Episode 30 Part 3

King Kai: *Oh*... *my*... *God*.

Tien: Y'know, you keep reacting, trying to prompt us to ask what's going on.

Tien: You could just tell us.

King Kai: Alright, fine!

King Kai: Freeza got cut in half!

Yamcha: HU-WHOOA!

Tien: Wow - I didn't think Goku had it in him (!)

King Kai: He doesn't. Freeza did it to himself...

Freeza: HAAAAH! MY ORGANS! Stay in there! Stay in your home! Daddy needs you!

Goku: Wow, Freezer. You really were a *cut* above the rest!

Freeza: UUUOOOHH...

Goku: But too bad you didn't make the *cut*!

Freeza: UUOOOHHH...

Goku: Guess you could call this a slice of life.

Freeza: Please stop!

Goku: Alright then, I'll cut you a break. I'm gonna split.

Freeza: Wait! Wait! Wait!

Freeza: I, I know I've a lot of terrible things... killed quite a number of people, some of which you liked... uh, but may I ask you... as one neighbor to another... can you spare a cup of energy?

Goku: Well...

King Kai: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Tien: I'm not even asking any more...

Goku: HIIYAAH!

Goku: Now, be responsible with this energy! Don't use it to hurt any more people! Or on the drugs.

Freeza: What? But... why?

Goku: I'm gonna go now. Got a long trip home.

Goku: I'd ask if I could take one of your legs with me, but you're probably hungry too. Bye!

Freeza: Uuh-huuuh?

Freeza: 'He's... really just leaving me here...'

Freeza: 'He gave me his energy and... left me...'

Freeza: 'Maybe this is a sign...'

Freeza: 'Maybe I should change...'

Freeza: 'Maybe this is, my second... and last... chance...'

Freeza: '*Maybe*... I was wrong.'

Freeza: *Naaah*!

Goku: God dang it Freezer, now I have to give you more!

Freeza: *No* *no*-*no*-NO-NO-NO-NO--

Freeza: EEEYAAAAAAAAAAH...!!

Goku: 'Huh... don't see him anymore. Guess he took the energy and left.'

Goku: 'Speaking of which, where am I going?'

King Kai: HAAAH... AAAHH... HUUWAAAH... AAAHH...

Yamcha: I--

Tien: Don't you dare.

King Kai: ...HAAAAH...

King Kai: OK, you win! Goku blew Freeza up!

Tien: See? Was that so hard?

King Kai: Well, not as hard as it's gonna be to get off Namek.

Goku: 'Where am I? Where's my ship?! Everything looked the same before, now looks all the same but on *fire*!'

Goku: 'Uh - a ship!'

Goku: 'Alright, gotta find it!'

King Kai: 'Goku, hurry!'

Goku: The controls! Where is it? Where is it?!

King Kai: It's about to blow!

Goku: 'Come on, come on...!'

Goku: *There*!

Goku: *YES*!!

King Kai: ...Oh, my God...

Goku: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY--!

King Kai: It's... it's over.

Yamcha: What?

King Kai: Goku could not escape the explosion. Namek is gone... and so is he.

Yamcha: No... Goku, *no*...

Yamcha: NOOOOOOOOO!

Yamcha: (Sobbing)

Tien: Why do you care?

Yamcha: Hah, wha?

Tien: Why do any of you care? Are you forgetting the whole reason that they went to Namek in the first place?

Tien: Now we have *two* sets of Dragon Balls!

Yamcha: Well, yeah, but you make it sound like death has no consequence!

Tien: It really *doesn't* - we're literally waiting to go back. Hell, this is Chiaotzu's second time!

Chiaotzu: Next time I get a free sundae!

Yamcha: Huh...

King Kai: Hah...

Tien: Yeah.

King Kai: So, who wants to tell Bulma?

Yamcha: Let me do it. Bulma's my girl.

King Kai: PFEH! Yeah, OK. Go ahead, stud.

Mouri: And now that I have devoured Guru, I have become the new Grand Elder!

Bulma: Huh... seems legit.

Yamcha: Hey, Bulma! It's me, Yamcha.

Bulma: Oh, hey, hold on a moment, my ex is calling me.

Yamcha: Hey girl, let's get t--... wait, "ex"? What's that about?

Bulma: Yeah, I'm breaking up with you.

Yamcha: Pwha...? But *why*?

Bulma: You haven't called me in *months*.

