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DragonBall Z Abridged SPECIAL: Bardock: Father of Goku

19:49 · 356 lines · YouTube

0:09
[Baby Goku is crying]
0:11
Narrator: Long ago, on a planet long forgotten by time...
0:15
Narrator: A young hero was born; a righteous Saiyan warrior who would bring peace to the galaxy.
0:20
Narrator: This... is *not* his story.
0:24
Narrator: This is the story of *another* Saiyan warrior, who slaughtered millions of innocents and brought terror to those who heard his name.
0:33
Narrator: And that name is...
0:35
[♫ "Dare" ♫]
0:48
Narrator: ♫ Dare! Dare to believe you can survive ♫
0:56
Narrator: ♫ You hold the future in your hand ♫
1:01
Narrator: ♫ Dare! Dare to keep all your dreams alive ♫
1:08
Narrator: ♫ The power is there at your command (Oh, oh!) ♫
1:14
Narrator: ♫ Dare! There is a place where dreams survive ♫
1:22
Narrator: ♫ It's calling you on to victory ♫
1:28
Narrator: ♫ Dare! ♫ [fading echo]
1:34
Narrator: ♫ Dare! ♫ [fading echo]
1:36
[fade out]
1:39
[Group of Saiyan warriors laugh (except Bardock)]
1:44
Pumbukin: And then I tell the guy, "Don't be angry. I'm just Saiyan!"
1:49
[They laugh again]
1:53
Pumbukin: And then I tore out his throat.
1:55
[Wind blows]
1:57
Toma: Hey, Bardock. Heard you had another kid. Congrats.
2:00
Toma: Who's the mom?
2:01
Pumbukin: I bet it's Selypa. I see the way you two look at each other.
2:05
Bardock: Nah; it'd never work out between us.
2:08
Toma: Why not?
2:09
Bardock: Are you kidding? She's a raging *dyke*.
2:12
Selypa: I'm right here, you asshole!
2:15
Bardock: ...And?
2:16
Selypa: God, this is why I hate men!
2:18
[TUH]
2:18
Bardock: Point proven.
2:19
Pumbukin: So, uh, why did we attack this rock in the first place?
2:23
Bardock: I dunno. The mission briefing said this planet was full of psychics.
2:26
Toma: Wait a second... Doesn't that mean they can see the future?
2:30
Toma: Don't you think they should have seen us coming?
2:32
Bardock: Just because they're psychic doesn't mean they're smart.
2:34
Toma: But, aren't psychics supposed to have unbelievable mental--?
2:38
[Dramatic sting]
2:42
Kanassan: I can see the futurrrre!
2:45
Pumbukin: Hey, look! One survived.
2:46
Kanassan: OH, NO! THEY CAN SEE ME!
2:48
Kanassan: I have to stop you from destroying my race!
2:51
Kanassan: ...In the future!
2:52
Bardock: We already did that.
2:55
Kanassan: I knew you'd do that!
2:57
Kanassan: Now I have to kill you!
2:59
Bardock: Guh!
3:00
Kanassan: Now you too can see the future!
3:03
Kanassan: WAHHH!
3:10
Kanassan: I'M ON FIRE!
3:12
Kanassan: AHHH!
3:16
Toma: Well, that was... odd.
3:19
Pumbukin: Hey, Bardock. What do you think he meant about you seeing the future?
3:23
Pumbukin: Bardock--?
3:24
[Dramatic music]
3:25
Pumbukin: Bardock? Bardock?!
3:28
Pumbukin: Say nothing if you want me to eat the remains of that alien!
3:34
[Munching]
3:51
Zarbon: Lord Freeza, the reports are saying that Kanassa has been seized.
3:56
Freeza: [raspy] Thank you, Zarbon; that's very good to hea--
3:58
[Hacking coughs]
4:02
Freeza: Ah, sorry about that; I had something in my throat.
4:06
Freeza: Continue, Zarbon.
4:08
Zarbon: The reports say that it was overtaken by a group of low-level Saiyans led by... Bardock.
4:15
Dodoria: Yeah, that Bardock's a pretty cool guy.
