Episode 25

Piccolo: Hurgh... what was that idiot *doing* bringing me here?

Piccolo: It's... wait a minute... I can feel it...

Piccolo: This is my home!

Piccolo: I can finally see its beauty: The lush blue fields, the crystal clear waters, the wind brushing past my...

Piccolo: GOD, THIS IS BORING!

Piccolo: Huh... no wonder I feel at home.

Piccolo: ♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

Piccolo: ♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

Piccolo: ♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

Piccolo: ♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

Freeza: Well, Vegeta - you've finally pulled it off. You've managed to dash my hopes entirely.

Freeza: With some help, I see.

Krillin: Quack!

Gohan: Krillin, seriously not helping!

Krillin: I can try!

Freeza: I'm very curious - where exactly are you from?

Krillin: We're from Ea--!

Gohan: Krillin, no!

Krillin: Oh, right. Thanks for stopping me Gohan, 'cause I can't shut--

Dende: They're from Earth.

Krillin: Little Green! Why?!

Dende: Because my name is Dende.

Freeza: Oh good! I'll stop by there on the way home.

Freeza: Pick up some space eggs, some space milk, and BLOW IT THE F**K UP!!

Vegeta: Oh Freeza, quit being such a woman.

Vegeta: I lost my chance at immortality too and you don't see me crying about it.

Freeza: Yes Vegeta, but you see, the difference between us is I'll live long enough to regret it.

Freeza: HIYAAAAGH!!

Piccolo: 'Hurgh... everything looks the goddamn same on this GOD DAMN PLANET.'

Piccolo: 'Wait a minute - a body!'

Piccolo: SOCIAL ACTIVITY!!

Piccolo: Please tell me you're not dead.

Nail: Kill... that... douche...

Piccolo: Ah crap, I find the only living thing for miles and he's so broken he can't even talk right.

Nail: I was speaking Namekian, you idiot. Don't you know anything about your own people?

Piccolo: Well, we're demons, right?

Nail: Eh, more like slug people.

Piccolo: Ah, dammit!

Piccolo: I liked it better when I was a demon.

Nail: And I liked it better when I had proper bladder control. Nobody's perfect.

Piccolo: Yeah, I've been meaning to ask about that; what happened?

Nail: Let's just say our world elder's kind of a giant green asshole.

Piccolo: Preaching to the choir on that one.

Piccolo: Well, its been fun, but I have to go *die* again.

Nail: Wait! I *might* be able to help you.

Piccolo: Look buddy, if you wanna add me on MySpace, I switched to Spacebook a while ago.

Nail: No no, no no, listen. I think I know something that might work out for both of us.

Nail: I don't wanna die, and you seem pretty lonely.

Piccolo: DESPERATEL-- I mean go on.

Nail: There's a special ability our people share, forbidden, even amongst our most sacred clans.

Piccolo: And we're just going to abuse it?

Nail: Ooh, maliciously!

Piccolo: Bitchin'! How do we do?

Nail: Well - first you put your hand upon me.

Piccolo: 'K...

Nail: Yes. Like that.

Nail: Now lower.

Piccolo: Uh-huh...

Nail: Lower.

Piccolo: Hm....

Nail: Little lower.

Piccolo: Hmm...

Nail: Ahh, if we had junk, you'd be gay right now.

Piccolo: Hurrgh!

Nail: Fusing!

Piccolo: Wow... unreal... my gosh...

Piccolo: THIS IS AMAZING! I FEEL INCREDIBLE!

Piccolo: YES. YES. YES! YES!

Piccolo: I CAN WIN! I FEEL GREAT! I! CAN! DO! THIS! AAAAAGH!

Nail: 'What are you doing?'

Piccolo: I-uhh-uhh... nothing.

Nail: '*Really*? 'Cause it looked like you were chanting to yourself.'

Piccolo: Are you in my head?

Nail: 'Yup. Don't worry - supposedly I should fade away into your subconscious... sooner or later.'

Piccolo: OK. So, what now?

Nail: 'By my estimate, this fusion should have given you just enough power to wipe out the *bastard* who killed our people.'

Piccolo: And?

Nail: 'Well, let me put this in terms you'll understand:'

Piccolo: OH HA HA!

