Episode 35

I mean, heh...

Chi-Chi: Alright, I packed you all some lunches for your field trip.

Goku: We're going to Urgay!

Gohan: Uruguay.

Chi-Chi: Make sure you're safe now, okay?

Goku: Well, I don't know how safe we can be...

Goku: We're gonna be fighting Androids.

Chi-Chi: ...Uh, wha--?

Goku: But make sure you don't tell Chi-Chi--

Gohan: ...Three years, Dad. Three years. You almost had it...

Goku: I'm taking Gohan, bye!

Chi-Chi: (Screaming)

Piccolo: So what do you think? How ready are we to take on these Androids?

Goku: On a scale of one to ten?

Goku: My chest hurts...

Piccolo: Huh?

Goku: Uh, seven or eight.

Gohan: Hey look, it's Krillin!

Gohan: Hey, Krillin!

Krillin: Oh, hey Gohan!

Krillin: You've barely grown since the last time I saw you, huh?

Goku: It's funny, I think that everytime I see you!

Krillin: Ha ha! Ha...

Gohan: Hey, that must be the island!

Krillin: Holy crap! This city is huge!

Gohan: And this island's so tiny! What do these people do here?

Krillin: Apparently, prostitution is legal.

Goku: Ohhhh....!

Gohan: Ohhhh....!

Piccolo: Ohhhh....!

Piccolo: So the prostitutes...

Yamcha: Hey, guys! Down here!

Krillin: He-hey, Yamcha! Tenshinhan! Bulma!

Krillin: Bulma's baby-- ba... Bulma has a baby...

Bulma: You're damn right!

Yamcha: Yeah, and you won't believe who the father is...

Gohan: Vegeta.

Krillin: Vegeta.

Piccolo: Vegeta.

Goku: Vegeta.

Yamcha: Well, it could've been mine!

Bulma: It's Vegeta.

Yamcha: I'm just gonna walk over here...

Bulma: He's my baby boy! His name is Trunks!

Goku: Hahaha! That's a girl's name.

Baby Trunks: (Moaning)

Piccolo: So, then... where's daddy?

Bulma: Unfortunately, our last conversation was...

Bulma: You are such an unbelievable asshole!

Vegeta: You know, you're being bitchier than usual today. And *not* in a hot way.

Bulma: You got me pregnant, you *idiot*!

Vegeta: How is that my fault?!

Bulma: You SAID you were wearing *protection*!

Vegeta: *I was wearing my armor*!

Bulma: Ugh, you're a moron...

Vegeta: Well, what do you expect me to do about it?!

Bulma: What you're *going* to do is go out, get a job, and help me raise our child!

Bulma: That was a year and a half ago...

Bulma: So, y'know, you tell me.

Krillin: Well, on the plus side, your boobs look amazing!

Bulma: I...! You...!

Bulma: Ugh... 'Just take the compliment.'

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫

Tien: If you guys are done acting out your favorite chick flick, we've got incoming.

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: 'Oh God, not my song...' ♫ Cat loves food ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeaaah! ♫

Goku: Oh, wow! Yajirobe, I can't believe it!

Goku: You came all this way to help us fight the--

Yajirobe: Yeah, no.

Yajirobe: Korin sent me.

Yajirobe: Take your beans.

Yajirobe: Bean Daddy out.

Goku: "Bean Daddy"?

Yajirobe: It's what I call my burrito shop.

Yajirobe: Or at least I would, if Korin would let me *have* one!

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeah...! ♫

Krillin: So that song...

Yamcha: I was desperate and needed the money.

Yamcha: And no, it wasn't worth it...

Goku: ♫ Cat loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah... ♫

Yajirobe: (Screaming)

Goku: Oh, hey, we've never wished *him* back before!

Piccolo: Look! In the sky!

Goku: Is it a bird?!

Piccolo: It's the Androids!

Goku: My second guess was plane...

Tien: Damn, they flew into the city.

Yamcha: I can't sense their energy...!

Goku: Neither can I! And that's my specialty!

Gohan: It must be because they're Androids! We only know how to sense life energy!

Piccolo: Then we'll have to hunt them down the old fashioned way.

Piccolo: Search the city!

Krillin: Oh, I don't wanna go in the city!

Yamcha: What?! Oh come on, really! Do we have to?! I mean, I just wanna go home!

Goku: Alright, gang! Split up and search for clues!

