Episode 55

News Reporter: Over the last 13 hours, more than two dozen evacuation orders have been issued all over the globe.

News Reporter: Thousands upon millions head for the countryside, including the endangered Saskatoad T-rexes; while others seek shelter.

News Reporter: The world has never seen terror as real as it has today.

Piccolo: You're kidding me...

Tien: Yeah, right? Dinosaurs are still a thing. It's odd how we never talk about it.

Tien: At least not since we drove them out of the cities.

Piccolo: I'm talking about terror!

Piccolo: "Never seen," my ass; my Dad released every murderer out onto the streets and overthrew the world government!

Tien: Oh, right; and the king of the world is a blue Cairn Terrier.

Piccolo: It's bullshit!

Tien: I think it's pretty progressive.

Vegeta: Awwww, look at the poor Namekian, lost and forgotten to time.

News Reporter: Even the attack of the Saiyans five years ago pales in comparison to this overwhelming threat, as if comparing a cataclysm to a rampaging toddler.

Vegeta: Bullshit! We turned an entire city into a glass floor!

Piccolo: Awwww, look at the poor Saiyan, lost and forgotten to time.

Vegeta: *Watch it*, Namekian; unless you want to go right now, and I think we both know how our last fight went.

Piccolo: And *I* think we don't, because we've never fought.

Vegeta: I... wait... y-- really? But then how did you--

Piccolo: Your dumbass friend.

Vegeta: Riiight! Wow, we've never actually fought, that's so weird.

Vegeta: Isn't that weird, black man?

Mr. Popo: Yeah! Almost as weird as what's gonna happen if you call me that again!

Vegeta: 'What is he...?'

Goku: Alright now, Gohan. When you get out there, try not to brag.

Gohan: About what?

Goku: That's it, son. Don't let slip just how much stronger we are.

Goku: Otherwise, Vegeta will be all, "OH, BUT MY PRIDE, GRR, I WISH I WERE A CARROT".

Gohan: That's not *in*accurate...

Goku: Piccolo will probably just growl and grumble; really, it's too bad we're out of Namekians for him to absorb, then he'd be as strong as Vegeta.

Vegeta: (Growling to himself)

Goku: Speaking of, did you know they've never fought? Crazy, right!?

Goku: Oh, hey guys, what'd I miss?

Vegeta: Mock my pride...!

Goku: Huh, what'd I tell you? He's like a See-n'-Saiyan.

Vegeta: I'MA KILL HIM!

♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

Tien: Soooo...

Goku: Hm?

Tien: Was there enough food in there?

Goku: Hmm...

Piccolo: Did you get stronger?

Goku: Mmhm!

Trunks: Stronger than Cell?

Goku: Hmmmmmmm...

Piccolo: For the love of-- swallow! Now!

Goku: ...I'm not pooping tonight.

Piccolo: ARE YOU STRONGER THAN CELL?!

Goku: I'ma need my threads first.

Goku: Yo, Mr. P! Hit me up!

Mr. Popo: Bitch, you're lucky you're endearing.

Goku: Hehe...

Android 16: Another reason I want to kill Son Goku? He is so orange.

Android 16: It's like - come on... there are other colors.

Android 16: Am I right?

Bulma: So we'll have to machine the skull ourselves...

Android 16: Another reason to kill Son Goku, you ask?

Android 16: His stupid face.

Android 16: Have you seen it?

Bulma: Yeeeep.

Android 16: That's a face even a mother could kill.

Bulma: Now luckily, Dad has enough synthetic skin to patch that area.

Android 16: Another reason to kill Son Goku is--

Bulma: Hey... so, how about we talk about something else?

Android 16: Very well.

Android 16: What is your favorite type of bird?

Bulma: Oh, umm...

Bulma: Penguins.

Android 16: WRONG!

Goku: Ahhh, good ol' orange. Really brings out my stupid face.

Mr. Popo: I had them washed for you.

Goku: Aww, man! Now they don't have that "Goku" smell.

Goku: Hey Gohan! We'll have your Mom make you a new Gi when we get home.

Goku: You're probably too big for your old one now.