Freeza: *Impudent*... *little*...!

Freeza: Guh!

Freeza: I'm impressed, Vegeta! When did you graduate from pull-ups?

Vegeta: 'Bout the same time you got off the rag.

Freeza: Cute. But bear no false hope, Vegeta. You're a mere paper tiger in front of a storm.

Freeza: You have no idea what true power I possess.

Vegeta: It's that you can transform, right?

Freeza: I CAN TRANSFORM--!

Freeza: ...

Freeza: OK; when and how?

Vegeta: Guldo told me.

Guldo: So...

Guldo: Did you know that Freeza can transform?

Vegeta: Huh. That right?

Guldo: Yeah. And Burter's gay.

Vegeta: *Really*?

Vegeta: And then I threw a dog treat at him. True story.

Freeza: Right... but if you are so aware, why do you persist in goading me?

Vegeta: I... am a SUPER SAIYAN!

Freeza: Oh, here we go...!

Vegeta: That's right, Freeza. I've risen beyond the limits of a normal Saiyan and into the realm of legend... the legend that you fear... the legend, known throughout the entire Universe, as the most powerful warrior to ever exist!

Vegeta: I, Prince Vegeta, have become a Super Saiyan!

Freeza: "Vegeta, have become a Super Saiyan", blah blah blah blah, I get it!

Freeza: Then you slayed the Jabberwocky and went on to save Narnia.

Vegeta: Go ahead and mock me Freeza, but I'm not afraid of you.

Vegeta: So why don't you doll yourself up and get ready for a night on the town, because I'm about to take you to a ballroom blitz.

Freeza: Fine, I'll indulge you Mr. "Super Saiyan", but before I do I have a funny little story I'd like to tell you.

Vegeta: Funny how?

Freeza: I like to call it "I Killed Your Dad".

Vegeta: So "haha" funny.

Freeza: You see, thanks to a rogue lower-class warrior, your father caught wind of my plans.

Butarega: King Vegeta, I have urgent news!

King Vegeta: Speak, Butarega!

Butarega: Bardock has gone absolutely *mad*, sire!

Bardock: FREEZAAAA!

King Vegeta: What's all the commotion about?

Butarega: He's been telling everyone that Freeza plans to destroy Vegeta!

King Vegeta: Wait - my son, the planet or me?

Butarega: ...yes.

Butarega: DORRAAAAGGGH!

King Vegeta: Freakin' smartass.

King Vegeta: Councillor Nappa, what do you think?

Councillor Nappa: Let me tell you what you need to do:

Councillor Nappa: You need to sit him down,

King Vegeta: Uh huh...

Councillor Nappa: you look him dead in the eye,

King Vegeta: ...yes...

Councillor Nappa: and you say: "Don't blow up my planet."

King Vegeta: ...and you think that'll work?

Councillor Nappa: He'd have to be awwwfully evil if it didn't.

Councillor Nappa: And I'm not gonna lie...

Councillor Nappa: I like the cut of his jib.

King Vegeta: Alright. But I want you to take my son, the Prince, off-planet just in case things go south.

Councillor Nappa: Don't worry sir, you'll do juuust fine.

King Vegeta: Freeza, can I sit down and have a word--?

Freeza: SHORYUKEN!

King Vegeta: GWRRAAUGH...!

Street Fighter Announcer: KO! YOU WIN!

Freeza: Ya-tta.

Freeza: And then I blew the planet up. The End!

Vegeta: How did you know about the parts you weren't there for?

Freeza: HIYAAAAAAAAAAH...!

Vegeta: Aah, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-a...!

Freeza: HIYAAAAAAAAAAH...!

Gohan: Krillin! Do you feel that?

Krillin: I *TASTE* THAT!

Freeza: All done. And judging by the expression on your face, so are you.

Vegeta: What? *How*?

Freeza: Let's be practical and put a number to that feeling, shall we? Last time I clocked this form, it was at:

Freeza: *One Million*.

Vegeta: You're lying!

Freeza: Am I? Am I really?

Vegeta: Not impressed! I can do that too!

Gohan: Krillin! Are you OK?

Krillin: Yeah! And I've got Little Green right here.

