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The Return of Cooler

18:14 · 360 lines · YouTube · 2 saved quotes

0:11
[♫ (within the ship)]
0:17
Gohan: So Dad, what's the first thing you wanna do when we get to Namek?
0:20
[Yajirobe is heard eating the background]
0:20
Gohan: Maybe go fishing? Camping? Any thing that doesn't involve training?
0:24
Goku: I'm gonna be first in line to try some old fashioned Namekian cooking.
0:28
Gohan: ...I don't see that happening...
0:30
Goku: Not with THAT attitude!
0:32
Krillin: I'm looking forward to a relaxing vacation!
0:34
Krillin: This'll be the first time that I've been on Namek where I haven't been beaten up!
0:38
Krillin: ...Or stabbed!
0:39
Krillin: ...Or exploded!
0:40
Roshi: *I'm* looking to get with some sexy Namekian ladies!
0:45
Krillin: ...I... don't see that happening...
0:47
Roshi: Not with THAT attitude!
0:49
Yajirobe: I'm just looking forward to getting some time away from Korin.
0:52
Krillin: Are you two fighting? Because I notice a distinct lack of cat hair on you.
0:56
Yajirobe: Yum (eating noise intensifies)
0:58
Goku: Hey, Piccolo! What's your favorite Namekian dish?
1:01
Gohan: Dad... I hate to break it to you, but... Namekians don't eat.
1:06
Goku: That's weird. They're weird.
1:09
Nail: 'So, haven't been home in a while eh, Kami?'
1:12
Kami: 'Bout 500 years, give or take.'
1:14
Piccolo: Eh. You're not missing much.
1:16
Kami: 'Oh, please.'
1:17
Kami: 'Unlike you, I remember the halcyon days of our planet... Beautiful blue landscapes, a thriving culture... Our beautiful kinship with our Albino brothers.'
1:28
Nail: 'Oooooh...'
1:28
Piccolo: 'Oooooh...'
1:30
Kami: 'What?'
1:33
Oolong: ...Uh, guys? Can a planet get cancer?
1:36
Krillin: That's a weird question, why do you--
1:37
Krillin: *Whoa*, wow!
1:40
Roshi: If it needs some inspectin', I'm your man!
1:42
Roshi: I've done my share of mammograms in my day if you catch my drift!
1:46
Oolong: When I do them, they're called "hammograms".
1:49
Yajirobe: That'll do, pig.
1:50
Goku: Oh, boy. Someone should probably go tell Piccolo.
1:53
Piccolo: Someone should go tell Piccolo
1:55
Piccolo: *whaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaahhh*...!!
2:22
Cycloid: BEEP
2:29
Keel: 'That's it.'
2:30
Keel: 'Enough of this.'
2:32
Keel: 'Time to f**k some FACE!'
2:34
Cycloid: BEEP
2:35
Keel: Oh no, my face!
2:37
Mouri: No, please! He's but a boy. He knows not what he does!
2:41
Cycloid: BEEP
2:43
Mouri: You're so cruel...
2:45
Cycloid: BEEP
2:46
Gohan: Hyah!
2:54
Goku: I don't want to have to solve this with violence, but I also *really* wanna punch you.
3:01
Goku: And your friends.
3:02
Cycloid: BEEP
3:02
Krillin: That one's askin' for it!
3:04
Goku: What are you even doing on New Namek?
3:06
Cycloid: BEEP
3:07
Goku: A what?
3:08
Goku: Well, I think we have one on the ship, but the sodas aren't cold yet.
3:12
Goku: META-COOLER (cyborg voice): I believe they're referring to me.
3:19
Meta-Cooler: I believe they're referring to me.
3:20
Meta-Cooler: Thank you, thank you. You're too kind.
3:20
All Cycloids: (Beeps of applause)
3:23
Cycloid: BEEP
3:24
Meta-Cooler: And you're just brown-nosing.
3:26
Goku: So, you return once again, Freezer.
3:28
Gohan: Cooler.
3:29
Goku: Cooler.
3:30
Meta-Cooler: Yes, I have returned, *dumbass*.
3:32
Goku: Goku.
3:33
Meta-Cooler: *DUMBASS*.
3:34
Meta-Cooler: With the help of the Big Gete Star!
3:36
Krillin: HA, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
3:38
Meta-Cooler: Thanks to it, I have been reborn with this new dynamic, metal form.
3:42
Meta-Cooler: With it, we have entrapped this planet.
