Episode 12

Cutter: So, Freeza sent you to follow us, huh? Looks he wasn’t satisfied with just our planet!

Krillin: Who the hell is Freeza--?

Cutter: SHUT UP!

Cutter: There’s no way we can let you people live! Not after what you did to our planet, our families!

Cutter: And now, for you crimes against our people…

Krillin: OK, seriously, we have no idea what--

Cutter: WE SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH!

Krillin: Uhhh, isn’t that a little--

Cutter: Men! Ready your blasters!

Krillin: Gohan, this may be it. Close your eyes!

Cutter: Aim...!

Krillin: (Whimpers)

Cutter: FIRE!

Krillin: Oh...

Krillin: Huh...

Cutter: Oh my God... Freeza’s men are stronger than we thought!

Cutter: Everyone! Take your cyanide tablets!

Krillin: But we told you, we don’t know any Freeza--!

Krillin: I, uh... uh...

Gohan: Krillin, can I open my eyes now?

Krillin: ...Just get back to the ship, Gohan.

Gohan: But I can’t see--

Krillin: JUST GET BACK TO THE SHIP!

♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

Krillin: "Krillin’s log, stardate: Uh, November 28th."

Krillin: "We’ve been flying for two weeks now. Starting to feel verrrry pent up..."

Krillin: "Not just from being trapped on the ship of course, but from Bulma walking around in nothing but her UNDERWEAR!"

Krillin: "I would relieve this tension, but I have had no alone time as the toilet KEEPS" SCREAMING AT ME!!

Toilet: Scheißen Sie auf meinem Gesicht! (German for "Shit in my face")

Krillin: "I’m not sure how much longer I can last."

Bulma: Krillin, are you saying something?

Krillin: Nothing!

Krillin: Goddamn c**ktease...!

Bulma: Huh? You guys! You wouldn’t believe it, but... I see Planet Namek!

Krillin: Wait, how the hell do you know it’s Planet Name--

Krillin: ...Huh...

Krillin: Well, what do you know? Bring us in for a landing, Bulma.

Bulma: Yeah, um, about that…

Krillin: About what?

Bulma: Did I mention I don’t really know how to land this thing?

Krillin: Uh...

Krillin: SEATBELTS, GOHAN!

Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Krillin: See? This is why women shouldn’t drive!

Bulma: Oh, right. This coming from the Asian!

Gohan: Well, I’m half-Saiyan. What does that make me?

Bulma: *Five*!

Krillin: *Five*!

Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH...!!!!!

Zaacro: Uh, are you sure they’re OK? They’ve been out for a long time.

Raiti: Of course I’m sure zey’re OK! Now just follow ze plan!

Zaacro: We had a plan?

Raiti: Of course ve have ze plan, stupid! To take their ship, and get off zis stoopid rock.

Raiti: Oh crap, zey’re vaking up! Act natural, act natural!

Zaacro: Hi.

Raiti: Hiii!

Zaacro: Welcome to Namek!

Raiti: Yeah, Namek!

Zaacro: Totally.

Raiti: Ve’re totally Namekers.

Bulma: You mean "Namekians"?

Raiti: Yah, zose guys. Zat’s us!

Zaacro: So, uh, what brings you to, like, our planet?

Raiti: Vhich is Namek.

Bulma: Well, we’re here to search for the Dragon Balls.

Raiti: Eww! That’s disgusting! Vhy vould you--

Zaacro: I think they mean the ones that grant wishes.

Raiti: Oh yah, ve totally have zose! The vish-granting balls…

Bulma: Oh, well, if you wouldn’t mind helping us look for them...

Raiti: Oh yah, ve’ll help you find ze ball dragons.

Zaacro: Dragon balls.

Raiti: Yah, zat one. Hey, Zaacro.

Zaacro: What?

Raiti: Ve should totally help zem find zem, and zen ve’ll take zem and zen ve’ll make our vish for ourselves!

Zaacro: Uhh, ours don’t actually grant any wishes. I think we made that up. Did we make that up?

Raiti: Vhat? Noooo. Vhy vould ve make zat up?

Zaacro: Well, ‘cause, like ya told me when we read their minds; that we wanted their ship so we could get off this planet.

Raiti: Zat’s… zat’s… nooo… zat’s, just no. Ve vould never do that, dude. Come on, not cool.

Gohan: Krillin... do these two seem off to you?

Krillin: I like 'em!

Raiti: Time to find ze Dragon Balls!

Dr. Birdenheim: ...Yeah. He landed here a few days ago.

Dr. Birdenheim: He was pretty messed up, I’ll tell ya what.

Rudy: But, what happened to his partner?

Dr. Birdenheim: Well, that’s the screwed-up part. They say he killed his partner and that his ghost still haunts him to this very day.

Rudy: Wha--... really?

Dr. Birdenheim: No! What are you; stupid? We’re doctors! Scientists!

Dr. Birdenheim: Now inject this man with some *science*!

Dr. Birdenheim: Delicious, magical science!

Vegeta: 'Gotta. Get. Out of here…'

Vegeta: 'Gotta. Get to. Namek...'

Vegeta: 'Gotta. Get the. Dragon Balls…'

Vegeta: 'God. Damn it. Nappa...!'

Ghost Nappa: You were saying... saying… saying…?

Vegeta: (Muffled screaming)

Dr. Birdenheim: My God! We have to get him out of there!

Dr. Birdenheim: His heart rocket is skyrating!

Rudy: Uhh.. don’t you mean his heart rate…

Dr. Birdenheim: Damn it, man! I’m a *doctor*, not an English teacher!

Dr. Birdenheim: Good to see you’re awake, Vegeta.