Gohan: I've got it covered.

Gohan: Uh... Mr. Piccolo? Could you... uhh...

Piccolo: What, you want you to make you a Gi like your dad's?

Gohan: Actually, I was hoping I could get one like yours?

Piccolo: Oh!

Nail: 'Did our heart just skip a beat?'

Kami: 'That is precious.'

Piccolo: Shut. The F***. Up!

Piccolo: Yeah, sure. I guess.

Piccolo: CLOTHES BEAM!

Goku: Wow... you know, that works on you. I mean, if you don't like orange...

Piccolo: Quick rundown:

Gohan: (Happily chuckling to himself)

Piccolo: Doors are going to be a little difficult at first; I suggest a 45° angle.

Gohan: (Sigh)

Piccolo: Also; crowds. But I don't really deal with them...

Trunks: Look, I don't mean to be *that* guy...

Vegeta: Oh, that's "accidental".

Trunks: ...*but*, there's a green cyborg elephant in the room.

Trunks: Goku... are you or are you not stronger than Cell?

Goku: Good question.

Goku: I'll go check!

Trunks: I'm sorry; go check wha--?

Perfect Cell: Look, I understand that you sponsor all forms of sporting events... but just so we're clear, you *do* realize that everyone dies if I win, right?

HETAP Rep: Yeah, but if you think about it, you kill us, and it doesn't matter.

Perfect Cell: Yes.

HETAP Rep: Basically it's a total win-win for us either way.

Perfect Cell: Yeah, I guess that is a win-win for you, isn't it?

Perfect Cell: Alright then! It's officially "The Cell Games: Presented by HETAP"!

Goku: I'd kill for a HETAP!

Perfect Cell: WHOA, JESUS!

Goku: No, actually. It's Goku.

Perfect Cell: Need to put a bell on you.

Goku: Huh?

Perfect Cell: Nothing! Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you for another *week*! (Chuckles) Must look a mess...

Perfect Cell: I just got done finishing the ring, patching a hole... Speaking of which!

Perfect Cell: What do you think of our glorious battleground? (Chuckles)

Goku: Eh, s'alright. Kinda small, innit?

Perfect Cell: I prefer... *intimate*.

Goku: Well, I'm not intimidated either.

Perfect Cell: Ohh, but you should be!

Perfect Cell: Because in it - we shall decide the fate of not only this boring blue ball of dirt and water, but the *entire galaxy*!

Perfect Cell: So you best bring your A-game, Son Goku.

Perfect Cell: Because the stakes... have never been higher! (Chuckles)

Goku: (Gasp!)

Perfect Cell: And before you say it, the prize isn't actually steak.

Goku: I wasn't thinking that.

Perfect Cell: Yes you were.

Goku: Then WHAT is the prize, you *monster*?!

Perfect Cell: Living!

Perfect Cell: Also, a lifetime supply of HETAP!

Goku: Y'know, they say "lifetime", but they never consider the Dragon Balls.

Goku: Anyway, I just came to measure you up.

Goku: And I gotta say... nice.

Perfect Cell: Baby, you know it.

Goku: I've seen all I need.

Goku: Now, I'm off to go and have a... high-fiber dinner...

Goku: See you in a week!

Perfect Cell: It's a date...

Goku: Yeah... I know...

Goku: That's how days work.

Perfect Cell: ...I'm gonna miss him when he's dead.

Gohan: So the Androids took my arm?

Trunks: Yeah; you lost it saving my life.

Gohan: Well, did it at least look cool?

Trunks: Oh, man, it was the COOLEST!

Trunks: You were always the first to jump in a battle... and you never backed down... and you saved my life SO many times!

Gohan: I died, didn't I?

Trunks: Brutally...

Goku: Wow, okay, yeah, he's pretty strong...

Goku: Also, really handsome... Like, why did none of you warn me he would be so handsome?

Piccolo: But is he *stronger* than *you*?

Goku: If he's as strong as he is handsome, then OH-HO BOY.

Goku: I mean, I'd never cheat on Chi-Chi, but...

Gohan: Dad.