4:18
Zarbon: He conquers planets and doesn't afraid of anything.
4:21
Freeza: Hmm, "doesn't afraid of anything" indeed...
4:27
[Bardock's visions]
4:30
[Groaning]
4:32
Bardock: 'What...?'
4:33
Bardock: 'What's going on?'
4:36
Bardock: 'Is...that my planet?'
4:38
Bardock: 'Wait, who is...?'
4:41
Bardock: 'Is that my son?'
4:43
Bardock: 'Where is he?'
4:45
Bardock: 'Hold on...'
4:46
Bardock: 'Is he befriending that alien race?'
4:48
Bardock: 'Oh, I get it...'
4:50
Bardock: 'He must be earning their trust before he slaughters them all.'
4:54
Bardock: 'Wait... Now everything's gone dark.'
4:57
Bardock: 'Is... is it over?'
5:00
Bardock: 'Am I...?'
5:01
Mr. Popo: Hi.
5:02
[Dramatic sting; muffled scream]
5:05
Scientist: Bardock, are you all right? Your heart rate skyrocketed.
5:08
Bardock: (Gasp)
5:09
Bardock: I'm OK!
5:10
Bardock: I'm OK.
5:12
Bardock: It's just... *Eyes*.
5:15
Bardock: Where am I, anyway?
5:16
Scientist: Well, you're on Freeza Planet Six Nine Two.
5:20
Bardock: Man, you'd think with all his free time he'd come up with better names for his planets.
5:26
Zarbon: So Lord Freeza, now that we have Kanassa under our command, what shall we--?
5:30
Freeza: Four One Nine!
5:32
Zarbon: Right, right...
5:33
Bardock: Anyway, where's my team? Are they already on a new mission?
5:36
Scientist: Yes; well, it seems that Freeza passed down a new mission just two hours ago.
5:42
Scientist: By the way - while you're here, would you like to see your son, Kakarrot?
5:46
Bardock: "Kaka-wha..."?
5:47
Bardock: Oh, right; his name.
5:48
Bardock: Nah; think I'll pass. Didn't pay attention to Raditz when he was growing up.
5:52
Scientist: Oh, yes; and we both know how he turned out...
5:56
[Sounds of muffled crying]
5:56
Bardock: Hey there, Kakarrot. It's your Daddy!
6:00
[Scouter is beeping]
6:00
Bardock: 'Let's see what kind of power level we've got here... All right...'
6:03
Bardock: 'Whoahoahoahoahoahoa!'
6:05
Bardock: 'Ten thousand! *That's* my boy!'
6:08
Bardock: 'Uh, wait... "Broly"?'
6:10
Bardock: 'Ah, here we go. Kakarro-'
6:12
Bardock: '-agh, aagh! Aaagh, aaagh!'
6:15
Bardock: '*Two*?! Crap!'
6:18
Bardock: There is no possible way this day could get any more disappointing...
6:25
Toma: Bardock's going to be so disappointed.
6:28
Dodoria: I think Bardock is the least of your concerns.
6:31
Toma: Why? I don't understand. We've served Freeza loyally.
6:36
Dodoria: Seems Freeza wants you dirty Saiyans out of the picture... and I'm just willing enough to oblige him.
6:44
Toma: Don't you get it?
6:46
Toma: Chances are, someday he's just going to kill you, too.
6:50
Dodoria: Yeah, well, see... I'm more of a "in-the-now" kinda guy.
6:56
Dodoria: Like... "What am I gonna *eat* now?"
6:59
Dodoria: "What am I gonna *kill* now?"
7:01
Dodoria: And in this regard... you're probably gonna be both.
7:05
Toma: You... you won't get away with this.
7:09
Dodoria: Oh, yeah?
7:10
Dodoria: Well tell me somethin'.
7:12
Dodoria: What looks like crap... feels like crap... and probably ain't gonna wake up in the mornin'?
7:19
Toma: Is... Is it me?
7:21
Dodoria: And that's the punchline.
7:25
Bardock: Whoa, looks like I'm late to the party.
