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Episode 34

14:30 · 293 lines · YouTube

0:11
[Cheering]
0:17
Goku: Wow, I can't believe you guys... are all still alive.
0:21
Goku: I mean, I swore Freezer was gonna Yamcha at least one or two of you.
0:25
Goku: Speaking of which - hi Yamcha!
0:27
Yamcha: Hey...!
0:28
Goku: So, which one of you guys ex-nayed the old Freezer-fray?
0:31
Vegeta: Well, Kakarot, while you were off bumming around in space, I took charge of the situation!
0:37
Vegeta: Gathering up your planet's measly excuse for fighters... and spearheaded an assault on--
0:42
Bulma: Right over here!
0:43
Vegeta: I WAS GETTING TO THAT!
0:44
Goku: Oh, if it ain't you, you old so-and-so!
0:48
Goku: It's been so long since I... uh...
0:51
Goku: I... I mean youuu...?
0:55
Trunks: We've never met before.
0:56
Goku: Oh, thank God!
0:57
Goku: Or Kami... or King Kai...
1:00
Goku: I dunno, that whole thing is screwy.
1:02
Trunks: Actually, if it's okay with you, I'd like to talk to you in private.
1:05
Goku: Oh, okay. One minute guys!
1:07
Gohan: But Dad, it's been almost two years!
1:10
Goku: I know, but I gotta go talk to this purple stranger.
1:12
Gohan: But I--
1:12
Goku: Yeah, cool.
1:16
Trunks: 'Okay, Trunks, don't be nervous. He's just a normal guy. Just introduce yourself.'
1:21
Trunks: So, you're Sun Wukong, right?
1:23
Trunks: 'DAMN IT!'
1:24
Goku: I'm Son Goku, yes.
1:26
Trunks: 'Roll with it.' I'm Trunks. Nice to meet you.
1:29
Goku: Trunks, huh? So you're the one who whomped Freezer.
1:32
Trunks: Yes. I was actually wondering... how did he survive Namek?
1:36
Goku: Well... I kinda maybe sorta kept letting him go...
1:42
Goku: Yeah, probably a bad call.
1:44
Trunks: If I hadn't shown up, all your friends would be dead.
1:46
Goku: Hoo-boy! The Dragon wouldn't be happy about that one!
1:49
Trunks: Also, I'm curious; when you fought Freeza, you were a Super Saiyan, correct?
1:53
Goku: A super-duper Super Saiyan!
1:56
Trunks: Well... can you show me?
1:58
Goku: I barely know you, but... I guess!
2:04
Goku: Hehehehe! Still kinda tickles.
2:07
Trunks: Yep. That's a Super Saiyan alright.
2:09
Trunks: So, now that you've shown me yours, I'll show you mine!
2:15
Goku: Whoa!
2:16
Goku: What happened to your hair?! It's *yellow*!
2:19
Trunks: So is yours...
2:21
Goku: IT IS?!
2:22
♫ Cha la! Head cha la! ♫
2:27
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
2:31
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai! ♫
2:34
♫ Sparkling! ♫
2:46
Bulma: Blonde spiky hair...
2:48
Gohan: Incredible aura...
2:50
Krillin: Well, Vegeta, now that Goku's here to compare, we can finally say for sure that that kid's a Super--
2:55
Vegeta: Utter one more word, and no dragon alive will be able to fix what I do to you!
3:00
Krillin: So, Tien, have you been lifting? 'Cause you are *jacked*!
3:04
Tien: Yeah, who knows? Maybe *I'll* be the next Super Saiyan.
3:08
Vegeta: (Grumbling)
3:10
Goku: So, a Super Saiyan too, huh? That's cool! Took Krillin dying for me to become one.
3:16
Goku: Wait, did something happen to Krillin while I was gone?!
3:25
Trunks: Aahh, hah...!
3:25
Goku: No, but seriously, how's Krillin?!
3:29
Trunks: It's just like my Mom said. You're absolutely amazing, Goku. Now I know that I can reveal to you my secret.
3:35
Goku: A secret?! I love secrets!
3:37
Goku: I'm awful at keeping them though. Like *the* worst!
3:40
Trunks: Uhm...
3:41
Goku: Oh, but don't worry! I'll *totally* keep this one, though!
3:44
Goku: I promise on Krillin's life.
3:46
Trunks: Uhm...!
3:47
Goku: Ah, okay, you're right. I promise on Bulma's life!
3:50
Trunks: You promise on my mother's life?
3:52
Goku: BULMA'S YOUR MOM?!
3:53
Trunks: 'DAMN IT!'
3:54
Goku: I can't believe it! I was only gone for a year and a half.
3:57
Goku: And already a Super Saiyan. Kids grow up so fast these days.