Yamcha: *I have been dead*!

Bulma: Oh, well, that's not stopping you NOW, is it?

Yamcha: Do not do this right now!

Bulma: Hey, you wanna know how this is ending? Hey Vegeta, wanna come live with me?

Vegeta: Only if its got a pool.

Yamcha: HE'S THE REASON I'M *DEAD*!

Bulma: Well then, I guess he's just more of a man than you, isn't he?

Yamcha: Oh, you dirty *BITCH*!!

King Kai: Yeah, OK, I'm gonna take over, this isn't going anywhere.

Yamcha: Now you listen here...!

King Kai: Tenshinhan.

Yamcha: DOOHH-HOOHH, MY GOOD LEG!!

King Kai: OK, listen.

King Kai: Gohan's fatherless and the Namekians are homeless. So... that's a thing.

King Kai: Now have fun delivering the message, I've gotta go cast up Yamcha's leg.

Yamcha: WHY...?!?!

Bulma: Huh... well, uh... Gohan, Goku's dead.

Gohan: Dammit!

Bulma: Namekians, your planet blew up.

Namekians: DAMMIT!

Bulma: Ssso, until we can use the Dragon Balls... who wants a big old sleepover?

Mouri: You think you can accommodate the entirety of my people?

Bulma: My Dad's a billionaire genius playboy philanthropist.

Bulma: Speak of the devil!

Gohan: Wait... I feel a dark presence on that ship...

Chi-Chi: WHERE'S MY BABY?!

Narrator: And so, the Namekians were relocated to the Briefs' compound.

Dr. Briefs: So honey, you say all of these are your friends from high school?

Bulma: Yes, Dad.

Dr. Briefs: Tell them to keep out of my Scotch!

Narrator: The Namekian adults learned golf!

Golf Commentator: Tricky bit of putting here; very difficult to read from this angle and the green's up and running rather fast today.

Golf Commentator: Mouri looks like he's aiming slightly to the right of the hole, and... good for par.

Narrator: The Namekian children learned strip poker.

Dende: Alright, sprouts... lay 'em on the table.

Narrator: Gohan caught up on his studies...

Chi-Chi: You read it! You learn it! You love it!

Gohan: But Mom, I've already read Huck Finn.

Chi-Chi: Yes, but this one has the N-word taken out!

Narrator: Piccolo... did his usual thing; only with company.

Nail: 'So, uh, you wanna go hang out with our race?'

Piccolo: 'Nnnno.'

Nail: ''Cause, you know, this may be the last chance we'll ever get.'

Piccolo: 'No.'

Nail: 'Well, you're boring.'

Piccolo: 'And *you're* ruining my meditation.'

Narrator: Vegeta did what he does best...

Vegeta: Sayonara, bitches!

Dr. Briefs: Son of a bitch took ma Scotch!

Bulma: Call me!

Narrator: And soon four months (or one Namekian year) passed, and the Namekian Dragon Balls became ready for use.

Dende: During our time squatting here on Earth, we taught the Dragon how to speak English!

Bulma: Oh, well that's convenient.

Dende: Rise, Porunga!

Bulma: Wait a second, I just thought of something. Maybe we shouldn't do this out in the middle of the--

Random Lady: Aaah! Gojira!

Police Officer: Attention everybody. [Clears throat]

Police Officer: Godzirra, Godzirra. Godzirra, Godzirra, Godzirra. Godzirra, Godzirra.

Random Dude: Godzirra!

Another Random Lady: Uwoa, Gojira!

Another Random Dude: Aah, Godzilla!

Porunga: You have summoned the great Porunga! Make your wish, and I--

Dende: OK, listen, I'm sure you get this a lot, but can we just get, like, six wishes?

Dende: 'Cus we're just gonna bring you back in four months and do this crap again.

Dende: Plus, we're just bringing some schmucks back to life.

Porunga: Well, that is unconventional. But considering the ease of these wishes, I will accommodate--

Dende: And a planet.

Porunga: Oh, that's just a dick move!

Dende: Alright, let's get the hard one out of the way.

Dende: Dragon! Build the Namekians a new Namek!

Porunga: Donezo.

Dende: Sweet. Alright, you guys do whatever you want.

Bulma: First: Tien and Chiaotzu!

Chiaotzu: Oh hey, we're back! Kinda want that sundae though...

Tien: *Chiaotzu*...

Chiaotzu: I'll wait.