7:27
Bardock: Where's the gan--?
7:30
Bardock: ...Oh...
7:32
Bardock: ...Oh. Oh, God! Guys... Tell me you're just resting in the blood of your enemies!
7:37
Bardock: Selypa...
7:38
Bardock: Totepo...
7:40
Bardock: Pumbukin?
7:41
Bardock: Toma?
7:42
[Sounds of coughing]
7:43
Toma: P...present...
7:45
Bardock: Toma!
7:47
Bardock: Oh, thank God, Toma; you're OK.
7:49
Bardock: I'll be honest - you're the only one I really cared about.
7:52
Bardock: Everyone else was kinda bland. 'Cept for Selypa.
7:54
Bardock: She was the only one here with a decent pair of t--
7:56
Toma: Bardock... listen.
7:58
Toma: Freeza's turned on us.
8:00
Toma: He's afraid of the Saiyans.
8:03
Toma: He sent someone to... to take us out.
8:06
Bardock: Oh, God! He sent the Ginyu Force?
8:08
Toma: No...
8:09
Bardock: Zarbon?
8:10
Toma: No...
8:12
Bardock: ...Dodoria?
8:13
Toma: Sorry...
8:15
Bardock: Listen - it won't end like this!
8:17
Bardock: We're not too far from a healing planet. We're gonna get you fixed up.
8:20
Bardock: We'll get you better, we'll warn everyone else, and then we'll--
8:23
[Wind blows]
8:26
Bardock: '...My best friend just died in my arms, didn't he?'
8:30
Bardock: 'Yep...'
8:31
Bardock: 'Yeeep...'
8:33
Bardock: 'All right.'
8:34
Bardock: 'Plan B.'
8:35
Bardock: 'Don't worry, my friends. You shall all be avenged.'
8:38
Bardock: 'If Freeza's afraid of us, I'm gonna *give* him something to be afraid of!'
8:43
Bardock: 'They don't know I'm still alive... and I'm gonna rain hot vengeance down upon every single one of those *sons of bi--*!'
8:53
Eachpe: All right, guys; let's hit the sho--
8:55
[Scouter beeps; ♫ "Solid State Scouter" ♫]
8:55
Eachpe: Tell-my-brother-Appule-I-love-him--!
8:57
Eachpe: Aaagh...!
8:58
Mango: Eachpe! No!
9:04
Mango: Where the hell is he?
9:06
Lemi: Keep sharp! These Saiyans can pull off all kinds of tricks!
9:09
Lemi: You have to be very careful--
9:10
Mango: Got him!
9:15
Mango: Pierre! Nooo!
9:17
Mango: You dirty monkey!
9:19
Lemi: You're the one who killed him, you ass!
9:21
Mango: Oh gee, Lemi; I never thought of it like tha--
9:23
Lemi: *Shut the f*** up*!
9:24
Lemi: AAAAAAAGH!
9:24
Mango: AAAAARRGH!
9:26
Bardock: 'Man, I can't believe they lost to these guys!'
9:29
Bardock: 'What a bunch of--'
9:30
[TCHING]
9:30
Bardock: 'Oh sweet crap, not again!'
9:32
[Vision]
9:32
Kakarrot: Kaio-ken!
9:33
Bardock: "Kaio-wha--"?
9:34
Bardock: ARGH!
9:37
Mango: Hiya!
9:38
[♫ "Solid State Scouter" ♫ sharply fades out]
9:38
Bardock: UUgh...!
9:40
Bardock: For years, you've kept us under your foot [...]
9:41
Bardock: 'What...? Is that me...?'
9:44
[♫ "Solid State Scouter" fades in ♫]
9:44
Bardock: 'That's it!'
9:46
Mango: NOW, DIE!
9:48
Lemi: WHAT THE FU--?!
9:49
Lemi: GUAaah!
9:51
Lemi: Goddammit, Mango, you team-killing f***tard!
9:54
[♫ "Solid State Scouter" cuts off ♫]
9:54
Lemi: AAAARRGH...!
9:54
Mango: AAAARRGH...!