Goku: Gohan, go grab Yajirobe!

Goku: Bulma, hold the Senzu Beans; they'll only weigh us down!

Bulma: Hold on, what?!

Goku: Break!

Goku: 'Alright now...'

Goku: 'If I were an Android, where would I be...?'

Goku: 'Well, I guess I'd be right here because being an Android wouldn't really change *where* I am, just *what* I am.'

Goku: 'If you think about it...'

Krillin: Alright, time to find me some Androids!

Krillin: Hey you, have you seen any Androids?

Stoner: I don't know; are *you* an android?

Krillin: No...

Stoner: Then no.

Stoner: But I did see a flying dude! Landed right in front of me, man!

Stoner: Looked a lot like you.

Stoner: You holdin'?

Tom: Hey, Jerry! You see that guy explode?

Jerry: Yeah! I bet you it was a terrorist attack!

Tom: Jerry, you always think it's terrorism.

Tom: You think your house being TP'd is terrorism.

Jerry: You're what's wrong with this country.

Jerry: What do you think, inconspicuous old man and mime?

Jerry: Whoa whoa whoa, Marcel Marceau! If that's what you're looking for... It's gonna be $30 an hour. $50 if you want it weird.

Driver: Hey, you old jackass, get out of the road!

Driver: You want to beat up prostitutes, do it on your own damn time!

Driver: Please put that back...

Driver: I kinda need that to flee from you...

Shopper: (Screaming)

Yamcha: Huh?!

Yamcha: 'Oh man, that was close...'

Yamcha: 'Surely, someone else heard it, right?!'

Yamcha: 'I mean I don't *have* to--'

Shopper: (Screaming)

Yamcha: 'Aw, this isn't fair!'

Yamcha: Huh?!

Yamcha: 'Oh God, oh man, oh jeez, oh crap!'

Android 20: Nineteen, identify.

Android 19: Orange jumpsuit, black spiky hair, higher than average power level...

Android 19: Son Goku. 94%.

Android 20: I don't remember him having a scar...

Android 19: 87%.

Android 20: Close enough!

Yamcha: I am totally in over my head here.

Yamcha: Maybe, maybe I should call for help.

Yamcha: N-n-no, no, no! That's exactly what they'd expect!

Yamcha: Isn't that right, inconspicuous old man and--

Yamcha: ♫ ...loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food, yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: Oh, *come on*! ♫ Cat loves food, yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫

Truck Driver: Jesus CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--!!

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food, ye-- ♫

Goku: 'I mean, really... an Android is just a human with wires instead of veins and oil instead of blood.'

Goku: 'I wonder if they dream of electric sheep...'

Goku: 'Mmm, techno lamb--'

Goku: Huh?

Tien: Whoa.

Krillin: Woohoo! Not me!

Android 20: Now, Son Goku, I shall extract my long-awaited revenge, forthwith.

Yamcha: I am not Goku, I am not--!

Android 20: FORTHWITH!

Yamcha: (Muffled squealing)

Tien: Oh, come on! Really, man?!

Tien: You couldn't last, like, 30 seconds?!

Android 20: Ah, we have company...

Android 19: Correction: New target identified as Son Goku. 100% match.

Android 20: Well, then - looks like I don't need this anymore.

Goku: (Gasp) Oh no! Yamcha's been Yamcha'd!

Goku: Quick, Krillin! Give him a Senzu!

Piccolo: Goku.

Goku: Oh, right. Quick, Krillin! Take him to Bulma!

Krillin: Ha! Looks like there's two kinds of fisting in this city now.

Piccolo: Pretty sure he's bleeding out...

Krillin: Alright, fine.

Krillin: Bulma'll get it.

Goku: Man, seeing that hole in his chest kinda makes *my* chest hurt...

Goku: Like a lot...

Goku: Anybody else...?

Piccolo: So, then...

Piccolo: You two must be the Androids.

Android 20: What?! Impossible!

Android 20: How did you know we were Androids?!

Android 19: Scanning probabilities... Scanning... Scanning... Analyzing... Processing...

Piccolo: Could not tell you off the top of my head.

Android 19: Processing complete. They are psychic.

Android 19: 92.4%.

Android 20: Psychic, eh?

Android 20: Well, then... Bet you won't expect THIS!

Goku: STOP IT!

Android 20: Never!

Android 20: Ah, I see you have discovered that the off switch to my ocular vapo-beams is in my cheek.

