Episode 58

Jimmy Firecracker: Ladies and gentlemen at home... Mr. Satan... *our champion*... *IS DEAD*!!

Policeman: Please go back to your homes, and stay there peacefully!

Vegeta: AAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Mr. Satan: What happened...?

Mr. Satan: Did I kill him...?

Mr. Satan: Did my punch destroy the ring?!

Mr. Satan: ...Is this my blood?

Goku: Oh good, he's alive!

Vegeta: One thing... I wanted *one thing* today!

Piccolo: What about killing Cell?

Vegeta: Would you believe me if I said this was more important?

Tien: I'd be shocked otherwise.

Mr. Satan: (Drooling)

Jimmy Firecracker: Mr. Satan...!

Jimmy Firecracker: Did you die??

Jimmy Firecracker: If so, you have officially beaten Jesus' respawn time!

Jimmy Firecracker: Can you tell us what happened out there!?

Mr. Satan: Magnets...

Jimmy Firecracker: How does that work?

Mr. Satan: They put magnets under the ring, the tiles, an' uhh...

Mr. Satan: When I went for my punch, I must'a-- they must'a turned it on and I went flyin' cuz of all the iron in my blood, cuz I eat muh spinach.

Bystander: That makes sense!

Perfect Cell: Alright, now that the back of my hand is all warmed up, who's first?

Goku: Guys, don't freak out.

Goku: Mr. Satan may have lost, but you've got *another* World Champion *right here*!

Tien: Technically, we have two.

Goku: Yeah, but I beat you, so does it still count?

Tien: Of course it does!

Vegeta: *Does* it though, Triclops?

Tien: And how many tournaments have *you* won?

Vegeta: I dunno; how many PLANETS have you blown up?

Tien: None.

Tien: How many Gokus have you beaten?

Goku: Can I fight now?

Vegeta: YES!

Tien: YES.

Perfect Cell: Getting right down to it, are we?

Perfect Cell: A bit out-of-character.

Perfect Cell: Shan't you send in your entourage, one after the other, so as I may leave *you* for our Grand Finale?

Goku: Well, I mean, I already waited a week, so I *guess* I could wait a couple more minutes--

Perfect Cell: *No*, *no no*, this is good! Call my bluff...

Perfect Cell: No, I'm more than happy to skip the hors d'oeuvres and dive *straight into the main course*!

Goku: *Now* you're speaking my language.

Jimmy Firecracker: Ladies and gentlemen...!

Jimmy Firecracker: This orange hillbilly has entered the ring... set to take on *Cell*!

Mr. Satan: I would advise all parents to remove their children from the room *immediately*!

Mr. Satan: And to tune back in when I, MR. SATAN, *get back in that ring*, and show that trickster what-for!

Mr. Satan: Right after I shake off this concussion.

Mr. Satan: And also stretch.

Mr. Satan: Stretching is important, kids.

Mr. Satan: GHH-hh...!

Perfect Cell: *Holy crap*, Prince, do you feel that!?

Vegeta: F*** off!

Perfect Cell: And he didn't even have to pump up, like some roiding, angsty child!

Trunks: Hurrghh...!

Perfect Cell: Well, Goku, now that you've shown me yours... let me show you mine!

Goku: Yeah, whip out your power, Cell! Let me feel it!

Perfect Cell: Oohoooh! Now you're speaking MY language!

Jimmy Firecracker: Mr. Satan, they are engulfed in FLAMES!

Mr. Satan: Fire-retardant clothes, obviously!

Mr. Satan: And their bodies are covered in a thin, protective gel!

Mr. Satan: Just like our stuntman, Morgan, from Skygina II.

Mr. Satan: God rest his soul!

Jimmy Firecracker: What happened to him?

Mr. Satan: AIDS.

Jimmy Firecracker: Always wear a rubber, kids!

Mr. Satan: And don't share needles.

Perfect Cell: So, you gonna take a swing?

Perfect Cell: Or you just gonna stand there, staring into my eyes?

Goku: Hm? What was that?

Goku: I was busy staring into your eyes...

Perfect Cell: Oh, you beautiful Saiyan bastard, just punch me already!

Krillin: By the way, Trunks, wasn't your hair, like, shorter yesterday?

Trunks: Yeah. I decided I liked it longer.

Krillin: ...Neat.

Perfect Cell: ♪ Chickity China the Chinese chicken ♪

Perfect Cell: Wait, so the after-image can't move, h-how do you even--?

Yamcha: Guys, he ringed Cell out!

Yamcha: ...Oh.

Krillin: ...You just forgot we can fly, didn't you?

Yamcha: No, but... I just have hope, okay? Is that so wrong?

Tien: The fact that you have *any* hope left in your life is your most admirable quality.

Yamcha: Huh... thanks, man.

Perfect Cell: Yamcha, for the love of God, don't *thank* him!

Perfect Cell: And as for you... Clever little move there.

Perfect Cell: But would you *truly* have been satisfied with a ring-out?

Goku: Well yeah; it's how I beat Piccolo.

Goku: And Tenshinhan.

Goku: And my wife!

Jimmy Firecracker: My God...

Jimmy Firecracker: this orange hillbilly *beats his wife*!