9:58
Bardock: 'I understand what I have to do now...'
10:01
Bardock: 'I'm going to raise an army.'
10:02
Bardock: 'We're going to rebel against Freeza.'
10:05
Bardock: 'And nothing is going to stop me!'
10:07
[Scouter beeps]
10:07
Bardock: 'What the--?'
10:08
[Dramatic sting]
10:10
Dodoria: Ooooorrr...!
10:11
Bardock: USELESS-ASS PSYCHIC POWERS!
10:13
Dodoria: RHOOOAAGH!
10:15
Bardock: ERRRAAGHAAAGHAAAGH...!
10:23
['Singing' "Another One Bites the Dust"]
10:23
Dodoria: ♪ Do-do-do, another one bites the dust ♪
10:27
Dodoria: ♪ Dodo-do-do-do, another one bites the dust ♪
10:31
Dodoria: ♪ And another one gone, and another one gone ♪
10:33
Dodoria: ♪ Another one bites the dust ♪
10:35
Dodoria: ♪ Hey, I'm gonna get you too ♪
10:37
Dodoria: ♪ Another one bites the dust... ♪
10:41
Bardock: [muffled] Oh, God! It's true!
10:44
Bardock: You really do soil yourself when you die!
10:46
Bardock: Ah, it's everywhere!
10:48
Bardock: It's in my Dodoria wounds!
10:52
[Sounds of coughing; initially muffled]
10:55
Bardock: Oh, well, uh, later, guys...
10:58
Bardock: Off to raise that army...
10:59
Bardock: Vengeance... yada, yada...
11:03
Operator 1: All right, little guy. Time to send you to Planet... "Ee-arth".
11:07
Operator 2: I think it's pronounced, "Earth".
11:10
Operator 1: That sounds stupid.
11:11
Operator 2: You're stupid!
11:12
Freeza: So~ How did the mission go~?
11:16
Dodoria: Complete Annihilation.
11:18
Zarbon: Where are your men?
11:20
Dodoria: Complete Annihilation.
11:22
Freeza: So, you're absolutely sure you killed every single living thing on that planet?
11:27
Dodoria: Complete... Annihilation.
11:35
Zarbon: So, "Complete Annihilation", huh?
11:38
Dodoria: Uh-uh-uh-I'm sorry, Lord Freeza. I'll go take care of it right away!
11:42
Freeza: Oh, forget about it.
11:43
Freeza: He's already on a direct course for Planet S.O.L.
11:47
Zarbon: ...Planet what?
11:49
Freeza: Huuurrgghh... *Planet*--
11:51
Bardock: [panting] 'Vegeta!'
11:53
Bardock: 'I've gotta warn King Vegeta.'
11:55
[♫ "Bad to the Bone" ♫ (radio)]
12:06
Bardock: You guys!
12:07
Bardock: Freeza's going to--
12:08
Bardock: D'aaugh!
12:09
[Radio is turned off as Saiyans fall silent]
12:10
Bardock: Who put that table there?
12:12
Random Saiyan Dude: Dude, Bardock, are you wasted?
12:14
Bardock: Noo...
12:16
Bardock: But my crew is.
12:17
Some Other Saiyan Dude: You smell like poo!
12:19
Bardock: Listen to me! We don't have much time.
12:21
Bardock: Freeza's on his way here and he plans to kill us all!
12:25
Bardock: We have to raise an army, and--
12:26
Random Saiyan Lady: Your mom's an army!
12:28
[Crowd starts laughing]
12:29
Bardock: What are you, stupid?! Do you--?!
12:31
Another Saiyan Dude: Your face is stupid!
12:33
[Crowd starts laughing again]
12:34
Bardock: Eugh! Do you idiots even get it?
12:37
Bardock: Freeza's about to commit genocide on our ENTIRE RACE!!
12:40
[Crowd is shocked into silence]
12:42
Yet Another Saiyan Dude: Cool story, bro!
12:44
[Crowd starts laughing]
12:45
Bardock: You know what? F*** it! I'm done!
12:47
Bardock: I hope you all die and go to HELL!