Android 20: But you are too late! The entire population of the city has been reduced to ash.

Android 20: Now no one shall interfere with my revenge!

Goku: Actually, I'm pretty sure you only--

Piccolo: *Yes*! The *entire* population!

Goku: Oh, right. You are most unkind!

Tien: We really should move this, though.

Tien: Hey, Piccolo. Know any good wastelands around here?

Piccolo: Why are you asking me?

Tien: *You know why*.

Piccolo: ...(Sigh) North-west, about a hundred miles. It's actually kinda nice.

Goku: Then it's a date!

Piccolo: I can think of worse places.

Piccolo: Nice rock formations, neat cacti...

Piccolo: Oh, fine!

Krillin: Hey, look! Goku and the others are leaving with the Androids!

Yamcha: Oh no! We have to warn them!

Yamcha: When the old man was holding me, I could feel my life force draining!

Krillin: You were losing a lot of blood...

Yamcha: No, it was coming out of my mouth!

Krillin: Gross...

Yamcha: I'm telling you, they can absorb energy!

Gohan: Then we have to go now!

Yamcha: You know... I might just sit this one out...

Krillin: Oh yeah, I getcha! I never have any energy after I get a handjob either.

Krillin: ♫ Badap-bap-badapbye! ♫

Bulma: Well, fine, if you're not going anywhere, I need help with the baby.

Bulma: How are you with diapers?

Yamcha: Hold on, Krillin! I'm coming!

Krillin: Ha ha!

Bulma: So how you feelin'?

Yajirobe: My car got blowed up.

Yajirobe: Well, to be more specific, it was Korin's car.

Yajirobe: Pussy Wagon ain't no more.

Bulma: Well then, are you gonna fly after them?

Yajirobe: No.

Bulma: Is it because you're fat?

Yajirobe: Ye.

Piccolo: Alright - now that we're away from the city, we can--

Goku: (Heavy breathing)

Goku: Does it feel hot out here to you guys?

Goku: (Heavy breathing)

Goku: 'Cause it's *hot*...

Piccolo: As I was saying...

Piccolo: We can finally get this underway.

Piccolo: But first, who are you? And what do you want?

Android 20: You don't need to know why. Just know that I despise every one of you.

Android 20: *Especially him~*!

Goku: Hey... Does anyone have any bacon...?

Goku: I sort of ate all of my pocket bacon on the way here...

Android 20: But allow me to shed a little light for you.

Android 20: For the last 14 years, ever since the 22nd World Martial Arts Tournament...

Goku: Ooh! I remember that one!

Goku: I got hit by a car!

Android 20: Indeed...

Android 20: Since then, my insectoid nano-borg has been surveying and processing every battle you have fought... rating them on a scale of one to ten.

Tien: Out of curiosity, how was ours?

Android 19: Average: 6.5 out of 10.

Tien: That's fair, I guess.

Piccolo: How 'bout mine?

Android 19: 8 out of 10.

Piccolo: Ha ha!

Android 20: I have utilized this information to calibrate ourselves appropriately.

Android 20: We are now powerful enough to kill Son Goku, and take revenge for what he did to myself and the Red Ribbon Army!

Piccolo: Wow. So you even followed him all the way to Namek, huh?

Android 20: Of course I did!

Android 20: Nineteen, what is Namek?

Android 19: Data not found.

Android 20: What do you mean, "data not found"?!

Android 19: Insectoid nano-borg destroyed during Saiyan attack.

Android 20: Bugger all!

Piccolo: So, I guess you've never seen a Super Saiyan then...

Android 20: Nineteen?

Android 19: Data not found.

Android 20: Then no.

Piccolo: Goku.

Goku: Oh, yeah, okay.

Android 19: Power output exceeds projected parameters.

Android 20: I don't care if you're Super Saiyan, or a soup or side!

Android 20: Nineteen, kill him! Kill him proper!

Android 19: Executing "Murder.exe".

Android 19: Loading... 10%... 20%... 40%... 70%... 65%...

Android 20: Wait, what?

Android 19: A fatal error has occured. This program will now shutdown. Would you like to send a report?

Android 20: No, don't send a report!

Android 19: Sending report...

Android 20: *Son of a whore*!

Android 20: Now to wait five minutes to do absolutely nothing!

Android 20: Oh, bollocks.

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food, ye-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♫

Yamcha: ♫ Cat loves food yeah-yeaaah...! ♫