3:45
Meta-Cooler: And now...
3:47
Meta-Cooler: ...we are going to f**k it.
3:50
Meta-Cooler: Both figuratively...
3:53
Meta-Cooler: And *very literally*.
3:57
Krillin: ...You know, just because it can't reject you, doesn't imply consent.
4:00
Meta-Cooler: Now - what say you?
4:03
Piccolo: Freeza did it.
4:04
Meta-Cooler: Excuse you?
4:05
Krillin: The robot thing; Freeza did it. When he came back to Earth...
4:09
Meta-Cooler: But, that's not the same; I--
4:10
Piccolo: *After* he took over Namek, like you are now.
4:13
Meta-Cooler: Wait! He *destroyed* Namek!
4:15
Gohan: Well, this is New Namek.
4:16
Meta-Cooler: So it's completely *different*!
4:18
Piccolo: Yeah - about as different as you are from Freeza.
4:20
Krillin: Shots fired!
4:21
Meta-Cooler: Kill the bald one.
4:22
Cycloid: BEEP
4:23
Krillin: Freeza did it--
4:23
Krillin: AYRRG!
4:25
Cycloid: BEEP
4:26
Gohan: Eep!
4:27
Piccolo: Stop being a bunch of pansies!
4:29
Oolong: I'm gonna die on an alien planet! Dammit, I'm becoming Krillin!
4:33
Yajirobe: Calm your tits, Scrabo-breath. Master Roshi's got this one.
4:37
Roshi: I have many things...★
4:40
Roshi: *A best friend who's a turtle... * An island... * Chlamydia...★
4:44
Roshi: This... is not one of 'em.
4:47
Yajirobe: Oh... well then, what do we--
4:49
Roshi: (Groaning)
4:52
Oolong: Hey, Master Roshi! Why don't ya try giving them the clap, ya jackass?!
4:58
Goku: (Grunts of exertion)
5:00
Goku: (Grunts of pain)
5:06
Goku: So, I keep punching you, but you ain't budgin'.
5:08
Meta-Cooler: That would be my new metal body.
5:11
Goku: Which you got from the Spaghetti Star, right?
5:14
Meta-Cooler: ...Not dignifying that. Look, why don't you just turn Super Saiyan?
5:18
Meta-Cooler: Then we can get *serious*.
5:20
Goku: But I don't want to end the fight *yet*; we just started...
5:23
Goku: I mean, why don't you use that little mask thing?
5:25
Meta-Cooler: Good question. But I've got a better one, though:
5:28
Meta-Cooler: What's that thing on your face?
5:30
Goku: What's what on thing on m--
5:31
Meta-Cooler: MAH FIST!
5:32
Goku: Wauwh...!
5:34
Goku: Alright, fine! I'll go Super Saiyan.
5:36
Goku: But I'm doing this for *me*.
5:41
Piccolo: RAARRGH!
5:43
Cycloid: BEEP
5:43
Piccolo: F**k!
5:45
Piccolo: 'Dammit! I gotta find a way to break these things...'
5:48
Nail: 'Have ya tried hitting them harder?'
5:50
Piccolo: That sounds like something Goku would say.
5:52
Kami: 'Yes... and remember that time you've never beaten him?'
5:55
Piccolo: RAAAGH~!
5:58
Piccolo: 'Huh... it worked.'
6:00
Goku: HiraaaaAAAA--
6:01
Goku: IYAAH!
6:03
Goku: Heh-hey! It worked!
6:12
Goku: Wow, the Big Ghetto Star ain't no one's fool.
6:15
Meta-Cooler: That's right, monkey.
6:17
Meta-Cooler: With the power of the Big Gete Star - I can recover from any injury, no matter how intense.
6:25
Meta-Cooler: But enough about me. LET'S KILL YOOOUUUU~!
6:28
Goku: D'ROAAGH!
6:28
Goku: (Choking noises)
6:31
Cycloid: BEEP
6:31
Gohan: GUHG!
6:33
Gohan: UU-HAGH!
6:35
Krillin: HI GOHAN!
6:39
Krillin: Any ideas?
6:41
Gohan: Well, our opponents are mechanical... ...which means they'll have structural weak points we can exploit; likely their joint areas.
6:42
Cycloid: BEEP
6:47
Gohan: I suggest-- huh?
6:48
Piccolo: I figured it out. We just need to hit them really, really hard.
6:53
Gohan: ...That sounds like something my Dad would say.