Goku: So handsome...

Piccolo: Well then, if it's all the same to you, I'ma take my turn inside the chamber.

Goku: Hey, maybe after you're done, you and 'Geets can finally have a go.

Goku: Go easy on him, best buddy.

Piccolo: ...You know, I was stronger than you yesterday.

Goku: Yeah, but that was a year ago... we've *all* grown!

Goku: Like Gohan! Just look at him! All super, and Saiyan...

Trunks: About that!

Trunks: You've been Super Saiyan since you came out. What's up with that?

Gohan: Well, after extended exposure and focus, our bodies acclimated to the elevated state.

Gohan: We can sustain it without literally any loss in stamina!

Vegeta: WHAT?! >:O

Goku: Yuh-huh! Also, we kinda forgot how to turn it off. Ha-ha-ha...

Gohan: Truthfully, it's very concerning.

Goku: Yeah, for *Cell*!

Goku: And, uh, also doors...

Mr. Popo: *What did you do*?

Goku: See you at "The Cell Games: Presented by HETAP"!

Vegeta: 'That hollow-skulled bastard, now I'm angry AND thirsty!'

Vegeta: BOY!

Trunks: Huh?

Vegeta: We're going back in the chamber and fixing this immediately!

Trunks: Yeah, Piccolo just went in.

Vegeta: Wha-ugh... Then what the hell am I supposed to do for 24 hours?! Hang out with you two idiots?!

Vegeta: Fine. Your literal humanity disgusts me, anyway.

Vegeta: Guess it's just you and me now, black man.

Mr. Popo: (Sigh)

Vegeta: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!

Yajirobe: See? I told you it would happen.

Korin: T'was never a matter of if...

Korin: (Sip)

Korin: only when.

Krillin: Crazy, you're both like a year older now, huh?

Goku: Yuh-huh! Which means he's TEEN Gohan, now!

Gohan: Actually, I'm 11, so that means that I'm a pre--

Goku: That means *you* need a BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Krillin: Ooo! Can it be Super Saiyan themed?

Gohan: (Gasp) With little spiky pieces of yellow frosting?

Goku: That sounds amazing...

Goku: Chi-Chi! Super Saiyan Cake me!

Chi-Chi: ...Goku?

Goku: Yeah?

Chi-Chi: Did you take our son into a magical reality outside of spacetime, for an entire *year*, bleach his hair without my consent, and suddenly come back home demanding *birthday cake*?

Goku: If it makes you feel any better, it's not bleach...

Chi-Chi: It doesn't.

Goku: Are you upset?

Chi-Chi: No... because I know how you're going to pay me back.

Gohan: Mom, what do you mean?

Chi-Chi: Krillin... would you take Gohan out for a few hours?

Krillin: Gohan, we're going to Kame House.

Goku: Wait, what does she mean?! Guys?!?

Chi-Chi: He said one week... and I'm using it.

Goku: Wha... what are you--

Chi-Chi: [Repetitive / agressive grunting]

Goku: *Huaah*... *hah*... *aah*... *huagh*... *Ka*... *Me*... *HA*... *ME*...!

Goku: *HUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*--?!

Kami: 'Seriously... you can materialize clothing from your very being.'

Nail: 'You wouldn't have to spend *anything* on supplies, manufacturing...'

Piccolo: 'I am focusing on training!'

Kami: 'You *should* be focusing on what you're going to do after Cell is defeated.'

Piccolo: 'Fine, but what would we even call this hypothetical clothing line of ours?'

Kami: '"Big Green Threads"'.

Nail: '"Big Green Threads"'.

Piccolo: ...We might need to workshop that.

Perfect Cell: I think it has a *perfect* ring to it.

Piccolo: Yeah, well, you're big and green! You have a bias!

Nail: 'Wait, are we hallucinating?'

Kami: 'How long have we been in here?'

Perfect Cell: Three days.

Piccolo: I'm out!

Vegeta: I CALL DIBS!

Lanipator: Hey, everyone. I'm Lanipator, co-writer and co-star of DBZA, and I wanted to thank you for watching.

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