4:01
Trunks: No, wait, you don't understand--
4:03
Goku: And what? Next thing you're gonna tell me is that Vegeta's your daddy?
4:07
Trunks: Ummmmm...
4:09
Goku: Oh my Gami-Kai.
4:11
Piccolo: HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA!
4:13
Vegeta: What's so funny?!
4:14
Piccolo: Your shirt!
4:15
Vegeta: Rarrrrgh!
4:16
Goku: Man, good for them! I'm gonna go over there right now and congratulate 'em--
4:20
Trunks: I'm from the future!
4:23
Goku: ...For realsies?
4:25
Trunks: For "realsies"...
4:26
Goku: Whoah.
4:27
Trunks: Listen. Three years from now, on the 12th of May at approximately 10 AM, on an island nine miles off of South City... two creatures will appear. A pair of man-made monstrosities; half-human, half-machine... crafted by a mad scientist from the now defunct Red Ribbon Army.
4:47
Goku: (gasp) Androids?!
4:49
Trunks: Actually, the technical term is cyborgs--
4:51
Goku: Androids!
4:52
Trunks: Look, my point is, they're dangerous.
4:55
Trunks: Each of them, on their own, dwarf even Freeza with their power!
4:59
Goku: And...?
5:00
Trunks: And they kill *everyone*. As in Vegeta, Krillin, Piccolo, Tenshinhan, Chiaotzu...!
5:07
Trunks: The only ones that survive are myself, my mother, and Gohan.
5:11
Goku: Oh, wow (!)
5:13
Goku: Wait, you didn't mention Yamcha.
5:14
Trunks: Oh... uhm... I mean, he dies, but...
5:18
Trunks: See, after he found out that my mother was pregnant with Vegeta's child, he sort of...
5:30
Goku: Dark.
5:30
Goku: Wait, what about me?!
5:32
Trunks: I don't know how to tell you this, but...
5:34
Trunks: You don't make it to the battle either; you die of heart failure the year before.
5:38
Goku: What?! Why?! How?!
5:40
Trunks: High cholesterol.
5:42
Goku: From what?!
5:42
Trunks: According to the coroner, too much bacon.
5:46
Goku: You take that back.
5:47
Trunks: But listen!
5:48
Trunks: In the future, my mother has developed medication that will help level your cholesterol.
5:52
Goku: Is it grape-flavored?
5:53
Trunks: I don't know, yes?
5:54
Goku: 'Cause I don't like grape.
5:55
Trunks: Then it's bacon-flavored!
5:57
Goku: Yay...!
5:58
Trunks: Well, now that we have all that settled, I better get back to the future.
6:02
Trunks: It was... interesting to meet my Mom and Dad.
6:05
Trunks: As I said before, I really need you to keep that a secret! One little slip-up, and I suddenly may not exist.
6:11
Goku: Wait, but if you don't exist, then you don't come back in time... but then you could never tell me, which means I'd never know, you'd still be born, and--
6:19
Goku: Why does everything smell like copper?
6:21
Trunks: I tentatively leave this in your hands, Goku. Train well! Until we meet again!
6:26
Goku: Oh, okay! Goodbye Trunks!
6:30
Goku: What a nice young lady. Now, to get my story straight...
6:34
Krillin: Goku! What was *that* all about?!
6:37
Goku: You guys! Androids!
6:40
Krillin: Yeah...? And...?
6:42
Goku: Uhm...
6:44
Goku: On... Mar--
6:45
Piccolo: May.
6:46
Goku: May!
6:47
Goku: Twenty--
6:48
Piccolo: Twelfth.
6:49
Goku: May 12th!
6:50
Goku: At 10... PM--
6:53
Piccolo: AM.
6:53
Goku: AM!
6:55
Goku: Nine miles?
6:56
Piccolo: Nine miles.
6:56
Goku: Nine miles off of... North--
7:00
Piccolo: Souuuth...
7:01
Goku: South City!
7:02
Goku: Two Androids will appear on May 12th at 10 AM nine miles off of South City!
7:06
Piccolo: In three years, I heard everything.
7:08
Goku: Please don't tell everybody!
7:09
Piccolo: Oh-ho-ho, I won't!
7:11
Nail: 'I will.'
7:11
Piccolo: Shut up, Nail.
7:13
Goku: 'Kay.
7:13
Piccolo: According to the kid, we all die to these Androids in the future. We have three years to train before they arrive.
7:20
Vegeta: Well maybe they'll kill all of *you*, but I'm not afraid of any over touted washing machines.
7:25
Vegeta: By the time they show up, I'll crush them without a thought! And then we'll see--
7:30
Goku: Oh, hey Vegeta! Nice shirt!