6:55
Piccolo: Right!
7:02
Krillin: I've prepared my whole life for this...
7:05
Krillin: IT'S KRILLER TI--!
7:07
[CRUNCH]
7:08
Krillin: It's never gonna to be a thing...
7:11
Piccolo: Just use your friggin' Kienzan! *Christ*!
7:15
Goku: (Still choking)
7:16
Meta-Cooler: My *God*, you take an eternity to choke.
7:19
Goku: Is... that all you... got?
7:22
Meta-Cooler: As a matter of fact...!
7:24
Goku: Aah, regret, *regret*!
7:26
Meta-Cooler: GAUGH...!
7:30
Goku: Oh, hey Vegeta. When and how did you get here?
7:33
Vegeta: Apologies. But if anyone's going to kill Kakarot... *it's me*.
7:39
Goku: And you're not even that good at it.
7:40
Vegeta: Shut your hole, Kakarot.
7:42
Vegeta: Anyway, we meet at last... Cooler.
7:46
Meta-Cooler: Yes, we do...
7:48
Meta-Cooler: ...y-you?
7:49
Vegeta: Wait. Do you not know who I am?
7:52
Meta-Cooler: *Should I*?
7:53
Vegeta: I am Vegeta: Prince of All Saiyans! Last of my Royal Blood! Bringer of Death! Destroyer of Worlds! And wrecker of your shit!
8:03
Meta-Cooler: Saiyan, hm? Forgive me. I was under the impression there was only one of you.
8:08
Vegeta: Oh, trust me... there is only *one* of *me*.
8:12
Meta-Cooler: Then my eyes must deceive me, because I believe I see *two dead monkeys*!
8:17
Vegeta: Raaah!
8:19
Vegeta: AAAAAaaaaaa...!
8:22
Vegeta: ...rrrrrRRRAAAA--!
8:23
Vegeta: AAAAAaaaaa...!
8:25
Vegeta: ...rrrrrRRRAAA--!
8:26
Vegeta: AAAAAaaaaa...!
8:29
Vegeta: ...rrrrrRRRAAA--!
8:32
[Multiple BEEPS as Cycloids explode]
8:35
Cycloid: BEEP
8:37
Gohan: Mr. Piccolooo...!
8:39
Piccolo: I'm coming!
8:40
Krillin: Phrasing! I mean, *helllp*...!
8:43
Piccolo: Nice try, but you're not just gonna pull me away like--
8:46
Piccolo: huh?
8:47
Piccolo: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Dicks! *Dicks*!!
8:51
Nail: 'They're just *bullets*, they're hardly even--'
8:54
Nail: '...oh cool, cannons! Those'll hurt.'
8:56
Piccolo: They doooo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo...!
8:59
Vegeta: AAAAaaaaaa...!
9:01
Meta-Cooler: He's quite persistent.
9:02
Goku: You have *no* idea.
9:04
Vegeta: ...rrRRAAHHH--!
9:05
Vegeta: AAAaaaaa...!
9:07
Goku: ...He's actually a really nice guy after you get to know him.
9:09
Meta-Cooler: I doubt that.
9:10
Vegeta: Son of a bitch, I got you this tiiiiii--!
9:13
[CRUNCH]
9:13
Vegeta: D'AAAAAA--!
9:14
Vegeta: Mmmmff!
9:15
Meta-Cooler: You want to know what death tastes like?!
9:17
Vegeta: Mmmmfff! Mmmhhmmff!!
9:19
Goku: Hiyaaa!
9:20
Meta-Cooler: GAUGH!
9:21
Vegeta: Hurgh! Would you just--
9:22
Vegeta: ...what?! Where did you--
9:24
Goku: Don't worry! Saved ya again, best buddy!
9:25
Vegeta: That's it! Killing you both!
9:27
Vegeta: BIG BANG ATTACK!!
9:33
[♫ Ave Maria ♫]
9:34
Vegeta: (Faint high-pitched squeal)
9:39
Goku: Huh?
9:40
Goku: Aww~, he's all tuckered out...
9:49
Piccolo: Alright, you get that out of your system?
9:51
Cycloid: BEEP
9:52
Piccolo: Okay, just wanted to make sure.
9:54
Cycloid: BEEP
9:55
Piccolo: Okay, good. (Inhale)
9:56
Piccolo: HRRAAAAAAAAAHH!!!
9:58
[Lots of BEEPing]
10:04
Piccolo: 'Alright, better go save Gohan...'