12:49
[Fading footsteps]
12:51
And Another One: Wow, that guy's a douche.
12:54
Bardock: 'Screw them! I don't need an army.'
12:57
Bardock: 'I took on those elites; I can take on this tyrant!'
13:01
Bardock: Freeza must be stopped... no matter the cost!
13:05
[♫ "The Touch" ♫]
13:07
Bardock: ♫ You got the touch ♫
13:11
Bardock: ♫ You got the powerrrrrrrrrr ♫
13:18
Bardock: ♫ Yeah! ♫
13:20
Zarbon: Lord Freeza, Bardock is approaching from the planet--
13:22
Freeza: Waves of Freeza-soldiers...
13:25
Freeza Mooks: AAAAAAAGH!
13:27
Dodoria: It's raining men!
13:28
Zarbon: Hallelujah!
13:29
Bardock: FREEZA!
13:32
Soldier: Yeah! Take that--
13:32
Soldier: AUGH!
13:33
Bardock: FREEZA!
13:38
Mooks: EEEEGH!/AAAAGH!/[etc]
13:41
Bardock: FREEZAAA!
13:45
Soldier: Ey yo Bardock, I'm really happy for ya, and I'ma let you finish, but--
13:48
Mooks: BWAARGH!!
13:54
Zarbon: Sir, I think he wishes to have words.
13:56
Freeza: Oh, what*ever* gave you that impression?
13:59
Zarbon: Well, he does keep on shouting your name.
14:02
Bardock: [speakers] FREEZA!
14:03
Freeza: Just get my freaking bubble car.
14:05
Zarbon: Too bad.
14:06
Zarbon: And that Bardock was such a dashing rogue...
14:11
Dodoria: ...What?
14:13
[Jetsons bubble car SFX]
14:19
Bardock: There you are, Freeza! I've been looking for you.
14:22
Freeza: Well, I'm not exactly *hard to find*!
14:25
Bardock: We've had enough of this! We're *done* working for you, Freeza!
14:29
Mook: Uh, just so you know, that man does not speak for us!
14:32
Bardock: We're here to kill you, and take our planet for our own!
14:36
Mook: Seriously, we're not with him!
14:38
Bardock: For years, you've kept us under your foot [...]
14:40
Freeza: 'Ohhh *Lord*, these heroic types with their *speeches*.'
14:44
Freeza: '"Blah, blah, blah, injustices."'
14:46
Freeza: '"Blah, blah, blah, injustices. Blah, blah, blah, tyranny."'
14:48
Freeza: '"Blah, blah, blah, injustices. Blah, blah, blah, tyranny. Blah, blah, blah, Freeza, stop killing me!"'
14:51
Freeza: '*God*, does he have any idea how hard it is to run an empire?'
14:55
Freeza: 'I've got *other* things to do today, you know...!'
14:58
Freeza: 'Like decide what wine will I have for dinner tonight...'
15:02
Freeza: 'White wine? Red wine? Or dare I say...'
15:06
Freeza: '...Rosé?'
15:07
Freeza: 'Oh, perhaps I should give Cooler a call. His birthday's coming up.'
15:11
Freeza: '...Nah, he's a prick.'
15:12
Freeza: 'Wait a second, where was I?'
15:14
Freeza: 'Oh right; mass genocide.'
15:15
Bardock: [...] end your miserable life, once and for all!
15:18
Bardock: Now... take this, Freeza!
15:21
Bardock: The *power* of the *Saiyan race*!!
15:24
Bardock: HYAAAH!
15:28
[Dramatic music fades in]
15:29
Freeza: Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
15:36
Bardock: 'Well, I'd say I should have seen this coming, but that would be ironic...'
15:42
[BOOOM]
15:46
Bardock: 'I see it... My son... He--'
15:51
[Vision]
15:51
Bardock: '...He's facing Freeza!'
15:53
Bardock: 'He's gonna do it!'
15:55
Bardock: 'He's going to avenge our people!'
15:57
Bardock: 'But, wait... Wait, there's more...'
16:00
Bardock: 'He fights... a giant green bug... man...'