7:32
Vegeta: I...! You--!
7:33
Goku: Pink is a good color on you!
7:36
Vegeta: 'Just take the compliment...'
7:38
Gohan: Ah!
7:38
Yamcha: Hey! There he is!
7:45
Trunks: Well, it's time for me to leave.
7:47
Trunks: I'll see you all again in three years your time. But hopefully, you won't need me.
7:51
Trunks: Father, I hope to get to know you a little better next time.
7:55
Trunks: Mother... I hope to get to know you a little less.
7:59
Vegeta: Get the hell out of here!
8:02
[Tardis sound effects]
8:11
Goku: By the way, I can teleport.
8:13
Krillin: What?
8:13
Goku: Yup!
8:16
Goku: Check it!
8:17
Krillin: But... aren't those...?
8:19
Roshi: Goku just done stole me glasses!
8:19
["Sex Bomb" plays in the background]
8:22
Yamcha: Master Roshi's on the whole other side of the *world*!
8:24
Goku: Yup, yup! I just got to imagine him and "poof" - there I go!
8:28
Goku: I learned it out in space.
8:30
Krillin: Oh yeah, sort of forgot the obvious question there but HOW DID YOU SURVIVE?!
8:34
Goku: Mmmmm-Muffin Bu--
8:36
Gohan: Don't say Muffin Button!
8:37
Goku: But it *was*! There's science 'n' stuff!
8:40
[Flashback]
8:40
Goku: See, while I was on Freezer's ship...
8:44
Goku: *There*!
8:47
Goku: YES!!
8:49
Goku: Yaaaaaaa--
8:51
[BOOOOOM]
8:52
Goku: But when the planet exploded, the muffins actually formed a seal around me; both protecting me, and feeding me...
8:59
[Flashback pauses]
8:59
Goku: ...all the way to Yardrat!
9:01
Gohan: And that is...?
9:03
Goku: The place where I crashed.
9:04
[Flashback resumes]
9:07
Goku: The Yardies were awfully nice.
9:09
[Yardrats are gaggling]
9:11
Goku: They nursed me back to health, and even made a ship for me to come home in!
9:15
[Flashback ends]
9:15
Goku: They also kept feeding me their sick. So now, I can teleport!
9:18
Yamcha: So, i-if you can teleport, and you knew Freeza was coming...
9:22
Yamcha: ...why didn't you teleport to Freeza's ship and stop him?!
9:25
Goku: Well, I kinda wanted to give you guys a chance!
9:28
Piccolo: *Please* don't make a habit of that.
9:30
Goku: No promises.
9:31
Tien: Looks like we'll have to put ourselves through the training of our lives if we hope to stand a chance against these Androids.
9:36
Bulma: Wait! We don't have to do any of that! Hear me out...
9:39
Bulma: We just have to gather the Dragon Balls, have the Dragon tell us where to find the guy who's making the androids, find him, then murder that son of a bitch in cold blood!
9:46
Vegeta: As much as I love the phrasing of that, I'm gonna have to say no. And by no, I mean hell no!
9:52
Bulma: Are you kidding me?! You heard Piccolo; none of you survive!
9:56
Vegeta: And I, as a Super Saiyan, *relish* the challenge!
10:00
Goku: (Gasp)...You're a Super Saiyan, Vegeta?! Show me!
10:03
Vegeta: I... well... yeah, I just... I--
10:06
Tien: Don't tell me, you're not in the mood.
10:08
Vegeta: What, does that third eye make you psychic?
10:10
Tien: No, but it does help me see bullshit.
10:13
Vegeta: Hey, y'know what...?!
10:16
Vegeta: F*ck you.
10:18
Goku: You know, to be fair, I'm with Vegeta on this one! I wanna fight me some Androids! I haven't had a good fight since Freezer!
10:25
Gohan: Wait, so, the first thing we do after you get back, after being gone for a *year and a half*... is train.
10:32
Goku: I know, I'm excited too!
10:35
Gohan: Yeah, okay...
10:36
Krillin: Welp, guess that settles that! I'm off to go fire Kamehamehas at the ocean over and over!
10:40
Tien: See you all in three years. Good to have you back, Goku.
10:43
Chiaotzu: We're gonna go get McDonald's!
10:45
Yamcha: Suppose we'll get movin' on, too! Come on, Bul--
10:48
Goku: Wait, Yamcha?
10:49
Yamcha: Yeah?
10:50
Goku: You're my friend.
10:52
Yamcha: Oh, uh... heh... thank you, man.
10:59
Goku: So~... wanna go drive cars?
11:02
Piccolo: Bitchin'!