10:06
Kami: 'What about the others?'
10:08
Piccolo: 'What *about* the others?'
10:12
D.V.E.D: Hello, meatbags!
10:14
D.V.E.D: Let me be the first to congratulate you on your selection to have your life juices power the Big Gete Star!
10:20
D.V.E.D: I hope the amenities are to your liking!
10:22
Yajirobe: They're not!
10:23
D.V.E.D: Then good news! You won't be staying long!
10:25
Yajirobe: You're damn right!
10:26
Yajirobe: Eegh!
10:28
D.V.E.D: Splendid! A volunteer! Quick everyone, to the de-organer!
10:37
Vegeta: He keeps kickin' me in the dick!
10:40
Vegeta: Why?!
10:41
Vegeta: Why does he keep kickin' me in the dick?!
10:44
Goku: Wait! I think I might have a way to beat him!
10:46
Vegeta: If you say, "hit him really hard", I swear to God, I will kick YOU in the dick!
10:51
Goku: I-I guess... we could hit him... really hard--
10:55
Vegeta: Hurrrgh...!
10:56
Goku: --together...?
10:58
Vegeta: ...Whatever.
10:59
Vegeta: YAARGH!
11:00
Goku: HIYAGH!
11:02
Goku: HIYAAAGH...!
11:02
Vegeta: YAAAARGH...!
11:10
Goku: Hey, Vegeta!
11:11
Goku: What works? Teamwor--!
11:13
Vegeta: Finish him off, you *gibbering oaf*!
11:15
[BOOM]
11:22
[Both Saiyans panting]
11:27
Goku: See...?
11:28
Goku: ♪ We can do anything by working with each other... ♪
11:32
Vegeta: *Just shut the f**k up*, Kakarot...
11:37
Goku: Hey...
11:38
Goku: We beat him, right?
11:40
Vegeta: Yeah...
11:41
Vegeta: He turned into smoke.
11:43
[Orchestal music]
11:43
Goku: ...Then who's *that* guy?
11:45
Meta-Cooler: Hello, buddy~!
11:46
Goku: Oh, right... the Serengeti Star.
11:49
Meta-Coolers: That's right...
11:51
Meta-Coolers: I am Legion...
11:54
Meta-Coolers: For we are--
11:55
Vegeta: --A pain in my ass.
11:57
Goku: Well, Vegeta...
11:59
Goku: You take the five hundred on the right... I'll take the five hundred on the left. Screw you, I'll take five hundred and one!
12:05
Goku: That's the spirit!
12:07
Goku: HIRAAAAAAAAH...!
12:09
Vegeta: AAAAAAAAAAGH...!
12:11
[Music and yelling cut-off]
12:13
Goku: Wow... I can't believe every single one of them kicked you in the dick...
12:19
Vegeta: (High-pitched squeal)
12:22
Goku: So... where the heck are we, anyway?
12:25
Cooler: You are inside... of me...
12:30
Goku: (Gasp)
12:31
Goku: Vegeta! He *shrank* us!
12:34
Cooler: What? No. No! I'm part of the Big Gete Star!
12:38
Goku: Oh, you're a head...
12:40
Goku: Well that's neat... probably you don't punch as hard as you used to, though...
12:43
Cooler: I'm sure you're dying to know the story...
12:47
Goku: I'm really not interested--
12:48
Cooler: You see...
12:50
[Flashback]
12:55
Cooler: ...What the fu--?!
12:55
[Flashback ends]
12:55
Cooler: And that's how it happened.
12:57
Cooler: And now, with the help of your energy, we shall have everything we need to fuel the Big Gete Star, as well as rebuild myself even better than before...
13:10
Big Gete Star: BEEP
13:11
Cooler: Shut up, baby! I know it!
13:12
[Both Saiyans scream in pain]
13:15
Big Gete Star: BEEP
13:15
[Screaming continues in background]
13:16
Cooler: Oh, yes... to the *laaast*... *drrrop*...
13:24
Cooler: Ah, delicious. Now, to dispose of the tra--
13:29
Cooler: Huh?
13:31
Cooler: What?! Impossible! You were bone dry!
13:35
Big Gete Star: BEEP
13:36
Cooler: I know, but I can't stop them!
13:38
Cooler: Where are the mes?! SEND IN THE MES!
13:41
Big Gete Star: BEEP
13:42
Cooler: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M EXPLODING?!