Bulma: Next: ...Yamcha.

Yamcha: Wah! Water in my cast! I'm gonna get gangrene! Aaah!

Dende: And I guess you wanna wish back your dad now, huh?

Gohan: Actually, we wanna save him for last.

Dende: ...Yeah. Like I said, you wanna wish your dad back, right?

Gohan: Dende, we have to wish Krillin back.

Dende: Urrrgh... fine.

Dende: We wish back... *Krillin*.

Krillin: WAH!

Gohan: Krillin! You're alive!

Gohan: Eh, just give him a minute.

Gohan: And now, last but not least: Bring back my *Dad*!

Dende: Bring back his dad!

Porunga: I cannot do this.

Gohan: Hahahaha, uh... what?

Porunga: The one called Goku is still alive!

Gohan: Wh-what? He is?!

Bulma: That's great! Then just wish him here.

Gohan: Dragon, will my father here!

Porunga: Uhh, sorry. Can't do that either.

Gohan: ...OK, what?

Porunga: The one called Goku wishes not to return!

Gohan: Pardon?

Dende: He said your father wishes not to return--

Gohan: I heard what he said! I want an explanation!

Porunga: Well, I'm sorry. Wishing all your other friends back to life and building a *planet* has left me a *little* worn out!

Porunga: He doesn't wanna come back. End of story. Now if you have another wish for me, I can try that.

Porunga: Otherwise, bite me.

Dende: Gohan, I... I know it must be hard... but maybe your dad is off somewhere else, doing something really important.

Dende: I just want you to know that... that I'm here for you and, and that... I... I love you.

Gohan: Wh--... what?

Dende: Wha... what did I... d-did I say it too soon? Oh God, I said it too soon! Oh God, I f**ked it up!

Dende: DRAGON! Take everyone from Old Namek and put them on New Namek!

Dr. Briefs: What a *fa*--!

Vegeta: This ship will take me where I need to go. Now I can train, without *anyone* bothering me--

Vegeta: ...The hell is that? A phone?

Nappa: Hey! It's me. Don't ask me how I got this number; I've got people.

Vegeta: What the hell is *going on*?!

Nappa: OK, listen. I figured out that they used the Dragon Balls to wish back *everyone* that was killed by Freeza's men. Technically, you worked for Freeza when you killed me, so BAM, Nappa's back baby! WOOHWOOH!

Vegeta: What about all the ones *you* killed?

Nappa: Well, technically I worked for you, but that has *changed*.

Nappa: I'm in Hollywood now!

Vegeta: What, are they doing a live adaptation of "Mr. Clean"?

Nappa: Ha! That's hilarious! Find me the guy who writes your material and give me his number, because I'm a producer now!

Vegeta: Of course you are. What do you even *do*?

Nappa: Actually, I'm in charge of this new project; wrote it myself!

Nappa: It's about this one guy who's killed tragically by his best friend, but then comes back as a ghost and haunts him!

Nappa: I call it, "Citizen Nappa"!

Nappa: Merchandising rights alone are gonna make a f**king mint! We just singed on this great new actor, too - name's Mark Satan.

Nappa: Need to work on the first name, thinking "Hercule". What d'ya think?

Vegeta: I--

Nappa: What do I care, you're not on my Board!

Vegeta: But I--

Nappa: Listen - I'll see you around, and when you're back on Earth, give me a call.

Nappa: We'll do lunch! Ciao!

Vegeta: ...God... damn it... Nappa...

♫ Sparking! ♫

♫ Hikaru kumo o tsukinuke Fly Away (Fly Away) ♫ (Piercing the shining clouds, I fly away (fly away))

♫ Karadajû ni hirogaru panorama ♫ (While a panorama spreads through my body)

♫ Kao o kerareta chikyû ga okotte (okotte) ♫ (Kicked in the face, the Earth gets angry (gets angry))

♫ Kazan o bakuhatsu saseru ♫ (And makes a volcano explode)

♫ Toketa kôri no naka ni ♫ (Within the melted polar ice)

♫ Kyôryû ga itara tamanori shikomitai ne ♫ (If there’s a dinosaur, I want to train it to balance on a ball)

♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

♫ Mune ga pachi-pachi suru hodo ♫ (Just as loudly as my heart pounds)

♫ Sawagu Genki-Dama ♫ (The Spirit Bomb roars)

♫ Sparking! ♫

(Finished.)