Freeza: ♫ Peaceful young races with fires on their houses ♫

Freeza: ♫ Millions of voices all silenced like mouses ♫

Freeza: ♫ Watching the cowards bow toward their new king ♫

Freeza: ♫ These are a few of my favorite things ♫

Krillin: Is it just me, or is he singing to himself?

Freeza: HIIROOOAAAGGH!

Krillin: GAAH-AA-AACK!

Gohan: KRILLIIIIN!

Vegeta: 'Well, he's dead.'

Krillin: This...! Jis...! *The worst*...! PAI-AI-AI-AIN!!

Freeza: Really?

Freeza: Sure it isn't THIS? Or THIS? Or THIS? Or THIS? Or THIS?

Gohan: Krillin, stop! You're making him stronger!

Krillin: I! Can't! Help! It!!

Freeza: One down...

Freeza: Ah, I think impalement is my favorite way to kill a person.

Gohan: You... condescending... sadistic... *callous*...

Gohan: MOTHERF**KER!!

Freeza: Pardon--?

Freeza: BUWHOA! OOF! D'hoagh!

Vegeta: Yeah! How's that feel, Freeza?! Now if you can, why don't ya pick ya sorry ass up, and take on a *real* Saiya--?! an-na-na-na-na-naa...

Freeza: Huh... that happened.

Freeza: Vegeta, mind sitting right there for just a moment? I need to go play babysitter.

Gohan: 'Uh, think! What would Dad do in this situation?'

Goku: Bye, son!

Gohan: 'I'm beginning to think I have issues.'

Gohan: AAAHEHHuh! Ohh...

Freeza: So Vegeta, does this get you an-gry?

Vegeta: Not really; kind of a smartass.

Freeza: Well then, why am I even bothering?

Vegeta: Because you get off on it?

Freeza: Oh, unbelievably!

Gohan: Uhh!

Freeza: Huh?

Freeza: Alright, who has the balls?!

Krillin: Kiss my ass bitch! I'm immortal!

Freeza: (Growling)

Krillin: WOO, HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! SUUCK MYY DIIIIIIIIIIII--!

Vegeta: 'How the hell did he get up?! Oh my God, I swear if he used that wish of immortality *on himself*, I AM GOING TO MURDER--!'

Vegeta: ...*that*... *bastard*!

Dende: Come on, you can't leave me alone here; you're the only one I can talk to!

Gohan: I... you... healed me.

Dende: You are the only one I respect.

Gohan: Then why did you heal Krillin?

Dende: The better question is: Why did I tell him he was immortal?

Krillin: Holy crap! Thank God I'm immortal!

Dende: Actually I healed you, you idiot!

Krillin: Wait... so I could've *died* back there?

Vegeta: Yeah; and unlike the runt and I, you don't get a power boost from it.

Krillin: Hax! I call hax!

Gohan: How *did* you escape?

Krillin: Oh, it was awesome! See, he was gaining on me there for a minute,

Krillin: but then I managed to lose him in some crevices, but he kept cutting me off at every pass!

Vegeta: He didn't just blow it up?

Krillin: I thought the same thing, but no! So I thought fast and used the Solar Flare on him!

Gohan: And then you used your Kienzan to cut him in half?

Krillin: Uhhhm...

Freeza: I WILL MOUNT YOUR HEAD WHERE MY TAIL USED TO BE!!

Krillin: To answer your question, Gohan: No, I did not do that.

Vegeta: DUST THIS BITCH!

Krillin: Did we get him?!

Gohan: Krillin, we can feel his energy. Why do you bother asking?

Krillin: I'm an optimist.

Vegeta: You're an idiot.

Freeza: You're both wrong. You're dead.

Gohan: Y'know what? I'm sick of this!

Gohan: If I'm gonna die, then I'm gonna go out the same way Piccolo would!

Krillin: GOHAN, NO!

Vegeta: NO, GODDAMMIT!

Gohan: Uhh!

Krillin: Uh!

Vegeta: Urgh!

Gohan: M...Mr. Piccolo!

Freeza: Well, well, well! I'm legitimately surprised I missed one of you.

Freeza: But that's just fine, because I've been working on some jokes. Now tell me if you've heard this one:

Freeza: How many Namekians does it take to--?

Freeza: D'HOAAR!

Piccolo: Just one.