11:02
Goku: ♫ I'm on a highway to HFIL! ♫
11:07
Goku: ♫ On a highway to HFIL! ♫
11:12
Narrator: And thus, they went their seperate ways to prepare for the upcoming threat!
11:16
Narrator: However, a few of them would find... roadblocks.
11:21
Chi-Chi: LIKE HELL YOU WILL!!
11:22
Goku: Oh, come on, Chi-Chi!
11:24
Chi-Chi: Don't you "Come on Chi-Chi" me!
11:26
[Goku laughs nervously]
11:26
Chi-Chi: You're gone off in God knows where space, refuse to let the Dragon take you home, and the first thing you ask for when you get back:
11:32
Chi-Chi: "Oh hey, Chi-Chi. Mind if I take our baby boy to go train to FIGHT SOME MONSTER ROBOTS"?!
11:37
Goku: Androids. And the first thing I asked about was dinner.
11:40
Chi-Chi: THE ANSWER IS NO!
11:42
Goku: No to dinner, or no to Gohan?
11:44
Chi-Chi: NOOOO!!
11:45
Goku: Aw, but Chi-Chi~! Don't be like that! Be a pal!
11:49
Chi-Chi: (Screaming)
11:51
Goku: Oh my gosh!
11:52
Gohan: Dad, run!
11:53
Goku: What?!
11:54
Gohan: The worst she can do is ground me, now RUN!
11:56
Narrator: Meanwhile, Vegeta found ways to innovate his training.
12:00
Dr. Brief: 500 times Earth's gravity?! That's insane! You'd be crapping out your own spine!
12:06
Vegeta: I know, the challenge excites me.
12:08
Vegeta: Look at my nipples. LOOK AT THEM!
12:11
Dr. Brief: Fine, I'll build you your ship. What's the worst that could happen anyway?
12:21
Dr. Brief: Hm?
12:21
Scratch: Meow?
12:22
Vegeta: AH! MY NIPPLES!
12:35
Goku: *Wow*, he *really* needs to learn how to do--
12:39
Piccolo: Yeah, I know, still working on that. By the way, how'd you convince your wife to let him train with you?
12:43
Goku: We're on a field trip to the... Ozarks...
12:47
Goku: Please never tell her we were here.
12:48
Piccolo: What are you talking about? We're just studying.
12:51
Goku: Ohhhhhh...!
12:51
Piccolo: Ohhhhhh...!
12:53
Piccolo: Let's go drive cars again.
12:54
Goku: Yaaaay!
13:00
Bulma: Are you f*cking insane?!
13:03
Vegeta: No, but you're upside-down.
13:05
Vegeta: Now you're not.
13:06
Bulma: You know, it would be easier to count the amount of your ribs that *aren't* broken!
13:10
Vegeta: Work through the pain...!
13:11
Bulma: And exactly how are you going to work when your body collapses?
13:15
Vegeta: Please, the Prince Of All Saiyans does not colla--aaapse IRGH-ir...!
13:19
Bulma: Oh, look at that! The prince of all *two* Saiyans on the ground!
13:23
Vegeta: Three and a hal-- tch! Shut up!
13:25
Bulma: Oh no! The prince is getting all huffy!
13:27
Bulma: What are you gonna do? Try to blow up Earth again? Because I have Goku on speed dial.
13:31
Vegeta: You must be as stupid as he is if you think he knows how to work a phone!
13:35
Bulma: Don't you call me stupid!
13:37
Vegeta: Okay, then how about "bitch"?!
13:38
Bulma: Arrogant dick!
13:40
Vegeta: Spoiled sow!
13:41
Bulma: F*ck you!
13:42
Vegeta: F*ck you!
13:43
Bulma: F*ck you!
13:44
Vegeta: F*CK YOU!
13:46
Bulma: My room, ten minutes.
13:50
Vegeta: [Repetitive grunts]
13:50
Bulma: Oh yeah, that's it, keep going, right there, right there~, yes,
13:55
Vegeta: *Galick*... *Gun*... *FIRE*~!!!
13:55
Bulma: yes... *yes*... *YES*~!!!
14:00
Bulma: Oh...
14:00
Vegeta: Haaa...
14:00
Bulma: *wow*...
14:02
Vegeta: yup...!
14:02
Bulma: whew!
14:04
Bulma: Gotta admit... even with the broken ribs you really...
14:08
Bulma: wait...
14:09
Vegeta: What?
14:10
Bulma: Where's your condom?!
14:12
Vegeta: The *fuck's* a condom?!
14:13
Piccolo: ♫ Dodge, bitch! ♫
14:19
Piccolo: ♫ Get out the way ♫
14:21
Piccolo: ♫ Get out the way, bitch ♫
14:22
Piccolo: ♫ Get out the way ♫
14:24
Gohan: (Exhausted moaning)