13:45
[All Meta-Coolers exploding]
13:47
Cooler: Aaah, f--
13:48
Big Gete Star: BEEP
13:49
Cooler: --mes!
13:50
Yajirobe: (Yelling)
13:53
Yajirobe: No! Please! You can't kill me! There's someone at home that I love!
13:57
D.V.E.D: Beautiful! What's her name?
13:58
Yajirobe: He-he-he's a cat named Korin!
14:01
D.V.E.D: I am no one to judge!
14:03
D.V.E.D: But I do decide your fate!
14:05
D.V.E.D: Kill him s--looow... loooow... loooow... looooowwww...
14:11
[CLICK]
14:12
D.V.E.D: Drop the bass.
14:13
[BOOM]
14:13
[Alarm]
14:16
Gohan: Everyone, follow me!
14:19
Gohan: Aww... crap-baskets.
14:22
Krillin: I am not dying here again!
14:25
[BOOM]
14:28
[♫ Terminator Genisys main theme ♫]
14:29
Piccolo: Come with me if you want to live.
14:31
Gohan: Eh, wrong sci-fi, but it'll do.
14:35
Cooler: How?! It literally doesn't make any *sense*!
14:38
Cooler: It took everything you had to defeat a *single* "me", yet you have enough power to overload the *Big Gete Star*?!
14:45
Cooler: HOW?! HOW DID YOU DO THIS?!
14:48
Goku: It looks like... you underestimated our power.
14:52
Goku: Just like--
14:53
Cooler: Don't you dare--
14:54
Goku: --you did on Earth.
14:55
Cooler: Oh.
14:57
Cooler: ...Fair enou--
14:57
Vegeta: And just like Freeza.
14:58
[Epic orchestral music]
14:58
Cooler: (Yelling in rage)
15:04
Goku: Ugh.
15:06
Cooler: Did Freeza ever do THIS?!
15:08
Goku: Beginning to feel like you have something against your brother.
15:11
Cooler: DIE.
15:13
Goku: GAAAAAAH!!
15:13
Cooler: *DIIIIE*~!!
15:15
Cooler: *HuuWAAAAAAaaaaagh*...!!
15:19
Vegeta: That... was for... muh dick...
15:23
Vegeta: Ughhh...
15:24
[Thud]
15:26
Goku: HerrrrrYAAGH!
15:28
Goku: Time to put you...
15:31
Goku: ON ICE...! ...*Really*...?
15:36
Cooler: (Sigh)...
15:43
Big Gete Star: BEEP
15:51
Krillin: Huh...
15:52
Krillin: Well, Goku's dead again.
15:54
Krillin: Any of you guys got Dragon Balls?
15:56
Gohan: Wait - look!
15:59
Krillin: Wait, is that Vegeta?
16:01
Gohan: (Joyful laughter)
16:04
Goku: (Tired laughter)
16:11
Goku: Thanks for bringing those Senzu, Bean Daddy!
16:13
Yajirobe: S'what I do.
16:15
Goku: Y'know, I learned something today. In the end, when all is said and done... Freezer was cooler... and Cooler... was freezer.
16:25
Gohan: ...So, now that it's over, we should probably go find Dende.
16:28
Krillin: Yeah, where is Little Green? He's the one who invited us to vacation here in the first place.
16:33
Mouri: Oh wait, you thought...?
16:34
Mouri: But he...
16:35
Mouri: oh, my....
16:37
Mouri: I think you may have misinterpreted his message.
16:41
Dende: WHERE THE F**K IS EVERYONE?!
16:46
[♫ Monkey Vs Robot (by James Kochalka) ♫]
16:51
Dende: ♫ Monkey hate technology ♫
16:54
Dende: ♫ Robot hate the monkey ♫
16:57
Dende: ♫ They will fight eternally ♫
16:59
Dende: ♫ Why can't we all get along ♫
17:02
Dende: ♫ Would that be oh so wrong? ♫
17:04
Dende: ♫ Why can't we all love each other ♫
17:07
Dende: ♫ Monkey and a robot brother ♫
17:10
Dende: ♫ Monkey vs Robot ♫
17:20
Dende: ♫ Monkey, R O B O T ♫
17:25
Dende: ♫ Robot, M O N K E Y ♫
17:30
Dende: ♫ Monkey, R O B O T ♫
17:30
[Fade-out]
17:35
Dende: ♫ Robot, M O N K E Y ♫
17:47
Big Gete Star: BEEP
17:51
Vegeta: Flawless victory.