Episode 26

Freeza: To think your race had the ability to produce such capable fighters...

Freeza: I'm surprised I hadn't destroyed you sooner.

Piccolo: And to think *your* race has the ability to produce such whiny bitches.

Piccolo: *I'm* surprised anyone can take you seriously.

Freeza: D'aah-augh!

Vegeta: Wait a damn minute, something's wrong here...

Gohan: Huh?

Vegeta: Back on your planet, the Namek couldn't even stand up to Nappa.

Vegeta: Yet here he is now taking on Freeza... *in his second form*!

Gohan: What do you think happened?

Vegeta: Well, either Freeza hit me so hard I'm in a delusional coma, or...

Gohan: Or?

Nail: 'Wow, you're really kicking his ass!'

Piccolo: 'Oh, you're still here...'

Nail: 'Yeah, I've just been watching you knock this guy around.'

Nail: 'Kind of bored, wishing I had something to do...'

Nail: 'You got any ideas?'

Piccolo: 'Now is NOT the time!'

Freeza: D'ergh!

Freeza: D'augh!

Gohan: Piccolo's actually standing up to him, Krillin!

Krillin: I don't believe it! We may actually win!

Vegeta: Yeah, that's just, uh... great, if you'll excuse me though, I've a... got a...

Vegeta: Bye.

Freeza: 'Oh, for the love of...'

Piccolo: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!

Freeza: Time out!

Piccolo: D'agh--!

Piccolo: Huh?

Freeza: Would you hold on for a moment, please? I'll be right back.

Vegeta: 'All right, I just gotta find one of the Ginyu ships, and get the hell out of here.'

Vegeta: 'I'll just go to Freeza Planet 419. No one ever goes to Freeza Planet 419.'

Vegeta: 'Not since its species miraculously repopulated...'

Kanassan: BULMA AND VEGETA HAVE A KID!

Kanassan: THE REAL BUU IS A CHILD!

Kanassan: CELL REACHES HIS PERFECT FORM!

Kanassan: GOTEN AND TRUNKS BECOME A GUY!

Kanassan: GOHAN IS THE STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE BUT STILL DOESN'T DO CRAAAP!

Vegeta: Ga-hah!!

Freeza: So Vegeta, where are you going?

Vegeta: Oh, you know... places...

Freeza: "Places", hmm? Like that mountain over there?

Vegeta: Actually, that looks more like a plat--

Vegeta: EAAAAAUUUUUUU--!!

Freeza: Sorry about that. Where were we?

Piccolo: Last time I checked, I was planting my foot firmly somewhere between your lungs and colon.

Freeza: An admirable feat for a low-life such as yourself. I have a question for you, though...

Piccolo: What's that?

Freeza: Die.

Piccolo: That's... not... a question--

Freeza: Rreugh!

Piccolo: Aaaaaahhg!

Freeza: That's because I don't do requests.

Vegeta: Well that didn't last real f***ing long...

Freeza: Oh, come on now, that was just a love tap.

Piccolo: Don't think you have the upper hand yet. I'm still wearing weighted armor!

Krillin: Aw man, that sounded good! Now I have to do my neck!

Krillin: HUUUUOOHGH MY NECK!

Freeza: Weighted armor, how quaint... And how much does it weigh?

Piccolo: Same as it always does: 100 kilo--!

Piccolo: ...oh.

Freeza: That's just *cute*!

Piccolo: That... concept just sort of lost meaning after a while, didn't it?

Freeza: True... but I have one that's nice, fresh and ripe for abuse: Transformation!

Freeza: And spoiler warning - it's not getting old any time soon.

Piccolo: You can't be serious!

Freeza: Oh, but I am. See, I merely... (trails off)

Nail: 'Hey man, can I talk to you about something really quick?'

Piccolo: 'I'm *seriously* in the middle of something right now!'

Nail: 'Yeah, I know, but I've been looking around and you've got like, no apps on here.'

Nail: 'I have already played the *crap* out of Minesweeper.'

Piccolo: 'COULD YOU JUST--?'

Piccolo: 'Wait, I have apps? I have Minesweeper?!'

Piccolo: 'I just thought I could connect to the internet with my antennae.'

Nail: 'I didn't even know we COULD do that!'

Piccolo: 'Well, you learn something new every day. Now could you let me focus--?'

Nail: 'Heeeey... you wanna play me in Minesweeper?'

Piccolo: 'You CAN'T play someone in Minesweeper; that's a single player game!'

Nail: 'Nah, see, first I go, then you go and try to beat my time--'

Nail: 'Unh, hey, is he transforming?'

Piccolo: Uh?! DAMN IT!

Freeza: HAHHHHHHHHHH!

Freeza: AHHHHHhhhhhh!

Freeza: Ssso, Namekian - what do you think of my third form?

Piccolo: I think Ridley Scott's gonna sue somebody.

Freeza: What are you talking about?

Freeza: Yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn!

Freeza: Let me touch your skin!

Piccolo: Ugh!

Gohan: Oh no, this is horrible! How could this happen!?

Vegeta: He's going to kill us all!

Krillin: HEEEEELP ME!

Piccolo: HAHHHHHHH!

Piccolo: Hyah!

