Episode 22

Guru: And so I tell him:

Guru: “I don’t care who you are! Now clean my jowls!”

Guru: And that was Nail’s first day on the job.

Nail: Yes sir, I remember; I was there. That also doesn’t have anything to do with what we were talking about.

Guru: What were we talking about?

Nail: That ungodly POWER headed our way!

Guru: Oh yeah. That.

Nail: You know, perhaps you should give someone *else* that power-up?

Nail: You remember - the one you gave the Earthlings?

Guru: You are correct. It is time for me to unlock your hidden powers… Dende.

Dende: AH, WHAT THE HELL?!

Guru: And now, your power has been awakened.

Dende: I noticed (!)

Nail: Sir, I was referring to ME!

Guru: Now listen to me, Dende.

Guru: With these powers, you garner a huge responsibility.

Guru: I need you to run as fast as you can to the Earthlin—

Nail: Sir, he left you the moment after you gave him the power-up.

Guru: That SLUT!

Eriito Senshi - Ginyū Tokusentai!

♫ Tokusentai! ♫

Jeice: ...Then out of nowhere, this *stupid* guy in this *stupid* outfit starts beating us up and I lost me best mate and–!

Captain Ginyu: Jeice! You’ll speak to me professionally and dutifully.

Jeice: Oh, um... sorry, Cap’n.

Captain Ginyu: Now, Jeice, back from the field. Full report!

Jeice: Well, see, at first it was going fine, but next thing we know, Guldo, well…

Captain Ginyu: Oh Lord, he’s dead, isn’t he?

Jeice: That he is, sir.

Captain Ginyu: Well, in our line of work, our lives can be compromised at any moment. This is something we must live with.

Captain Ginyu: On the plus side, Burter owes me 50 Raditz.

Jeice: Aaabout that, Cap'n - he’s probably not gonna pay up.

Captain Ginyu: Really? He’s usually such a good sport about that.

Jeice: Thing is, he’s come down with a sudden case of death, sir.

Captain Ginyu: Oh... that's... wow...

Captain Ginyu: That’s a rather hefty loss.

Jeice: Yes, sir. He was a valued teammate. Strong, fast, and—

Captain Ginyu: And blue!

Jeice: Pardon, Cap’n?

Captain Ginyu: Blue! And tall! And you're so red! And short!

Captain Ginyu: It was the perfect little yin-yang thing we had going.

Jeice: Not that short, Cap’n.

Captain Ginyu: Oh, don’t go all Vegeta on me.

Captain Ginyu: Now, where are we going to find another blue recruit? Perhaps Recoome knows someone?

Jeice: (Breathes tellingly)

Captain Ginyu: He’s dead too, isn’t he?

Jeice: Yeeaaah.

Captain Ginyu: Well, did he at least die with dignity?

Jeice: Define "dignity", sir.

Captain Ginyu: Uhhh…

Captain Ginyu: Well, Jeice, I believe the next step is obvious.

Captain Ginyu: We, as professionals, cannot allow this act to go unabated.

Captain Ginyu: We have a job to finish, and we shall see it through.

Jeice: Yes, sir!

Captain Ginyu: Ginyu Force, away!

Goku: Sure is nice to see you guys again. But I sure can’t help but feel that someone’s missing...

Krillin: Oh yeah; Bulma!

Gohan: What do you think she’s up to?

Krillin: Probably something girly.

♫ Yeah! ♫

Krillin: Like her hair.

Vegeta: Your idiotic banter is charming, but if you haven’t noticed, we’re pretty much screwed here.

Goku: What? Why?

Vegeta: Freeza has the Dragon Balls, you *dolt*, which basically means we’re already dead!

Krillin: Actually, not really.

Vegeta: Oh? Something you know that I don’t?

Krillin: A lot of things, actually.

Vegeta: ...You have five seconds to rephrase that...

Vegeta: 4... 3...

Krillin: Actually what I meant to say was when you make a wish on the Dragon Balls, the sky turns darker than the *blackest* void…

Mr. Popo: Hm?

