Groans in pain)

Gohan: (Groans in pain)

Piccolo: WAAUUGGH!

Piccolo: AAAAAAAHHHH--!!

Piccolo: URRRGHH OOUHH...

Piccolo: What... the f**k are you DOING back here?!

Vegeta: I don't know what's going on anymore.

Vegeta: He's so cool but he's SO goddamn dumb!

Piccolo: Okay, Vegeta... while you're here having this "crisis", we're out there getting beaten into a bloody paste!

Vegeta: But you don't understand!

Vegeta: The Legendary Super Saiyan is motivated by a crying infant!

Vegeta: He is a literal giant f**king baby!

Piccolo: So, kind of what you're being right now?

Vegeta: You're just mad you're not The Legendary Super Namekian.

Piccolo: Alright, bye Vegeta.

Vegeta: Byeeeeeeeeee...

Goku: Hey, Broly!

Goku: KAA... MEE--

Goku: Ah! Oh wah!

Broly: You were SAYIN'?

Goku: I am Saiyan!

Goku: Hu hu hu--!

Goku: Ah aughh...!

Broly: This all you got, Kakarot?

Broly: Broly is disappointed.

Broly: Kakarot killed Frieza.

Broly: Kakarot's supposed to be strongest... ...but now Broly's strongest!

Broly: And now you DIE!

Vegeta: Excuse you.

Broly: Excuse BROLY?

Vegeta: You've been ignoring someone this entire time.

Broly: ...Broly's wife?

Trunks: Well, technically, I was the one who killed Frieza.

Broly: THAT'S HOT.

Broly: What is a king to a god?

Vegeta: And what is a god... TO A NONBELIEVER?!

Vegeta: HEAAAAAAAAAAA--!

Vegeta: MMMFF--!!

Broly: Do you believe now?

Vegeta: Uh-huh.

Vegeta: So cool...

Broly: Now, Kakarot...

Broly: KAKAROT...!

Broly: KAKARRROOOOOOOT!!

Paragus: He has devolved into saying only a single word.

Paragus: (Time to hit the ol' cosmic trail...)

Broly: Kakarot?

Paragus: Oh...

Paragus: ...hi, son.

Broly: Kakarot.

Paragus: N-no, i-it's your father.

Paragus: I was just prepping this pod for us to leave, before the comet hits.

Broly: Kakarot...!

Paragus: Yes, true, it's a pod meant for one person, but...

Broly: KAKAROT!

Paragus: Broly! Be a good boy!

Paragus: Show your daddy the love he has shown you...!

Broly: Hug.

Paragus: Oh, nononononono--!

Broly: Huuuuuuug!

Broly: HEAAAAUNGH!!

Broly: ...Kakarot.

Goku: Okay, guys... be real with me...

Goku: ...is this the worst, or what?

Piccolo: Frankly, at this point, I wish we could open up the Dead Zone and bring back Garlic Jr.

Trunks: Can't believe I'm saying it, but... I'll take some more Androids, please.

Vegeta: And I'd rather get kicked in the dick, a THOUSAND more times... ...than hear that idiot scream Kakarot's name again.

Broly: KAKAROT!

Vegeta: EUUHARRRGHH.

Gohan: I'd even take Turles. And he was just an evil version of my dad.

Vegeta: Wait, that guy with the tree? Is he alive?

Goku: Not anymore.

Goku: Also, that Wheelo guy. He was nice...

Gohan: Oh yeah... too bad he died of brain cancer.

Goku: Cool... then I'll cut to the chaste...

Goku: Give me all of your energy.

Goku: Right now.

Goku: I'll end it in one punch, man.

Piccolo: Done.

Trunks: Doing it.

Gohan: Please make it end.

Goku: Now Vegeta... I know you're probably not going to--

Vegeta: F**k it, you have it, just go.

Goku: Thanks, best buddy!

Vegeta: No.

Broly: HUUUAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!!!!

Broly: HUAAARRRRGHHHHH!!!

Goku: Hey! BROLY!

Goku: SAY MY NAME!

Broly: HUUNGH?!?!

Broly: (Crying)

Goku: HUUUNGH!

Broly: KA…KAA…ROOOOOOOOOTTT!!!!

Goku: Victory for Gok—!

Goku: Huaaaaa!

Roshi: HOLY SHIT!

Shamo: OHH, IT'S SO TIGHT~!

Piccolo: Okay, just gonna drop this one out there, but earlier, nobody brought up Slug and I feel that's kind of racist.

Oolong: What are these things and why is one GRINDING ON ME?!

Shamo: STEP ON MY GENITALS~!

King Kai: There you go, South Kai.

King Kai: Your galaxy has been avenged.

South Kai: …But it's still gone.

King Kai: Sorry, but ain't no Dragon Balls that'll bring that back!

King Kai: …I think.

South Kai: But what about the Otherworld Tournament coming up?

King Kai: Well, now you have a lot more options.

South Kai: That's f**ked up, man.

South Kai: ♫ Broly's legend first began in 1993 ♫

South Kai: ♫ With biceps bigger than Goku's head ♫

South Kai: ♫ And a heart that longed to be free ♫

South Kai: ♫ Broly, Broly, Broly ♫

South Kai: ♫ Why are you so strong ♫

South Kai: ♫ Your power level is twice as high ♫

South Kai: ♫ As your Saiyan hair is long ♫

South Kai: ♫ Broly was a motherf**ker ♫

South Kai: ♫ Stronger than that robot trucker ♫

South Kai: ♫ Broly's enemies are done! ♫

South Kai: Yeah!

South Kai: That's it everybody!

South Kai: That's Broly!

South Kai: WEN BROLY, BROLY DUN!

South Kai: DON'T EVEN— DON'T EVEN ASK ANYMORE!

South Kai: Y'SHOULD JUST SUBSCRIBE AND ENJOY!

South Kai: AND I'M OUT!

Goku: Alright. Let's see if we can just sneak into the house, and—

Chi-Chi: ROOM! NOW!

Gohan: Okay!

Goku: Oh, hey, Chi-Chi!

Goku: Did Gohan not make it in?

Chi-Chi: Oh, no, he made it in!

Chi-Chi: After a sizeable donation from my father!

Goku: Good! Man, I'm glad we come from money!

Chi-Chi: *I* come from money, Goku!

Chi-Chi: *You* come from a race of idiots!

Goku: I sure do, Chi-Chi!

Goku: I sure do!

Chi-Chi: I want a divorce.

Goku: Me too, I'm starving!

Lanipator: Hey, everyone, Lanipator here. Thanks for watching!

Lanipator: If you're new to the channel, and enjoy what you saw, make sure you subscribe and stay up to date!

Lanipator: And if you're in the mood for some more anime violence, why not check out Hellsing Ultimate Abridged?

Lanipator: Also, if you're catching this on release day, join us at 6 Central Time for a post-release stream over on twitch.tv/streamfourstar

Lanipator: Love ya, and catch you later.