Dr. Birdenheim: We have to apologize, though... we… couldn’t save your tail.

Vegeta: It’s all right. I can live without it.

Dr. Birdenheim: If you call that living, you’d walk around a shell of your former self, everyone calling you a “tail-less freak!”

Vegeta: You know I could probably kill all of you and Freeza wouldn’t care.

Dr. Birdenheim: Yeah, but that still wouldn’t get your tail back.

Vegeta: Tell me something: Which is your favorite internal organ?

Dr. Birdenheim: What an odd question! But if I had to choose, I guess I would have to say my liver.

Dr. Birdenheim: AAAAAUGH!

Vegeta: 'You know, it’s the simple things in life...'

Cui: Hey there, Vegeta.

Vegeta: Speaking of simple; what is it, Cui?

Cui: Where are you off to in such a hurry?

Vegeta: Off to plow your mother!

Cui: Hah! Shows what you know, Vegeta.

Cui: We reproduce asexually.

Vegeta: Gross, out of my way.

Cui: Off to Namek, are we?

Vegeta: ...Come again?

Cui: We heard about the Dragon Balls.

Cui: We know the Namekians made them, and Freeza is way ahead of you.

Vegeta: But-- how?!

Cui: The Scouter was on the entire time.

Vegeta: That’s impossible! My transmitter was off the entire time! Whose scouter was--?!

Vegeta: GOD DAMN IT, *NAPPAAAAAAAAA*...!!!

Bulma: Wow, you guys. We’ve already found two Dragon Balls.

Krillin: Wow! This usually takes us, like, *months*!

Raiti: Zat’s because you’re on ze Planet Namek.

Raiti: Everyzing’s better up here!

Raiti: You should totally stay here, forever.

Raiti: Vhile ve take your ship…

Krillin: What?

Raiti: Oh, look it’s anozer Dragon Ball in ze lake. YOU SHOULD GO GET IT!

Krillin: Is that a giant skeleton?

Raiti: Oh come on, dude. Vhat are you, chicken?

Raiti: Don’t you vant to have ze awesome adventures?

Raiti: On ze Planet Namek? Vith ze Dragon Balls?

Raiti: And ze awesome musical montage?!

♫ Dragon Ball! ♫

♫ Gotta find that Dragon Ball! ♫

♫ Don’t stop until you got 'em all ♫

♫ the seven magic balls ♫

♫ It’s all you gotta do to have your wish come true! ♫

♫ Get that Dragon Ball! ♫

♫ Dragon Ball! ♫

♫ Everybody's searchin’ for the Dragon Ball! ♫

Raiti: Hey, vasn’t zat fun?

Zaacro: Yeah, it was… "woo".

Krillin: Hey, um, I’ve been meaning to ask you guys... where are all the other Namekians?

Raiti: Oh, zey’re around. Don’t even pretend you didn’t see them.

Zaacro: Yeah, we passed ‘em like, three times.

Raiti: Didn’t you see Steve?

Zaacro: He waved!

Raiti: Don't diss Steve!

Zaacro: Yeah, don't do that.

Raiti: He has social phobias.

Bulma: Come on, you guys! We only have one more Dragon Ball left! Then we can wish back our friends!

Raiti: Vhat?! NO! VE CAN’T LET YOU DO ZAT!

Zaacro: Yeaaaah. We-- what?

Raiti: See, ve can’t let you have ze Dragon Balls.

Raiti: Zey’re our Dragon Balls! Ve vill take zem and ve vill make our vish for ourselves!

Raiti: And zen you suck our three foot long Schwanzstuckers!

Krillin: Your what?

Zaacro: Our-- our wangs.

Raiti: It’s funny because “vang” means penis.

Krillin: Wait a minute...!

Krillin: Namekians don’t have penises!

Raiti: Vhat?! Vhat are you talking about?! Of course ve do!

Zaacro: Uhh, actually, I, uh, read their minds... and I don’t think we do.

Krillin: You guys aren’t Namekians at all!

Raiti: Oh look vhat you’ve done, Zaacro!

Raiti: Vhy do you have to go and mess this up, blow our cover?

Zaacro: OK, I did not do that. Did I do that?

Raiti: Vell you must have ‘cause I would never do anything that stupid.

Zaacro: Well, there was that one time… when you got mad at those two guys… who just wanted to play a children’s card game.

Zaacro: And you made us chase after them… then we ended up crashing here… on this planet...

Raiti: Vhy did you have to bring zat up? Open those vounds…

Raiti: You know vhat? Screw it. Just summon ze tentacle monsters.

Zaacro: Oh, all right. Umm, tentacle monsters… heeeere. OK, I think that did it.

Raiti: Hah! Now soon, you vill deal vith ze many protruding tentacles of ze violating tentacle monster.

Krillin: Don’t worry, Bulma! I’ll protect you!

Raiti: I vas talking to you, Baldy.

Krillin: Wait, wha-- Oh! Nooo! NO!

Krillin: No not there! Whoa, God! Help me! Help! Aaaaugh--

Krillin: Aaaaaagh!

Krillin: 'Oh God… oooh… oh man. That was… that was terrifying.'

Mr. Popo: I’ll say. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Krillin: Noooooooooooo!!

Kaiserneko: Oh, man...

Kaiserneko: I have got to stop editing so late.

Mr. Popo: I'll say. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Kaiserneko: AAA--!

Nail: Lord Guru!

Guru: Hmm?

Nail: I have terrible news: Someone has attacked the planet.

Guru: This is very serious.

Guru: I must put on my war face.

Guru: Hm.

Guru: There. Now show me yours.

Guru: Needs work.