Krillin: ...and out of the balls rises a *giant dragon*!

Krillin: So yeah, none of that.

Vegeta: ...2... 1...

Captain Ginyu: Hi, Vegeta.

Vegeta: Hi, Ginyu--... uugh...

Jeice: That’s him, Cap’n! That’s the one who beat us up!

Captain Ginyu: *What*? Just look at his hair! He looks like he just got out of bed! For goodness sakes, Jeice, he’s even wearing pajamas!

Jeice: I swear it, sir! He picked us apart one by one! We never stood a cha—!

Jeice: GAOGH! D'oh, that’s just not *fair*!

Captain Ginyu: Jeice, what have I told you?!

Vegeta: You know, I’m surprised you’re here, Ginyu. I thought you’d be busy polishing Freeza’s boots.

Captain Ginyu: * First off, Lord Freeza doesn’t wear boots. * Second, if he did, I’d have already polished them. * Third, he’s off chasing some leftover Namekians.

Vegeta: Wait, so Freeza’s not at the ship?

Captain Ginyu: Correct.

Vegeta: And you’re here?

Captain Ginyu: That’s right.

Vegeta: And the average power level of Freeza’s soldiers is…

Captain Ginyu: Two thousand.

Vegeta: Iiiinteresting!

Goku: Krillin! Gohan! Get out of here and find Bulma.

Goku: Vegeta and I can handle this on our own.

Krillin: Oh, no! I mean, I’d really hate to leave you on your own, you know but if you say so, LET’S GO, GOHAN!

Gohan: Be careful, Dad!

Goku: All right, Vegeta. We have to put our differences aside for now, and take these guys as a team.

Vegeta: Yeah, that’s fantastic and entertaining and all that, but first, if you don’t mind me, I need to use the restroom.

Goku: Oh, okay--

Vegeta: About a hundred miles away.

Goku: ...He has a very nervous bladder.

Goku: AAHWOOH!

Freeza: 'So, for the first century, I’ll go easy on them, lure them into a false sense of security; and then when they think I’m not so bad, BAM! I’ll go full tyrant on them in the second century! After that, I’ll disappear for a millennia and make them wonder if I ever existed to begin with... just to come back and kill them all.'

Freeza: Good afternoon.

Dende: It’s morning...

Freeza: Cute kid. Seems familiar.

Nail: What do *you* want?

Freeza: Ah, good sir. I suppose you could say I’m looking for "technical support".

Guru: Naaaail! Do we have a visitor?

Nail: Yes, sir.

Guru: Naaaail! Take his coat!

Freeza: I don’t have a coat.

Nail: He doesn’t have a coat, sir. And I believe this is the man who basically killed our entire race.

Guru: Naaail. Don’t take his coat.

Freeza: You see, I recently acquired what you people refer to as “Dragon Balls”, but I’m having trouble getting them to do what I want.

Nail: Did you try working the shaft?

Freeza: *Classy*.

Guru: Naaaail! What does he want?

Nail: He’s asking how to use the Dragon Balls.

Guru: Did you tell him to work the shaft?

Nail: Yes, Lord Guru.

Guru: Good work, Nail.

Freeza: I have the distinct impression you’re going to be difficult.

Nail: Well, sir, if you’re having a problem with our customer support, you can call 1-800-EAT-A-D**K.

Freeza: Okay, this is getting ridiculous. What *is* that?

Freeza: *Good Lord*, I was led to believe your species survived entirely on water! How is he so FAT?!

Guru: Oh, hello. I’m Super Kami Guru, and I’m the guy who’s *not* judging you on your appearance.

Freeza: Well, my name is Freeza, ruler of most of the known galaxy. I’m here to offer you a deal.

Freeza: You give me the information I require, and I’ll let the sporting young man live.

Guru: Pleeease. Nail isn’t afraid of you. He is the strongest of our race!

Freeza: Oh, really?

Nail: Uh, sir?

Guru: Yeah. Nail’s gonna *destroy* your sorry ass. They wouldn’t be able to air it on the news because it’ll be SO BRUTAL!