Goku: It really wasn't much of a fight...

Goku: One hit, and she just went down.

Goku: Then we got married, I put a baby in her, and now she just stays at home, cooks my dinner, and raises our kid!

Chi-Chi: Y'know... when he puts it that way...

Crowd: (Jeering and booing) BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!

Gohan: Suddenly *really* happy I don't go to public school.

Perfect Cell: Fair enough, Goku; this is a test of skill *as well* as power.

Perfect Cell: But if you're looking for a ring-out... you'll have to try a little bit *harder than that*.

Goku: Oh, don't worry, Cell...

Goku: I'll show you just how *hard* I can get...!

Perfect Cell: Well, if we're going to get freaky, then perhaps we can make this... A menage a moi?

Goku: G-Gohan, wha-what was that?

Gohan: It's French, Dad.

Gohan: Specifically, "My household". But it's really, awkwardly--

Cell 1: NNNEEEERD!

Cell 2: NNNEEEERD!

Cell 3: NNNEEEERD!

Cell 4: NNNEEEERD!

Cell 1: But speaking of academics,

Cell 2: it's time to take you, Goku,

Cell 3: to Perfect University.

Cell 4: We'd say, "Take you to school", but I think we're beyond the basics.

Goku: Doesn't that make it... P.U.?

Cell 1: And we love that you got that.

Cell 2: And we love that you got that.

Cell 3: And we love that you got that.

Cell 4: And we love that you got that.

Tien: This has gotta be for shits and/or giggles.

Tien: The Multi-Form technique basically halves your power level with each copy.

Piccolo: Yeah. But at least we can follow the action a little better now.

Gohan: Wait, were you having trouble?

Piccolo: Yeeah...?

Gohan: Well then, you're gonna have a *lot more* when they start getting serious.

Krillin: Wow. Saiyans; am I right?

Trunks: Erh... yeah?

Krillin: ...Aw shit, was that racist?

Jimmy Firecracker: Mr. Satan...

Jimmy Firecracker: Can you explain this *malicious mutant's multiplication*!?

Mr. Satan: Well, Jimmy... y'ever heard of *mirrors*?

Jimmy Firecracker: I believe I have.

Mr. Satan: Well there you go.

Bystander: That also makes sense!

Cell 1: Pop quiz, Goku!

Cell 1: Which attack is this?

Goku: Ooh! That's the... the-the beam thing!

Goku: Uh, jeez... ugh... ah, this is killing me.

Goku: I-I mean it *killed* me.

Goku: Piccolo, what's this thing called?

Piccolo: Oh COME ON, Goku! It's the MAKAKAS--!

Piccolo: ...MA-KAN-A-KA--!

Piccolo: ...MADAK--!

Nail: 'Makankōsappō!'

Kami: 'Makankōsappō!'

Piccolo: THAT ONE!

Goku: ...What?

Cells: MAKANKOSACANNON!

Goku: Alright. Time to do some math!

Goku: Hahaah! Looks like four divided by one is just one!

Gohan: *No*, Dad; that's still *four*!

Piccolo: Gohan.

Gohan: I know; banging my head on a brick wall...

Perfect Cell: Y'know, I was hoping you'd play along, maybe make four Gokus... but, if you're just gonna sink the showboat, I'm not going to bother.

Goku: Sorry, Cell. I'm here to win!

Goku: And you're never gonna beat me with your stolen techniques!

Perfect Cell: And what, are you gonna beat me with *your* stolen techniques?

Goku: What...? I don't steal techniques!

Piccolo: Actually, Goku... yeah, you do.

Goku: Whhaaaaaa...?

Goku: What about the Kamehameha?

Krillin: Naw; that was Master Roshi!

Goku: The Solar Flare?

Tien: That's mine, thanks.

Goku: The Spirit Bo--?

King Kai: Goku, I'm watching the tournament; don't *think* you can pull that shit!

Goku: Oh hey, King Kai! Quick question:

Goku: Did I learn the Kaioken on my own?

Perfect Cell: Kaaaaa-meeeee...!

Goku: (Gasp)... That's Yamcha's move!

Goku: King Kai, I gotta go.

Perfect Cell: ...HAAAA-MEEEEE...!

Goku: Hey, Cell? Uh, pretty sure if you shoot that this close to the ground, it'll blow up the--

Perfect Cell: ...HYEAAAAAAA!

Goku: '...I should skidaddle.'

Jimmy Firecracker: M... MR. SATAN! WHAT DO YOU--?!

Mr. Satan: LASERS, JIMMY! LASERS AND INDUSTRIAL FANS!

Jimmy Firecracker: SUCH INSIGHT...!

Perfect Cell: Wow... It's over...

Perfect Cell: After everything... I killed him with his own technique...

Perfect Cell: Hmh... ain't that a kick in the he--

Perfect Cell: OOOAAAAGH!

Krillin: Hey, what do you think happens to those beams when they fire off into space like that?

Gohan: Well, if it can sustain its form, it's all about whether or not it comes into contact with anything...

King Moai: Good day to you, my faithful subjects!

King Moai: It has taken over a thousand years, but we have *finally* repopulated our new Arlia!

King Moai: Who is also my SISTEEER~!

King Moai: InnnSECSUAL!