16:05
Bardock: 'And then a... giant... pink... man-child...'
16:11
Bardock: '...Oh, no. It's dark again! Where...? What is...?'
16:15
Bon Para: Bonparapara...
16:17
Para Para Brothers: ...bonpappa!
16:18
[Dance music booming from speakers]
16:19
Bon Para: Bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara!
16:23
Don Para: I'm gonna lay this one down thick like whole milk!
16:27
Son Para: Raise the cane, ra-ra, ra-ra-raise!
16:31
Bon Para: Bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara!
16:35
[Vision ends]
16:35
Bardock: 'And I now welcome the sweet embrace of death...'
16:40
[BOOOM]
16:47
Sauza: Monsieur Cooler!
16:48
Sauza: It seems that your brother is destroying ze Planet Vegeta!
16:51
Cooler: Very impressive, killing off a bunch of monkeys.
16:54
Cooler: Any liquored-up hillbilly with a shotgun could have done that at the zoo...
16:58
Sauza: Wait, sir! It seems he has missed one ship.
17:02
Sauza: We are within range to intercept--
17:03
Cooler: No. Let it go.
17:05
Sauza: But, why?
17:07
Cooler: ...Because I'm a prick.
17:09
Narrator: And so, Planet Vegeta was destroyed, along with all its inhabitants... save a lone Saiyan child... and his brother.
17:20
Narrator: ...And a space pirate.
17:22
Narrator: ...And a renegade monster and his father.
17:24
Narrator: ...And, of course, Prince--
17:26
Nappa: Vegeta!
17:27
Vegeta: What is it, Nappa?
17:28
Nappa: Well, I've got good news... aaand bad news.
17:31
Nappa: The *bad* news is... reports say our entire planet has been destroyed by a gigantic meteorite along with all its inhabitants.
17:38
Vegeta: Aah... but, what about--
17:39
Nappa: Aaand your father.
17:41
Vegeta: My whole family...! My race!
17:44
Nappa: But the good news is we're going to Dairy Queen!
17:47
Vegeta: My entire race is gone--!
17:48
Nappa: DAIRRRY QUEEEEEN!
17:52
Vegeta: Just take me to the damn queen, Nappa.
17:53
Nappa: Yaaaay! This seems like the beginning of a beauuuutiful friendship...
17:59
[Sounds of crying in the distance]
18:05
Grandpa Gohan: Oh, look. Someone threw out a perfectly good baby.
18:08
Grandpa Gohan: Aren't you just adorable?
18:11
Grandpa Gohan: I think I'm gonna call you...
18:14
Grandpa Gohan: "Clark".
18:15
Grandpa Gohan: Heeeey, Claaarrrk...
18:19
Grandpa Gohan: 'Nah, that sounds stupid.'
18:21
Grandpa Gohan: Oh! How about, "Goku"?
18:23
Grandpa Gohan: Yes! Goku! You like that, huh? Yes, you do!
18:28
Grandpa Gohan: Whee! Wheee! Wheeeee!
18:31
Grandpa Gohan: Whoops!
18:32
[THWACK]
18:34
Grandpa Gohan: Uh-oh...
18:35
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
18:45
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ (Flash!) ♫
18:46
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ Hikaru kumo o tsukinuke Fly Away (Fly Away) ♫ (Piercing the shining clouds, I fly away (fly away))
18:52
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ Karadajû ni hirogaru panorama ♫ (While a panorama spreads through my body)
18:59
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ Kao o kerareta chikyû ga okotte (okotte) ♫ (Kicked in the face, the Earth gets angry (gets angry))
19:04
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ Kazan o bakuhatsu saseru ♫ (And makes a volcano explode)
19:11
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ Toketa kôri no naka ni ♫ (Within the melted polar ice)
19:17
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ Kyôryû ga itara tamanori shikomitai ne ♫ (If there’s a dinosaur, I want to train it to balance on a ball)
19:26
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
19:30
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
19:33
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
19:37
Grandpa Gohan: ♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
19:43
[Lyrics and info courtesy of Daizenshuu EX]