Nail: Sir, seriously!

Guru: Hush, Nail! I’m speaking for you.

Freeza: Well, then. If this is the only course of action available to me, I accept.

Freeza: I’ll dispatch of this worm, and then I’ll be back for *you*, *slug*.

Guru: Leave my brother out of this!

Nail: Sir, his power is overwhelming! I can also sense it’s only a fraction of what he’s capable of!

Guru: *Nail*, listen to me.

Guru: You are Namek’s number one son. A prodigy child.

Guru: You have been trained in the ancient ways. I believe in you.

Nail: You… mean that, Lord Guru?

Guru: Yes, Nail. Now show him the staggering spirit of Namek, and waste his smug ass!

Nail: Yes, sir! Follow me!

Guru: Fool. If I had trained him in the *new* way, he might’ve stood a chance...

Captain Ginyu: You have an interesting form, and a surprisingly well-honed technique.

Goku: And you’re purple!

Captain Ginyu: I’m sufficiently impressed! You’ve held your own very well.

Captain Ginyu: But your form and grace will never compare to that of the illustrious CAPTAIN GINYU!

Goku: You mean, like this?

Captain Ginyu: Oh, God! Is that what I look like?!

Captain Ginyu: Jeice! That isn’t what I look like, is it?!

Jeice: No, Cap’n! You look amazing!

Goku: No offense, but this is boring.

Goku: Like, really boring.

Goku: Like, listening to Gohan’s piano recital boring.

Captain Ginyu: I realize these poses in an effort to invigorate my men and raise morale!

Captain Ginyu: How DARE you mock them!

Goku: Well, I mean, it’s just, I’m not even using half my power right now.

Captain Ginyu: Ahaahhhhh. Quite a substantial bluff! But a bluff, and nothing more.

Captain Ginyu: I’ve witnessed your abilities first hand, and I assure you that you’re—

Goku: HIYAAAAA... AAA... AAA... AAAAYAAAH!!

Jeice: (Shocked gasp)

Captain Ginyu: A hundred and eighty thousand!

Captain Ginyu: Huh...

Jeice: Oy, Cap’n! Isn’t your max power level only one hundred and—

Captain Ginyu: D'AAAUUUUGGHH!!

Jeice: ...Yeah, one hundred and twenty thousand. That’s what I thought.

Goku: Is he gonna be okay?

Jeice: Eh, the Cap’n? Yeah, he just does that sometimes.

Captain Ginyu: GAUGH!!

Captain Ginyu: All right, I’m back!

Jeice: ‘Ow ya goin, Cap’n?

Captain Ginyu: How do you think??

Jeice: Well, Cap’n, if you’re gettin’ stressed, you could always… you know...

Captain Ginyu: *Oh, Jeice*! This is hardly the time or the place!

Captain Ginyu: Besides, I did it in the pod on the way here.

Jeice: Uh… I meant switch bodies, sir...

Captain Ginyu: Ah yes, of course! Hold my Scouter.

Goku: Hey, what’re you doing with your hand?

Captain Ginyu: URRRHHG! URH!

Goku: Um, sir? You’re supposed to do that to me.

Captain Ginyu: Ohh-ho, but you see... I DID do it to you!

Goku: I don’t understand--

Captain Ginyu: CHANGE NOOOWWWW!

Captain Ginyu: 'Ahahahahahahaa!'

Captain Ginyu: 'Haaahahahahahaaa!'

Goku: 'Oh, wow… what happened? Everything seems… weird...'

Goku: '...oh, hey! There’s another me over there! I wonder if—'

Goku: 'Aaaah! Ow! My *chest*! What in the…'

Goku: '...oh...'

Goku: GINYU!

Goku: ...oh...

Goku: ...ohhhh...

Goku: ♫ Tokusentai! ♫

Krillin: Hey, Bulma! We’re back!

Gohan: How are ya doing?

Bulma: I FOUGHT A GIANT CRAB!

Krillin: They make a special shampoo for that, I hear.

Krillin: OW!