Piccolo: Hyah, hyah!

Piccolo: (Rapid hyahs), HYAH!

Piccolo: Grrrrrrrh!

Piccolo: Hya--D'AARRGH!

Freeza: Poor little Namekian! Can't touch me anymore!

Freeza: How about this: Let's play a game!

Freeza: Ever heard of paintball?

Piccolo: Yeah...

Freeza: Just remove the "T".

Piccolo: I don't get it--

Piccolo: ARUGH-HUH, I GET IT!!

Freeza: Now for your other glu-bock!

Piccolo: ARGH!

Piccolo: You're not really familiar with our anatomy, are you?

Freeza: It doesn't matter; I'll hit your glu-bock somewhere!

Gohan: PICCOLO, NOOO!

Krillin: Aw, not this crap again!

Vegeta: HOLD ON!

Vegeta: I have an idea, and I don't want to hear any of your stupid crap.

Krillin: I only promise to try.

Vegeta: I need you to - and follow me on this one! - ...*almost* kill me.

Krillin: Almost... kill you?

Vegeta: Yeah.

Krillin: And there's no repercussion for this?

Vegeta: ...I will not punch you.

Krillin: Oddly specific.

Vegeta: I'm going to need a moment to prepare myself, otherwise I might go into-- SHOOOOCK!!

Vegeta: YOU ARE SO PUNCHED!

Piccolo: AUGHHAAHAA! WHY IS THIS STILL HAPPENING!?

Gohan: Circling around, Mr. Piccolo!

Gohan: Hey, Freeza!

Gohan: The human body is composed of 75% water. I am 100% *death*!

Gohan: HAVE SOME!

Freeza: What?!

Freeza: GUAHHH!

Freeza: Oh no~! The invincible Lord Freeza defeated by a mere child! What dramatic irony!

Freeza: Ohohoho nohoho... just kidding.

Gohan: 'Crap baskets...!'

Gohan: Mr. Piccolo! You saved me again!

Piccolo: "Saved" is sort of subjective here.

Freeza: So, we're all well aware that that all basically equated to a game of hot space-potato, right?

Freeza: Well then, I say we get a move-on! Who here's tired of my third form?

Piccolo: Me.

Gohan: Me.

Krillin: Me.

Freeza: Alrighty, then! Final form it is!

Krillin: Personally, I was a bigger fan of the first form.

Piccolo: I'd settle on second, really.

Freeza: HYAHHHHHHH...!

Gohan: Come on, Mr. Piccolo.

Piccolo: Urgghh...

Gohan: Don't worry, we have Dende. He can heal you!

Gohan: Krillin, where's Dende?

Krillin: I dunno but Liittle Green's over there with Vegeta.

Gohan: Why?

Krillin: I blew a hole in his chest.

Gohan: ...WHY?!

Krillin: Because he asked for it.

Vegeta: Gaaugh...

Vegeta: You... green thing... Heal me.

Dende: Oh I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time hearing you over the smell of my people's blood on your hands.

Vegeta: Oh no... do not be that guy right now.

Dende: Oh, I'm going to be that guy right now.

Vegeta: I am LITERALLY going to die!

Dende: Well, how about this: I'll heal you, on one condition...

Vegeta: And that is?

Dende: Say my name.

Vegeta: Oh... uhhhhhhhhhhh...

Dende: You don't even know my name.

Vegeta: OH! I-I do! It's, uh... Um, uh... Little... Green?

Dende: Hahahahahaha - no.

Dende: No - it's Dende.

Dende: Say "Dende".

Vegeta: Dende.

Dende: Now say, "Please heal me, Dende."

Vegeta: Please heal me, Dende.

Dende: Well, since you asked so nicely...

Vegeta: Come back, magic man...

Vegeta: augh...

Dende: And you, my friend, are a subject of nepotism.

Piccolo: Ughh...

Piccolo: Thank you, magic man.

Dende: It's good to have you back, Nail.

Piccolo: I'm not Nail.

Nail: 'Technically you kinda are.'

Piccolo: Shut up, Nail!

Dende: Why are you talking to yourself?

Piccolo: No reason; now go heal Vegeta.

Dende: Why would I do that?

Freeza: AHHHHHHH...!

Piccolo: Because *that*.

Dende: Oh yeah... that's happening right now.

Freeza: YEH-AHHHHHHHHH...!

Gohan: Krillin, why aren't you using your Kienzan?

Krillin: Yeah you know, I keep forgetting to do that.

Gohan: ...And?

Krillin: Well, I kind of used all my energy to mortally wound Vegeta.

Gohan: Seriously, what did I miss?!

Dende: (Sigh), twist my arm a little bit more, why don't cha?

Vegeta: You... healed me.

Dende: Of course I did. I'm a nice guy.

Vegeta: And now what's to stop me from kicking your face in?

Dende: Because you touch me... and you're not getting back up again.

Dende: That's right, I'm your White Mage... and *nobody*... f**ks... with the White Mage.

Freeza: Oh, I feel REAL good about my life right now.

Krillin: LITTLE GREEN! NOOOOOO!

Gohan: Actually, Krillin, his name was Dende.

Krillin: Huh, that's funny. Never spoke up about it.